MYUNGSOO 

Breathing in the scents of the empty garden and the cold, soothing breeze, I wait as I gather as many courage as I can to knock at the door this early morning. It has been a while - well, a lot while - when I last visited this place. It is one of the witnesses to all of our happiness, heartbreaks, grief and success. Just by looking at the pieces of memories we've made in here makes my heart melt with mixed emotions. I closed my eyes for a moment, wondering if my mind will bring me back to that exact timeline when we're still together, when we think we can overcome anything just by being with each other, when laughing at our jokes are as loud as our stupid bickerings. I can see Seungho and Jiyeon messing around the front yard. I can see Jieun giving Seungho a hand whenever he will land on his bottom. I can see Hoya trying to calm them but giving up later when he thinks it's not working. I can see Sungjong, grinning from ear to ear, whenever Jiyeon will make face. I can see myself looking at all of them, capturing every movements they made with my eyes, because I know our youthful days will not last forever and by keeping all these in my heart, I can say one day in the future that we had lived our youth the right way.

I relish every moment, every minute, every second, as if it was just yesterday. A stupid thought crossed my mind. If I open my eyes, would they be here with me? My eyes, still closed, started to feel heavy. Before I knew it, I was crying.

I slowly opened my eyes after a few seconds. My dreamy past slowly disappeared from my sight, only to be replaced with a figure standing on the front porch.

Jiyeon.

She was holding two garbage bags on both hands. I rushed to give her a hand. She looked startled at first until she finally spoke up. "What...what are you...Were you crying?" She doesn't know what to say first so I just shook my head and chuckled a little. "No, I'm..not crying." We both walked down the steps and headed to the garbage can. "Stop lying," She said sternly. The hair on my arms stood up from the tone of her voice. It almost sounded like she was accusing me of something. "No...I" I tried not to croak. She's right. Up until now, I still spit out little lies to her, even though it isn't really necessary. Was I that used to lying to her?

She noticed the awkward silence after the last words she spoke. After putting the garbage bags to the can, we slowly walked to the garden. Clearing , she spoke. "Why are you here?" It made me jump a little because I was still in the middle of mentally murdering myself for doing such stupid things. I put my hands in my jeans pockets, trying to look normal. "You still remember our little agreement, right?" 

"What agreement?" Her eyebrows met. "It's Sungjong's birthday today. He's still out of the house so it's a good timing, isn't it?" I chuckled nervously. I am afraid she would say no because I've already took the courage to ask her. Her eyes slowly widened at the realization. "Oh, right. Uh...I'll just get ready. Is that okay with you? You can wait in the living room." She said. I nodded.

I was delighted to see the little things that remained untouched in her living room. It was a bit surprising since the walls still had the stickers and gums she stuck when she was a child are still there. According to her story, they used to live here when she was still very, very little until she turned 5 and they left for Seoul. After her brother's death, they came back to this town and spent most of her adolescence coping up with the lost space in her heart. It was also the time when we became friends.

I turned to the left to see paintings of different artists. Colorful filled the big, framed canvas hanging on the vast walls. There were a number of them giving color to the room, but I payed little attention to them. The only thing that caught my full attention is the big parts of the wall colored with blue, white and yellow. Little stars filled the vast, blue night sky. I remember laughing at the thought of Jiyeon using her mother's lipstick for the little roses at the bottom of the wall. 

A tap on my shoulder broke me from my thoughts. "Do you think this is okay?" 

I tried my best not to drop my jaws. She looks stunning. A simple blue dress embraces her body in a gentle caress up to her knees. Her sleeves goes up to her elbow. She paired it with black shoes that fits just right. For some, she might be just simple and 'nothing special', but it isn't the case for me. My eyes says she's the most beautiful girl in the whole world. 

She blinks, not knowing what to do with the sudden silence. I nodded weakly. She smiles and walked past me, slightly brushing her arm with mine. "Let's go." 

"We'll have a barbeque party. Does that sound good to you?" I asked. Jiyeon nodded lightly. "It's perfect for dinner parties." 

We're at the bus stop waiting for our bus to come. We've decided to look for gifts first before buying the foods and drinks we need later. I'm keeping this safe distance between us. I remember how I've longed for moments like this, how I wish I could be beside her and talk to her, yet now that I'm in that position, it seems like my tongue got stuck at the bottom of my throat that I can't find my voice to speak anymore.

"Where's Seungho?" I asked. "He's at university right now. His classes might last up to late at night. Don't worry. He won't find out." This caught my attention. "Find out? So what if he finds out?" I asked out of confusion. "He might misunderstand." Jiyeon looks down. Misunderstand what? "We're...going out if you still don't know." 

