-PAST-

Much to Seungho's surprise, the one he's praying for every night before going to a deep slumber has been answered. His surprised eyes widened as a girl with precious, sweet smile reached her hands out to Seungho with a gift gently lying on her hands. Seungho looks around, wondering if he's really the one she's reaching out to. 

"Happy Birthday, Seungho!" With delightful hints in Jiyeon's lively voice, she greeted the birthday boy. "Thought I'd give a visit to thank you for--" Jiyeon stopped, not wanting to break that little promise she made with Myungsoo. They both had agreed to not speak of Seungho's 'heroic deed' because Myungsoo said Seungho doesn't want her to know. Myungsoo sensed how Jiyeon was about to spill their secret to Seungho and was reminded how his lies hurts every time he used it to Jiyeon, just so he could hide his true feelings. 

Jiyeon handed her little gift to Seungho. The boy held for it for a while before keeping it in his pocket, firmly decided to open it when he's all alone in his room just so he could hide how blissful he was. "Th-thank you." He stuttered. Any minute now, his chest might explode because of his fast-paced heartbeat. 

Myungsoo, on the other hand, secretly enjoys Jiyeon's company. He admits this is what he wanted, too. It's not just for his brother but also for his selfish desires. 

He watches from afar how Jiyeon interacts with everyone else in the little celebration. Her childish giggles filled the cold, winter breeze. But deep within Jiyeon's happy facade, he can see through those smiles how she betrays her true feelings by letting them dwell inside of her. He noticed more of her sufferings the moment she turned to him. With just a number of them, it's hard not to notice him idly standing by the front door. The moment her eyes landed on his, Myungsoo's heart began to pound against his chest. It's as if her eyes are as transparent as the glass he's holding that might as well crash with his feelings for her because those eyes held intense emotions that he had to control his composure. She immediately looked away, trying to hide everything from him, though he witnessed all of those before she finally hid all those to her safe chamber. She pretended as if she hadn't noticed Myungsoo's now worried face and continued to talk to her circle of friends with a practiced smile. All Myungsoo could do at that moment is stay quiet because he thought that's what the young girl needs; silence.

After a while of chattering and eating, Seungho disappeared from the crowd. With a gentle tap on the shoulder, Myungsoo asked Seungho's mom about his whereabouts. "He's upstairs. He has a fever all of a sudden." Worry took over Myungsoo, and upon noticing it, Mrs. Yoo explained further. "Don't worry, he already took his medicine. The fever's not that bad. Maybe he's just tired." Mrs. Yoo smiled reassuringly and tended to her visitors once again.

Myungsoo was about to go upstairs when 4 students blocked his path. Sungjong spoke up. "We have to go now, hyung. Seems like Seungho isn't in good condition." He noticed a tad bit of worry on Sungjong's tone, and so he told them it's not that bad.

"Tell him to get well soon, okay?" Jieun, Jiyeon's friend, showed her concern for Seungho. Myungsoo appreciated her words, and nodded with a genuine smile. "I will."

Hoya, one of Sungjong's close friends, just smiled which Myungsoo understands. He doesn't need to voice it out, he thought that little action gave a deeper impression on him. 

He offered them a walk home and they happily agreed. Sungjong kept on talking about his favorite drama nonstop, which makes Hoya irritated and the others just burst out laughing. Jieun, on the other hand, shares her numerous nickname for herself, including IU which means 'I and You'. 

"Gross. So cheesy." Sungjong made a face which earned him a kick on the shin. "Look who's talking. You're feminine face looks like poop." Jieun stuck out her tongue and sprinted off. Like little kids, they chased and teased each other until we reached Jieun's home. Since hers is just a walk away from Sungjong, he also left the group. 

Myungsoo kept on taking unnoticed glances on Jiyeon, making sure she's safe and not in any form of 'danger', and what he meant of danger is that one time a vehicle ran into a puddle and it sprinkled some of the water to Jiyeon's legs. He was about to ran to her but he stopped himself because of the sudden laughter that came from the beautiful girl's mouth. 

He knew those were fake. She can't fake it at all in Myungsoo's eyes.

Hoya's house was already in sight. "I can manage from here." He stopped Myungsoo and Jiyeon from walking any further. He turned around and like a tease, the rain suddenly poured from the unnoticed loaded clouds and drenched them lightly. They sprinted to Hoya's home.

