Sungmin opened his eyes a little at the faint sounds of dying aliens in the room and rubbed his eyes tiredly. The room was dark except for that small glow and the dorm was about as peaceful as it could be. He could just turn around and go back to sleep, but then again he can't. He slides out carefully from under the blanket and makes his way over to Kyuhyun, his hands kneading gently at the younger's neck.

'Hey,' he whispered.

Kyuhyun made a grunt of sorts, slender fingers flying across the keyboard rapidly.

'It's late, you have Chinese lessons all day tomorrow,' Sungmin smiled before leaning down to hook his chin over Kyuhyun's shoulder comfortably. 'Come to bed.'

The movement was subtle, Sungmin wouldn't have caught that it was deliberate, except that his face was right next to Kyuhyun and he caught that small annoyed downturn of Kyuhyun's mouth. Kyuhyun reached to the side for his glass of water to take a quick swig, his shoulder dropping and sliding Sungmin's chin off it abruptly.

'In a minute, hyung. I'll sleep after this mission.' Kyuhyun turned with a small smile and Sungmin almost convinced himself that he imagined the whole thing. 

Then it was over and Kyuhyun turned back to his laptop, instantly immersed again.

Sungmin remained still for awhile, before walking back to his own bed and sliding under the cold covers. 

Sungmin isn't stupid. He isn't blind to what is in front of him. Especially when the person in question is someone that he knows better than himself.

But he is human. And he holds on to the parts of Kyuhyun that he can.

He likes it when Kyuhyun is sleepy in the morning and leans on him for support, because he can close his eyes, inhale that familiar scent and pretend that everything is okay.

But his cold sheets greet him every night, a harsh and ever present reminder that everything is not. 

Sungmin tries. He brings tea to Kyuhyun every night, asking him to drink to alleviate the effects of the late night on his throat. He prepares Kyuhyun's favourite foods and painstakingly makes sure everything is perfect just like how Kyuhyun's mom teaches him, down to the ratio of kimchi to rice and tries to smile when Kyuhyun wolfs down the food and leaves the table with a muttered 'Thank you.' 

Kyuhyun made another grunt as something happens on his laptop and jolted Sungmin out of his thoughts.

He turned over on his side, faced the wall and tried to go back to sleep.

His sheets are still cold.

-

The day before Kyuhyun leaves for China, away from him, Sungmin helps him pack for the trip. He hummed under his breath as he folded the clothes carefully, stacking them neatly, compacting everything so there's enough space for all the face products and games that Kyuhyun wants to bring. They're almost done and Sungmin sat back on his haunches and tried to see if he forgot anything. It seemed like all the essentials were in and so he finally released the thought that has been eating at him for awhile. Kyuhyun was going away, for months. He put two fingers on Kyuhyun's wrist and paused, searching for the words that he can't bring himself to say. He feels Kyuhyun's eyes on him, waiting, his fingers tapping out a gentle rhythm on the floor as he waits.

Finally he says, 'I'll miss you.'

Kyuhyun stopped and thought for awhile, seemed to come to some sort of decision. He lifted a hand, put it gingerly on Sungmin's, and takes it off his, placing it on the ground. 'I'd rather you didn't.'

'W-what?'

'Sungmin hyung,' Kyuhyun sighed and Sungmin froze. Kyuhyun only used honorifics with him when it was something serious. They were past the honorific stage ages ago, why here, why now.

Sungmin nearly stumbled to his feet and ran away, but Kyuhyun's light touch on his hand felt like a giant ice cold manacle chaining him to the ground.

'Please don't. I'll do anything you want.'

'But that's the thing hyung. I don't want somebody hovering over me telling me what to do, checking up on me, making me food. I want somebody to stand on equal footing with me, not take care of me like what a mother would do. I want to be excited, I want fireworks and sparklers, not tea. I, I just need the space hyung, you understand right?'

'No,' Sungmin whispered. 'No I don't.'

Kyuhyun sighed again and dragged a frustrated hand through his hair. 'How could you? I didn't expect you to.'

He lifted his hand and turned back to his luggage, packing the rest of it himself. Kyuhyun stares into his suitcase for awhile before taking out two shirts, unfolding them and replacing them with two others he selected from his wardrobe.

Sungmin started, 'What was wrong with those two shirts? I thought they matched the bottoms that you were thinking of bringing.'

'But that's the thing,' Kyuhyun measured out each word. 'I didn't choose them. You did.'

'Are you saying it's my fault that I'm like this?' Sungmin cried, scrambling to his feet. 

By this time, their voices had grown slightly louder than the normal conversation and the members were slowly beginning to take notice. Shindong grabbed for the back of Donghae's shirt, dragging him back while shaking his head just a little. 

'Can you change?'

'No,' the smaller man whispered. 'I don't think I can.'

Kyuhyun closed his luggage and snapped it shut with a resounding click. 'I didn't think so.'

He picked up his luggage and slipped by Sungmin to put it next to the door, where all the other luggages were, all ready to be picked up and brought to China. Walking back to their room, Kyuhyun reached out and patted Sungmin's shoulder awkwardly. Sungmin flinched and he backed into the door. 

