"Because if I'm with you, what could possibly go wrong?"

♠♠♠♠♠

     The soft rays of the sun peers through Himchan’s bedroom window, casting a subtle glow inside his room. It was one of those days that felt too comfortable to get out of the comfortable surface of the bed, but Himchan slightly stirred nonetheless. He was excited to wake up for once.

     The brunette recalls that peculiar, yet enjoyable conversation with his new found friend, Yongguk, and he can’t even believe that today will be the start of Kim Himchan’s life journey. It wasn’t about staying alive, but it was about living. He sat up on his bed, his legs out stretched and his back against the wall. The boy glances at the clock blankly, taking note that it was only eight in the morning. The thought of wanting to speed up time and stop it at the same time were running head to head in his puddle of thought.

     Himchan wanted time to fly so that he’ll be able to experience the unknown wonders of the outside world. He wanted to know what was beyond his house and the hospital. The man wanted to know if the ice cream on commercials looked as appetizing as it did in real life. He wanted to touch the blooming flowers of spring, feel the smooth petal against his cold fingertips. He wanted to do all those sort of crazy things like hugging a person at random, planting his lips on a person whom he’s been dying to share it with. He wanted to meet the actors of his favorite drama, he wanted to go bungee jumping, he wanted to dance in the middle of the crowd, but of course, this will have to start with Himchan meeting Yongguk today, and with that, he can’t help but pray for time to speed up.

     At the same time, he wanted it to stop. Why? Simple. His time is soon up. He wanted to accept the fact that he was indeed going to end his life soon on earth, rather that relishing false hope that will only hurt and disappoint him to no end. And with this unnerving thought, he wanted time to stop.

     A soft knock danced around the air, and reached Himchan’s attention. He turned his head to the door, her mother’s head poking from it.

     “Dear? Why don’t you have some breakfast? Your father and I will be leaving soon..I just want to make sure you’ll be fine and—“

     “Mom, I get it. No need to worry.” Himchan smiled lovingly at her mother’s concern.

     Her mother angled herself through the opening of the door, placing her body inside of Himchan’s room. The young man felt the bed dip as his mother took a comfortable seat just beside him. The woman placed her hands on each of Himchan’s cheeks.

     “Be strong, darling. You’ll be fine soon.” Her mother’s words were always of the positive and reassuring. Himchan loved that, but he couldn’t help but think that he’s a hopeless case. His mother pecked on his forehead, causing him to groan childishly.

     “Mom, I’m not a baby..” Himchan crossed his arms and averted his look away from the meddling mother.

     “We’ll call you every time we have our break from work, alright? You better pick up.” Her mother tried to wag a finger at the younger as if he was five years old. Himchan rolled his eyes slightly, but soon replaced his uncaring expression with a smile.

     “I will.”

     Time was ticking away, and before Himchan knew, he was the only one left in their house. The brunette nervously paced around his room, trying to figure out how he’ll get to Hongdae, what he’ll wear for the so called ‘hang-out’. Thoughts were quickly running in his mind double time, because only now did it sink in that he absolutely has no first hand experience of trying to go to places by himself, and the thought scared him to no end. He can’t even believe he put his parent’s trust on the line just so he could meet Yongguk.

     What was so special about the man anyway?

     Is it because Himchan thought that he might just be the closest thing to a friend?

     Or was it because there was something oddly drawing him into the man?

     Himchan didn’t have any answers to supply with all of questions that cloud his busy mind.

     He decided that preparing for what’s to come would be the best option, thus he researches on how to take a train to arrive at Hongdae. He looks for the directions of how to go to the ice cream parlor. After a few moments of keyboard clicking and mouse scrolling, a dwindling feeling of anxiousness floats on Himchan’s inside.

     He starts to venture on the thoughts of why it’s such a big deal to meet Yongguk this day. Is it really worth risking it? What if he gets lost and doesn’t find his way home in time? Will his parents be happy about this? Can he really trust Yongguk? His chest starts to constrict, and he knows for sure that it’s not his sickness acting up on him.

     Hesistantly, he opens another tab and logs in on his account. The brunette sighs as he clicks name that lead to the profile of the male that has been occupying every crevice of his mind. He puffed his cheeks as he scrolls through he profile as if he has not seen it the previous day. Pictures after pictures, status updates and wall post dance around before his eyes. Although there was one post that piqued his interest towards the man that he’s been waiting to see all day. It wasn’t something grand of a post that got a hundreds of likse or a chunk of comment, but even though it wasn’t directed at Himchan, because he obviously didn’t know him from when he posted that, he couldn’t help but feel a piece of himself mold along with the fragile words that formed a phrase that never really made sense to him whenever he heard it.