My heart fell to the pit of my stomach. Seungho asked Jiyeon out? He's her boyfriend? Since when? How did it happen? A lot of questions clouded my mind, too much questions that only one of them escaped my lips.

"Then why are you here...with...me?" My words trailed, still taken aback by the sudden confession. She responded, her words slipped out of my mind but I managed to pick some words up. "...you know everything."

Our bus caught both our attentions. The doors slide open and revealed a not-so crowded bus. We occupied the seats at the very back. She sat beside the window and I sat beside her. Before the bus doors close, a young man with a big backpack rushed in, panting. "That was close."

He looked for seats and decided to take one at the very back. I watched as he fixes his hood that's blocking his face. He takes the seat next to me. He keeps on panting as if he ran for an hour. "Man...it's so hot." He takes off his hoodie to reveal a shirt underneath. He hit my shoulder in the process and mumbled a sorry until he looked at me. 

His eyes widened. "Myu...myungsoo?" Squinting his eyes, he pats my cheek. "Man, I thought you're dead." If Hoya isn't my friend, I would've punched his face. He keeps on patting my cheek. "If you don't stop, I'll kill you instead." 

He backed his hand away. "You don't have to be that harsh." I chuckled. "When did you become this touchy? Where's the shy and gentle Hoya I know?" 

He raised his brows. "Was I that shy?" I nodded with a grin. He sighed. "I think being an idol changed me so much, then." I widened my eyes. "You're lying." He chuckled. "You should open your tv once a while, Myunggie." I cringed at how he said my name. "Ever since I moved to Seoul, I never heard a thing about you. Where have you been?" 

 "I was travelling a lot these past few years. Mom's job." He nodded. "How about Jiyeon?" He asked. Jiyeon turned her head to look at the mention of her name. She looked at Hoya and to me, her eyes wide. Hoya waits for Jiyeon to respond with pinched brows. 

"Hoya...well...the thing is..." Jiyeon cut my sentence when she suddenly offered her hand to Hoya. "Is..is it really you, Hoya?" 

She...knows Hoya? "How..." I was about to ask Jiyeon how she remembers Hoya when she spoke up again. "I'm a big fan of yours!"  Hoya, still shocked as ever, glanced at me with slightly opened mouth. "What's...happening? I know I'm hot and all but Jiyeon never did this to me." 

I sighed and whispered to his ear. "She has amnesia." Hoya's mouth is now opened in a big 'O'. 

The bus stopped. "Oh, it's our stop already." I removed Jiyeon's hand gently from Hoya's. "See you later. Sungjong's house. 6 p.m." I waved. He waved back. "Bye oppa!" Jiyeon giggled with high pitched voice. 

"You never told me you know Hoya oppa personally." Jiyeon slightly slapped my arm while we're entering the mall. "If you know him personally, then that means I know him too, right?!" She giggles. I never thought Hoya can make Jiyeon fall for him. I don't know how to respond to Jiyeon's mumblings so I just kept on walking. 

After hours of walking around the mall, we finally felt tired and went to the grocery store. With a basket on one hand, we put lots of meat, vegetables, and sauces. Jiyeon quietly puts in things that I nearly forgot. She keeps on reminding me on how we should prepare it and the arrangements we need for the house. We went to the section of the store where party decorations are displayed. We bought different kinds of colorful decorations to fill the living room. If it isn't for Jiyeon, I would've messed up a lot. 

With three bags on both hands, we braved the cold streets of Busan. "Let me carry one of those." Jiyeon held on one of the bags and landed next to mine. That little physical contact sent shivers down my spine but what made me focus more is how her hand shivers not in as a reaction to the touch but as a reaction to the cold. Her dress is too thin to protect her from the cold weather. I dropped the bags and quickly took off my sweater only to leave my white shirt behind. Jiyeon quietly watches what I'm doing with a crease on her forehead. I gently put the neck hole over her head and poked her head out. She stopped both my wrists and looked up at me. "You'll be cold."

I scoffed lightly. "If you were worried about me being cold, you should've wore something thick today. Idiot." She pouted. "It would be better if you took out the last part." I laughed as I assisted her on wearing my blue striped sweater. "This looks good on you." I grinned with two thumbs up. "It's yours now." I picked up all three bags and walked away without a word. "Wait!!" Jiyeon keeps up with me after a couple of seconds.