'We had good times didn't we? But I'm looking for something else now hyung. I'm not happy anymore. And I hope you'll find your own happiness,' Kyuhyun ended formally before heading straight for his bed and getting in.

Sungmin turned and ran.

-

Kyuhyun hooked his chin onto Zhou Mi's shoulder, closing his eyes and smiling as he breathed in deep. He may not be an expert in perfumes, but he was pretty sure Zhou Mi smelt expensive. He liked it. Pressing himself closer, he inhaled again. 

It smelt like freedom. 

Releasing Zhou Mi, he walked over to Donghae and smiled before he slung his arm over the shorter man's shoulder. He didn't miss the frown before Donghae smiled and waved at the fans thronging the studio. 

Kyuhyun was fully aware of all the stares and glares that had been directed at his back since they had reached China. Hankyung had taken to having conversations with the rest of the members in Korea every time Kyuhyun appeared at the dinner table, loudly exclaiming all of their names as each respective member picked up. He didn't fail to notice the one name that was always articulated extra loudly. 

He liked to think that he wasn't a cruel man. He liked to think that breaking up the relationship was better for the both of them, save each other all the heartbreak and all that. Thinking back to when Sungmin had first shyly confessed to liking him, Kyuhyun had liked the maternal side to him then. It was welcoming, he admitted, to have such a presence next to him when he was away from all other blood ties and he had clung to Sungmin in the beginning. He wasn't sure when he had stopped describing Sungmin as 'loving', 'wonderful', 'caring' and changed it to 'oh my god he's such a freaking nag'. He was tired of feeling like the baby all the time and it had never occurred to him that maybe he could just take Sungmin aside and tell him so. Sick of being mothered, sick of being told what to do (it never occurred to him that he could just not do it and placate Sungmin instead), Kyuhyun flung it all back into Sungmin's face. Slowly sidestepping Ryeowook who was boring a hole into the side of his face with those sharp eyes of his, he went back to Zhou Mi's side, feeling safer there.

Which was ironic because Zhou Mi was, well, the only word that Kyuhyun could think of was wild. He dressed like he wanted to be noticed, and it wasn't like he could hide in a crowd anyway. So he flaunted, put himself on display and relished the attention he got. This was Zhou Mi who had the loudest, most annoying laugh after Heechul and clapped his hands like a freaking seal when he did so. The feeling of being kicked off the couch after Kyuhyun had insulted a brand designer was the best thing that had happened to him in a long while. 

Sungmin would never do that to him.

And so he chased after the wisps of freedom that Zhou Mi offered to him.

-

Sungmin curled up into Eunhyuk's side, crying and crying, crying so much Eunhyuk was scared that he would cry himself sick. But all he could do was put an arm around the man and pull him closer, running his hands through his hair and offering words of comfort which held little or no comfort at all. Shindong appeared next to the couch silently, offering up a warm towel and some hot tea which Eunhyuk tried desperately to tip down Sungmin's throat but the man could barely stop crying to breathe, much less drink anything. Shindong sat down on the other side, adjusting their positions until Sungmin was leaning on him instead, giving Eunhyuk a much needed reprieve and the other man slinked off.

It had been three days since the Super Junior M members had left and it had been three days since Sungmin had run out into the rain with barely a coat on his back. Stumbling back shivering a couple of hours later, he collapsed into Leeteuk's arms and started crying. He would cry himself to sleep every day and wake up the next morning with the tear tracks barely dry on his face, turning round and reaching automatically for Kyuhyun. It always took him a few seconds to realise what had happened. Shindong had been on duty last night to watch over him. Those few seconds where the expression on Sungmin's face had morphed from sleepy happiness to realisation to utter grief was one of the most painful things that Shindong had ever seen. He sighed and gathered up his best friend in his arms. He was going to kill Kyuhyun when the other man got back for even putting a second of that expression on Sungmin's face. And the man had to break up with Sungmin in such a cruel way too. It just wasn't fair.

'Hey,' he had whispered into the phone earlier.

'Hey,' Hankyung had replied tiredly. 'Our show's airing on Channel 23 in about ten minutes in Korea. Just, don't let Sungmin see it okay?'

'Okay.'

Sungmin knew though, he always did. He must have gotten hold of their schedules from somewhere and flipped on the television the minute Shindong got up for a toilet break. Cursing, Shindong had run for it the minute he heard the Chinese words but it was too late. He watched as Sungmin watched Kyuhyun hug Zhou Mi for the longest time ever and he watched as Sungmin slowly switched off the television and he watched as the last flicker of hope died out in those eyes.

Shindong crossed the room and took his best friend into his arms, trying to shelter him from a pain that came from within.

-

Heechul prodded at the mass of blankets and body under the pink duvet and sighed impatiently. 

Leeteuk fidgeted in a corner. 'Maybe we should wait until he gets up on his own later.'

'So that he can start another crying fit?' Heechul snorted. 'I hardly think so.' He jabbed harder before losing patience. Grabbing the edge of the duvet, he yanked hard until he had budged the pile enough to see the top of Sungmin's head.

