“All right, everybody. Settle down. You’ll find out if you made it the sooner you let me through,” Director Kim scolded the students crowding her. She protectively covered the cast list, leering at the circle of eager theater kids. Obeying her words, the group divided, allowing her to safely proceed. Swiftly, she sped towards the bulletin board, pinned up the sheet of names, then turned and sped right out.

                Everybody swarmed.

                Pushing and pulling, the hopeful students scanned the list, all wanting the same thing: to see their name printed amongst the others. Some left ecstatic, others dejectedly. Lead actors and actresses rejoiced while minor characters were grateful they even made the cut. Many were disappointed, but nothing could be done now. The cast was decided upon and the production was finally set in motion.

                Rehearsal times were posted along with the list and the first meeting was at ten that evening. Those who had seven to ten classes had to haul their butts to the theater right when they are dismissed or else they wouldn’t make it. Luckily, Hye Jin hadn’t register for night classes this term, and for almost her entire post secondary career. She avoided them like the plague for they were infectiously boring classes. Having made the mistake of taking an evening, three hour English lecture in her first year, she vowed to never put her GPA on the line ever again. Shaking her head, Hye Jin trot past the hoard of students and headed off to her first class, not even giving the board a glance.

--

                Peace and quiet.

                Just how she hated it.

                Hye Jin sighed, mentally slapping herself. She had rushed all too quickly out of her apartment that morning and left her most prized possessions at home. Her music. She had her laptop. She had her phone. But, she didn’t have her music player. No headphones. Nothing.

                She felt like screaming, but refrained because she was in the library. Silence always suffocated her. It always gave her the opportunity to think. And over think. Interpret. Decipher. Analyze. All she was meant to do in life, but for all the wrong purposes in her current situation. Her life, her flaws, her history. She always got lost, drowning in a pool of emotions, falling to the pit of her qualms.

                She needed music. A distraction, anything to pull her out of her misery and memories she fought so hard to escape from. Social networking sites could only get her so far. Names and words always reminded her of him, and she wanted so hard to erase his marks from her memory.

                But, his presence at the auditions wasn’t much help. In fact, it threw her back several feet despite her efforts to move forward. All the hours clocked, the years she spent trying to make her life better were gone in one fell swoop. She was knocked out cold and down for the count.

                Although, she had been picked up. Not completely though, but still. At least she was sitting. Had Luhan not been there, she would’ve lost it. Hysterics, denial, full on water works – the whole nine yards. He would have seen something much worse than what he had witnessed the night before.

                I should thank him again, she thought, the corners of her lips turning upwards slightly. She had to admit, Luhan was cute. And warm. And stable. And secure. All the things she strived to be. Maybe if I befriend him, I can learn how to be stronger emotionally…

                Her thoughts sent her into another whirlwind of emotions. Questions and doubts swirled through her head, brewing a storm of dark thoughts and painful memories.

                A light poke to the cheek woke her up.

                “Hey, you looked a little lost there, so I thought I’d help you out again. Is this going to be recurring? Because this is the third time I’ve seen you like that,” Luhan teased, nudging her playfully. However, she saw the curiosity in his eyes. He wanted to know, but he was just too polite to probe further.

                “Oh, hey. Sorry. I was just thinking about…stuff.” She nodded at the seat across the table, inviting him to take a seat. He slid in with a smile, yet he still had a questioning look on his face.

                “Thinking? If that’s how you end up after thinking, I think you should stop. Thinking, that is. Just a friendly suggestion,” he chuckled. She playfully glared back, but she knew he was right in a way. If thinking led to her past, she should just stop doing it. Though, it wasn’t like she hadn’t tried to stop. The silence just provoked her.

                “Well, Mr. Friendly-Suggestion, what brings you to the library?” she whispered, trying to change the topic as subtlety as she could. She eyed the librarian giving them a hard glare and quickly looked away. If I can’t see them, they can't see me, right? Oh jeez...

                “Library orientation. Didn’t feel like sitting through one of those things again, so I ducked out. How about you?” He pulled out a book from his bag, hiding behind it as the librarian walked by. She tapped their desk lightly as she passed, giving them a warning hush.

