I was in such a grief that I didn't notice I fell asleep. When I awoke, Lay was sleeping on his bed.

He must be tired.

I watched his face. It was very peaceful, though I know that he's suffering.

Lay... I can't bare life without you standing next to me. I love you, Lay, even if I didn't tell, even if I didn't show. I love you so much.

I lean forward to kiss his forehead.

A tear fell onto Lay's cheek. But it didn't came from my eyes, it came from his.

Lay was crying. It's the first time I ever saw him cry.

Now I wonder if he's asleep or he's just pretending. But I know he's fast asleep.

He's crying while sleeping. Probably a bad dream.

I went outside to buy us food. I'm sure he's hungry and I'm kind of too.

When I came back, Lay was still dreaming. I woke him up so he can eat his food.

While eating, Lay said something unusual that cause me to stop whatever I was doing and listen to him. It got my attention easily.

"Aya..." He said my name. He called me on my name for the first time.

"I think I know now why you're crying.

With that, I looked at him to found out that he's been staring at me for the longest time and that he didn't even touched his food yet.

I stared at him just the same way.

A minute of silence followed. No one talked. We just kept on looking at each other.

After that, he quickly moved away. He ate his food hurriedly.

"Forget about that. It's nothing." He said changing his mind.

"What is it? You can tell me." I insisted.

"No. It's really nothing. This soup does not taste great, does it?"

I looked at him sarcasticly and raised one of my eyebrows.

"You're not good in  changing topics you know" I told him.

"And besides the soup taste great. You're both poor in changing topics and lying." I continued.

"You got me in that." He said smiling, but after few seconds his smile faded and his face became serious.

"Aya..."

"You want to get accustomed in calling me on my name huh?"

"Well I got something to say. So please, stop cutting me."

"Alright. I won't."

"About the findings... I don't know how to start. I... I..."

"Tell it."

"I have an unknown disease. First of it's kind. And it's fatal."

I don't know how to react with this. Though I already know I still felt pain when it came from his own mouth.

My tears came bursting again. I hate the way I always cried.

"Aya... I don't know until when will I be alive. Nor the sufferings. But please... let's just pretend it didn't happened. Just treat it as if nothing happened.I want to spare the rest of my time with you."

"How could I pretend that it didn't happened if everyday that I woke up I'm fearing that I can't be with you any longer?" I said sadly bowing my head. "How could I pretend if each moment that I'm with you had the possibility that it's the last?"

'Then I'd rather die alone than seeing you cry like this on my last minutes."

He touched my cheeks to clear my face of tears.

"I know that i didn't have enough time but let's make those times memorable."

"Don't talk like that. You'll be cured soon, right?" I said as I look into his face searching for an answer.

He bowed his head. I touched his hand on my cheek.

"Lay..." I said pleading him to say yes. To say that there's a chance for him to be cured. To say that he'll still be alive.

"Miracle is my only hope." He took his hand off mine.

I put my hands on my head, covering my face. I cried harder.

When I finally picked myself, I looked at Lay in the eyes.

Several drops of tears squeezed itself from his eyes.

"I just wanted to be with you for a longer time." I told him.

"But what if we only have few minutes, are we going to spend it like this? We ought to be enjoying it. Not this way."

I shook my head badly.

"We have to make each second like it's the last, in case. We didn't know when. We should always be ready." He said as he kissed me on the forehead.

I felt his tears running down my face.

"But I can't let you go. I can't do it. You're the only thing I have. What would I be without you?" I touched his face.

"Survive. I want you to live for me. Find a man that you'll love and will love you even more. Get married. Continue with your life. I want you to have kids. If I die, keep on your mind that I will always be here for you. I'll guard you. And I'll love you until the end of forever." Lay said as he gently kissed my lips. His tears still flow like a river of sadness.