SIX

I gathered every ounce of courage in my being with a deep breathe before knocking at the door, hoping that she was still awake.

And that unlike me, she was doing better because she’s a warrior. An angel with so much strength and courage that I don’t deserve her.

But I am a mere human. Undeserving and selfish. So with one last deep breathe I knocked louder. My heart thumping hard against my chest.

I’ve been living in this house with the girl who turned out to be the greatest love of my life.

And she’s dying.

And I cannot do anything to stop that. But I will do everything in my power to make her days full of happiness and laughter.

And love.

“Jae.” She gasped her eyes going round with surprise. She looked like she was crying for hours. Pain reflected in her eyes not because of her illness but because of me.

Fresh waves of pain surrounded my already battered heart. I did this to her. “Dara,” I moved closer, held her cold hands and placed a gentle kiss on her both her palms. “I don’t deserve you. Even more so now because the pain in your eyes is because of me.” She opened to speak but I silenced her with a shake of my head. “I reacted badly. I’m a coward afraid to get hurt.”

“A hypocrite really, after all that talk about pain and love and I ran at first sign of,” I paused to collect my thoughts, wiping the tears that were silently streaming down her face, “I love you. This doesn’t change anything. Please let me love you. You don’t have to love me back.”

She was looking at me with so much pain and understanding.  “Jae, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know. Believe me I know that.”

“You will be hurt and I won’t be around to make it better.” She said through her tears.

I knew this. But it did not stop the hurt from stabbing me through the center of my heart. Amazing really, how this little organ can still continue to do its job when my whole world is starting to fall apart. “Don’t worry about me Dara. I love you. And as I said, this doesn’t change anything. It only makes this more precious.”

“I love you. I know that this won’t be easy. But is anything that’s worth fighting for ever easy?” I asked in an attempt to lighten the mood. “I love you. No matter what happens my feelings for you will never change. I will love