Chapter 1 – Warrior

Tic  toc  tic  toc

Can you hear it?

It’s the sound of silence.

Only when the noises burn down, only when four walls erect to enclose on emptiness, will you be able to hear it.

Tic  toc  tic  toc

It’s the sound of loneliness.

***

Darkness crept on the glass of the windows, persistently until it clawed onto the windowpanes leaving evidence of a forced entry. The melancholy time of the day gradually covered inch after inch of any surface belonging to the sunken apartment, trespassing to take out the remaining lights cast over hopeful eyes.

Youngjae looked down at the pot of Kimchi jigae and his eyes blinked. He blinked again, just to make sure that his eyes weren’t fooling him. Because they often did when he became like this, his senses had the tendency to play these small games of nerve-twisting anticipation when he degraded down to this state. But there was no way around it. The steam oozing from the pot, spreading its delicious smell was gone. Long gone and left was a cold and untouched dish along with yet another broken promise.  Youngjae’s fingers drummed absentmindedly against the table, moving in sync with the ticking constantly echoing in his mind.

Tic  toc  tic  toc

Time never ceases to run. Day in and day out, the clock ticks and does its job as the informer of time. The faint sounds of the pointers movements forms a never-ending melody, an audible proof that life is slowly passing right before your eyes. Every ‘tic’ graciously steals a second of your time and every ‘toc’ swallows the breaths of your heart’s contractions. It’s the price we pay for living.

And those who could pay were the ones rich, the ones building a fortune on pure joy, those who didn’t mind a day or two flying by with a snap of the fingers. Well, why would they?

If life was happy then there would be no need to fight or ponder over a petty day or two. Those kinds of people never listened the clattering of time.

Because if you lived, truly lived then you’d be free from the agony.

You wouldn’t be wandering helplessly in uncertainty, a prisoner in the sound of waiting…

Youngjae had been prepared for it. One would think that he would be used to it by now, to the disappointment that flooded over him, with the intention to make him drown. The feeling of dejection filled his lungs, choking him with every breath. But somewhere deep down inside there had been a corner illuminated by a ray of hope, one that had yet been blown out by the darkness. When Youngjae that morning softly asked the other to come home for dinner, almost pleaded the brunette for some time with just the two of them, he had been promised just that.

Daehyun, Jung Daehyun gave him his promise and that was why Youngjae had allowed himself to smile and let that dangerous feeling of warmth spread behind his ribcage. It was always like this. One moment he would be soaring, but once the realization hit in, he always found himself fighting to keep his head above water.

Perhaps he shouldn’t feel this dejected and perhaps he had no right to. After all, it was only a dinner. Another meal out of so many. And deep down he knew it wasn’t the neglected old stew he had put so much care and time to make that bothered him. It was the damned clock. So cruelly it mocked him… sneered at him and his insignificance.

Each click of the offending pointers scarred over a heavy heart, so much worse than the awareness of one being lonely. When you are kept waiting, you are deliberately left alone, carelessly pushed aside because there’s something or someone out there more important to the longed person than you ever will be.

***

Despite living in the same house and enrolling into the same university, the two of them barely saw each other. Youngjae was a Physics major while Daehyun majored in Music. Science and art were in different buildings on two different ends of campus; as if to make sure that the clashing subjects would never meet. Not even by coincidence. Perhaps it was believed that balance and peace could only be achieved by separation. That coexistence was only possible if there was a wall between them. Like two chambers of the heart, belonging to one but must not interact.

And maybe that was how they were fated to be.

Still Youngjae couldn’t help but sometimes wander across the lawn, crossing barriers just to catch a quick glimpse of the person that was so close yet so far from him.

So out of reach.

While science took pride in accurate numbers and sterile white walls, the Art department was the complete opposite. Walking in the corridors of the building Youngjae knew he didn’t belong to was like stepping into a colorful children’s book. Every inch was covered in paint and every breath he took held a musical note created by human hands on mighty fine keys. A little like ‘Alice in Wonderland’ except for his name was not Alice and he knew exactly where he wanted his feet to lead him to.

There was no doubt where the major funds of the school went to, equipments and instruments of the finest quality adorned the lecture halls. And considering the trophies and the well-respected alumni pictured onto the great wall maybe it was rightfully so.

Daehyun sang. He always did. And there was no doubt that it was something he was born to do. In fact, Daehyun could captivate thousands of people with his voice in mere seconds, he could put them into a trance and make the world revolve around him and him only. If your voice could be distinguished in the midst of hundreds talented others, traced between high-notes and acted manuscripts then surly a clear path in the form of a red carpet was the one meant for you.