                “Library orientation? In the fourth year? What class are you taking?” Hye Jin asked. She giggled as he grimaced playfully.

                “I needed an elective and the only classes available were first year courses. Don’t judge me.” He leered at her, ducking behind his book again to escape the librarian’s judging eyes. Hye Jin cupped and giggled silently.

                “Pft, I’m not judging you. Anyway, I have a two hour break today. My next class is at two.” Hye Jin hid her face, avoiding the patronizing stare of the librarian. “Maybe we should move before…” She gathered her belongings and grabbed Luhan’s arm, leading him out of the library as quickly and quietly as she could. They emerged outside, embracing in the sunlight and laughing to their heart’s content. Heading towards the courtyard, they found an empty table and sat down, giggling at their narrow escape. “It’s your fault we had to leave. I had such a good spot too,” she lamented, dramatically wiping her invisible tears.

                “No way! You’re the one who spoke the loudest,” he shot back.

                “Whatever, orientation boy,” she muttered, rolling her eyes.

                “Well, at least we have a table outside. We can kill time before our classes,” Luhan reasoned, pulling out some papers from his bag.

                “You have a class later?” Hye Jin asked, spreading her things out on the table.

                “Yeah, at four.”

                They sat quietly, taking in the afternoon rays. Luhan had some score sheets in front of him, writing down random melodies and tunes while Hye Jin had a book out for her 18^th century literature class. Warmth surrounded the duo, more than just from the sun’s rays.

                Hye Jin couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but to her, it felt like peace. It didn’t taunt her, didn’t throw her into a pool of muddy emotions. She felt at ease for once within the peace. Finally it was serving its purpose as a meditation, as a calming effect rather than stressing her out.

                I could get used to this, she thought with a grin.

                “What are you thinking of now?” Luhan asked. He had caught her expression and thought she would zone out again, but to his surprise, she smiled. It was a sight to see.

                “Oh, nothing. Anyway, my class is starting soon, so I’m going to head out. Thanks for keeping me company. And shame on you for skipping library orientation.” She poked him on the arm in farewell and grabbed her things before jogging towards the Arts building. She felt a presence next to her and found him by her side, looking straight ahead nonchalantly. She raised a brow and nudged him with her elbow. “Don’t you have a class too?”

                “Yeah, but I have time to accompany you to your class.”

--

                Hye Jin spun in her chair, staring up at the ceiling, studying the exposed beams of the office. Professor Nam stepped out to photocopy some things, leaving her with her thoughts and silence. And, like in the library, she was dragged into her dark place. Luhan wasn’t there to help her this time, and so she sunk into one of her deeper trances. Eyes closed, she watched her memories arise in haunting images.

 

                “Park Hye Jin, will you be my girlfriend?”

                “Yes, of course I will!”

 

                “Happy birthday, babe! Here, it took me three weeks to track this little guy down.” He placed a hefty box on her lap. It shifted against her legs, small whimpers emanating from within. Hye Jin looked up at her boyfriend skeptically, hands raised slightly above the box. She hesitated, wary of what she would find under the lid. “Come on, don’t be scared. You’ll love him.”

                “Okay then. I trust you.” She traced edges of the lid, lightly lifting up the cover to find herself staring straight into the eyes of a pure white, Samoyed pup. His nose still dotted with pink, he yipped at her, jumping to the edge of the box. “Awwww,” she cooed, “Thank you!”

                “Anything for you, my love.”

 

                “Hye Jin! Wake up! If you want to sleep, I suggest you nap anywhere other than in my office.” Professor Nam shook Hye Jin lightly, knocking her out of the dark void. She blushed slightly, sitting up in her chair.

                “Sorry, Professor. I was just thinking…” she mumbled.

                “No worries. So, what can I do you for?” he asked. He placed his briefcase under his desk and took off his blazer. Offering her a yogurt drink from the fridge, he took one for himself and sat down behind his desk.

