LOOKING up on the stars that night, Jiyong felt like something in his heart was freed. Sheila had unlocked something in him that he didn't realize he was keeping in. He was afraid of letting go of his pain because it could destroy so many things for him, for his group and for the life that he thought was important to him. Music was everything. Sandara was the source of that music for the longest time. He was watched her fail at love and win against love. He had felt her love and had seemingly forgotten the weight of the responsibility of being another person's better half. He didn't know how to appreciate her. Looking back all that he did was ask for her to love him more and more. He would shower her with affection but she was the only one making the major adjustments, traveling with him, worrying about him. He always assumed that his affection translated and never bothered to explain to her why he was so busy and why he needed her to be with him all the time. She was the one who adjusted to his moods and his needs. Yongbae was always the one who asked her if she needed any help with anything. His bestfriend was mature on his own way, loving Dara in his own way. His vision blurred and he remembered his friend's Wedding Dress video. He was the guy who won the girl but Yongbae was the one who made the bigger and more loving sacrifice. He let the woman that he loves be with the person she preferred to love. And instead of destroying them, he worked hard in keeping them together. It wasn't Yongbae's fault that he dropped the ball.

 "I saw that fancam. It's not real. Just like the Instagram account you followed that was a faker posing as Dara." Sheila mentioned a group of fangirls called the YG Mafia who doubled checked fancams and such. She said that they found out that the guy in the picture was someone who had the same hairdo and had been planted in front of Yumi's Cafe as some elaborate scheme to make news in the kpoplandia. The girl was wearing clothes Dara was known to wear and had her hair made up just to look like the singer. "The couple ended up fessing up. They said that they met at Yumi Cafe before and were big fans of the groups so they often copy their look to try to get people interested in asking for their picture. The day that fancam was taken they had a fight because the guy had been caught talking to some girl and chatting her up pretending to be a celebrity. I think they since stopped cosplaying as Dara and Yongbae. The guy shaved his mohawk and the girl cut her hair short. They did do some interesting videos and photoshoots though. I think the guy got a modeling gig out of the whole thing."

 He laughed when he realized just how much of a fool he was. He was blaming people for his own short comings. His mom was right, coming to this retreat would help him find the answers. He was just too overwhelmed to even try to listen to reason. He looked at his phone and dreaded opening it. He hasn't since he left. His mother had been calling the retreat to check up on him. He didn't want to face the music so to speak. But there was not a better time than now to get things moving. Moving on and moving forward were two different things. But the first one was needed so that the latter one could be achieved.

 Hundreds of voice mails, messages kept coming in right after he read the last. There were e-mails he was asked to read. He fired up his tablet and opened them. There were some from the company and he promptly replied to them. There were none from his family because they knew where he was and he told them when he was coming back. There was an e-mail from Seungri that felt like a kick in the gut.

 Hyung,

I heard that you were not coming back until early next month. Why didn't you tell me that you were leaving Korea? I went to your house and your eomma said that you could not be reachable by phone or via any internet related means. She wouldn't tell me where you went exactly but that you are in the Philippines in some retreat house. I needed to ask you for help on some things but Yongbae hyung and Daesung hyung have pitched in to do that instead. You are not going to forget your promise to me that you would support me no matter what, right? And you have not forgotten that I promised you that I would support you in whatever you are going through or may go through, right?

 How come you left without even asking me to come along? When you get this e-mail, send me information as to how to get to where you are and I would take a few days off to hang out. I'll bring Dara noona if you want me to. She's been down on the dumps lately since you left so suddenly. Yongbae got hospitalized shortly after you left. He was overworking. Seung Hyung hyung doesn't know yet but we will tell him once Yongbae is alright. Dong Hyung was asked to take a few days off from work too. Daesung hyung just finished his drama and we are currently thinking of going to the beach somewhere to play. Tell us when you are available and we would bug you where you are. Just for a few days, please? ^.^

 Let me know as soon as you read this.

 I miss you, hyung. T_T

 Seungri

Jiyong was surprised when the screen felt wet. His tears were falling on it without him being aware of it. Seungri was their maknae but in their home he was the eldest son. So he had been raised knowing how to take care of himself and to be sensitive towards the needs of his siblings. He may be younger than all of them but he knew when something came up and needed to get fixed. He suddenly missed Seungri's silent assurances that things are going to be alright.

Seungri-ah

 I am in a retreat here in the Philippines. Any time you can come over I will be here until the end of the month. Not one more day. I'll send you the website link so you can check it out for yourself.

 I miss you too. Bring the gang if you can. Let's make Seung Hyung hyung envious that we were playing without him.

 Make sure Yongbae comes along.

 GD

Jiyong sat back and looked at the ceiling. "I have a lot of apologizing to do." He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. He looked out at the beach and saw that there was a camp fire at the beach and tents too. It looked like the Lola club decided to rough it out tonight. He got a jacket from the closet and decided that he wanted to look at the stars some more. He tucked his phone in his pocket and left the tablet inside the closet. He looked at Gaho who was sound asleep and quietly left the room.

SHE LOVED the smells in a campsite. The fire, the marshmallows and the seawater made for a unique experience. She did this a lot with her college friends and their sweeties. Sammie loved to hike so there was always that one trip that they took to go site seeing in the mountains or near a secluded beach. Though they spend a lot of their days keeping Happy7Days running, they always try to take some time off. They'd let their staff take over for a weekend or so and they'd spend some quality time with friends and sometimes family. The oldies were all bundled up but they looked like they were having fun. No one suggested night swimming, thank the gods.

 The light coming from the Coleman lamp was blocked by someone behind her. She turned around and saw a bright yellow sports jacket wearing Jiyong. She recognized the jacket from North Face and had to smile. I guess they are brand loyal. She didn't even greet him but simply patted the driftwood gesturing for him to sit beside her.