"This smells like you." She mumbles. I turned my head immediately to her. "How did you know?" I raised my brow. Her eyes widened. "Well, I've...I --- isn't it obvious? This sweater is yours. Of course...it smelt like you." Her hands were kept inside the long sleeves of the sweater. She lowers her head and plays with the furry sleeves. I laughed. "You know, the person I love likes that scent." I said, grinning from the thought. She looks up, a bit taken aback by my words. "You...you have someone you love?" She asks, with...is it pain vibrating from her voice? 

"Hey..." Jiyeon elbows my arm lightly. I shook my head from staring a bit too far out of my own trance. "Ye...yes?" I asked, recalling what had happened after I drifted to my own thoughts. She just waited for me to speak, and remembering the question she asked, I responded in a whisper. "Yes. I have someone I love." 

"Who is she?" She asks quite hesitantly. "You...you don't know her." I sighed. Yet another lie I made to Jiyeon. "Have you ever lied to her?" She asks, her eyes on her shoes. A lump jumped to my throat that kept me from answering. I searched for words, no honestly, I searched for excuses. I searched for more lies. 

Before I can even spit lies here and there, the heavens poured wonderful gifts for all of us.

The first snowfall.

I tilted my head upwards, glancing a little at Jiyeon who's also looking at the fascinating view from above. The sun is almost out of the horizon, a bit of its rays still touching the surface of the Earth. This made the scene look more bittersweet. It's like welcoming a newcomer like the snow and saying goodbyes to the one that has been there for too long, the sun. We watched a bit more while standing at the middle of the sidewalk. A few people admired the snow too. Some of them are old couples holding their hands with their gray locks touching each other as they leaned their head from one another. Some are young couples swaying their intertwined fingers while the free hand catches some of the white flakes. Some of them are middle aged employees who are too busy to catch a glimpse of the wonderful sight. They kept on walking in a fast pace, thinking times like these would happen again in their lives. What if it wouldn't? What if this would be the last one? I asked myself that same question.

What if this would be the last snowfall for Jiyeon and me?

We reached the front gate of Sungjong's house after a while. Checking the time in my phone, I searched for the keys in my left pocket. We still have time to prepare.

A firgure is sitting at the garage. "Hey." Hoya greeted as he jumped off the railings. "What took you guys too long?" He asks.

"You were waiting that long?" I asked, raising a brow. "Nah, I just thought saying that would make me look cool. Right?" He turns to Jiyeon who has gone silent after our small talk. She smiles weakly, nodding a little. Hoya looks confused. I bet I look the same, too. Just this morning, Jiyeon looks all happy and giddy because her 'idol' is right before her eyes, but now that Hoya's the one speaking to her, she looks uninterested at all. "Why don't we get ready for the party?" I asked as I opened the front door with the keys in my hand.

While settling the marinated meat in a big bowl, I heard Hoya and Jiyeon conversing in the living room with Jiyeon's still quiet voice. I was about to head to the bathroom when I heard Hoya speak again. 

"Why aren't you excited anymore?" Hoya muses while hanging up the big 'happy birthday' sign on the wall. I watched as he effortlessly sticks it with tape and reaches for the other decorations. "Back then at the bus you used to call me oppa, too." He sighs.

Jiyeon glances at Hoya and stares at the tape she's holding right away. It's as if she's trying her best not to make eye contact with him. "I'm just...tired. Hoya o-oppa." She mumbles the rest. 

With the intention of lightening up the mood, Hoya continued. "Anyway, how's your date with Myungsoo? Had fun?" Hoya jumped off the stool he was standing on and helped Jiyeon with the decorations that needed to be taped. Jiyeon shook her head lightly. "It's not a date. I just helped him with all these." Hoya nods hesitantly. He knew right away there's something suspicious about Jiyeon's actions. "I'm already going out with Seungho."

Hoya's forehead creased from the information he gathered from Jiyeon. He isn't really sure what he needs to believe -  informations are being thrown to him from here and there. Back then when we were still juniors, Hoya knew how I like and cared for Jiyeon and how she likes me in return. There is no way it would eventually turn out like this. Jiyeon's going out with Seungho? Hoya did anything but believe that crap. But he knew Jiyeon was serious when she said that, and that's what keeps Hoya on dismissing the thought. 

The fact that he left even before he graduated can be one factor of these mysterious happenings for him. Maybe because he lived in Seoul for many years now that he didn't have any idea how to analyze his friend's thoughts anymore. He isn't the Hoya that can read your mind right away. 

Silence filled the living room for a little longer than I thought it would be. 

Hoya cleared his throat. He picked up the remaining things that needed to be taped up the wall and once again stood on the sturdy stool. "Myungsoo knows all about this?" 

Jiyeon nods, although Hoya never catched that little gesture. "Why...does he need to know?" Jiyeon asked in a voice laced with poison. "Is he a 'somebody' in my life?" 

