Changmin sits quietly in the darkness of the guest’s room in Yunho’s apartment. He opens the photo album in front of him and smiles sweetly at every picture it keeps. Those pictures bring back some memories of the good time they had.

…

2003

It was right after the graduation of Jaejoong and Yunho. They gathered together at Yunho’s mansion, sipping some tea, feeling the afternoon breeze from the terrace of the house, waiting for the news from Yunho and Jaejoong about which universities they were going to go for the next four years.

“So…I’m going to study about journalism for the next four years in Seoul National University,” he smiled proudly, “it is not what I really want to learn in college, but I’m also not leaving Seoul. Yeah. This is probably the best thing for me.”

Changmin and Junsu gave him small smiles. They were relieved that they were not going to lose a brother to soothe them, a brother to talk to. They knew it was very selfish of them to keep him around just because they felt like they would need him all the time.

Yoochun patted him on the shoulder. “Are you sure? You know, nothing can keep you here if here is not where you really want to be. We always support whatever your decision.”

Jaejoong nodded. “I know,” he looked to every one of them, “here is really where I want to be. It’s not you. It’s me. I-I just don’t want to leave.”

“What about you, hyung?” Changmin looked to his left, where Yunho sat without saying anything, only letting small smile.

Yunho looked up to meet Changmin’s doe innocent eyes. He stayed quiet for a while and the other three turned their heads to Yunho’s direction, waiting for his news. Yunho smiled softly. “It’s a law school,” he said.

Junsu clapped his hands. “I knew it! I knew you’re going to be a great lawyer, hyung!” he said with excitement. Everyone was excited but Yunho himself.

“Something’s wrong?” Jaejoong asked with worries.

Yunho chuckles sadly and shook his head. “Not really. Except that I got accepted into Yale University,” Yunho said as he looked into everyone’s eyes, deeply. There were confusion and, finally, sadness after a while. “It’s in United States.”

“We know where it is,” Changmin said harshly. It wasn’t that he was upset; he just…needed some time to process everything for now.

“It has the best law program. And, I never expected to get accepted there. I mean it’s big- no, it’s too huge for me!” he explained again, but no explanation could stop the awkward silence crawling back in.

They never had an awkward silence before. But, at the time, everybody understood that, maybe, it was really the time to say good-bye to Jaejoong and Yunho. Next year, it was going to be Yoochun and Junsu, and in the end it was going to be Changmin and Changmin alone. However, they promised each other to be the best supports each other could ever have. They were just wondering, why did it so hard to smile and be okay with Yunho leaving the four of them?

Junsu was the first one to smile. “Don’t be ridiculous, hyung. You deserve it. Like Yoochunie said, if here is not where you really want to be then you should go. Really.”

Yunho looked into Junsu’s soft eyes, Yoochun’s silly grin, and Changmin’s excited nods. They all were being supportive as always. And, when he turned to Jaejoong, he was looking to his hands, not wanting to meet Yunho’s eyes, didn’t matter how hard Yunho tried. But, after a minute or two of waiting, Jaejoong looked up.

“Promise me you’ll take good care of yourself,” he says gloomily.

Yunho chuckles lightly. He knew Jaejoong would never be upset of him because, at the moment, he was just plain worried. “Why do you sound like a girl?” he teased.

Jaejoong rolled his eyes in annoyance, followed by the other’s laughs. “Just promise me, you jerk.”

Yunho smiled brightly. “How can’t I ever say no to any of you?”

…

Changmin heard the distant voice of someone’s unlocking the front door of Yunho’s apartment, followed by a quiet “Changmin?”. He opens the guest room’s door to find Junsu’s standing awkwardly on the living room. When he notices Changmin on the doorframe, he smiles.

“You’re ready?” Junsu asks him.

“I thought Yunho hyung is supposed to pick me up?” Changmin asks back, not bothering the question Junsu let out.

Junsu shakes his head. “He has something to do-“

“With his grandfather?” Changmin cut him off.

“How do you know?”

“What?” Changmin asks in irritation, “You guys promise each other to keep troubles from me? I read the news, for your information, and I’m sick, not stupid,” Changmin says coldly.