 "Thanks." he sheepishly sat down. He saw the ladies all walking around and trying to take pictures with a DSLR. "I think it would be better if they did that in the morning."

 She smiled and answered, "They don't like getting a tan since it takes longer to go away at their age, I guess."

 "They are so strong, all of them. They have lived full lives and had to deal with so much grief and disappointments." he looked at them like they were heroines. She realized in a way, the Lolas saved Jiyong. If they hadn't talked to him during the last few days, he would have just stayed closeted in his room moping around. She wouldn't have the courage to talk to him either.

 "I love hearing stories from them all the time. It makes me hopeful." Sheila faced Jiyong "Don't you think so too?"

 He nodded. She felt like she was being hypnotized. For the first time in the days he had been in the retreat, Jiyong's eyes were smiling again.

THEY were right. It was all that he could think of at that moment. My mom, the grannie club, all of them were right. I would be able to heal here. He looked at Sheila with a smile that reached his heart. He looked at her and wondered. Would I have healed this fast if she was not here? He touched his chest again and felt something grow inside of it. Like he could breath well and there was no more knots there. He knew he couldn't possibly be falling in love again so soon. Falling in love left one breathless and unable to move. But looking at her made him feel calm and energized. He stopped at the last word and realized that he was dangerously close to feeling something for a person he only met a few days ago. Falling in love with Dara centered his music. But always it made him feel like he was unstoppable  This feeling of being calm and being energized was something he has forgotten. This was what love felt like for him in the beginning. Too far in the past that he could not even remember what it felt like until he felt it again. Right here. Right in front of a woman who knew nothing about him except what was on line or in her imagination. She probably thinks that she knew of him enough to understand him. But he knew that whatever he was feeling was dangerous because he was too vulnerable to stop himself from falling forward towards her small pink lips.

 He didn't think it was possible. She didn't move to stop him. There was no sound except for the waves and when he felt his lips touch hers, the sound of the world stopped and he wasn't able to do anything but try to keep from hearing his own heart beat. Soft, it was all that he could think of at that moment. He didn't know when his hand reached out to her and he didn't know how she ended up so close to him, in an embrace that he never thought would make him feel something he thought he lost. Home.

 She had her hands clutching at the front of his jacket and he had pulled her even closer. The shy kiss was gone. The small innocent contact had made him forget where he was and what he was not supposed to be doing. He was supposed to thank her for making him realize his mistake. He was supposed to be telling her that she made him reconsider what he had done in the past. He was supposed to be telling her that he would be asking Dara back and that he would do everything in his power to keep her in his life. Instead, he was there, between the point of no return and eternity, kissing lips he never knew would be so sweet in their innocence and passion mixing with whirls of his own passion and confusion.

 He heard someone moan and realized it was him. She had pushed him away enough to breathe and he felt a pang of pain and pleasure when she did. He looked at her, breathing heavily after having kissed her so passionately. She was looking at him like a deer looking at headlights. She was caught, he had not loosened his hold on her and she was pressed so perfectly to him he didn't even consider that she needed to be let go. He was afraid all of a sudden that if he did she would run away from him and so his grip tightened.

 "Can't...breathe." her voice was forced and hoarse. It broke the spell. He loosened his embrace and she stood up so suddenly she almost hit him in the face. She ran back up to the steps that lead back to the retreat.

CRAZY didn't begin to cover it. Sheila felt like she was going to loose all her marbles. I just kissed my bias! Clutching her hands together and pressing them against her chest was all she could do to make sure her heart didn't beat out of her chest like a cartoon. Jiyong Kwon, kissed...me! And was not just a shy peck on the lips. It was a full on wipe all the memories of all the guys who ever kissed you kind of kiss!

 "Kajima!" she turned around so suddenly that she had hit him, her face on his chest. She would have fallen backwards had he not been holding on to her in a quick grabbing embrace. "Dai jo bu?" he slipped into Japanese this time. The concern was written all over his face. She wanted to evaporate from all the heat that was coming off him. She wanted to run away not because she didn't want to be in his embrace. But she knew that he was not really kissing her or holding her. He was substituting her with someone else. That someone else was someone in South Korea.

 The thought made her unbelievably sad and she couldn't help the sob that came out of . Jiyong tried to lift her chin but she refused. I am sure he thinks I am crying because he kissed me. She reprimanded herself but she couldn't stop her tears from falling. She heard him sigh. She gasped when he started kissing her face, he wiped her face with his left hand while the right one was still holding her to him. He wasn't saying anything but she knew he was asking her to stop crying.

 "I can't..." was all she could say. Jiyong lifted her chin again and made her face him. He moved closer and before she could move her face away, he was kissing her again. This kiss was not shy, not urgent but it was slowly melting her newly awakened defenses. She was getting weaker and she felt him drawing her closer to him, his strength gave her no choice but to savor what he was doing. When he moved away, he was forehead to forehead with her.

 "So you know that the first was not a fluke." he slowly smiled and she felt like it was going to kill her if she stayed anymore under that gaze. She was supposed to help him get back together with the Muse he was crying over. Why then was she kissing him under the stars?

 "I wanted to thank you. But you didn't let me." he smiled teasingly. She blinked and wondered what he meant by that. "I didn't get around to thanking you because of this." he kissed her again, quicker this time. "I never do things like this. I am spontaneous about other things but not..."he kissed her again, deeper but also quick, making her move her lips towards his retreating ones. He laughed then, his laugh was sweeter to her ears this time. "...this." He pulled her to him, kissing her while she was whirled. Only she didn't know if she was really getting whirled or if her world just moved to fast she couldn't catch up to it. "Until you."

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