                “Well, I’ve finished classes for today, but need to stay back for the play’s first meeting at ten. I thought I’d hang out with my favorite teacher and help with marking or something.” She poked her straw through the seal, taking a long sip. Looking at him with hopeful eyes, she prayed he would have something for her to do. Marking or filing, she wanted to do something to do to kill the five hour break. She could go home if she wanted to, but what was there to do? Marty was at her parents’ house and anyone she could hang out with was busy.

                “My TA is already doing the marking for me and I recently filed my paperwork, as you can see,” he gloated, gesturing to his moderately clean office. Many of the books were still stacked haphazardly, but a lot of the papers were cleared out. Hye Jin had to admit, it was impressive for his standard of cleanliness.

                Seeing that there was nothing for her to do, she got up from her seat and grabbed her backpack. She sighed, “Looks like I’m not needed. I guess I’ll see you around?”

                “Why don’t you stay and chat? I know you’re dying to talk about the play,” he said. She stiffly turned away from him.

                “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she scoffed in denial. He was right. She wanted to talk to him about the play. But, how did he know? She hadn’t told him or made any signs about wanting to discuss it with him, so how did he find out?

                “I saw your doubt when you mentioned the meeting. Haven’t I told you before already? I know you better than you know yourself,” he spoke softly, pointing at the chair. She dragged her feet over, dropping her backpack down next to her. She couldn’t look up at him, she was too ashamed to.

                Of course he would figure it out. Nothing I do can get past him, she sighed to herself.

                “Now tell me, what’s on your mind?”

                Hye Jin fiddled with the hem of her shirt. She wanted to spill everything, tell him that the play was all a mistake. She wanted to tell him that she made the wrong decision and that she wanted to back out now. Yet, she couldn’t do that. A part of her wanted to tell him she liked the thrill, the excitement of working with a production. A part of her wanted to tell him that she enjoyed the atmosphere at the auditions, that she enjoyed working with the large group of actors and actresses. She wanted to admit that it was the job that she was paranoid about, that it wasn’t him even though it so clearly was.

                Professor Nam knew about her situation. He had helped mend her broken psyche during first year, not long after the incident. He had counseled her, picked her up out of the ashes of her despair. And through, counseling they built a father-daughter bond. He treated her like the daughter he never had. He would do anything to protect her from any harm. This guy was her harm.

                He knew how devastated she was and he knew how dark her thoughts became in regards to that guy. If she told him he was back, Hye Jin didn’t know what he would do. He could pull strings and get involved with the situation, but he could only do so much. She knew she had to choose her words carefully and explain her situation in a way where Professor Nam wouldn’t blow up.

                “Well, the auditions were great. I worked with a large group of people, which was fun. It was a lot different than working with kids because they were much more responsive. Although, it was a bit intimidating. Hm, what else…” Hye Jin stalled. She didn’t want to tell him, but she knew it was best for Professor Nam to know that he was attending the university.

                “Something happened, am I right? Just tell me, I won’t get mad. Promise.” Professor Nam held up his hand in Scout’s honor.

                Hye Jin sighed and took a breath, “I saw him.” She didn't have to elaborate. Just by the tone she had use, Professor Nam understood her clearly.

                “What? Wait. You mean he’s back? Here? In Seoul?” Professor Nam asked worriedly, sitting up straighter in his seat. He roughly placed his yogurt drink on his desk, staring hard at Hye Jin.

                “Yeah.”

                Professor Nam sighed, running a hand through his beard. “Where did you see him?”

                “….At the auditions…” Hye Jin muttered. She really didn’t want to make him angry, but there was no stopping now.

                “What?”

                “He’s here. At Seoul International. I saw him at the auditions…” Hye Jin whispered. She shut her eyes, prepared for the lecturing she was bound to receive, but all she heard was silence and a steady breath. Odd, she thought, Professor Nam would usually yell in shock. Slowly, she opened her eyes and saw him sitting quietly. Eyes closed and  palms pressed together before him, his face was strained as if he had inhaled an unpleasant odor. I guess he took the news well…

                “He was at the auditions. Did he say anything to you? Did he hurt or offend you in any way?” Professor Nam asked. His eyes were still shut tight, twitching every so often.