     Life has a funny way of trying to relay messages that you need to know at a certain time, it may be through someone you know, or maybe just a show seen on television, a paragraph from a book, an utter from a stranger. These string of words may not mean something to everyone, but somehow, you see a part of yourself in that very phrase. That was the exact same thing that Himchan was experiencing. The peculiarity of it all made Himchan smile a bit. He thought that maybe it was just coincidence, but does it really exist? The young man before the laptop screen strongly believed in inevitability.

     He knew that Yongguk and he were meant to meet.

     He knew that they will take each other to places.

    He knew that he will get to share even a tiny sliver of himself to the man, and the same will be done to him.

     He knew that this thing that they have now will matter to what he will become in the last days that he’ll spend on earth.

     He gently folded the laptop to a close, and he started to gather the things that he will need for his adventurous day with the words that appeared on his sight just a few moments ago.

     You have to stay strong. Not just for yourself, but for others too.

♠♠♠♠♠

     The afternoon wind sings along Himchan’s ears and he can’t believe how utterly amazingly frightening it felt to be outside, on your own. The man digs his hands deep into his coat pocket as he paces through the lively streets of Hongdae. Based from what he’s seen on television and what he has hastily researched, it’s the perfect place for the youth to just have a pure sense of enjoyment. Himchan dared to look around at the people who were busy, either with someone or in groups. The tinkering feeling of a missing piece bites at Himchan’s core because it was then he realized that he really had nobody else but his parents to spend time with. Sure, he has been with other patients, or maybe with his relatives, but to him, those were all fleeting. He felt like no one there was prepared to stay because why in the world would you want to attach yourself to a person who’ll be gone before he knows it? He in his lower lip as he walks past several shops that he wasn’t really familiar of.

     He smiles to himself at the sight of the ice cream parlor, because from the glass window he sees a familiar figure that seems to be anticipating his arrival. For some odd reason, the thought that someone was willing to give Himchan a chance to experience new things with him was too endearing that the gap that he felt in his heart was quickly filled in by the sincere idea.

     He almost too quickly forces himself into the shop, the door ringing above him and the warmth seeping through his skin made him comfortable. The young man carefully walks his way to the guy who’s been occupying his mind for the past few hours. Himchan tried his best to not give an awkward approach, but it was too late when he accidentally knocked his foot on one of the leg of the table.

     Smooth Kim Himchan. Real Smooth.

     “I-I’m sorry!” He was quick to apologize and he bowed abruptly. A light laughter gently reached his ears.

     “I thought you were going to bail on me!” Yongguk immediately cleared the awkward atmosphere, gesturing him to sit down on the chair across him, a genuine smile flashed directly to the younger one.

     “Why would I do that? Free ice cream, drama DVD and a sweater, remember?” Himchan thanked the heavens that he actually didn’t trip over his words, and he was quick to pick up on the topic and supply with an unconsciously airy response.

     “You only hang out with me for my money~” Yongguk wagged a finger at Himchan, and he couldn’t help but laugh at Yongguk’s facial expression which was trying to be serious in a humorous way.

     “You offered!” Himchan wasn’t quite sure if Yongguk was joking, or if he was implying that Himchan did in fact only hang out with him to get free things. “And besides, there was one thing that you’ve given me that..won’t equate to any of those things..” Himchan trailed of a little whilst he noticed the flicker of curiosity burning inside Yongguk’s eyes. “..you gave me a chance to live. Live life. Thank you.” (Snow Kissed Summer Reference #? – When Chanhee takes Hana out right after she got discharged for the second time. Hana wanted to thank him for treating her normally.)

     Himchan knew he was a lost case without those drama quotes. Though he did infringe those words, and though those words were not exactly his, he sincerely meant it. He could’ve said it in a less dramatic way, but he wasn’t sure how to place his words quite yet.

“You’re freakin’ cheesy.” Yongguk chuckled a little and covered his face with the  menu of the ice cream parlor. What Himchan didn’t know is that Yongguk was just trying to cover his face that was getting flushed from the unnecessarily sweet words that came out of Himchan’s mouth.

     Small talks filled the two while waiting for the ice cream, and it was soon continued to much more meaningful talks as they went on with their sweet delights. Himchan didn’t even think he’d actually dare to do something like this, but there was something about the man’s laughter, the man’s interesting stories that convinced him that he made the right choice, that he was a risk worth taking.

     Himchan mostly listened to Yongguk’s blabbering, and he liked it that way. Himchan doesn’t really have much to share, and he’s glad that the man before him was would make something so simple seem so interesting. It draws him closer, as if Yongguk was a magnet, and Himchan couldn’t help but just want to know more and more about the man.

     Himchan felt enticed.

     When they were satisfied with their afternoon treat, they both made their way outside, the cold air waving by them.

     “Well, how about we get that sweater, huh?” Yongguk rubbed the back of his head, linking their arms together. Himchan didn’t know the reason behind the sudden expression, but he enjoyed it every single bit.

