EIGHT

Silence hung heavy in the room as I paused to collect my thoughts. Relieving these memories is very much like opening old wounds wide open. It leaves one vulnerable & very much afraid.

We are nearing the most painful part of our story.

I have tried and tried to get past the accompanying grief whenever I revisit our memories. But time and time again, I fail.

My hands started to shake as the onslaught of familiar emotions started to creep into the walls that I have built around my heart. I was so sure this were made of steel.

How wrong I was, I can feel them crumbling down as if they were made of useless dust.

Have you ever felt alone?

If you haven’t, you must be very very lucky. I hope you will never get to experience loneliness as your only company.

For it can be destructive, eating away at the spirit.

Because even now that I am surrounded by my students I feel alone. Trapped in my own vacuum of grief and sorrow.

It was on their faces. A mixture of awe and sadness.

The glass window looked spotless against the white wall. Outside, a group of students are playing soccer. A whistle was blown. A girl yelling. Car honking.

Life. It went on.

If not for me, then for everybody else.

I took one deep breath to steady myself as I turned to look at my audience. Some if not most, with tears in their eyes. They must have felt it. They must have sensed it.

They must have heard it, the silent breaking of my heart. One tiny piece at a time.

Up until now, I still can’t be 100% sure that I did the right thing. I am still and will always be haunted by what ifs.

My only consolation was that I knew that she was happy. I made her happy.

We eventually went home the follow