RW[8]
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Title: The Target
Author: grandma_v
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Grandma_V2/
Reviewer: Jiwoo (xxasianninjaxx)
Author: grandma_v
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Grandma_V2/
Reviewer: Jiwoo (xxasianninjaxx)
Title 2/5:
It fitted with the storyline very well, but it didn't catch my attention.
Foreword 10/10
Splendid job on the foreword! It is really hard for me to give a perfect score on this part, but you managed it. The foreword caught my attention. It got me excited to read the story! Some punctuation errors, but that doesn't really count for this section. It does, although, count for another part.
Poster 0/5:
You didn't do a poster. Please make a poster or request for one.
Characterization 8/10:
Another part in the story that was done well! You managed to describe not only the main characters well, but also the minors like Jonghyun, Minho, and Taemin. Key and Jihye, the main characters, were also described nicely. You gave Jihye that serious and mysterious aura. Although, try focusing more on describing the main characters more. I mean you explained the main and minors equally, but the main needs to be described more.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary 13/20:
I admit, your English is very good. If you proofread it once more the story would've have been perfect. This part is where I tend to get annoyed the most since it's the part where most authors struggle. There were, sadly to say, some errors.
In the foreword, the word mater was spelled wrong. There were other spelling errors so try looking those up.
When someone is screaming use and exclamation point (!) instead of a period. It seemed that way during the beginning. You put a part where you said Jihye was screaming but I didn't think she was since it had all periods. It did tone down a little bit. I noticed you started using exclamation marks in the end. Also try using less dashes (-). You may have used it at the wrong moments.
"I was beginning to feel bored of her." Beginning and bored should not be in the same sentence because of the time sequence.
The point of views had some mistakes too. In chapter two you had a first point of view in the middle of a third. What I mean by that is you put I instead of she. It also occurred in chapter three. I'm not sure if it was the narrator talking or just another error, but you put I in the middle of a third person's point of view.
Some capitalization errors. Just the usual where you put a period but never capitalized the begin letter of the following sentence.
"Her Jihye sat on the stone bench by an old, huge tree." I think you can see the error in this sentence. If not, then you should delete the her.
You have a wide sense of vocabulary! The story was detailed to its finest. Also, you didn't repeat to many words. I mean the story did, but it was at the right time so it made it seemed as if the story wasn't annoyingly repeating.
Flow 12/15: Very nice flow! The flow had a steady pace along with well structured sentence! Some rushing in some chapters, though.
It fitted with the storyline very well, but it didn't catch my attention.
Foreword 10/10
Splendid job on the foreword! It is really hard for me to give a perfect score on this part, but you managed it. The foreword caught my attention. It got me excited to read the story! Some punctuation errors, but that doesn't really count for this section. It does, although, count for another part.
Poster 0/5:
You didn't do a poster. Please make a poster or request for one.
Characterization 8/10:
Another part in the story that was done well! You managed to describe not only the main characters well, but also the minors like Jonghyun, Minho, and Taemin. Key and Jihye, the main characters, were also described nicely. You gave Jihye that serious and mysterious aura. Although, try focusing more on describing the main characters more. I mean you explained the main and minors equally, but the main needs to be described more.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary 13/20:
I admit, your English is very good. If you proofread it once more the story would've have been perfect. This part is where I tend to get annoyed the most since it's the part where most authors struggle. There were, sadly to say, some errors.
In the foreword, the word mater was spelled wrong. There were other spelling errors so try looking those up.
When someone is screaming use and exclamation point (!) instead of a period. It seemed that way during the beginning. You put a part where you said Jihye was screaming but I didn't think she was since it had all periods. It did tone down a little bit. I noticed you started using exclamation marks in the end. Also try using less dashes (-). You may have used it at the wrong moments.
"I was beginning to feel bored of her." Beginning and bored should not be in the same sentence because of the time sequence.
The point of views had some mistakes too. In chapter two you had a first point of view in the middle of a third. What I mean by that is you put I instead of she. It also occurred in chapter three. I'm not sure if it was the narrator talking or just another error, but you put I in the middle of a third person's point of view.