     The two lifted from shops after shops, small stalls after the other trying to find something that would suit Himchan. The said never really thought that Yongguk would take the offer seriously, but here he is trying a sweater in the shade of maroon, small patterns mingling along the neckline down to the shoulder area. Himchan gave himself a glance at the mirror and he can’t help but hug himself because the sweater looked too snuggly and perfect. He went out of the dressing room and found Yongguk punching buttons onto his phone.

     “Does it look okay?” Himchan tried to get the attention of the man, who looked up in a snap at the sound of his voice.

     Silence.

     “I-Is it bad?” Himchan couldn’t read the expression on the older, so he was contemplating whether he should go back and change into his original clothes.

     “Perfect, Chan. We’ll get that.” Yongguk smiled.

     Damn.

     That very moment, Himchan could swear to every god that might exist that Yongguk looked extremely attractive and he wasn’t even kidding. He didn’t know whether it was the sparkle in the man’s eyes, or maybe it was the way his eyes crinkle slightly. Maybe it was the way his lips were curved in a subtle, delicate way.

     Yonggguk paid for the sweater, even if Himchan insisted or more like battled him about it.

     “Think of it as a gift, Channie.” Yongguk smiled (again it was that smile) and Himchan felt like all of his words of gratitude seemed to be stuck in a never- ending swirl on his throat.

     Time flew fast, and they were at the almost end of this so-called hang out. Himchan would lie if he said that he wasn’t disappointed. He expected something grand to happen, but maybe things like those doesn’t happen when you most think that it’ll occur.

     They were comfortably sharing a couch in a café that was far from the area they were exploring. The sound of an old jazz tune wafted in the air, and it was mixed along with the chattering crowd that was present inside the café, causing a feeling of odd warmth inside of Himchan’s heart. He didn’t even notice that in about an hour, he needed to be safe inside his house, as if nothing happened. All of a sudden, a buzz on his left pocket disturbed the comfort and Himchan was quick to fish out the phone, answering the incoming call.

     “Umma?”

     “How’s my Chanchan doing? Have you eaten? “ His mother’s pensive voice brought a smile to his face.

      “I did already, where are you? Are you done with work?” Himchan suddenly remembered that he was doing something that his parents had no knowledge about. If ever they went home and Himchan wasn’t in it, let’s just say hell will break loose.

     “Umma is on a break, probably going to get a coffee or tea. Anyways, I just wanted to check on my baby~” His mother cooed, and he couldn’t help but cringe at the word ‘baby’.

     “Yes, Umma..Bye.” Himchan dropped his hands from his ear to his lap, the phone still placed firmly onto his hands.

     “Chanchan?” Yongguk snickered, and Himchan just playfully slapped him on his sides.

     Himchan’s eyes drifted from Yongguk and then he soon set his eyes amongst the crowd once more. He notices a couple sharing a cheesecake from a far end,  a guy who seems to be enjoying a magazine just across the couple, two teenagers menacingly jabbing their thumbs against a portable game console, and his mom.

     Wait.

     Himchan’s heart dropped as he saw, he clearly saw a womanly figure push the door  open with one swift arm movement, and he quickly averted his gaze from the door as an attempt to hide his face.

     “Yongguk..” Himchan barely whispered.

     “Yes Himchan?” His name was like a dagger against his ear. He can’t afford to have his name called because if his mother found out about his little adventure, then he might just die before a year passes, and that’s something that he doean’t want to experience. He shushed the older male as he scooted closer, continuing his hushed sentences.

     “My mom is here. And I’m not supposed to be here.” Himchan’s eyes were like saucers as he silently relayed the message to Yongguk.

     “I need to get out.” There was anxiety and desperation painted on Himchan’s eyes, and Yongguk knew he had to do something about it. After all, wasn’t he the one who tried to convince him to go out in the first place? Yongguk’s eyes soon scanned for the woman who might possibly be Himchan’s mom. Himchan was quite perplexed when Yongguk took his hands and was staring intently at his mother. Himchan tried to sink his head lower, in a hope that his mom wouldn’t want to look toward his direction for some unknown reason.

“When I say go.. we storm out of here.” Yongguk quickly glanced at Himchan, and back to his mother, who had her back faced, since she was looking through the variety of choice when it came to beverages.

     Once it was his mother’s turn to order, Himchan was ripped off from the couch almost too quickly, and here he was hand in hand with Yongguk on the streets where the sunset was the only witness of their escape.

        Himchan has never been the athletic type, nor did he have the ability to have all the energy and run as fast as he could, but at the current time, that’s exactly what he’s doing.

        He felt that his legs had a mind of its own, swiftly sprinting trying to make its way through the throng of people that were mindlessly walking. The younger man could recognize the thin layer of sweat forming on his forehead, and soon turning in to beads and starts to trail down his face, but he didn’t care anymore. Himchan’s breath was jagged and hitched, his chest felt like it was about to burst from the intense motion and the pace that he was in.

