"Do things really get better in the end?"

***

    All his life, Kim Himchan has been confined in a stingy and overly familiar four walls that reeked of medicine, alcohol, floor cleaners and his own sickness. It’s not that he chose to be in a weak and vulnerable state—Heck, if he could get rid of the disease that eats the insides of his body, then he would do just about anything. The sad truth is that he was born with it. Hence, explains why he practically lives in the fourth floor of Seoul Hospital, Room 428 to be exact.

     Well, thinking about events that have already happened in his life, there’s not much to say to it. Himchan seldom (Never, really) goes out of his room due to the over-protectiveness of his parents. Most of the things that he’s aware of from the outside world would probably be just from the shows, dramas, that he watches 24/7. How he wishes he could really just go out and experience the things he sees on the screen like a normal person and not be treated like someone who’s in need of tremendous special care. (Himchan’s parents tend to overdo the caring part, which is fine really.) Though Himchan hates the fact that he can’t leave without any supervision or be gone from his room for more than thirty minutes, he appreciates the efforts & thoughts of his folks because he knows in his heart that they’re doing it to keep him alive.

     Keep him alive. Himchan sighed at the thought. This will be the day when his doctor would state approximately how long he has left till he..Himchan shook the last word out of his system. All his was clinging on to right now is his mother’s arms and hope that everything will be all right.

     It was a rainy Monday and Himchan could feel his heart pounding wildly against his chest and his tears are just on hold. He was nervous, to be honest. Uncertainty. It’s the word that Himchan hates the most. Because it keeps him holding on to nothing, in it’s palms all of the possibilities, the worries that may arise. He was uncertain of what he’ll do if the doctor would just flatly say that ‘Oh, you’re going to die next month.’. Or how he would react if the results of his long-term tests say that ‘Hey, lucky bastard! You’re fully healed!’. All these thoughts swim and meddle on the surface of the ocean in his head. Suddenly, his vision sharpens and blurs, and he feels a little dizzy. It must’ve been the effect of the shot he had just a few hours ago.

     ‘Himchannie, Are you all right? Did the medicine kick in?” His loving mother cooed, drawing invisible circles on Himchan’s back, which calmed the younger and made him feel a tad bit better. “Ah, yeah. Just feeling a little q-queasy.” Himchan stuttered in a barely audible voice. He was clutching on his temples so hard to the point that he was tempted to pull on his own hair. He was not just feeling a little queasy, that’s a fact. He felt like he was dying. He mentally slapped himself because well, he was in fact on the verge of finding out if he was indeed dying.“Himchannie, are you sure?” The worry laced in his mother’s voice was evident. “Y-yes.” Himchan replied. His throbbing head and his heart that was racing was ultimately not the greatest combo. He felt his stomach turn and then..

     “Kim Himchan, Dr. Jung is ready to see you!” A nurse exclaimed in an out of place cheery tone as she poked her head out of the room. Himchan sighed in relief.

“Well, here goes everything.” Himchan thought to himself as he stood up, with the help of his mother’s support, and trudged slowly to the door of his doctor.

~

     Yongguk sighed as he walked into the elevator, a plastic of cherry tomatoes and apple juice clutched firmly on his hand. He never understood how that would make a good match, but if it makes his brother happier, then why would it matter? He exited the elevator and was met with a corporate desk, a fine young lady behind, taking care of the booth.

     He was greeted by a nurse in a crisp and white uniform to which he politely responded. “Good Evening, Jieunie.” He said casually, voice rasp, but all sincere. “I’m working, and you still call me Jieunie, seriously, Bbang.” She said in a false hurt tone, her hand on where her heart is. “At least call me Nurse Song, will ‘ya?” Yongguk gave her his signature gummy smile and let out a soft chuckle. “It never really suited you,” Yongguk paused.”,and besides, ‘Jieunie’ is much more appealing that ‘Nurse Song’. It makes you sound like you’re an uptight woman in her forties who’s single and lives with her parrots.” She playfully slapped Yongguk’s arm and rolled her eyes.

     “Visiting Junhong?” she asked as she was filing papers, careful about the subject. “Y-yeah.” Yongguk muttered. “Well, what are you waiting for? The poor kid has been pestering me about where his Gukkie-hyung is.” She said in a caring voice, and her hands gestured him to go on. “Thanks, Nurse Song.” Yongguk said, giving her an unnatural and ugly wink.

