I remember that day when we first met, i was sitting on a park bench, in a rainy day. I was depressed. My parent divorce, i’m dropped out from school. kicked out from my crew. There was no hope there was no light. I want to die... i already planned some suicide thingy on my head..

But when i’m in the middle of my thoughts the rain stop, wait.. no, the raining didn’t stop. I still can seeit pouring hrd... but why the rain didn’t pouring on me?........ i looked up, and find a pink umbrella protecting me from the waterdrops attack and.... you.

Yeah it was you.

 

Flashback

2010

‘what are you doing here?’ you asked.

‘waiting for a thunder to hit m’ i said.

 

I stand up and walk. I always don’t like strangers. i was walking in a slow pace, i know you staring at  me. even it was a very beautiful stranger.

 

            ‘HEY!’ you shouted, i stopped.

            ‘what’ i asked.

            ‘err.. see you!’ he said in hestitation.

 

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. like i want to see you again.. no.. but that was just thought. I find myself at that park again next day.. he’s not there.

Another day? He’s not there. It was funny, i always take a walk to that park and go home from club passed that park. Maybe I’m hoping that we’ll met again.

 

2012.

I still come to that park and it was raining just like when we first met. I walking in the park with my red umbrella and i spotted you walking in front of me. i dont know why, but i’m sure that was you... that pink umbrella with bunny patern... but there’s something weird with your clothes. It was, seoul Hospital clothes for patient right?.

But who cares? I was about to turn around when i saw you collapse.

 

            ‘YAH!!!’

 

I ran to you and shook your body. You just whimpering. i read your hospital barcelet.

 

Kim Himchan

Sign in : 27 june 2010.

Room : 221

Seoul Hospital.

 

Sign in in 2010?!! 2 years at the hospital?! Dafuq, it’s 2012 now..

 

Without wasting time i take you back to Seoul Hospital, i dont know why you’re in that park, and i don’t know why are you in this hospital for 2 years. It’s crazy to think that you’re living at a hospital.

When we arrived your mom was there... she’s so pretty, no wonder why you’re this pretty. You looks like a porcelain doll. She was scared when she saw our wet figure, me carrying you bridal style. She Ran towards us and lead the way to your room.

We talking outside, let the doctors checking your condition. Your mom thanked me, and asked, if i can be your friend. To acompany you when she’s not at the hospital. I just know that your dad was passed away a long time ago.

I dont know why but i said ‘yes’ i said that i’ll be your friend, and that time i regret something too. I asked about your ill, and she said leukimia.

Well, after that we become bestfriend, , sneaked out from the hospital, went to concerts, play at the game center, taking selca, your hidden shoot of me, and my hidden shoot of you, all of your picture in my phone is the best hidden shoots ever for me, you looks so beautiful and pretty, while all the hidden shoots of me on your phone is when i’m doing some stupid things. Unfair. But i like it.

 

One month

Two months

Three months

 

And the 1 year, 1 year 1 month. we went to that park again. When we first met. That day was raining too, just like the day when we first met.

 

            ‘you remember?’ you asked.

            ‘hem? our first met?’

 

You nodded.

           

            ‘never forget... rain pouring hard just like this, i thought you’re a freak stranger hahaha’ i said.

            ‘YAH! how rude.. you’re so rude BANG YONGGUK-SSI~’ you said punching my arm playfuly then pouted.

 

I laugh, you’re such a dork. A cute dork, you walk infront of me still sulking and pouting. It’s somehow looks adorable.

 

            ‘channie..’

            ‘what.’

            ‘heeyy.. stop sulking already.’ I poked your pout.

            ‘you said i’m a freak stranger’ you pushed me away from your side. Continue walking.

            ‘heey...’ i pull your hand. ‘i dont know that we’re going to be a bestfriend that time..’

 

You stay silent stare at me... but somehow i dont like your sad stare. It’s looks like you’re going leave but you don’t want to, it looks full of misery. And in a blink of eyes. your eyes language changed. You’re calling me.

 

            ‘what is it channie?’ i asked.

 

You smirked... i put my confused face... and in a blink of eyes you snatch my red umbrella. And ran, rain pouring on me... i’m wet..

 

            ‘YAAAHHH!!! GIVE IT BACK KIM HIMCHAN!’

 

I ran after you, you’re such a fast brat you know? Chasing you is impossible, i was thinking too while chasing you.  He not looks like a dying boy. But he’s dying..

I was tired, so i sat on the ground with the rain pouring on me, all wet.... i lift my head to see you laughing, walk towards me. sat infront of me.

 

            ‘guk..’

            ‘you’re wet channie’

            ‘guk..’

            ‘what?’

 

You stare at me.

 

            ‘what if, what if my time is near? What if i’m leaving soon?’ you asked.

 

My eyes widen, please dont talk like that channie..