Junsu does not retort back. He’s not in the mood and ever since they found out something’s wrong with Changmin, the four of them never want to fight or say no to him, which really annoy Changmin.

Changmin feels guilty immediately. “I’m sorry. That’s not how I’m supposed to talk to you.”

Junsu shrugged. “It’s okay. I’m used to it. I’m sorry too if you don’t like it that I’m the one who picks you up. Currently, I’m the only one who’s available in Seoul. Yoochun flew to Thailand this morning because he’s been running away from his calls and Jaejoong hyung flew to Singapore for a photoshoot.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Changmin hates the look Junsu gives him. Full of sadness. “I just don’t want to be treated this way, like I’m sick.”

“You are sick,” Junsu argues softly, but he regrets it right away. “You know, let’s just go now. You’re going to be late for your appointment.”

Changmin nods quietly. He takes his coat and bag. He’s going back to his apartment right after his appointment in the hospital. This is the last time he’s staying in Yunho’s place. He doesn’t want to be a burden to anybody.

Changmin and Junsu sit quietly in the car. The both of them hate being in that position, but there’s nothing they can really do since the two of them are too focused on their thoughts.

Changmin leans his forehead to the window and sighs. “I miss the old us.”

Junsu chuckles softly. “You mean, when we were still stupid?”

“Yes. I miss being stupid.” Changmin smiles.

…

2008

“Hyung!! Get the hell down here!” Changmin screamed, followed by a histerical laughs that scared Yunho out.

Yunho pulled his phone from his ear and frowned, ready to snap back at this kid. “Down where? Why the hell are you screaming for?!”

Changmin giggled like a little kid he was. “We’re now at the front door of your apartment building! Yoochun hyung’s threatening that he’ll ruin the front desk if you don’t come out in two seconds!” he laughed again, “Oops! There’s no way you’re coming out in two seconds because you live twenty levels above us! Or may-“ he hiccuped, “maybe! Maybe, you can just jump out of your window! Hm~” he sighed sadly.

“What is it with you and your changing emotions? It scares me,” he said. He already took his coat and put his shoes on, because he knew that none of them would survive the night if he didn’t come to take care of them.

“You’re going to die, hyung! You’re going to die if you jump out of the window! Stupid hyung~” he teased with aegyo. If Changmin were sober, Yunho would definitely scold him badly.

“Alright, I’m already on the elevator. Are you sure you’re in front of my apartment building, right now?” Yunho asked.

“Yes! You and your brown apartment building, right?” he slurred.

“Changmin?” Yunho paused for a second because he knew that was not it, “My apartment building is grey. Where the hell are you, really?”

Changmin and Yoochun bursted out as two laughing mess. “Oh, riteeeeeeeeeeeee~ this is my apartment building! Stupid, stupid, stupid Yoochun hyung! Aw!!! Yoochun hyung hit me!!! Hyung, Yoochun hyung hit me!”

Yunho rolled his eyes and sighed in defeat. These brats! Changmin’s apartment was twenty minutes away from his apartment. “Okay. Don’t move! I’ll come there in fifteen minutes, okay?”

“Alright, hyuuuuuung~” Changmin slurred again, “I lode you.”

Yunho hung up the phone and called another reliable person he could get. “Jaejoong, Changmin just said ‘I lode you’ to me.”

“Huh?” Jaejoong said in a sleepy voice.

“He’s drunk and he’s with Yoochun,” Yunho said.

There were some strange voices on the line, like Jaejoong dropped the phone or something. “Where are they?” he asked after a while.

“Changmin’s apartment. Fifteen minutes.”

“Alright. I’ll check on Junsu. See you there.”

Yunho walked to his car after he hung up for the second time that night. “Why can’t I just be the youngest instead of Changmin?”

…

“Are you sure you don’t need me to accompany you?” Junsu asks for the fifth time ever since they entered the parking lot of the hospital.

Changmin snorts. He already has his good emotion back now. “I’ll be fine. You said you have a meeting in twenty minutes, right?”

Junsu tilts his head to the window and watch as some kids run happily from the front door to their car. Junsu looks back to Changmin. “Yeah, but I wa-“

“Nineteen minutes now,” Changmin jokes.

“Don’t do that!”

