Chapter 7
The Best Friend
"I can't do this anymore."
"Yes you can, Ssul."
"No! I'm gonna die!"
I roll my eyes at Sulli's over the top remarks. "No you won't. I can do it, everyone else in the class can, and so can you."
"But you're a genius while I'm an idiot! Why does math even exist!" Sulli groans in frustration while banging her head repeatedly on her math workbook, splayed on the table. The math mid-test is already around the corner and Sulli, being not the brightest at the subject, had asked me to tutor her. However, after an hour or so, she started to refuse doing more problems as she said that, quote, "my head is burning with all this hell-sent questions", which, in my opinion, is pretty much of an exaggeration. Sulli isn't that dumb; she is just lacking in the seriousness department. She doesn't want to listen to the fact that I can't magically summons the answers too--that is all the result of my many late night studying.
"Ssul, you're overdoing it. Besides, we both know that you're not stupid."
"No! I am! I'm done with this, ugh!" Sulli blows her bang with frustration and slams the book closed.
I sigh and massage the bridge of my nose in equal exasperation. "Let's just take a break for a while, Ssul."
Sulli's eyes immediately lit up in the prospect of fresh lemonades and cookies and she hurriedly stands up. "Yeah! I'll get something for us first! I'll be back in a while!"
Without thinking twice, Sulli bounces out through the wooden door, leaving me alone in her room. I shake my head in disbelief. Sulli can be so childish when she wants to; I think in that way, she is similar with Sehun. The thought of Sehun gets my stomach churning uncomfortably, so I stand up and look around to ease it.
Sulli’s room hasn't changed much since I first came a couple years ago. It isn't nearly half as big as my own room, but I've been in it for so many times that I've started to see it as my second room. The room has a rather edgy feeling, with bright neon green color painted in one side of the walls while leaving the others in their original whiteness. Various colorful decals are plastered on the wall, leaving little space for the wall calendar and clock.
Beside the single bed, stands a study desk in which many photo frames are placed, capturing the growth of Sulli from time to time. I'm inside of most of the pictures, telling everyone who sees them that I've been around her for so long. My finger slowly traced one of the wooden frames, in which a middle schooler Sulli and I were grinning brightly to the camera while sporting similar track suit. A poignant smile creeps on my lips as I the memory of our second year summer camp flashes on my mind.
"I like you, Sulli-ssi. Will you be my girlfriend?"
My heart stopped as I heard the confession unraveling in front of me. I couldn’t see the guy who had just said it, but I could recognize that voice anywhere. The low, baritone voice belonged to Park Chanyeol, our classmate in middle-school as well as a son of my mother’s close friend and my first love. I gulped in unease while watching Sulli’s troubled expression as I was standing a couple meters behind him, hidden behind a couple trees.
I bit my lower lip anxiously. Of course, I should have seen this coming. I knew the two of them were close, since Sulli was a member of the cheerleading squad while Chanyeol was part of the basketball team that she often cheered on, but I’ve never suspected anything more than a simple friendship between them. Which I realized as a stupid assumption of mine, because there was no way Chanyeol would want to only be friends with an awesome girl like Sulli.
“I-I….”
Sulli stuttered a bit before she shook her head as if trying to clear her head.
“I’m sorry. I can’t, Chanyeol,” Sulli meekly answered—which was totally out of character for her—before smiling apologetically at him. To say I was surprised would be an understatement, and so was Chanyeol. Why would Sulli reject someone like him—tall, handsome, athletic, and charming?
“But why? We have been close for quite some time so I thought maybe you…”
“No,” Sulli cut him off with worry dripping in her tone, horror painted in her widened eyes,” I… I don’t feel that way to you, Chanyeol. I’m so sorry.”
Chanyeol was silenced for a while before he spoke again, “Don’t tell me that I’ve been getting it wrong all this time, Ssul. I can feel how you’re feeling toward me.” Exasperation was clear in his voice. However, she gave him a pleading look and I could see his shoulder slumped down in defeat.
“Can’t you at least give me a chance to…”
“No, I’m sorry.”
Sulli’s tone was full of finality and Chanyeol could only sigh in frustration while running his fingers through his short, black hair. Sulli’s answer for his confession was already fixed; there was nothing he could do to alter it. When Chanyeol turned back to leave, Sulli called out to him.
“We’ll still be friends, right?”
Desperation was palpable in the way Sulli begged him, and that was when I realized that she didn’t reject him because she wanted to. There was another reason and I had a terrible gut feeling about what it was. After all, Sulli knew about my crush on Chanyeol.
Chanyeol scoffed in response. He waved at her dismissively, but his trembling voice was giving her the promise she was looking forward to. “I’ll try.”
When I confronted Sulli later that day, she denied it first, before finally crying uncontrollably on my shoulder. I asked her why she rejected him when she was obviously interested in him as well. Her answer between the sobs has been implanted in my mind since then. I can still remember it vividly as if she said it yesterday and not years ago.
“Why? Because I know you like him too, stupid. And if I were to choose between you and him, it would always be you, Junghye. You are my most important friend; you are always around when I need you; so I don’t want to lose you.”
Surge of sadness overwhelmed me as the memory is played back in my mind. I blink a couple times in an attempt to hold the sudden rush of tears into my eyes and bit my lower lip. That day, I felt both grateful and bad for Sulli. I was happy that she was willing to give up so that I wouldn’t be hurt, but I was also engulfed in guilt because Sulli and Chanyeol would have had their happy ending if it wasn’t because of me. Since that day, I tried my best to hide my crushes from Sulli. Because as much as I appreciate her altruistic gesture, I don’t want her to hold back her chances in relationships for me.
“Junghye!”