The moment they reached the door, Hoya's mother greeted them. They sat on the couch upon  her request.  She offered them drinks but they refused. After a minute or two, Hoya came from the front door. 

"You can stay here until the rain stops." Myungsoo looked at the time on his phone and he shook his head politely. "Thank you for your kind thoughts, Mrs. Lee, but I think it will really get late if we wait for it to stop." The rain isn't that heavy, so Myungsoo thought it wouldn't really bother them to walk home. Myungsoo wants Jiyeon to be home safe while it's still quite early.

"I'll go get some umbrellas for you." Hoya offered. "Myungsoo, come with me."

Myungsoo was kind of skeptical to go with Hoya, but since Hoya looks at him eagerly, he was curious as to what Hoya was thinking.

He got up and followed the other boy to the second floor. They entered Hoya's room, which is neat and clean for a high school student like him. He rummages through his drawers and under his bed. He found one and handed it to Myungsoo with an intriguing smile.  

"Take care of Jiyeon, okay?" Myungsoo nodded hesitantly. "Wait-- who am I kidding? I know you will. Those sneaky glances told me you will." Hoya winked, thinking he knows something about Myungsoo's caged feelings. Myungsoo gulped, knowing that he let himself to be this transparent to someone he barely knows. "Don't worry. I don't gossip." He patted Myungsoo's shoulder which is shaking from the realization.

They awkwardly left Hoya's house with Myungsoo's heart beating out of its ribcage. He had to keep himself from shaking the umbrella he's holding with his right hand. He took a glance of Jiyeon yet again, and his heart sunk the moment he saw tears rolling down Jiyeon's cheeks. Jiyeon knew Myungsoo looked at her and she quickly dabbed her damped cheeks with her sleeves. After a few hesitations, Myungsoo spoke up.

"Is...is there something wrong?" He thought Jiyeon was forced to join them in celebrating Seungho's birthday, so he apologized right away. "I'm sorry if I...forced you to-"

"No, it's not that. It's not about that." She said in a weak whisper. Myungsoo listened intently, not wanting her words to miss his ears. "I'm just...kind of...sad..." She kept herself from crying. She knew better than to make herself look weak in front of anybody. Not wanting Myungsoo to worry, she took a deep breath and exhaled with a weak smile. 

"Why?" Myungsoo's curiosity got the better of him. He knew asking things this sensitive isn't the best thing to do in these types of situations, but he knew Jiyeon wanted to talk about it. She wants to let it out of her chest.

"It's my..." she trailed off, taking her time to regain her strength to speak, "it's my brother's death anniversary." 

The boy's chest tightened. He didn't know what to do. He felt guilty, in all honesty. He felt guilty because she has to put up with a scripted smile just so she wouldn't let others down in the party. He thought he should've approached her and saved her from her miseries, but he didn't. He didn't.

The rain became heavier and the droplets of rain became bigger that it's hard for him to hold the umbrella on top of their heads to keep them from getting wet. He took her wrist and sprinted to the nearest shelter they can find. They passed by the local convenience store and by the time they were at the front, Myungsoo let go of Jiyeon's slim wrist and went straight inside the store. She didn't know what to do, so she just stand idly at the front. She waited for him to pay at the cashier and walk out of the store. Holding the little bag of what he purchased, he crouched down and let the things rest on his lap. 

"What are..those?" Jiyeon curiously peeked and saw that he bought a candle and a matchbox. He led Jiyeon to the side of the store where they can light the candle. After lighting the candle to life, he stood up, grabbed Jiyeon's hand and closed his eyes. Jiyeon just stared at him, not knowing what she is intended to do. He slightly tightened his grip, saying "Let's pray for him."

Tears were beginning to form in her eyelids, letting the drops of them fall when she closed her eyes and prayed with him. It was long, the candle is about half of its size when Myungsoo finished his. He glanced at her and let her tears flow and her prayers be heard from above. His mind didn't even notice how awkward and nervous it should be to hold her hand this tight, because all he was thinking at that moment was how her vulnerable state at that time made him believe how strong and real she is. 