“Do what? I am just counting how many minutes you have left before you turn from a reliable vice-president to a man with no words to trust,” Changmin and his snarky comments, “what now? I was stating the truth.”

“You know what? Whatever. Get the hell out of here,” Junsu unlocks the door. Changmin laughs happily, but right before he could step outside, Junsu holds his arm, “Call me if you don’t feel comfortable or something, promise?”

Changmin smiles. “Don’t worry, hyung, I’ll be-“

“Promise?”

Changmin looks at Junsu’s eyes and melts for a while. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry you have to do this all alone,” Junsu says sadly.

“It’s okay. We all have our own problems,” he smiles again.

Junsu nods and finally lets Changmin go. Changmin closes the door and walks inside. He doesn’t want to look back. He doesn’t want Junsu to notice that he crossed his fingers when he said “Okay”. He just doesn’t want them to worry about him anymore.

When he finally gets to the front desk, he is supposed to ask if the doctor he has appointment with is available righ now, but, no. He stands there, looking around in daze. When he sees a white bench, he walks there and sits. He leans backward and closes his eyes.

…

2009

They should have been in jail that night, that night when Yoochun, Junsu, and Changmin stole the private jet of Junsu’s family to go to Tokyo. Yunho’s graduation for his Law and Politics Graduate School in The University of Tokyo was postponed for another three months because he had some troubles with his thesis while Junsu was just about to start his Economics Graduate School in the same university. The three of them went to Tokyo to kidnap Yunho and Junsu to let their worries and problems go for a night. Yunho resisted at first, but they were really the best kidnappers.

They went to Odaiba Seaside Park for a few hours, laying back on the sand, laughing at each other’s stupidity, talking about every single thing. The night was theirs.

After one hour of non-stop talking and blabbering, they finally found quietness. They smiled while looking at the stars that were so pretty. They just stared and questioned what world really had for them. Changmin was just finished from Seoul National University a few months before after making exceptional paintings and finally got recognized for his talent. And, Yunho was ready to move back to Seoul after spending four years in US and two years in Japan. He missed his home. Yoochun went away for two years to Chicago to fulfill his dream as a pilot and he had started working for three years now. Jaejoong was still being Jaejoong, traveling around, doing photoshoots while taking photos, not caring about what people say about him.

 “Do you guys love me?” Changmin asked out of nowhere.

Junsu laughed at the question. Yoochun made fun of it. Yunho snorted. Jaejoong was probably the only one who took it seriously.

“We do love you, so much. Why asking?” Jaejoong held his hands on the sand.

“Because I’m moving to Italy for the next three years.”

Jaejoong sat up immediately and stared down at him. “WHAT? Why?”

Changmin sat up too. “My lecturer has a gallery in Italy, he wants me to work there for three years. He said he’d pay for my school there too.”

“But, it’s not like you can’t pay for your school there! Why do you need someone else’s money?” Jaejoong argued.

“It’s not the money. It’s the experience, hyung. I am still taking this opportunity although he didn’t offer me any money! In fact, I’ll just refuse the money but I’m still going if that makes you happy,” Changmin retorted back.

Yunho, Yoochun, and Junsu sat up at the same time when they felt that the conversation was already heated up.

“I don’t want you to leave! That makes me happy,” Jaejoong snapped and stood up.

Changmin stood up too. “Where’s your ‘nothing can keep you here if here is not where you really want to be’ from six years ago?!”

“One, it was six years ago! We still had our silly little dreams to reach. And, it was Yoochun, okay?! And, two, we were just about to finally gather together! Yunho is done with his school, so do Yoochun, you, and me! And, Junsu is only two hours away with our families’ jets. Everything was just about to work out well, until you and your selfish decision came!” Jaejoong yelled.

“You know what? you, your girly hormones, and this brotherhood! I’m done here,” Changmin said before walking away.

Yunho felt horrible for not doing anything to prevent the fight. He ran to Changmin and pulled him. But, Changmin was never really mad and once he was mad, no words could get through him. So, he let him go.

-A week later-

Changmin was just having his first few days in Rome where everything went out like how he planned before. He refused his lecturer’s money for school. Instead he paid it with his own money. He rented a small apartment where he used most of the living room to paint. It was located right in the middle of Rome. The price was really nothing Changmin thought about, because, of course, he could pay for everything there.