     “Room 526, 527.. ah, 528.” He was stating mentally as he was walking along the corridors. He heaved a deep sigh as he saw the hanging plate that says: ‘Room 528, Choi Junhong’. Yongguk didn’t bother to knock, because he thought that it was best to surprise the kid. He always found it amusing but nonetheless heart- warming when Junhong’s face lights up whenever he enters the room and pays him a visit. It tugs the corners of his lips upwards into a beautiful curve, and he can’t help but give the kid’s hair a ruffle. But today, it was different. It was a rainy Monday, and he knew for a fact the Junhong never liked the rain because the younger thought that the skies were crying, and his little innocent heart felt sad about it.

     Yongguk turned the knob and saw that Junhong was staring out the window, watching the pitter-patter of cold showers from the sky, drenching the streets and the few plants and trees that were visible from the view. Yongguk heard Junhong sigh, and it broke his heart a little.

     “Junhong~” He tried to make his voice sound mild, so that he won’t startle the younger. The young boy craned his neck and an instant grin played on his lips. “Hyung!” He practically launched himself to Yongguk, arms flailing and legs hastily making its way to his direction. Yongguk opened his arms, realizing that Junhong was motioning for a hug. He felt Junhong awkwardly try to fit himself in his arms, but the younger’s height wasn’t quite agreeing to it. After a few comfortable sways, Junhong pulled away and sat himself on the bed, beaming at Yongguk. The latter ruffled his hair lovingly and sits beside the younger, a smile never leaving his face.

      Junhong started to pout as a joke, “Hyung, what took you so long? I was waiting like a puppy for days!” Junhong’s voice was increasing in volume, hands were imoving in several animated gestures, and eyes full of excitement. “Well..hyung will make it up to you.” Yongguk chimed, attempting to make his voice higher, although it cracked in the middle of his statement, in which Junhong found himself giggling at. “How?” The younger cocked his head to the side, intrigued at what his brother might have in store for him. “Close your eyes.” He requested, and Junhong complied after giving he stuck his tongue out playfully. Yongguk fumbled within the contents of the plastic, a pack of cherry tomatoes in one hand and a small carton of apple juice in another. He held it out eye level, and just in front of the younger’s face. (who tried to peek when he was in the middle of getting the surprise, but Yongguk caught him, and Junhong shut his eyes once more.)”..And open!” Yongguk exclaimed, and he swore that Junhong’s eyes has sparkled in them as he focused his vision on the items set in front of him. He grabbed the gift and gave Yongguk an abrupt hug, the kid literally bouncing as his arms were wrapped comfortably about Yongguk’s neck. He involuntarily snakes his arms around the younger’s waist, and he could feel Junhong smiling, though he couldn’t see.

      “Did hyung make it up to you?” Yongguk muttered, as he pulled himself away from the younger. “Yesh!” His little brother tried to make his words clear, but the food in his mouth prevented him to do so.

     Yongguk stares outside the window as Junhong indulged himself in the food that he brought for him. It was still raining quite heavily. The skies was nothing but a canvas that has grey splayed all over it, and he then felt that the skies were in par with what he’s been feeling. Today, he was going to find out how Junhong’s state has been.

     It’s nerve wrecking, to be the one that the doctors will break the news to. Well, Yongguk initially thought that it would be much more difficult for the doctors to say how the patients are doing. Even Yongguk can’t imagine saying that someone you care for is dying, or things like ‘He might not have much time left.’ His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a knock. He gave Junhong a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder and a half-hearted smile. “Hyung will just meet some people. Be a good boy, all right? Just eat and watch cartoons.” Junhong just nodded and gave Yongguk a thumbs-up, and continued to watch the television while sipping on apple juice. Yongguk motioned himself to the door, and was met with Jieun.

     “Dr. Yoo wants to meet you.” Jieun said with a small smile, and Yongguk acknowledged it with a nod. Jieun led him to the front of the doctor’s office and Yongguk took a deep breath in and out. Jieun patted his back, and started to walk back to her table. He knocked on the door thrice, before it opened.

     “I guess it’s time.” Yongguk stated in his head as he took small steps to go further inside the office.