After half an hour, the rain finally stopped. He checked the time and it's already quarter to seven in the evening. The rain didn't help them either, since it made the skies darker than usual. Myungsoo used his phone to light their way.

"Thank you." Jiyeon spoke up after long moments of silence. He was taken aback by the sudden voice, but he kept a smile on his face. "Don't mention it."

"You know, if...if my brother is still alive, you two would be bestfriends. I know." She said. 

"I bet he's really considerate, then." He mused. She nodded.

"I also bet my brother's happy that you're able to be present on his special day." With a bashful smile plastered on his face, he felt a tingling emotion in his heart. He genuinely felt happy to be able to make his brother happy.

"Maybe that's what my brother wanted me to do today. He wanted me to make other people happy." Myungsoo nodded at her remark. He nodded because he, himself, was happy to spend almost half the day with her. He was also relieved that he saved almost half of Jiyeon's day, as well. 

"I bet he's really happy now. He's smiling." He smiled. "My brother's also smiling. I know. Even with that fever." He laughed at the thought. 

"He's that happy, huh?" 

Myungsoo nodded in response. "Although he wants to be by himself most of the time, I know he wants to be around people who appreciates him. He wants to make friends, but he's too afraid to do so." 

"Afraid? Of what?" Her brows pinched together in curiosity, which Myungsoo found beautiful.

"Afraid of people leaving him." He answered. "That's why I always do my best to be there for him. I'll do anything to make him feel loved." 

"You're a good brother. No wonder he loves you so much in return." Jiyeon chuckled. "You know, talking about our brothers makes me miss mine so much. We should talk about ourselves for a change." 

He smiled. She was slowly regaining her happiness and he's the first one to acknowledge it. But the thought of sharing bits of pieces of himself to Jiyeon makes him want to run back to his room and hide under his blanket. What's the point? He's not intending on making himself draw nearer to her. He gives way to his brother, and he didn't want to block their path.

"I'm not interesting. Let's just talk about bamboos. I know they're more depth than me."

She laughs like it was the funniest thing she heard. "Oh come on. Don't be shy. I will share something about myself, too."

This made him think. He surely wants to know more about her, about his dream girl. He took the risk, thinking it wouldn't really affect his plans for his brother.

"I like taking pictures of anything beautiful." He says, playing safe.

"Cool." She smiled. "I like drawing anything beautiful." 

I know, Jiyeon, I know.

Jiyeon looked at him when it took a while for him to speak, nudging him to continue.

"I...uh...I like plaid shirts. A lot. And I like the color black." He chuckled lightly.

With her finger on her chin, she thinks hard. "Me, I like color blue. Like the sky." She tilted her head up to admire the color she likes, only to be faced by a dark, dark color. She lowered her head, mentally scolding herself for being dumb enough to not notice. This little gesture made Myungsoo smile from ear to ear.

"I have someone I like. I met her somewhere I don't expect myself to be. I believe in love at first sight." With the sudden realization that he just shared something as personal as that, his hands and forehead started to sweat and his heart began beating as fast as it could. 

"Really? Who?" The words Myungsoo never wanted to hear from Jiyeon slip out of her tongue. He gulped.

"You...you don't know her." He quickened his pace like he's keeping up with the beating of his heart. Jiyeon didn't bother to keep up at first, but with a finger pointed at Myungsoo, he saw her teasing face from the corner of his eyes.

"You're blushing!" She pointed out. "Kim Myungsoo is blushing!" She teased until Myungsoo ran as fast as he can. She kept up to him while teasing him more. "Don't hide it. I know you're blushing!" 

"No, I'm not." He said as he smiled because no matter how nervous he was, he liked it how she's comfortable with him. He noticed Jiyeon stopped from chasing him, and with a loud, giggly voice, she shouted.

"I have someone I like too!!"

Myungsoo stopped from his tracks. His heart was jumping out of his chest because of excitement. He wanted to know who she likes, no scratch that, he wanted to hear his name.

"Really? Who?" With a quiet voice, yet something Jiyeon can hear from the distance, she managed to echo her words.

"SECRET!" She ran past him, and seeing he's still glued to his spot, Jiyeon turned around and stuck her tongue out.