My heart clenched with pain and intense cries. Her words echoed inside my head like a gunshot. I tried my best not to lose my cool and reveal that I've been listening this whole time. I forgot about going to the bathroom and just rested my head on the table top. Why are her words affecting me like this? Am I that guilty about all those lies I've said? Or am I that afraid of rejection? Especially from her?

I reached for a glass of water, thinking it can wash away all the guilt, all the pressure and all the disappointments in my life. I gulped one, two, three mouthful of water until a laugh stopped me from drinking a fourth.

"But I think he's nice...after all..." Jiyeon cut off her own sentence upon hearing loud voices from the front gates.

Hoya hurried to me after turning off the lights in the living room. He gave me a party hat. "Put this on and bring that cake to the living room. They're here." He put a firmhand around my wrist as I balanced myself, worrying about the cake on my other hand.

The voices became louder and louder, until Sungjong opened the front door using his own keys. "I guess Myungsoo's still not home?" He said to no one in particular. He reached for the lights and after adjusting to the light, we sang a happy birthday song and lit the candles to life.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Jiyeon, Hoya and I greeted the birthday boy in a delighted voice. I noticed just now that he brought Sungyeol with him, along with other unknown faces.

Sungjong looked a bit surprised but happiness can be seen through his eyes. "You guys...you don't have to do this..." He ran to our direction and hugged all three of us with tears flowing freely from his eyes. "Shh, you're still a crybaby." Hoya teased, earning a slap on the back.

"So...it's your birthday?" Sungyeol asked with rounded eyes and a big grin on his face. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Man, you should've told us." He rushed to our direction as well, standing beside me. As if it's his first time seeing me again, he jumped in sudden realization. "OH! NEW KID! Myungsoo...why are you..." Sungyeol trailed off, until Sungjong answered for me. "He's my bestfriend." I nod as affirmation.

"Dude...what about us?" Another guy spoke up. His eyes were little and her front teeth are bunny-like. He's too cute for a guy. "Oh, I nearly forgot." Sungjong walked to them, and stood beside the hamster one. 

"This is Sunggyu, and then Woohyun, then Dongwoo, Chunji, Byunghun or L.Joe as he likes it, and Niel. We're supposed to have a study group here but a party sounds good, right?" He turns to his guests and they slowly nodded in agreement.

After eating barbequed meat and the cake we bought for Sungjong, we all agreed to play spin-the-bottle just for fun. We already formed a big circle in the living room with a bottle in the middle of the circle. "Okay, I'll spin." Sungjong held the bottle but was interrupted with the knock from the front door. "Did I leave the gates open?" He mumbled to himself as he walked to the door to open it. Sungjong let out a slight gasp and it immediately turned into a frown. 

The reactions from his face can tell who attended the party without proper invitation.

"Hello. Happy birthday, Sungjonggie~" A bubbly girl's voice echoed through the garage. From the voice itself, I can tell who's behind the doors, as well as who comes with her.

Sungjong didn't let a word out of his mouth and kept them shut. He hesitated for a bit, but opened the door slowly to welcome two new guests.

"Sorry. Are we a little too late?" Seungho's voice crept up my spine as he looked around the room searching for a face we had waited to see for 3 whole years. "Oh! Jiyeon, you're here?" He said with a surprised voice, obviously a fake one. He walked to the circle and sat beside Hoya and Jiyeon. "Long time no see." 

Jieun, on the other hand, rushed to sit beside me, slightly pushing Jiyeon away. Seungho held Jiyeon's shoulder from the sudden action. "Oppa, long time no see. I missed you." She threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tight. 

Seungho kept his eyes on mine, while I kept mine on his. We had a little staring game until Sungjong closed the door and sat beside Chunji and Sunggyu. "Should we continue this?" Sungjong asked to no one in particular. Seungho scoffed. "Isn't it a bit rude for you to stop just because we barged in?" 

"Exactly." Sungjong remarked. "It's because you barged in." 

Seungho looked straight to Sungjong's eyes and reached for the bottle. He put his hand on top of Sungjong's and spin it himself. All eyes looked at the both of them while the bottle keeps on spinning. Jieun's hand rested on top of my right thigh. "Oppa, it's pointed at you." 

I looked at the bottle and true enough, the bottle's rim is facing me. Seungho glanced at me and cleared his throat. "Truth or dare?" I continued to stare at Seungho's competitive looks. "Dare." 

"The weak ones pick the weak choices." Seungho mumbled. "Kiss the girl next to you." 