                “He didn’t do anything. We only spoke when I was testing them. Other than that, we didn’t talk,” she replied. She bit her tongue, holding back any words threatening to spill out. Professor only needs to know that he’s here. He doesn’t need to know about the parking lot incident…right?

                “Hmm, that’s all? Nothing more?” Professor Nam asked, looking at her with skeptical eyes. She flinched under his scrutiny and nodded her head. She couldn’t reply with her words. Something else would probably slip out and reveal more than she wanted to. “Well, that’s a relief then. You’ll tell me if he does anything in the future, okay?”

                She nodded again. “Professor, what do I do now? What if he makes the cast?”

                “You didn’t check the list this morning?”

                “No. I saw Director Kim put it up, but I didn’t look. I already knew about the meeting, so I didn’t need to check the notice,” Hye Jin sighed. She slouched in her seat, flicking her nails in irritation. Why hadn’t she thought of that earlier? Why didn’t she check the cast to see if his name was on there? She wouldn’t have to suffer the stress of not knowing whether he made it or not.

                “Why don’t you go check now? You have the time, right?”

                “Oh yeah! Duh. Thanks for the talk, Professor. It’s nice to know that there’s someone out there who understands my - uh - uncertainty. See you tomorrow!”

--

                Hye Jin strolled through the courtyard, meandering slowly under the rays of the setting sun. Other students walked the paths around her, trekking home or to their next class. Soft winds rustled browning leaves from above, lightly brushing them off the almost bare branches. Scattered across the courtyard, they crunched under her footsteps, creating a symphony of crackles. Birds chirped from their nests, calling out to their kin in hopes to gather together for their flight down south.

                Despite the lulling calls of Mother Nature, Hye Jin still felt troubled. The thought of him walking the same grounds as her was unnerving. What if they suddenly crossed paths? What if they have classes together? She hadn’t been paying attention to her classmates in the term thus far, so she wasn’t sure of who was in her classes.

                It made her antsy, not knowing where he was at all times. She didn’t want to see him. She didn’t want to smell him. She didn’t want anything to do with him after what he had done. The painful memories he had left her with were bubbling up to the surface. And she hated that. After all her efforts put into forgetting, how could his reappearance change it all so easily? How could he elicit such reactions from her, even though she fought so hard to ignore his presence? How could one being hold so much control over her, yet not even have to be around her to do so?

                She let out a tired sigh, shaking her head softly in disappointment. How could she be so weak? Why couldn’t she just forget? It’s easy enough, isn’t it? All I have to do is erase him from my thoughts. She stopped walking, unconsciously gripped her shoulder strap tighter, her heart tightening with it. Even now, just the thought of him made her bitter. Forgetting him…easier said than done. She frowned, her chest constricting with discomfort. The familiar symptoms began to take over and she fell into her dark tunnel.

                Come on, Hye Jin. Don’t let him do this to you anymore. Fight back! She shut her eyes tight, trying to push down her thoughts. But, it was no use. She could feel them slowly consuming her, binding her in their vice like grip. No matter how hard she tried to fight, she always lost. Why did she even bother fighting back? It always turned out that way anyway. Her memories always prevailed only because she let them.

                And only if others let them.

                A soft breeze lightly caressed her cheeks, blowing away the images and bringing her back to reality. She could feel the hold weakening, releasing her from her memory’s abyss. Slowly, she opened her eyes, squinting to adjust to the sudden brightness of the setting sun. The light wind continued flowing past her, easing her out of her blurry state and back to clarity. Blinking one last time, her eyes finally adjusted to the warms rays and focused in on the text book fanning back and forth in front of her.

                Luhan peeked out from behind, flashing a soft smile. He stopped fanning the book and lowered it down. “You all right there, Hye Jin-sshi? I just came out of class to find you zoned out here in the middle of the courtyard.”

                Hye Jin coughed awkwardly and grinned at him. “Sorry, it was nothing. I was just—“

                “Thinking?” he asked, finishing her sentence with a playfully raised eyebrow. She playfully glared back, nudging his shoulder as she walked by.

                “As a matter of fact, yes. I was thinking, until you kindly interrupted me.” She scowled at him jokingly.