'Kyu?' Sungmin mumbled sleepily.

'No it's ing room service,' Heechul pulled harder until Sungmin's arms were free too, ignoring the indignant cry of 'Heechul!' coming from behind him. 

Sungmin his stomach, ignoring the gnawing feeling of another failed hope in the pit of his belly, 'Go away hyung. I'm not well.'

'Not well, or you don't want to be well?' Heechul took an arm and tugged. Appalled, Leeteuk quickly slapped it down before kneeling next to Sungmin's head. 

'Sungmin-ah, you can't be like this. We're getting worried. Just get up and we'll figure this out okay?'

Sungmin burrowed deeper into his pillows and Heechul shoved Leeteuk aside, sending him a look. Muttering under his breath, Leeteuk finally moved aside and flapped his arms helplessly at Heechul, telling him to do what he needed to do. He wondered what he would have to do if Sungmin snapped and came to blows with Heechul though.

Super Junior's fearless leader decided it was probably best if he took cover next to the table.

Heechul sat on the bed and jiggled around a bit, making the mattress spring. Without any visible reaction, he bounced a little harder. Still nothing, so he picked up a stray pillow and brought it down onto Sungmin's back. 'Yah!'

Sungmin refused to move.

Sneering just a little for the effect, Heechul bent down low until his mouth was right next to Sungmin's ear. 'No wonder Kyuhyun left you.'

Sungmin's foot caught Heechul on his knee and the older man backed up swearing as he fought to keep his balance on the bed. A furious Sungmin threw all the blankets from his bed as he twisted his wrist into Heechul's shirt, dragging the older man closer. 

'Why the hell would you say something like that?' He spat into Heechul's face. 'What right do you have? Coming in here and telling me that when you know nothing of our relationship? You know nothing!'

'So why did he leave you then?' Heechul stared at his nails unconcernedly, as if he was on a show, not inches from death-by-member.

By this time, Leeteuk had sidled over to the bed and was currently trying, very unsuccessfully with creaking joints, to seperate Sungmin's fingers from Heechul's shirt and he was this close to slapping the both of them.

'Because he thought I was too motherly, too boring, which was why he has his stupid little hands all over Zhou Mi now. Because Zhou Mi's more interesting. Because he sings better. Because he's more gorgeous than me, all those sleek lines and clothes and expensive looking bags. Because Kyuhyun doesn't want his mother looking after him in the dorms. Because he doesn't love me anymore.' Hot angry tears were pouring from Sungmin's eyes and he wiped at them furiously and Leeteuk thought that the boy had never looked better, angry, wounded, fighting for his love. It was different from all the crying that he had been doing lately, this one was almost cathartic as the words tripped and stumbled their way from Sungmin's lips. 

'So find someone else.'

'I don't want anyone else,' Sungmin yelled. He yelled as if he was trying to tell the world, as if he was willing the words to cross the gap into China and into Kyuhyun's ears. 'Who do you think I am I can't switch loves within a day! What do you expect me to do? I'm only human. It hurts.'

Heechul's mouth curled up into a wicked grin. 'So fight back.'

-

Kyuhyun stumbled his way out of the lift along with the other SJ-M members, tired beyond belief. Tired of the members talking behind his back. Tired of having to earn his way back into their good books again, just like how it was when he debuted. Tired of going out with Zhou Mi, hoping for something new only to be left behind at some club while Zhou Mi eluded him like a prey running from a hunter. Except that he knew Zhou Mi was no prey. He was so tired, but somehow that just made everything even more interesting and he found himself going out more, night after night, hoping that one day he'd catch Zhou Mi. 

It never did happen.

He considered the fact that he found Zhou Mi's head on his shoulder as they dozed on the flight home a small victory though.

The members filed in to loud cheers and 'welcome home's and he smiled when somebody said something to him (he wasn't sure who or what) or when somebody clapped him on the back. After five minutes of smiling, he trudged the familiar path to his room and dumped his bag on the ground before sprawling on his own bed.

Only realising belatedly that it was still Sungmin's room as well, he sighed in annoyance before resigning himself. Kyuhyun lifted his head and looked across the room to Sungmin, before almost biting his tongue off in shock. 

Kyuhyun's eyes raked over Sungmin's jet black hair, dyed since he had left and longer too, the fringe slanting gracefully over his lined eyes before moving down to the white muscle tee he was wearing. He didn't fail to notice the accessories he was wearing either, the countless black straps on his arms, similar to what Yesung always wore and he almost missed the greeting Sungmin tossed at him.

'Huh?'

'I said you're home. I should go say hello to the rest,' Sungmin slid off his bed gracefully with a bland smile on his face, before exiting the room, his face lighting up as Donghae threw himself at him. He hugged the younger boy happily, exclaiming over how his cheekbones seemed to have gotten more defined and shifted out of Kyuhyun's line of sight as he moved on to greet the other members. 

Kyuhyun didn't know what he expected when he got home from those few months in China, yelling, a few broken dishes at his feet, some punches or a bucket of tears he thought, but definitely not this.

What the hell happened to Sungmin when he was away?