Chapter 9
Look At Me
SEUNGHO
Everything's fine. No fights, no misunderstandings, no regrets.
And especially, no Myungsoo.
This is just how I imagined it would be. We are like newly weds, just that she hasn't said yes again. To be honest I'm being a bit impatient right now, but all I want to do is secure my future with Jiyeon. I know that someday we will be together and we'll have kids and we'll raise them properly and enjoy really great time doing fun things together and to hold her in my arms whenever she feels sad and just be there for her always.
Always.
It's a Saturday winter morning, and all I want to do is spend the day at Jiyeon's place. I easily get bored at my house so I don't really want to spend my birthday with just me and Snowball, my dog, so I've decided I'll just take him with me and visit my lovely Jiyeon.
I never thought I would be this happy again to celebrate my own birthday. Usually, for the past years, this day will just be any ordinary day that passes by too quickly. My mom cooks my favorite foods, yes, and dad gives me gifts (although I said it's okay since I'm already a grown-up now) but he insisted that we are never old for gifts. "I also missed giving gifts," he would say, "since I rarely give any to your brother lately."
And now that I'll be able to celebrate it with Jiyeon, I think this will be extra special.
I'm planning on buying things from the grocery store so that we could just cook foods in Jiyeon's place, but considering I have Snowball with me, I think it is impossible. So I'm just thinking of eating streetfoods at night. I don't want to eat out with Jiyeon in a restaurant or anything fancy, since I know she wouldn't be comfortable with it.
I think I've known a lot about Jiyeon these past few months we've been close. I can tell whether she's upset or bored or happy or pretending. I think I've acquired something Myungsoo can't do now. People change, and so does Jiyeon.
Thinking about it, I remember Jiyeon's 11th birthday. It was held in their frontyard. There are just a few of us. There're her parents, my parents, Myungsoo, me, Sungjong, and some of our classmates who are pretty much close to her. Before her birthday, I will spend our free time at school thinking of what she would like as a gift. I keep on looking after her, keeping in watch of whatever she does. Yes, it sounds pathetic. And I was about to leave her alone, when I witnessed her doing something weird. She was at the back of the school, where her favorite spot is. She likes the grass and the tree and the bench and the wind that blows in that certain place. Too sad both Myungsoo and Jiyeon marks it as 'their' territory. Jiyeon will be like "Why don't you come with us? It's our territory." and I will shot back with "Your?" and she will reply with the answer "It's ours, idiot" and I would just feel bad about it. Because I want it to be just my and Jiyeon's place. That I am not the third wheel here. That Myungsoo will be out of the picture. But I don't think that'll be possible at that time.
But what I can assure is that there's something Myungsoo didn't know about Jiyeon. I was looking at her intently, trying to figure out what the heck she is doing. I saw her sitting at the grass first, and cutting some pieces of white paper. She cuts it into tiny little pieces.After cutting a handful of it, I looked at awe as she throws it into the air and tilted her head up looking at the papers with great pleasure. It was so magical, really. How she spread her arms into the air and catches pieces of papers. How the wind blows her hair and how the sunlight makes her eyes twinkle like the stars at the night sky. I never saw someone as happy as she did when I witnessed this. She's so beautiful; She's even more beautiful when smiling so brightly like that.
I want to witness it again. And so I vowed to myself that I'll do my best to make her happy now, since all I did the moment I met her was and make fun of her. Whenever I do that, however, her groans and disappointments are the only expressions I can see. She never smiled at me like that. And I hate to think that maybe Myungsoo did, and I wasn't the first one again. I hated being the second, the third or any other place than being the first in her heart.
And so I vowed, that I will make her happy and witness her heartfelt smile more often.
After the beautiful scenery I have just seen, I slowly walked into her direction. She's sitting at that moment, gathering the little pieces of paper again. She wouldn't want to litter the school grounds, and so she cleaned that pretty mess she made.
She didn't notice me at first, but when I crouched down and helped her with what she's doing, she looked at me with surprised expression on her face. Maybe all she could think of now is that I've been watching her for awhile now and that I witnessed something she doesn't want anyone to know, because the blush that's beginning to show on her cheeks are becoming redder and redder and redder.
"Were...were you..." she started.
"Yes." I answered.
"But why?" she asked with a quiet voice.
"But why not?" I asked back. She snorts at this.
I don't really want to say things like "That was awesome!" or "Why did you to that?" to her, since that would be pretty unintelligent. I don't want to come off as someone who's really eager to know something. I want her to tell me slowly, so that I can understand it better and I will remember it forever.
And so all I did was shut up and let her voice engulf the silence.