 

           ‘what the are you talking about. You’re not going anywhere okay... and we still have a lot of time.’ i said angryly.

            ‘it was just a what if thingy..’ you smiled.

 

Your smile that time? Is the ugliest smile i’ve ever seen. You’re crying... even the rain pouring on us as hard as we sitting under the shower. I still can see your tears. You stare at me. your eyes are calling me again.

 

            ‘yes channie?’ i asked

 

You still stare at me, and slowly you come closer and lean, and what i realised next is we kissing under the rain.  I closed my eyes, but when i feel your hand up to my face.. i shoved you and stand up..

 

            ‘gu—’

            ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING HIMCHAN?! YOU’RE ING KISS ME! YOU GAY!’

 

I never get the answer because i was walk away, leaving you behind. And I was stupid for walk away like that.

 

3 day passed, it feels so long, i don’t know why... i always checked my phone to see if someone send me message, or maybe misscalls, but.. nothing. I dont know, but i know what’ve i been waiting. You, your messages, your calls, your voice messages that say.

I sat on my bed, thinking about the kiss. Why i closed my eyes? why it feels so right? And why i shoved you? Why i leave? Why i walked away? Why must i say that?

 

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HIMCHAN?! YOU’RE ING KISS ME! YOU GAY!

 

i buried my face in my hand. Thinking that how himchan’s heart ripped that time. i feel like a murder. Why must i say that stupid words. What if himchan is just down that moment? He was asking about time. about his time. his eyes full of unspoken fear, full with depression.

2 days, passed again, that day was raining. Still nothing from you... in this 2 days i was thinking, about my feelings. it’s not the feelings that i have towards my other bestfriends. I do have boy bestfriends, but i never feel like this before. Since the first time we met, i want to see you again. i was lucky you’re fainted on our 2nd met, because that’s the way we become a bestfriend.

I stopped smoking because of you, you don’t like smoking people. i stopped drinking because of you, you said you don’t like smell of alcohol. i stopped went to clubs and even stopped having with girls from the club, you said that was not good for me and for the girls, you said having is precious thing that girls should do with their life partner, not with a stranger. You’re so kind, maybe that’s one plus point that i like from you.

I like you... yeah that’s right, ofcourse i like you, you’re my bestfriend.... or maybe—

 

DDRRRTTT... DRRRTTT

 

I turned my head to my phone that lying on the table, vibrating. I pick it up not even look at the dialer.

 

            ‘hello?’

            ‘y-yongguk-ssi’

 

Himchan’s mother.. I was panicked when hear she’s sobbing.

 

            ‘yes ma’am? Are you crying there?’ i asked,

 

She didn’t answer, i can hear her clearly, she’s crying her heart out......! HIMCHAN!

 

What i know next, i was standing beside your bed, hugging your broken mom. you laying on your bed, not moving even an inch even i poked you. you’re sensitive sleeper, one squeak and you’ll wake up, but now i was shaking you to wake up, no response, even when i’m yelling at you.

 

            ‘YAH! WAKE UP! THIS IS NOT FUNNY OKAY?! YOU MAKE YOUR MOM AFRAID!!’ i yelled at you while shaking your body, your mom just hugged me still crying.

            ‘KIM HIMCHAN! I KNOW YOU’RE JUST FOOLING AROUND!! WAKE UP!’ i said, shaking your body roughly.

 

Then i realised maybe you’ll never wake up anymore.

 

            ‘himchan... p-pleasee.. p-please wake up... pleasee...’ I’m on my knee, holding his hand tight. ‘d-don’t leave me, himchan.. p-pleaseee..’

 

Mrs.kim hug me tightly comforting me and try to comfort herself as well.

 

            ‘w-we still have a lot things to do channie.... so wake up please.... baby, i love you.. so please.. please wake up..’ my voice cracked. My throat hurts so much, my vision blurred.

 

I know why i was hurting too when i shoved you who kissed me, why i always listen to your nags, why i can’t say no to you... it’s because i love you.

 

            ‘baby please...’ it was a weak whisper. ‘I love you..’ i start to kissing your fingers ‘so wake up.. i’m sorry i leave you at the park. I was confused.’..

 

Mrs.kim crying harder and hug me tighter, she’s my hair softly to comfort me. i tried to not break down, but my heart feels so hurt. I let your hand go, and it hung lifelessly on the side of the bed. You’re gone.. you leave me..

 

what if, what if my time is near? What if i’m leaving soon?

 

I screamed, i break down, i shouted telling you to wake up, your mom standing behind me and crying. I keep shouting and shaking your body hoping you’ll wake up to smack my head and say noisy! I’m trying to take my beauty sleep! Even i know you’ll never do that again.

That day passed, i was ended up injected by the nurse with sleeping drug.

 

The next day, we’re on your funeral. Your mom look better, she’s more calm than yesterday. You in your coffin, still looks pretty as usual, i put my favorite hat beside your head, a gift from me.