There was only one thing bothered him the most. The last time he saw the boys was really unpleasant. He still didn’t want to talk to Jaejoong. Yunho had been trying to call him twenty times a day, even when Changmin had settled in Italy. Junsu came to his house a day before his departure, but Changmin left him with sad smile because there were so many things to prepare in so little time. And, Yoochun. Yoochun was always his favorite, which was why he was the only one who could send him to the airport on the day he went to Rome.

That morning Changmin woke up with a good mood. He was planning to go sightseeing and register for his new painting courses, then check up on the studio of his lecturer. He was pouring coffee when his front door was knocked.

He opened it and wondered who it was. He still hadn’t made any friends yet because of some language trouble. But, no, there weren’t any Italians standing by his door with smiles and DVDs of Boys Before Flowers on the hands.

Changmin smiled. “I was looking for those DVDs right before I went here, but then I remembered that you still had those. And, since we’re still mad at each other, I didn’t have any guts to ask them from you.”

“Are we?” Jaejoong teased.

Changmin chuckles. “I mean ‘were’. We were still mad at each other.”

“I’m so sorry, brat,” he said, putting a hand on Changmin’s back.

“I am too. I was selfish. Still am, in fact,” Changmin laughs, “you know, if you want me to come back-“

“No! God, no! If you’re happy with this, then I am too. I was just worried about you being so far from us. You know, you’ll always be our little boy, right?” Jaejoong teased.

Changmin snorted. He was about to say something when Yunho, Junsu, and Yoochun showed up out of nowhere and barged in without saying anything, like they were used to do this in Italy. Changmin looked around as Yunho got into the kitchen to put some groceries, Yoochun was setting the Xbox, and Junsu got into Changmin’s bedroom, nobody knew what he did inside.

“Come on. I’ll cook you something,” Jaejoong said.

Changmin nodded and walked with Jaejoong to the kitchen but got stopped by Yunho. He told Changmin to sit with Yoochun on the couch and ‘go play your Xbox’. Changmin hugged him and muttered ‘sorry’ before he did exactly what Yunho told. Yunho could only smile.

…

“We are going to give some medicines and will do another test. If the cancer cells haven’t spread all over your liver, we still can operate it. Changmin?”

“Yes, doctor, I heard,” he smiled.

The doctor nods his head. He understands what situation Changmin is in right now and nobody has the right to tell him not to be upset about it. He is going to die after all.

“I wrote you a prescription and I want you to start drinking these medicines tonight. I’ll call you for another test, okay?”

Changmin nods. He stands up and bows politely at him. “Thank you for everything.”

“If you feel uncomfortable with anything, please do tell me.”

“Yes, doctor. Thank you very much for your help.”

And, he leaves the room.

…

2011

“Hyung! I bought an apartment!” Changmin beamed excitedly on the loudspeaker.

“What?!” Yoochun almost yelled and Junsu almost chocked on his tea. Jaejoong popped his head out from the kitchen’s doorframe with hot pot on his right hand.

“I thought you said you’re coming back next week? Why did you buy an apartment already?” Yunho asked as he pushed his body down on the couch, right in the middle of Junsu and Yoochun.

“I know, I know! I just saw this awesome apartment ad on the internet, so I bought it with my own money. It’s in Gangdong-gu and it is right next to the Han River! It is going to be pretty at nights.”

“Did he say Gangdong-gu? Isn’t it far from our places?” Jaejoong asked.

“Jaejoong said Gangdong-gu is far from our places,” Junsu said to the speaker.

Changmin snorted. “Come on! You guys are overreacting! It’s Seoul that we’re talking about! There’s no far or near, there’s only Seoul. Whoops! Gotta go! Love you all!!”

And, he hung up.

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW! IT HAS BEEN AGES SINCE THE LAST TIME I UPDATED :D

College is really killing me, but I'm done with my second semester here. Holiday is here, but I'm only available in the morning until before 3pm because I have something to do in the campus :''''''''

I'm not really in the mood for some angsty chapter. I actually wanted to right something fun, but this is what I came out with. I hope you enjoy it :D