Youngjae understood early on that Daehyun was or will be the star of the show, the one people craned their necks to catch a glimpse of, stretched their hands in the air in a desperate attempt for contact while Youngjae…

Yoo Youngjae got stuck behind a screen because he couldn’t do anything but admire the star that shone so brightly from afar. When he put his hand on the glass and felt its cold surface spread under his palm, a sense of resignation would wash over him. Even the notes emitting from Daehyun’s parted lips, filled with emotions as the other sang poems of his life seemed out of this world. Others might become transfixed, they clap their hands together and sigh contently for the chance of witnessing something so good. But to Youngjae, it would be something entirely different. His knees weakened, wobbled dangerously as he did his best not to fall to the ground. If he got on his knees, if he raised the white flag to the person he couldn’t untangle himself from… what would then be the left of him?

It had been apparent from the very start that the sound of Daehyun’s heart beats would never match his own. Yet, Youngjae couldn’t deter from his human instincts and therefore, from time to time he allowed himself to believe that he was… in an inexpressible way special. Irreplaceable somehow.

Tic  toc  tic  toc

He allowed himself to be foolish.

The clock struck ten when the whole apartment turned natural black. Leaving Youngjae’s eyes dancing lonely on surfaces blessed by the reflection of the striking moonlight seeping through the window.

Sometimes, when you have been waiting for too long… it was hard to remember what you were waiting for in first place. The long hours of silence should have been the cue for Youngjae to get up from his seat. But something kept him in place, something kept his eyes stubbornly glued to the front door that wouldn’t open. The voices bouncing off the concrete walls made him squirm and the hurried steps on the stairs let him eagerly anticipate the metallic sound of a key turning. But it never came.

He wondered if it was always going to be like this. Just when he thought he was ready to give up, to completely let go, something… anything would spring up on him, nurturing that seed of hope he thought he’d lost.

The times he thought: ‘Ah, I should get out of here’, perhaps find his own place and start to patch his life together, he would always be offered something that made him stay. A genuine smile, a pat on the shoulder or a glimpse of Jung Daehyun’s caring nature asked him to stay…

And it has been a very long time since Youngjae realized that he would do anything Daehyun asked him to…

***

Youngjae didn’t even bother to switch the lights on when he rummaged through the kitchen. The bright light that faced him once he opened the fridge to put in wrapped untouched dishes made him winch back. His eyes remained closed for a moment, and fluttered open again once the yellow light stopped to burn underneath his eyelids. Youngjae lined the side-dishes neatly next to one another, making sure that they could be found easily just in case they were lucky enough to be searched for. His empty stomach protested now and then, begging not to be neglected. But Youngjae decided to ignore the growls, after all how which part was he supposed to listen to when his whole body screamed… when they all cried…

22:09, the pointers blended into the darkness when Youngjae let the fridge fall shut. He brought his hands up and rubbed his face tiredly. Exhaustion suddenly overwhelmed him after having been at bay for hours, making him wish that he had reasonably let it creep up on him rather than attacking him like this. Youngjae steered his steps towards the door on the right, the one that hid parts of his life. A bathroom and another wall away was the always locked door that lead into Daehyun’s personal space. He knew it was locked because he had tried, unfortunately after all the lectures in manners and etiquette; Yoo Youngjae was still not beyond a trespassing nosy young man. And it was sad… funny even, how desperate he was to know Jung Daehyun a little bit better.

***

Youngjae turned his head to look at the clock once again, and he figured that 22:16 must be the time, because just as he registered the positions of the black pointers the long awaited sound of keys clinkering and heavy doors open fired blindly through the silent room. Unconsciously, his body stilled and before he knew it, he was swallowing thickly; waiting for the moment Daehyun’s face would appear through the crack of their front door. What he hadn’t expected though… something that he was unable to foresee no matter how many times he faced it was the high-pitched giggle laced along the low chuckle that undoubtedly belonged to Daehyun.

And Youngjae knew… he understood perfectly well that the bullet that missed him by an inch had been meant to harm him. Maybe it had not been aiming for the kill, but it hurt all the same. Or perhaps even more…

Daehyun and his female company staggered through the door and loudly, it slammed shut after them. Another kiss, another laugh and his breath hitched. What was it that hit his chest that made him suffocate like this? To dodge and to run, what was it that prevented him from doing so?