I glanced at Jieun who turned red from the dare. He continued to fire intense glances at me, and feeling my blood boil up from the childish acts, I kissed Jieun on her left cheek, my eyes not leaving his. He shook his head with a smirk. "On the lips." 

My knuckles turned white as I kept myself from making a scene in front of everyone else. Sungjong saved me, however, by spinning the bottle once again. "He already did it Seungho. Don't be childish." Sungjong sighed.

The bottle pointed at L.Joe. "It's you bro." Chunji pointed out, trying to break the cold atmosphere in the living room. 

"Truth or dare." Sungjong asked. "Truth." 

"Is there anything you want to say to Niel?" L.Joe turned to look at Niel, who's just right beside him. He took his hands and looked at him with pity in his eyes. "Ahn Daniel, I used your toothbrush to clean my shoes one sunny day and I never got the chance to tell you. I'm sincerely sorry for that." Niel's eyes widened and he took his hands off L.Joe's grasp. "You little bastard you.." Niel tackled L.Joe to the ground. L.Joe, who's now laughing hard at his own confession, blocked Niel's attacks as hard as he can.

Everyone broke into laughter, except for the two of us. Both of us steals glances of each other, not really wanting to let our guards off. L.Joe spun the bottle and it landed in front of Jieun. 

"Omo, it's me." She turned to look at me with a surprised expression. "I chose Truth!" 

L.Joe thinks of a nice question to ask and snapping his fingers, he asked. "Is there someone in this room you like?" Jieun glances at me, making it a tad bit obvious, smiled, and nodded. 

"OH! Is it me?!" Woohyun rose from his seat and pointed a finger at himself. Jieun scoffed. "The answer is obviously no." 

Woohyun slowly sat back while Jieun spins the bottle. All our eyes land on the rim of the bottle, curiousity taking over our minds the moment it landed on Jiyeon. She's still quiet even after eating. Everyone's wondering what was wrong. Jieun grinned.

"Truth or dare?" Jiyeon looked at her. "Truth." She said in a whisper. 

"Same question." Jiyeon glanced up again, looked at Jieun to assure herself she heard right and looked back at her curled fist. She nodded.

"Kiss him~" She happily cooed. Jiyeon looked surprised from the sudden dare. I took the bottle and spun it. "No cheating, Jieun." I told her.

The bottle landed in front of Seungho. I smirked mentally. It's my turn.

"Truth or dare." 

"Dare because I'm a brave man." He laughed to himself, obviously mocking me. I kept my head up. "Fine. I dare you to confess one thing you regretted so much." He smirked. "Isn't that cheating, hyung?" I never heard that word come out of his mouth for too long. I must be hearing things wrong. 

"I think it's acceptable, Seungho." Hoya finally spoke up. Seungho looked at him for a while and turned back to me, his smirk growing like a wildfire. "Fine. I regretted trusting someone that hates me from behind. I should've not trusted him. He's a big, big, traitor. A fake, weak man." His words teared my heart a thousand times than it does when Jiyeon spat the words a while ago. Guilt washed over my entire body, making me shiver a bit.

"Oppa, are you okay? You're shaking..." Jieun held my arms. I nodded. Seungho grinned.

Seungho held the bottle and instead of spinning it, he pointed it straight to where I am seated. The guests looked at each other, sensing there's something wrong. 

I opened my mouth. "Truth." 

"Ooh~ Finally you have the guts to reveal your secrets, eh?" He chuckles slightly, letting his nerves relax a little.

"Answer this with honest words, hyung. When is the last time you spoke of the truth? Aren't you tired of lies?" Seungho smirked. 

That's it.

I grabbed his collar with my right hand. His feet nearly swept off the floor. He looked down at me, challenging me to hit him. "Go ahead. Hit me. If you can." He chuckled. I raised my fist, startling everyone. Sungjong hurriedly held my arm and Hoya kept Seungho away from me. My hand isn't going to let Seungho's collar go. Sungjong tried his best to keep my hand away, and he succeeded. But immediately after letting my hand slip from his, he raised his leg and kicked me on my stomach. I curled in pain, still in Sungjong's arms, and raised my own leg to kick him back when Sungjong dragged me just in time. 

"Stop it, Myungsoo!" He screamed out of frustration. I stopped struggling, as well as Seungho. He circled his hand on Jiyeon's slim wrist and mumbled, "We have to go. It was a nice party, Sungjong." He remarked. 

The guests didn't know what to do. Sungjong turned to them and mouthed a 'go'. They slowly disappered from the living room. Jieun walked her way out of the house too, a bit shocked with whatever happened.

"Myungsoo, you really need to sleep."