SUNGJONG 

I am at the living room, drinking my cup of hot milk and reading Paulo Coelho's "The Zahir" when I heard the doorbell rang. I put the book at the table and proceeded to open the door.

I wasn't even shocked the moment I saw who the person was. I'm the one who told him to go back, in the first place.

"Hyung," I breathed. "I'm glad to see you again. Come in." 

He removed his shoes and put them near the doorway, and he followed me as I go to the kitchen and prepare dinner for him.

I took a ramen from the cupboard and placed it on the table. I started boiling some water on the stove and put the soup base first. After a few minutes, I put the noodles in and wait until cooked. Myungsoo wants an egg in his ramen, so I cracked one and mixed it along with the noodles. 

He was silent at the whole process. I wasn't really expecting him to speak, since all he needed now is silence. He needed some time to think of possible ways to bring Jiyeon back into his safe arms. Or maybe he's actually thinking of letting her live with Seungho. It's not that clear, really. All I know is that he looks bothered, tired and hungry all at the same time.

I put the bowl of ramen in front of him. My action broke his train of thoughts, and he's adjusting to the reality before him. He looked at me after a moment.

"Sorry, hyung. Ramen is all I have." 

He smiles, but it isn't the one I witnessed whenever he's telling me about his mom, or when Jiyeon is around. He smiles to let me know he's fine, but I can see deep inside him that he isn't. Sometimes he wants to keep it to himself, but he forgot that I'm his bestfriend, and I can read his expressions well.

He picks up his chopsticks, and started to mix the noodles together with the soup. The ramen is still hot, and so he blew the noodles before eating it. 

1 bite, 2 bites and 3 more bites passed before he spoke to me. 

"Should I let her go? 

I thought of this question hard. He looks at me, with hopeful eyes. 

"You really are an idiot, hyung. Why do you think I called you urgently, hm? " I say as I chuckled at his question. I don't mean to be rude to him by answering his serious question like this, but I can sense the tension rising, and so as what I'm always doing, I tried to joke with him to make his chest feel lighter.

And I think he got my point, and lowered his head. I was worried whether his head would dip at the hot ramen soup, but I think he wouldn't even care.

"Do you think I still deserve her?" His voice is shaky.

"Yes."

"Do you think she still trusts me?" 

"Hm."

"Do you think I can make everything back to how it was?" 

"No." I say. He looked at me, confused.

"Why would you want to relive the past? Don't you think it's enough that you endured everything?"

He didn't budge. I continued.

"Myungsoo, you don't have to bring back the past. It's in the past now. You should learn from it instead, and do things that would prevent the situation from repeating as it was before." 

"You want to bring her back, right? But you don't have to bring her back to where you started." 

He's still silent as he was the moment I witnessed his heartbreak. It was a painful memory, and I had shared that pain with him.

"Is there something that keeps you from going on?" I asked. He put the chopsticks back at it's holder. The ramen must be cold by now, but neither of us cared.

"The memories." He said. "And the relationship with my brother." 

I sighed. I know he still cares for his brother, and I know this will go down to that one last reason.

I stood up and filled a glass with cold water. "I can't blame you for that."

I stretched my arm to the other side of the table, and he took the glass from me. 

"But you know, you shouldn't be too selfless, Myungsoo. Remember, you still deserve something. Someone. Don't let your genuine love for Jiyeon be forgotten and buried into the depths of your heart, all restricted from your reach." 

He took a sip of water, and rests it on the table. He's mind is restless, with all these brother versus true love drama. I think his mind was restless even before he returned. I bet he lacks sleep because everynight he thinks of Jiyeon and his brother. He knew Jiyeon moved to another place, which is far away from here, but that doesn't keep him from worrying about her. He is being anxious about the thought of Seungho chasing her into her new house and hurting her all over again. He thinks of how Seungho can recklessly make a decision about ending his life. He worries about the possibilities of Jiyeon being depressed and ruined from all the things she experienced. He worried about all these things for the past 3 years, and it still haunts him. The only difference is that the tension is higher now, and it slowly drowns him.

"I think you need to rest now, hyung." I say as I stood up and lead him to his room. It is a guest room, and this is where he usually sleeps. He knows every nook of this room well because whenever he feels like giving up from everything, he stays here with me and my mom. He must've missed his mom so much too, and that my mom reminds him of his. For the past 5 years, we've known each other very well. And that lead us to the point of being bestfriends.

I remember how we first met. We were juniors then, and his brother and Jiyeon are a year younger than us. I didn't really noticed him for the first day, but that day when he is staring out the window, I knew that he needs some company.

