We got in a rhythm. Wake up, brush our teeth, take a shower, fix up the house we were staying at for hours, take a ten minute break to talk about what to do and how long we could stay here and then get back to work. No one tried to pry in my business. They gave me the heavy duty jobs, anything that required breaking or lifting something, I had it. Maybe because of all my pent up emotions for Chaerin, it could make their job easier. That and I needed to relieve it all inside me.

Since Chaerin was gone, the eldest became the Leader. Bom was a good Leader, but even she knew she couldn’t surpass Chaerin. I didn’t argue about Bom being Leader, I couldn’t make decisions for their team. But I was so distraught and different, after one week, it was normal. But before…I wonder if I’ll be able to return to normal.

This was day seven without Chaerin, and the others noticed no progress in me. How’d I know? I saw no progress in my recovery either. I wanted to be alone, I needed to think, but all I could think about was Chaerin. I hated that. I hated that she was able to evade my mind with a smile, a laugh, a smirk or a kiss to the cheek. I hated that she could never show or give me those ever again. But I hated myself for letting her go. It’s your fault Jiyong. It’s all your fault.

We got in a rhythm. Wake up, brush our teeth, take a shower and then go out and train in the fields, stopping for lunch after nearly six hours for about half an hour and continue training. Other soldiers weren’t as good as me. While they were doing standard training procedures, I was thinking outside the box. While other soldiers were running and scrimmaging with each other, I was thinking of battle strategies and being Spike’s right hand.

It was an honor, but ever since I became Spike’s trusted soldier, that voice never stops. Let it call herself the ‘real me’, but it always has something to say. I’ll be honest. I’m interested in what she has to say. She seems to know a lot about what Spike’s soldiers really are. Humans chipped and programmed. She talks about fourteen other humans she’s been with most of her life.

There’s the eldest, Park Bom who has red hair, a doll face and the personality of a child. I can sort of see her face when I close my eyes. Next is Dara, a spunky brunette with the same personality and nearly the same age as Bom. Her face is oddly clear in my head. I can also see TOP, Bom’s boyfriend and has the most chiseled features ever with a voice as deep as the ocean and hair the color of frostbitten toes. Taeyang, with a Mohawk that almost reaches it and sun-kissed tips has muscles bulging from a muscle shirt he wears and a smile warm like coffee-but he’s Dara’s boyfriend.

Then there’s Yongguk, the Leader of B.A.P-a sub-unit in those fifteen humans-his voice is nearly as deep as TOP’s, but it’s rougher, he has a gummy smile and a gangster-like aura. I see Himchan, who has a narrow face, dark fluffy hair and thin lips is more serious than others, and his smile looks genuine yet strained. Daesung is the man with an angelic smile, a country boy’s dark skin but had white hair tousled back every day and is as gentle as a leaf in fall.

Seungri is my cousin. My only family left, but we get along well and we’re close. He looks like a panda, but he has a sweet charismatic smile and is like me in a lot of ways. Daehyun and him don’t get along well, but they will if they wish. Daehyun has a pretty-boy face and floppy brown hair the color of tree bark, but can sing like a sunrise beginning. Youngjae looks like a baby and is innocent like one too; he’s sweet and a good listener and has killer shoes he always wears.

Jongup is awkward, but good-looking. He was a nerd, awkwardly cute and sweet, maybe he’s just nervous to embarrass himself and is so awkward because of that. Minzy is the Maknae of my team and has eyes that blaze fire, she’s a strong and free spirit, but always obeyed me. Zelo is the youngest of us all, and he acts like it too, he’s boyish and fun and can sometimes be a baby but I’d forgive him anyway and ruffle his mop of blonde hair.

Then there’s one more person I can remember most of all. Kwon Jiyong. She talks about him more than anyone. I see a good-looking man, with hair parted half black and half pink, a narrow chin and thin eyes and lips the color of rose petals, I see a charming smile on his face, and I can feel the warmth of his arms around me… She says he’s sweeter than sugar, like a real life Prince Charming from fairytales, and I want to know how it really feels. But I can’t. Spike would never let his best soldier go.