     The moment when Himchan felt like he was almost going to pass out was when they were in front of the stairs and elevator leading to the train station. Himchan tried to catch his breath, chest heaving. This can’t be good, he thought. He was still sick after all. But there was an oddity in the situation that made Himchan laugh.

     Not just laugh, but to crack up as if it was the best goddamn joke that his ears would ever hear. Now that was what he considered as adventure. Yongguk immediately rushed to his side, with a confused look that screamed ‘Have you gone mad?’ Himchan tried to cover his laughter but was unable to, so he just with a care proudly flashed his pearly whites, lips tugged upwards in an almost to perfect smile as laughter spring away from his throat to the frigid air.

     Damn.

     Now it was Yongguk who founf the man before him have an uncertain charm that you can’t help but always gravitate towards to. The way his palms were against his belly while laughing was endearing, his eyes were half moons that shone brightly to Yongguk, and that smile. The smile that resembled as a cute animal that suited Himchan all too well got Yongguk’s heart to skip a beat or two.

     “I swear! If she caught me..Oh god, that was scary but amazing.” Himchan’s bewilderment amused Yongguk to no end, and he grabbed the younger’s wrist and motioned his head to the stairs.

     “Time to get you home, princess. Before the clock strikes seven.” Yongguk laughed as he lead Himchan to the station.

     Himchan trusted Yongguk enough to actually give him his address and they also happily exchanged phone number as they were being carried home by the train. Himchan couldn’t help but feel blazing coursing inside his system that he has never ever felt before in his entire life. It was all thanks to the man who sat beside him during the ride on the way to his home.

     It didn’t take long before Himchan and Yongguk were in front of his house, and Himchan couldn’t help but feel like he wanted time to stop.

     Not for himself.

     But for the both of them.

     Because if being with Yongguk made him feel this lively, then an eternity with him wouldn’t probably hurt.

     If only he could stretch the time or stop it, then he would gladly hold for that fragile hope that this won’t be the last time he’ll feel this way. Yongguk awkwardly shifted his weight from one foot to another and Himchan just watched him with faint longing.

     Himchan gasped quite loudly and Yongguk was snapped back to reality, immediately rushing to the younger.

     “What’s wrong? D-Do you need to go to the hospital?” Yongguk’s voice was a mix of concern and worry as he was drawing invisible circles onto his back. It felt comfortable that Himchan ached for of that feeling.

     “I didn’t complete something..” Himchan sounded dejected, and he fished out what seems to be a small notebook.

     “Hmm? What do you mean?”

     “It’s a list.”

     “List?”

     “Before I die.” .

 (Snow Kissed Summer Reference #?? Hana discloses that she wants Chanhee to complete the list with the man. )

     Oh.

     Himchan didn’t mean to put it that way, but there was nothing that changed in Yongguk’s eyes. It was the same concerned, and gentle orbs that looked at him as if he was a piece of treasure that needed to be handled with much caution. His eyes didn’t turn into those pitiful that he despised

     Himchan was glad.

     “May I take a look?” A harmless question that swam in a puddle of uncertainty rang through Himchan’s head, but the feeling of trust was already imprinted on Yongguk, so he didn’t hesitate to bring the notebook onto Yongguk’s palm.

     “I mean, I always have tomorrow, but I don’t even know if I still have a definite one. I just want to complete as much as I can before—“

     A flicker from the streetlight opened and it illuminated a scene that even was smiled from upon the heaven. The moon was the only witness of the moment that was painted beautifully.

     Yongguk had just kissed Himchan in the most unexpectedly heart clenching way.

     Because Himchan doesn’t know how it’s supposed to feel.

     “You can cross out number 14 on your list now.” Yongguk said, his eyes fixed on the asphalt beneath their shoes. The older quickly turned his back to the younger and started to walk away from the scene that was painted by inevitability. What was once beautiful was tainted with a melancholy air.

     Why did Yongguk kiss him?

     Was it because it was on his list?

     Were there any feelings attached to it?

     Doubt an uncertainty unfolded onto Himchan’s heart and like a plague started eating it with much sadness.

     Something ached inside of Himchan and he was sure it wasn’t his sickness.

14.) ✓Be kissed unexpectedly [But I'm not sure..If it's real.]

Author's Thoughts:

Hey~ It's been a while "OTL

Sorry if this chapter is boring. & If my writing style is rusty & . ; u ; I'm really trying to improve! ^^

I hope you guys like this because I kind of think this chapter isn't good?

If you did enjoy it, then you can sub or let me know what you think of it in the comments below?

Thank you for waiting patiently for this!

If you guys have twitter, you can comment it or wallpost me! ^^ I want to be friends with you! ^^

ps; unedited, you know me. lazy bum.