❝But something keeps me holding on to nothing.❞

✣✣✣✣✣

     Himchan sat uncomfortably in front of the doctor’s desk. His eyes started to stalk the items that were placed on the table to keep him from feeling nervous. He noticed how there were a few piles of papers set neatly on the desk, and how the pen holder looked pretty, adorned with a floral design, some gold sparkles accenting it quite well. It served as a good distraction for a while, until the door behind him opened. He gripped on his mother’s arms slightly, and he could feel his breathe starting to come in rapid and short blows. His mom told him to relax, and he tried his best to. Himchan heard a man clear his throat, and he squeezed his eyes closed. In a snap, all the courage and the wall of strength that he built inside himself came crumbling down. He was feeling very nervous. He just wanted to run away from the room and not know just how long he still has left.

     “Himchan, how are you feeling?” The doctor said, as he set down a folder that has ‘Kim Himchan’ written at the bottom. He gave a gentle smile and sat down.  “How much do I have left, Dr. Jung?” Himchan answered with a question. He didn’t really know how he was feeling. When you know you’re dying, what exactly are you supposed to feel?

     “Now, now, Himchan.” His mother interrupted. Himchan said a small sorry to her, and his eyes were instantly glued to his lap. He heard the shuffle of few papers, and the doctor’s loud breathing. Himchan thought that he must be as nervous as he is. He just wanted to get it over with. Right now, all that matters is that he knows. He knows when he’ll part from earth, he knows what he’ll do with the meager time that he might have left. In fact, isn’t it better to live with an answer than die with a question? The doctor cleared his throat once more, and Himchan could feel eyes of worry stare at him.

     “Well, Himchan’s body has been responding to the medicine, b-but..” Dr. Jung paused.

     Himchan cringed at the word but. He started to think of all the possible situations that would supply for what the doctor is trying to say. But, his body can’t exert much effort. But, it’s not absorbing the medicine. But, it’s a lost case. But, he’s still going to die. But, it’ll take a few more months, though he’ll live after the treatment. How Himchan prayed and wished that it’s the last statement.

     “..we’re not sure whether his body can keep up with it. Don’t get me wrong. Himchan has a very strong body, it’s just that..the medicines, are still trying to be developed to become better. We’re really trying our best to research and modify on how it can not only slow the illness, but calso ompletely wipe it out of his system. As of now..A year. That’s the most the we can assure right now.”

     Well, Himchan expected a lot worst. A year. That didn’t feel quite as bad. He could..do a lot with a year, can’t he? He could make new friends in a span of one year. He can eat till his tummy aches. He can learn how to play a new instrument. He can…he can be happy. One year is better than one month, right?

     “T-thank you, Dr. Jung. Please keep up the great work, and thank you for taking care of our Himchannie.” His mother’s voice sounded lonely. It was laced with concern, worry, sadness, and the sound of Himchan’s heart breaking. He knew for a fact that his mother was just one fine line away from crying her heart out. He can’t face her mother, because he might just the same. Instead, he just gave her hand a small squeeze, and stood up. He bowed to Dr. Jung, and muttered a thank you. His mother followed him and they went back to his room, and he could sense that his mom was being strong for him. He sat himself down on his bed, and he felt it dip as her mom took a seat beside him.

“Himchannie, be strong for your mom, all right? Be strong for y-yourself. He said your body is strong! A-and, who know, maybe the medicine that you need might just be finished tomorrow! Himchannie..Him..” It was the first time in months he saw his mother cry again, and he did the same. The walk back to the room was filled with emptiness, and only now did sadness decide to wave in both of their hearts. That night, they talked about how they will fight and overcome the situation. His mom gave him a caring kiss on the temple before standing up, and saying that she’ll visit when she can.

     “Take Care, mom.” Himchan said with a smile.

     Himchan checked the clock that was placed just above the television, and it read nine thirty in the evening. He grabbed the remote and pressed the on button. He loves to distract himself, and television was the best thing that can keep his mind off the things that has been buzzing in his head ever since the meeting with the doctor. Soon, his room was droning with sounds of people talking, care of the television.

     It was a re-run of a drama that he really liked. Snow Kissed Summer. He thought to himself, and laughed at how unmanly he seems. Well, when you’re sick and not can’t go outside and play sports, why not involve yourself in cliché , comedic, and of course, sappy dramas? It’s fun watching it, Himchan admits. He turns up the volume and immerses himself in the drama.

     “Oppa, the only thing I can give you now is my time..and my love.” Hana said, tears staining her ever so pale skin. She was withering away, day by day.  Like a flower that blooms, it would have die soon.

     Himchan then remembers why he loved the drama so much. It was because he was somehow able to relate himself to the protagonist. Well, the story might not be the best, and he admits that some lines are too cheesy though he still liked it.

     She hands a paper to Chanhee, eyes glittering with salty tears. Chanhee gulps and takes it, their hands merely brushing against each other. He holds onto her hand as he read through the contents of the paper.

     “It’s my last request. Please..be with me on those. Those are the things I want to do before I…before I..” Hana starts crying, and Chanhee pulls her into a hug, tears threatening to fall from his eyes as well.

     “Hana, Whatever you want, I’ll supply. Wherever you are, I’ll be by your side, And when the time comes, I’ll stop it. I’ll rewind it. For us. We’ll complete this. I love you, Hana. Be strong.” Chanhee said firmly, as he tightens his arms around Hana.

     Himchan pretended to choke on something because though that was the of the whole drama, it still sounded overly dramatic and disgustingly sweet, but isn’t that how love affects a person? They want to be each other’s world, and they want to be the person’s everything. Himchan sighed, and turned the television off.  Himchan laid his head on the soft pillow and puffed his cheeks. Suddenly, a bright idea comes into his mind.

     A pen & paper. He’ll be listing down things he wants to do before he dies. Just like Hana (Well, minus the Chanhee part), he wants to be able to experience things that he’s yearned for over the years of being confined in the hospital.

     He never felt so alive.

ⓉⒷⒸ

Author's Thoughts:

Hello everyone! Thank you for reading this. It really makes me happy.

Based on my approximation, this might be a long fanfic, so I hope you guys support

it till it meets it's end.  Also, 'Snow Kissed Summer' is some random I decided

to make up. In the fic, it's apparently Himchannie's favorite drama. You'll most likely witness

Himchan use that drama as reference in the following chapters. 

Thank you again for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. 

PS; It's undedited. ; ~ ; If you find errors, just tell me! #lazyprobs

WIth much love, Nuella.♡