                “Well, it’s a good thing I came to the rescue then, huh?” He winked, grinning mischievously.

                Hye Jin stopped and gasped in protest, sending herself into a choking fit. What does he mean by that? Well, now that I think about it, it does make sense. Sometimes thinking hurts me…She caught her breath and straightened herself out. So he helped her out, yet again.

                “Fine, thanks for your help,” she sighed, bowing her head at him. She shifted her shoulder straps and continued down the path. A heavy breeze began to pick up and brushed past the duo, sending a flurry of dead leaves their way. They ducked their heads at the onslaught of dry foliage, shielding their eyes from the flying dust particles. As suddenly as it had appeared, the wind died down, settling the whirlwind of leaves down on all surfaces, including Hye Jin and Luhan.

                Hye Jin brushed the leaves out of her hair, chuckling as she caught sight of a struggling Luhan. Leaves littered his hair, protruding out of his wavy locks in all directions. Annoyed and frustrated, he mumbled a train of curses while blindly picking them out unsuccessfully, crumbling many of the leaves in the process. Laughing, Hye Jin grabbed his wrists, stopping him from doing any further damage, and proceeded to take out the leaves for him. With one last brush through, she removed the last of the broken leaves and patted the top of his head with a snicker.

                “There, all done, Big Boy,” she teased, jumping away from his sweeping arms and swiftly running away.

                “Hey! Get back here!” he growled, chasing after her. He caught up quickly, throwing her into a headlock. “Are you going to apologize, or do I have to teach you a lesson?” he asked. He held up his fist, ready to give her a noogie if he didn’t like her reply.

                Hye Jin whined, squirming in his grasp. “What the heck! Let me go!” She tugged at him arms, pulling them away as best she could.

                “Oops, not what I wanted to hear,” he chimed. He rubbed the top of her head, letting out a maniacal laugh as he messed up her hair, her piteous cries left unheard. “Now, are you going to apologize?”

                “All right! I’m sorry!” she squeaked. He loosened his hold and she pushed her head out of his arms. He chortled at her tangled hair, grinning at his magnificent creation. “Jeez, a headlock? Really? Are you not aware that I am a girl?” Hye Jin grimaced, rubbing her shoulders. She felt the tangled mess on top of her head and nearly cried aloud. It was going to take a team of ten hair stylists to unravel the knots.

                “Oh, yes, I’m well aware of your gender. I just don't generalize the strengths of males and females. What men can endure, women can too, right?” He shot her a cheeky grin and a peace sign, ducking away from her feeble punch. She blew a raspberry at him and turned to her knotted hair. Gingerly, she tugged at the knots, softly pulling them free from their tangles and smoothing them out.

                Luhan softened at the scene, guilt prodding at his conscience. He hadn’t meant to do so much damage. He just wanted to have some fun, play around. She had been lost in her own little world like all those other times, so he wanted to distract her. Seems like he took it a little too far though.

                “Here, let me help you.” Digging through his backpack, he pulled out a comb and started to brush the knots out. Hye Jin looked at him, amusement flickering in her eyes.

                “You carry a comb around?” she asked.

                “Yeah, you got a problem with that?”

                “No, not at all.” She snickered quietly, waiting for him to finish combing out the tangles for her.

                “There, all done. You’re tangle free now, Big Girl,” he mimicked, laughing as she threw him a dirty look. “Okay, now that that’s settled, we’re even now, all right? No hard feelings?” he asked, holding out a hand in truce. Hye Jin eyed him warily, wondering if she should accept the treaty or not. Seeing that she didn’t want to suffer another round of noogies, she nodded and shook his offered hand.

                “So, now that you’re finished classes for the day, what are you going to do to kill time?” Hye Jin finally walked through the courtyard, making her way past the student lounge buildings. She suddenly remembered her task and steered left towards the front of the campus.

                “Well, I thought we could go grab some coffee or something. You owe me a cup, remember?”

                “Oh, right. I said I would, didn’t I? Okay, where should we go?” She pulled out her phone to check the time. They still had a couple of hours left until the meeting.

                “Coffee shop down the road?” Luhan suggested.