"It makes me think like it's snow. I like the snow." is all she said. She continues to pick the pieces like I'm doing, but I had to stop for awhile to see if she'll explain further. But she did not, so I asked her, "Is it something Myungsoo never witnessed before? "
I swear it was worse than the things I've mentioned that were unintelligent, but she answers this with a chuckle. "Yes."
My lips cannot be controlled by my own mind, and so I smiled bashfully. "I'm happy."
It was like a secret between us; only the two of us. It's something I really treasure up to this moment. And so on her 11th birthday, I came up to her and gave her the gift I'm sure she'll love. She plans to open everything after the party but I insisted she should open mine right in front of me. I want to witness the looks in her eyes when she opens it. I want to remember every bits of details that happened that day. Staring at the little box lying on top of her hands, she puts her left hand on the top of the box and shakes it near her ear first. It was funny how she's curious about it when she can just rip open the box and smile. Well, anyways, all I want her to do is smile.
I watched closely as she opens the box and, hesitating to take it out at first, she peeks inside the tiny box and finally after a while, she took out my precious gift for her.
It's a snowglobe, and it is beautiful.
She stared at it with awe, and as if memories of yesterday slapped her on the face, her eyes grew rounder and it landed perfectly on mine. She smiled, that beautiful smile of hers, and with a twinkle of her eyes, she shakes it to see it for herself
The little pieces of white glitters slowly landed on the surface of the snowglobe. Inside it is a little tree with a girl standing in the middle, looking at the vast, blue sky with a sweet smile that'll never waver. She holds her hands up, too, just like how Jiyeon did. Her hair is swaying with the wind, too, just like how Jiyeon's did.
"You...made this." She said, not letting her eyes land anywhere but the snowglobe. I can't help but smile really widely, for at that time I knew she was happy because of something I did. It's not everyday that I make her smile, heck I make her cry more often. Yet now, in a special day of hers, she's smiling. She's finally smiling because of me.
And so I vowed, that I will make her happy and witness her heartfelt smile more often.
I was already at Jiyeon's front porch when I heard a noise from inside. "AHH!" It was Jiyeon's voice, and it sounded like she's in pain or something.
Not wasting any second, I opened the door. It wasn't locked. I head straight to the kitchen, where I see smoke fogging the way. Coughing from the smoke, I look for Jiyeon. And there I saw her sitting on the floor with her right hand gripping tightly on her left hand. I saw blood rushing out of it.
"WHAT HAPPENED?!" I panicked.
"AHH!" She screamed. I don't wait any longer for her to answer, so I head straight to the medicine box to get the things I need. I returned to the kitchen and treated her cut.
When she's finally calmer, I asked, "What the heck happened?"
"I'm...I'm trying to cook for you."
"Cook..for me?"
She nodded. "It's your birthday, right?"
I didn't reply a word. My eyes widen at the realization, and with an uncontrollable smile plastered on my face, I looked at her intently.
"Happy Birthday, Uri Seungho-ya!" She said, with her arms flailing around and a big smile like an idiot. This made me chuckle more.
"I ruined our lunch though." She said with a frown.
I stood up and looked at my wrist watch. It's 3:37 already. There's no time for lunch.
"Have you eaten yet?"
She shook her head.
"Anything?"
Again, a no.
"Wait until we arrive at the streets, then. We'll have a street food dinner." And with a grin on her face, she stood up and went into her room.
---
"Snowball-ah!" Jiyeon shouts as she tries to play with Snowball. Snowball runs to catch her, and Jiyeon will run around me to distract Snowball. They both are playful. And I like them both.
Maybe Jiyeon grew tired because she crouched down to pat Snowball's head. "Snowball-ah, I like your name a lot. It fits your milky white fur."
It makes my heart beat. I wish she would remember the snowball I gave her. Although she returned it to me after that incident.
I remember holding unto it when I was waiting for her one day in their house. I remember it rolling out of my grip and slowly bumped into a pair of sneakers.
AISH YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT, SEUNGHO. Why would you let something as important as that be out of your sight?!
Where the heck did I put it?
I was at a lost in my thoughts for a moment, until Jiyeon pushed me forward and I landed flat on my face. "Oops, Sorry! I was just trying to wake you up from your sudden nap, mister." She chuckles.
"It's my birthday. Can't you be more gentle?"
"I will. I will." She said while rolling her eyes.
"What's that for?"
"What is what for?" She asked back with an innocent face.
I can't win an argument with this little girl, I swear. But she made me smile still.
We headed to my favorite pojangmacha, where Jiyeon, Myungsoo and I used to eat a lot at. The owner complimented us and told us 'we are a cute couple'. Ahjummas never lie, never.