Some capitalization errors. Just the usual where you put a period but never capitalized the begin letter of the following sentence.
"Her Jihye sat on the stone bench by an old, huge tree." I think you can see the error in this sentence. If not, then you should delete the her.
You have a wide sense of vocabulary! The story was detailed to its finest. Also, you didn't repeat to many words. I mean the story did, but it was at the right time so it made it seemed as if the story wasn't annoyingly repeating.
Flow 12/15: Very nice flow! The flow had a steady pace along with well structured sentence! Some rushing in some chapters, though.
Originality/Creativity 5/10:
I can't really grade you much on this since the plot isn't too creative. But this is an enjoyable story. It's not really original, but it's something. I don't blame you. It's hard now these days to come up with something fresh. I credit you for at least trying to make it a little more creative by adding more elements into the story. I mean some people don't even try to make it look different. But still, a little black book and a mysterious past... Well let's be frank, who hasn't heard of that. I could have sworn I've seen a movie on a little black book. Don't get me wrong! This isn't plagiarism or anything. Just not originality. Still, nice try for trying your best into making it creative and original. This is what I think is the truly hardest part. I mean your creativity was good, you just didn't exactly 'nail it', if you catch what I mean.
I can't really grade you much on this since the plot isn't too creative. But this is an enjoyable story. It's not really original, but it's something. I don't blame you. It's hard now these days to come up with something fresh. I credit you for at least trying to make it a little more creative by adding more elements into the story. I mean some people don't even try to make it look different. But still, a little black book and a mysterious past... Well let's be frank, who hasn't heard of that. I could have sworn I've seen a movie on a little black book. Don't get me wrong! This isn't plagiarism or anything. Just not originality. Still, nice try for trying your best into making it creative and original. This is what I think is the truly hardest part. I mean your creativity was good, you just didn't exactly 'nail it', if you catch what I mean.
Plot 11/15:
I pretty much explained it in the originality and creativity. Nice try though. Still, so far the plot is well organized. It's not jumping from here to there. It's like you took the time to plan it all out before writing.
Exposition (Part of Plot): This is the part where you get things started. Like explaining the characters and setting. It was organized and easy to understand, which I like! I think I speak on behalf of most people where I say a sloppy storyline is really annoying. The exposition is really important because if it's not explained right it could lead to confusion among the readers.
Rising Action (Part of Plot): Right now your story seems to be at that point. This is where it leads to the . Your story hasn't necessarily gotten to the , but it's trying to getting there. Your not exactly near the yet, but you are done with the expo, I assume. This is what seems to be the longest part of most stories. Nicely organized and also easily understandable.
Conflicts (Part of Plot): These are the detailed problems that coincides with the actual problem. The conflicts were very interesting! For example, the problem of Key's ex came back to 'try' and kill him. The readers figured at one point his sinful past would comeback to haunt him. I loved the moment of Jihye's heroic action. It gave me an even deeper respect for her (also another good form of characterization)! Another good conflict was when the doctors were speaking to Jihye! Oh my! What is wrong with our Jihye? I am dying to find out!
(Note: Their is no or falling action graded and that's because your story hasn't gotten to that part yet. Do not worry. It will not affect the the grade at all. I will just grade what you have so far done.)
Writing Style 8/10: I loved it! It was very enjoyable. The story managed to have a mysterious feeling, yet it had that humorous tone that made me laugh out loud during times. "He knew too well what was coming next and it involved a big colorful stain on my uniform." That was very funny. Plus, if you haven't already noticed, that sentence changed point of views. Do not fret, it didn't hurt this section. It may have a slight on the grammar section. All in all, I like your style of writing.
Bonus 3/0: You can only get 5 bonus points. It's out of zero, though, since it doesn't really count a grade. It is more like extra credit points. Also if you do not see a bonus section it means you didn't get any. I enjoyed reading your story so deserve this!
Total: 72/100
Great job with your story! Honestly, if had put a poster you would have received more points.
I enjoy it and hope you to continue on!
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