When the funeral end, your mom give me your phone, diary and a letter. She said that you want me to have it.so i take it... but i never open them, i’m afraid.

Flashback End.

 

Now. 2015.

And today, It’s your 2 years death memorial day. Today is cloudy, last year this day was raining hard. I’m standing infront of your grave, i put 1 cup americano and a bouquet of tulip infront of your tombstone, your favorites right?.

 

            ‘hey, how are you? I’m sorry last year i can’t come here, i was busy, i’m a CEO now. you know TS Entertaiment? That’s mine, well ofcourse you know, you always watching me from there right?’ my throat feels like stabbed. It hurts.

            ‘i miss you...’

 

Tears rolled down my face as the rain start to fall.

 

            ‘i miss you...’

 

I said behind my sobs. I lift my head, look up to the gray sky.

 

            ‘everytime it’s raining like this, it feels you’re right beside me, standing near me, whispering our memories... is this rain, is this rain your voice?’

 

 

i arrived at home, and just walk towards the bathroom, showering. Then just went right away to my room. I spotted the things that your mom gave me 2 years ago. I walk to get the things and lay down on my bed.

 

Diary . i read all the things, laughing all the time about how cute he write your diary. Until i stunned in one particular page.

 

20 june 2010.

I feel sick today, it’s weird i feel so tired even i didn’t do anything. I looks so pale, and i keep thrown up. Mom said i need to check up,but i think it’s just a flu.

Anyway, i’m dizzy, so Himchan out. See ya :D

 

Why didnt you check up stupid. I can feel my eyes start to watery. The diary was skipped.

 

25 june 2010.

I met a guy at park. He’s weird. I was walk back to home from the hospital to check my condition, it’s just getting worst, i’m pale as vampire and always dizzy. then i see this guy, he sat at a bench without any raincoat or umbrella. And he’s so rude <(“-  _-)> but somehow he looks so handsome with his red hair. So funky ._ . lol

 

I smiled, this brat... i bet this guy is me. red hair and rude. I smilled. And continue reading.

 

26 june 2010.

The result is..... Leukimia. I’m going to die. Keep positive and hwaiting! ^o^9 i read some article that leukimia can healed :)

Himchan! Hwaiting! ^o^9

 

This brat... i can read the text that you scratch, i’m going to die. My throat hurts. My heart pounded. I keep reading like i was reading a romance novel, smiling at all pur memories you wrote down, you even wrote that day when i win you a big teddy bear from the dart game at the festival, until.....

 

19 june 2013.

I realised something, my time is near... i can’t be cured, what a sad reality right? Hahahahahha~ and today, i kissed yongguk, he shoved me and leave me at the park. It’s hurt, he was promised me that he’ll be with me until i’m not breathing anymore. Well but maybe this is the best. He hated me, so there’s no more tears will wasted for me.

 

20 june 2013.

I miss him. i miss him so much.

 

21 june 2013.

I’m afraid... my nose was bleeding. My head was dizzy, and when i thrown up, there’s blood. I’m afraid... yongguk come here please? I’m sorry.

 

22 june 2013.

My time is near, i knew it. i feel numb, God? Can you please delay the time please? Postpone it. i still want to be with my mom, or maybe yongguk will come and meet me next week. Please...? i love them.

 

23 june 2013.

 

 

 

 

            ’23 june 2013, the day that i run to you, and find you sleep forever...’

 

I can’t hold back my tears anymore, i’m crying like a kid hugging your diary. Like i was hugging you. then i remember the letter. I open it and start reading it with watery eyes.

 

Yo!

when you read this, it means that i’m not here anymore hahahah :) Well, i just want to thanked you for being my best friend. I’ll never forget you.err i’m sorry that i kissed you. and thanks for all memories that you gave to me, it was the best. And i want to tell you something, i have no courage to say this in person because i was a coward. I’m afraid that you’ll hate me, that time at the park i was planning to say it, but you shoved me and leave. I love you yongguk. since the first time we met at the park, i always go to that park to see you again when it’s raining. Thanks for the best 1 year in my life, you’re the best :)

maybe now you probably thinking how gay i am to write a confession letter and you’re in disgust now. i know i’m not good with words and showing feeling. So sorry if the letter is weird for you ._.

i love you so much guk, i love you. and remember, don’t smoking or i’ll send the rain into your house and make your house flooded, don’t drink to much, stop staying out late, eat on the time and ramyun is not good for your body if you eat it too much. :) once again thanks and, I love you.... baby x)

Channie ♡

 

I laughed in my cry, then cried more when i finish reading it.

 

            ‘i love you too, baby.’

 

And tonight, the rain whispering our memories again to my sleep. Good night channie, see you in the better next life.

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A/N : eeehh.. sorry for this random story ._____. But personally i like the ending xD *suicide*

Thanks for readingggg :DDD