All he can do is smile. He tilted his head upwards, seeing the stars laugh with them. The moon's quiet and calm, emanating enough light for him to see Jiyeon's beauty even in the dark. She turned around again, with her hair bouncing with every step she took. She's really, really, beautiful that her lips automatically curved up into a smile.

That was the best night for Myungsoo. He wanted it to last forever.

December 7, 2009

This day, I was really happy to share a part of my life with these wonderful people around me, especially that someone that made me smile. It almost felt like it was my birthday. Strange, right? I wonder if Seungho felt as happy as I am. 

Myungsoo stopped writing. He felt a sick, heavy feeling in his chest. What if his brother isn't happy? He wants his brother to feel happier than him. He wants him to feel more positive about life. He drew a line over those few first lines on his journal and continued with a different feeling this time.

What am I doing? I let the happiness I felt right now forget everything about my brother. He should be the one experiencing those precious times with her. He should be the one chasing after her because she teases like a little child. He should be the one getting to know her better. He should've known that her favorite color is sky blue. He should be the one standing beside her. He should be the one braving the rain with her.

I shouldn't be there. But I

Throwing the pen aside, he didn't dare finish that entry in his notes. He's in the verge of crying now, because the happiness he felt was washed away by the guilt and pressure that took over his mind right now. A knock on his door broke his train of thoughts and he answered with a weak, 'come in'.

Seungho tumbles in with a fever-relieving strip stuck on his forehead. Myungsoo quickly sat up from his swivel chair and assisted his brother. He let him sit comfortably on his bed.

"You should've just called for me." He sighed, kind of frustrated.

Seungho chuckled lightly, letting a part of his energy waste by teasing his brother. "I want to see if you're doing weird things."

Myungsoo didn't laugh. He was half frustrated, half worried. Seungho noticed this and assured him with a weary smile. "It's okay, hyung, I'm okay."

"Idiot." He teased back. "You ruined your own party."

A 'tsk' slipped out of Seungho's tongue. "It . Maybe because I'm not used to people caring for me, I was overwhelmed by everything." Myungsoo managed to smirk. 

"We should do it everyday, then." Seungho laughed, thinking how absurd the idea was.

He reached for the pocket of his pajama. A small box rested on top of Seungho's left palm. He admires it for a bit long, until he opens the gift for the first time and see what's inside. He wanted to open his gift in Myungsoo's room. He wanted to share his bliss with his brother, because he knows for sure his brother is happy for his own happiness. 

There, in that little black box lies a beautiful bracelet with a silver star pendant. The moon seeping through Myungsoo's window makes the little gift shine more than it does. Myungsoo felt something inside him, something he calls happiness in disguise, but he knows himself that it's jealousy taking over his heart. He felt as if his heart was torn into pieces. He looked away, thinking how stupid it was to do feel bad about his brother's joy. 

"It's so beautiful." Seungho remarked, still amazed by how the gift reflected the one that gave it to him. "Hyung, help me get this on." He asked his brother who's secretly sulking. He's fighting himself from acting selfish especially to Seungho. 

He went to sit beside his brother on his own bed and reached for the delicate bracelet with care, not saying a word. He admired it for a bit, and decided it's better not to hold on the knife any harder. He proceeded to put it around his brother's left wrist. Seungho moves his wrist slightly after Myungsoo clasped it to a close. It was a bit loose.

He chuckled. "This might fit yours better, hyung." 

Myungsoo managed to smirk, a smirk not too sharp and not too careless.

"Why don't you try it on yourself, hyung?" He smiled with genuine intentions. Myungsoo shook his head, not wanting to hurt himself further more. "That's yours. It fits you best." 

"Really?" Happiness showered Seungho's body after hearing this from his brother. He hugged his brother tightly. "I'm really, really happy, hyung. Even with this thing on my forehead." He laughed, making Myungsoo's chest vibrate from the touch. Myungsoo smiled genuinely. 

The moon and the stars outside Myungsoo's window shined even brighter. It lulled the younger one to sleep. Before he can even sleep on his brother's arms, he pulled away from the hug and proceeded to his own bedroom to rest.

"Goodnight, hyung. Sleep tight." He smiled before shutting the door close.

"Goodnight." Myungsoo said in a voice as quiet as a whisper. 

It's his brother's happiness he truly desires, after all.

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