"It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" I say as I took a seat beside him.

"You think so?" 

I nod, even though I'm not sure whether he saw or not. 

"You think so?" I asked him back.

He doesn't look at me and just stared straight. "No." 

I smiled at his honesty. "I wonder why."

"Don't." He said, finally setting his eyes on mine. And then he took his bag and left the room.

At first I thought he's really weird, And maybe he doesn't really want to talk to me. But other than that, I knew there is something bothering him, and he thinks I can't help him with that. I can't blame him. He doesn't know me in the first place. And maybe I distracted him from his line of thoughts, and maybe that's one reason why he doesn't want to talk to me. But above all this, he still intrigues me. And it doesn't stop me from talking to him if I have time.

That same day it was our lunch break when I saw him walking at the hall. He was holding a sketchpad and staring at it while walking slowly. I thought this was weird, but then I liked his weirdness. 

I walked slowly to the opposite direction, matching his steps , but he still don't notice. I was so close to him, we almost bumped, but then I asked him. "Do you draw?" 

This stopped him from his tracks, and he shook his head. I looked at the sketchpad he's holding. It's skyblue.

"That's a beautiful sketchpad." 

"You think so?" He asked, repeating the same words he used a while ago. I chuckled at this.

I nodded, and this time he knew I did. "You think so?" I asked him back.

He smiled, in a good but vague way, and bowed at me. He straightened his back, and walked past me. 

He left me with a smile painted on my face. 

He sits far away from me, so I can't find a way to confront him again. I know this sounds stupid, but I still want to befriend him. I still don't know his name, but I know bits of details from him. If it weren't for his distant attitude, I bet many girls will admire him. I know he's my hyung, but it doesn't look like it. His looks are fresh, and his eyes are dark and mysterious. He smiles often, but this what makes him adorable, too. His participation in class are of those with places on the 'top', but he stays humble. I know he can even surpass the top student of our section, but he keeps his identity low and unknown. He builds his own little world and stays there. He might let me in, but he'll probably make another wall between the two of us. But still, those didn't stop me from talking to him.

Class ended. A few number of students were left to clean the room, and I'm one of them. After doing my work, I took my things and said goodbye to my friends. I left the room and stopped at my tracks when I saw Myungsoo standing on the hallway, with a girl that looks new to me. His hands were on his back, with a nameplate on his right hand, talking to her quietly. They were the only people on the hallway, so it's fine for him. I saw him handing the nameplate to the girl, and then turns around. The girl looks surprised, but then her eyes tell that she's happy. A small smile curves her lips, but I don't know if this is because of Myungsoo or something he said, because I saw Myungsoo with disappointed expression on his face, while his hands were tightly gripped, holding in the emotions before it explode right before her eyes. 

I hid quickly when I saw him approaching past our room. He might see me and never trust me again, because I think I witnessed something I shouldn't. 

"Hyung," I say to myself, "You sure are one big stubborn kid." 

The next day, I had come to the school earlier than I usually do. Is it because I want to talk to Myungsoo again? Maybe.

I entered our classroom, and saw Myungsoo looking out the windows at the same spot again. He has this restless expression on his face. 

"Not enough sleep, hm?" I say as I sat down beside him, the spot where I sat yesterday. 

Not taking his eyes off the endless skies, he nodded.

"Because of someone?" I asked. He nodded.

"Is it because there's something holding you back?" I think I'm being too nosy now, but I should grab the opportunity before someone enter the classroom and break our silence. 

He nodded yet again, without hesitation.

"I gave way to him. I helped him now." He breathes. "I told her he's the one who saved her, and that he wants me to give the nameplate back to her. I told her he doesn't want her to know that he's the one who saved her, so we should keep it a secret." 

"I sacrificed my happiness to make someone happy in place of me. I just hope I will be happy, too." He sighs.

He's referring to the talk I witnessed yesterday. I smirked. He knew, afterall, that I saw everything before my eyes. But he doesn't stop me, maybe because he wants someone to witnessed his sufferings. He want to endure it with someone, and he let me have the privilege.

"I don't think you are." I replied, not hesitating to state the truth. He chuckles, soft and quiet, because he doesn't want to reveal that it's actually a hurtful smile, a smile he doesn't want to have.

"You think so?" 

I smiled, and nodded as a reply. 

Are those the memories Myungsoo tells me? Because if those are the memories that keeps him from going, then I want to endure the pain with him again, just so I could see him smile. Not the hurtful smile he dislikes, but the smile he does whenever he talks about her mom.

And whenever Jiyeon is around.

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I know you don't expect this to be this early. /raughs