                “Sure, why not? Could we stop by the announcement board first? I…I need to check something…” She gripped her straps, hoping he hadn’t noticed her discomfort.

                “Of course! It’s on the way anyway.”

                The two of them continued down their path to the front of the school, passing by students and buildings until they reached the board. Hye Jin took a deep breath, slowly exhaling while stepping closer to the cast list. She hoped he wasn’t on there. Her life would be easier to live if he wasn’t.

                Closing her eyes, she stood in front of the list and breathed in once more. She prayed to all the divines in hopes to not see his name. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked at the list. She didn’t have to scan very far to feel her heart drop to the pit of her stomach.

                There, at the very top of the list, was his name. The words mocked her, laughing in her face. His name, once carved in her heart, was beginning to erase her from reality once again. It knocked her down with each cursive line, waiting for her to stand back up again only to push her down once more.

                Luhan saw her go rigid and pulled her away from the board. It was like all those other times he had seen her zone  out. And like all those other times, he noticed her change in behavior. I have to get her out of here, he thought, dragging her off campus and down the street to the coffee house. He sat her down at a free table and picked up one of the menus. He lightly fanned her, silently telling the waiter to bring water to start. He turned back to her, but found her vacant eyes staring right back at him.

                Hye Jin was completely lost in her memories. His name written on the first line was still burned in her vision. She couldn’t clear the image away, couldn’t delete it from her overflowing archive of his name and face. The past was haunting her again, drowning her in painful sorrows, taking her to a place she frequented so often.

                But, she didn’t want to be there. No, she wanted out. She needed to get out. And a soothing voice did just that.

                Luhan sang softly, studying Hye Jin’s expression, watching for any changes. To his relief, he saw the life come back to her eyes and the colour return to her cheeks. She blinked several times, taking in her surroundings. A puzzled expression donned her face and she looked around, questioning how she even got there.

                “Welcome back to Earth, Hye Jin-sshi. I hope you had a nice trip down memory lane. However, reality needs you back,” Luhan joked, trying to lighten up the mood. Hye Jin couldn’t help but snort at his failed attempt to be funny, but smiled in appreciation.

                “Thanks for waking me up.”

                “No problem. How many times have I saved you now? Three? Four? I’ve lost count.” He tapped his chin in thought, knowingly smirking at her. He opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off.

                “I know, I know. I owe you big time. To make up for it, I’ll buy you one beverage of your choice for every rehearsal and stage during this production. Deal?” she asked, rolling her eyes. Luhan grinned at her, nodding his head enthusiastically.

                “Deal! Now, let’s order our drinks, shall we?” He passed her a menu before browsing through his own. They silently browsed through the lists, each with their own thoughts.

                “Thanks again, for not asking,” Hye Jin mumbled. She kept herself hidden behind the menu, but knew he was smiling at her.

                “No problem. Like I said, you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”

                Hye Jin chuckled softly and nodded her head. He was right; she would tell him when she felt like it. Right now though, she was far from ready. Heck, she was nowhere near the start line. She didn’t want any of it to begin. If she could turn back time, she would reject the offer; give it to someone more worthy of the position. Who cares about a personal recommendation? Who cares if it looks good on my resume? Right now, it’s too much of a burden. It brings too many bad memories. She sighed, flipping mindlessly through the menu. But, I can’t turn back the time now, or ever. It’s just not possible. All I can do is jump into this, tackle the situation head on and show no weakness. It is now or never.

                “Ready to order?” Luhan asked, brows raised in question. She gave him a reassuring smile and nodded.

                I just hope I’m ready for what he has in store for me. Kris Wu, let the games begin…

---

 

 

So, I'm alive. No more classes, no more finals. All I have is time and freedom until September.

I hope to update more, but we'll see what happens since I have a couple of students to tutor and volunteer events to attend. So much for freedom...

Anyway, I had to split this chapter up because it was getting way too long >_< But, that means one more chapter than I had planned in the outline.

Feedback on what you think of the plot? Writing style? Anything? Thanks in advance!

See you in the next Chapter!

-greenninjapanda GNP-