I ordered my favorite, which is tteokbokki, while Jiyeon bought odeng. We ate our foods while standing, which is what I like most about pojangmachas. Jiyeon was really fast and finished her share with just a snap. I wasn't even done with half of mine, and now she's staring on my tteokbokki with fixed eyes.
"You want some?" I say as I put a piece near .
"What are you doing?" She said, backing away.
"What are you saying, honey? Isn't it normal for the both of us?" I tease as I jokingly force her to eat the piece. "Open your mouth~" I cooed.
She tries to hide her laughter by groaning but I know she's liking this teasing game. And because we're too busy teasing each other, the piece fell and Snowball catches it with his mouth.
"Nice catch, Snowball!" Jiyeon pumps her fist in the air.
"That was for my Yeobo!" I say as I frown at Jiyeon and pulls off my 'puppy eyes' look.
She only showed disgust, and left bringing Snowball with her.
"My girl never learns." I mumbled to myself and catched up with her.
"Buy me some ice cream!" Jiyeon yells as she faces me and walks backwards. "I'm craving some."
"In a winter night?! I don't want to, you ungrateful brat!"
"Fine, then. No gift for you." And with a 'mehrong', she runs forward.
"What---" I tried to catch up with her, but stopped halfway when I saw her lying on the ground because, you know, she's still the clumsy Jiyeon.
"You really never learn." I chuckled and helped her up.
"It's your fault you don't want to buy me ice cream." Her eyes started to get moist. Wait, is she really crying? Sighing, I continued to walk and left her alone.
"Yah!" She catches up on me. "Still no ice cream? That was a good shot!"
I laughed. "I wouldn't fall for that, Jiyeon."
She pulled a 'puppy eyes' look on me. "Please~" She says while pouting.
I couldn't help but chuckle at her silliness.
"Okay, okay. Just don't complain about being cold or something."
And at that, we headed to the ice cream shop.
---
We bought an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins. We eat it outside (no pets allowed in the store) so it's a challenge for us, really. The cake we bought is vanilla ice cream cake with chocolate chunks, frostings and syrup on top. It was good. Jiyeon eats as much as she likes. I'm not really craving for it, plus the cold wind prevents me from enjoying it.
"Ah, it's cold~" She said with air puffs coming from .
I looked at my wrist watch. It's 7:20 in the evening. The skies grew darker and darker by the minute, so I think it's time to head home now.
"Finish it at home. It's getting late now." I said as I stood up.
We walked home, me holding unto Snowball's strap and Jiyeon holding unto her ice cream. She's like a kid, and I like her that way.
Silence took over the two of us all throughout our walk.
We are now infront of Jiyeon's house and we stopped by the garden on the front yard first.
I held out my hand in front of Jiyeon. "My gift."
"Huh?"
"Have you forgotten? Gift."
As if the switch of her brain , her eyes lit up and fishes her bag for the gift.
"Oh, here it is! Jajyan~" With a smile on my face, and Jiyeon's, I looked at her palm to see nothing but her beautiful, smooth hand.
"I don't have anything for you. I'm sorry."
"Are you freaking kidding me?"
"I really don't have anything for you." She says with disappointed eyes. I see, maybe the lunch itself is her gift for me.
"Psh. How bad. You ruined your gift for me." She only stayed in her position, looking at the ground with sad eyes.
"But I have something to tell you though," she says while looking up at me, "and I hope it's enough to make you happy."
"Go on."
"I accept you to be my boyfriend again."
My heart stopped beating for a moment, and all I cared about is her words. Those careless words she dared use. My eyes focused on her and only her.
"Are you sure about that?"
She scoffs. "What? Are you doubting it now that I've finally answered you?"
"No, I'm just...really really happy."
She stares back into my eyes with emotions I can't fathom. All of a sudden, her words were like an unusual language for me.
Is it bad? I don't have an idea.
'I love you, Jiyeon." I tell her with my hands on her cheeks.
She just stared at me, and smiled with that beautiful smile of hers. I'm kind of sad that she doesn't say it back to me.
But no, I shouldn't. She's mine now. It would be okay.
My face suddenly drew closer into hers, and she fluttered her eyes close. My lips are just a few inches away to feel her soft lips when all of a sudden, a familiar voice broke the silence.
Well, he broke everything. Not surprised at all.
"What are you planning to do now, Seungho?", he breathes, trying to collect all of his emotions to say the words he wants me to hear, "Are you going to harass her just like you did three years ago?"
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Hi~
Please excuse my grammar and typos (I didn't proofread this last night)
And thank you to all of your comments! It makes me happy and motivated. ^^
Have a good day.
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