I’m jolted out of my thought when I hear Sulli’s cheerful call. I turn around and look back at her, who is bringing two glasses of lemonades and a couple jars of cookies. She puts them down on the table and tiptoes to see what was taking my attention.
“What are you looking at?” Sulli asks curiously while peering through my shoulder. “Ah! That photo! Good old time,” she exclaims while grabbing the photo frame and studying it. I nod soundlessly and open the jar containing Danish cookies while comfortably sitting on her bed; without the need to ask for her permission anymore because I’ve done it too many times before.
“Best friends before boys, eh?” Sulli winks at me while placing the photo back on the table. I chuckle, letting a few crumbs fall from my lips. I quickly wipe them clean out of reflex, because my mother would definitely scold me if she saw me. “Relax, no one sees you being messy,” Sulli tells me while handing me lemonade, which I gladly accept.
“Really, you should stop being a little perfect lady for once in a while,” Sulli shakes her head in feigned frustration, “so that my mother can realize that not every girl can be as proper as you.”
“I’m not!”I refute while sipping the lemonade, causing some of it to be spitted out of my mouth. Sulli rolls her eyes when she sees me hurriedly cover my mouth with my hand. “Yeah, you are not,” she sarcastically comments before gulping her own lemonade. She makes a loud burping sound after she finishes her drink, as well as a satisfied sigh. “You should try drinking like that sometimes, Miss Junghye,” Sulli teases while pointing at me.
I shake my head playfully in response. “That’s disgusting,” I say, jutting out my tongue for emphasize.
Sulli shrugs. “Whatever.”
“Anyway, speaking of best friends before boys, I saw something interesting last Sunday,” Sulli suddenly says, with mischief glinting in her eyes. She props herself on her bed with her arms and moves closer to me like a hungry lion intimidating its prey. I back down in fright and my throat is dry all of a sudden. Did she see me with Luhan? Well, I have a good explanation for that, so I shouldn’t be worried, right?
Before I can open my mouth, Sulli beats me to it. “Why were you making lunch for Sehun? Hmmm?”
Lunch? Sehun?
My mouth is slightly ajar for while before I close it in realization. “Ah. That. Yeah.”
I’m somewhat relieved that it isn’t Luhan that she asks me about. I didn’t mean to betray her or anything—in fact I’m helping her to be confessed perfectly by Luhan—but I can’t deny that people might misinterpret what Luhan and I were doing last Sunday. I actually don’t really have any other reason to make Sehun a lunch box except that I want to impress him with my cooking, so there is nothing I’m supposed to tell Sulli besides an affirmation.
“So you like him, huh?” Sulli squints her eyes and points at me so that her finger faintly brushes the tip of my nose. “How could you like someone who is my nemesis, Kim Junghye? Someone who always annoys the hell out of me?“ she questions me tauntingly that I end up reduced into incoherent stuttering.
“U-uh.”
I should be denying, but I can’t. I’m not one who can hide her feelings well that Sulli always catches me despite of how hard I try to hide it. Scarlet color rises on my cheeks and I blame my pale cheeks for giving me out like that.
Sulli guffaws loudly. “Of all the guys you can fall for, you fall for him!”
“Someone is falling for Oh Sehuun~,” Sulli sing songs while rolling around on her bed, spending no effort to contain her laughter. I pout unthinkingly. There is nothing funny with falling in love, right?
Well, except for the fact that I fall for someone who is madly in love with my best friend, who has no idea that the guy I’m crushing on has feelings for her.
Yes, that should definitely win the most comedic love story of the year, because that is just so ironically funny. Hahaha.
Not.
Sulli seems to notice my sour expression that she finally sits up straight again. “Jeez, Junghye, chill out! Fine, you can fall for Sehun, I don’t care,” she raises her hands in defeat.
“I-I’m n-not…”
“Yes you are, and you fall hard,” Sulli judgingly says with raised eyebrows. “And don’t deny it anymore. I might be stupid, but I know my best friend, okay? I watch you and you are pretty obvious, to be honest. That jerk is quite a gentleman around you, I have to admit. I mean, he even let himself getting scolded by the teacher by lending you his jacket,” she teases while batting her eyelashes comically. I shove her aside out of embarrassment and she breaks into another fit of giggles.
“H-how did you…”
“I told you already; I WATCH you, Kim Junghye. You can call me stupid, but I’m not blind.”
“I have never…”
“Yeah, yeah,” she cuts me off before putting both hands on either side of my shoulders. “Listen,” she starts while looking at me seriously, “Junghye, if he is the one that you want, then I’ll support you, even if he is someone that I hate. But let me break his neck if he dares to break your heart, okay?” Sulli ends with an assuring squeeze on both of my shoulders.
I am dumbfounded by her honest words of encouragement. Sulli really, really despises Sehun; that is something that isn’t debatable. Therefore, I actually expected her to discourage me from pursuing him and not the other way around. Yet, she chooses to offer her hand to me. That just shows me how much Sulli is willing to sacrifice for me. However, instead of being thankful, I feel that my heart is ripped apart by the irony. I love Sulli, I really do, but the girl has no idea that her kindness only makes me feel worse, because her selflessness only accentuates her great personality and highlights my inferiority to her, reminding me that I could never compete with her; that I would forever be Sulli’s shadow.
As if it was a broken record, a voice that has been haunting me for the past few days repeats itself clearly in my head.
“It is as if you were only her shadow, Junghye-ssi.”
TBC
an. a bit of Junghye-Sulli fluff! :)
Thank you for the comments, votes, and subs. Each of them encourages me to write more and faster.
with many thankful love,
himalayancat
PS: have you listened to EXO's newest album? It's super awesome!
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