The silhouettes of his fear molded together and hit the wall, causing a loud thump to erupt before a piece of the scattered him. A flash, an additional fire and suddenly the whole hall lit up.

His eyes stung at the sight of the enemy.

Daehyun had his back against the wall, pressed against the light switch, and thus the lights flickered at his every movement. Just like an animated picture, Youngjae’s vision altered from colors to tones of grey. Back and forth, he took in the sight of Daehyun’s arms around a long-haired brunette, his lips passionately enchanting her.

His heart thumped as loud as the clock, mocking him harsher than ever.

Youngjae felt his hands clench on his sides, his bitten nails dug into sensitive flesh. It hurt, but it was nothing compared to the emotion that rushed through him when Daehyun lead his hand under her top, pressed against the bottom of her spine he pulled her closer.

It wasn’t until they thought it better to move towards the bedroom that they noticed him. A little lost and wounded he stood alone in the midst of it all…

“Oh, you’re still up?” Daehyun wasn’t surprised even though he tried to sound like it; his voice was dark and low, almost growling during this time of the night.

The asked boy had to momentarily turn his head away because neither of the two in front of him had the decency to adjust their inappropriate attire. “You waited up for me.” Youngjae couldn’t help but to turn back at that. In his eyes there was only Daehyun, a beautiful creature who hadn’t even bothered to mask his attack in the form of a question. But then again, why bother if you knew where to shoot.

Youngjae gaze shifted over to the girl who was tugging impatiently at Daehyun’s ed shirt. Long brown hair, clear porcelain skin and a petite frame, all in all she matched perfectly with the girls he had seen beside Daehyun prior this night. Daehyun’s affection, this was the kind of person with the chance to earn them all.

Youngjae shook his head slightly.

“I wasn’t.” Was all he could say. It was weak and he felt pathetic, but he wasn’t sure he could live with himself if he didn’t even put a small ounce of effort in defending what he got left. “Why would I?” he made an amiable attempt to sneer for an effect, anything at all, but the other wasn’t phrased.

The nameless girl seemed to finally acknowledge his presence when her lips pursed as she asked: “Oppa, who’s this?”

“Oh, this?” Daehyun’s eyes crinkled. “My close friend and roommate, Yoo Youngjae.”

It wasn’t until Daehyun said it out loud that Youngjae realized they had never been close. Not really. Daehyun wouldn’t let anyone close to him, never long enough and never unguarded. And perhaps Youngjae was only there, the sole one lingering by the borders to someone complex because he’d been blinded enough not to turn around. Dumb enough not to find the way out.

His heart skipped a beat, for all the wrong reasons when Daehyun bent slightly to place a kiss on the young woman’s cheek, making her feature break into a satisfied smile. “Stop it.” She giggled; a sound that scraped on Youngjae’s skin with its sharp edges. “Let’s go to your room, oppa. He might kick you out if we stay here.” The still unidentified girl grabbed Daehyun’s hand and started to pull at it.

But Daehyun’s eyes were fixed on his friend, knowing and empowering. “He won’t.” His clear voice marked the ending of something unknown… the time of waiting was over and slowly they were entering a new phase…

"He’s in love with me." The smirk adorning Daehyun’s features made Youngjae’s inside twist and turn. With barely any effort, Youngjae was left permanently marred.

He was struggling in manmade daylight, while the door behind him closed soundly to encircle him in a zone trapped in worrisome times.

He started as an innocent, young and naïve he stepped into a conflict he knew absolutely nothing about. Around him, doors closed and locked, curtains covered the windows in the hopes of keeping evil spirits ways from built homes.

Youngjae crept into bed and buried himself under the blanket, his eyes fluttered shut in a silent pray to rapidly fall asleep.

The armor that surrounded him… he wondered how long it would be able to keep him warm.

‘I’m a warrior… walking into a world of black and white. I’ll go against you in a battle I’ve no odds of conquering. My weakness is known and my strengths are uncovered…

Jung Daehyun…

I hate you…

…I love you.’

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Hello! ^^

First chapter done, and now I'm rushing to work.

I'm sure there's a lot of mistake and such. So feel free to point them out!

The foreword was posted a lone time ago and the storyline in my head has changed a lot. So for those who subscribed (Thank You!) if it somwhow didn't turn out as you perhaps expected it to, I'll apologize.

I hope this wasn't too disappointing and that you still enjoyed it.

Thank you so much for reading! :D

With lots of love,

Ivy