Title: Love is You + Me
Author: proximaC 
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/21048
Review: Jiwoo (xxasianninjaxx)

Title 2/5:
The title was a little boring. The first thing readers will almost all the time look at it is the title itself. Make it a little more alluring, you know? Make it sound mysterious so the readers will get curious and click on your story.


Foreword 9/10:
The foreword has some mistakes in it. You should take another look. Some of the sentences are not spaced right. I found some of the content in the foreword amusing.

"I would ask him politely to go back with me to Japan and drag him by the hair if he refuses. I would stop that marriage at all cost." That was very humorous when she gave that threat. 

The summary was written well. As I read over it again, thinking back to the story, it basically did describe what happened in the story. Although, it didn't give too much away. Also another plus! The summary made me interested. 


Poster 5/5:
I saw nothing wrong with the poster. Five out of five. 


Characterization 9/10:
I have to admit, I was a bit scared on the characters you’ve chosen. The pairing seemed a bit odd. But you did so well with the characters! You gave information, but at the same time you kept some parts of them a secret, making the reader want to more.

And on the other note, the way you described Meisa, I would have never assumed she was a good girl. But after reading about her and Seunghyun's past, I was then beginning to question more. How did she turn out this way? Trust me, after reading what happened to her, I began to tear up a little. Did you know I squealed too? I was at first a supported of the Meisa-Jaejoon couple because Jaejoong was such a sweat heart. It was like that, 'til I read Seunghyun's true intentions.
Oh ho, you got me rooting for a couple. That means you really got my attention.


Grammar/Punctuation/Vocabulary/Spelling 10/20
I'm not going to lie, the story made a lot of errors.

"Pouting, Meisa grabbed her towel and walked right to the bathroom and Mrs. Kuroki’s smile, grew wider than ever." I'm trying to see why the comma is placed after 'smile', but I see no reason for it. Maybe before 'and' would be a much nicer place to insert in since it's like separating two sentences. 

"Credit cards and car, credit cards and car, credit cards and car. She chanted to herself." Italicize the though and put a comma after it instead of a period. I honestly didn't know those were her thoughts until you put 'She chanted to herself.' Make it obvious she was thinking that like how you make it obvious when a person is speaking. 

“'So Meisa dear, your mother told me that you took Korean class at college.'the woman with her hairs tied in a neat bun asked, smiling sweetly at her but somehow that smile sent chill down her spine." Either replace the period after 'college' with a comma, or capitalize 'the'. Don't forget to space it also. Don’t forget the ‘a’ before ‘Korean’ since it’s only one class.

You made some mistakes with capitalization. Please go back and look for those mistakes. 

"She is scarily nice! Is she seriously this sweet or she’s waiting for the right time before ‘skinning and ‘eating’ her alive?" The apostrophe after 'skinning' was forgotten. 

"Oh my, what have she done in her past life to deserve such torture?" Replace the have with has. 

"'No, I don’ have anyone here. My family is in Japan.' replied Meisa, searching through her tons of clothing for a suitable PJ." 'Don't' is wrong and capitalize 'replied'. 


Flow 12/15:
The flow was easy to follow along. Didn't rush at all. It was going along at a perfect pace so not really much to grade on that. Your writing was easy to read. But during one point of the story I got a little confused. I was asking myself,"Wait, isn't she marrying Choi Seunghyun? Then why is she still looking for him? I thought she knew that she was living with him." Luckily, it was all explained in your little author's corner or whatever you shall call it. But don't you think it would have been better to not have to explain it and just have the readers already know it instead? 


Plot 8/15:
Your plot was organized nicely. From the introduction of the characters to the rising action. You haven't gotten to the yet, but that’s okay. Doesn’t do anything to the grade at all. As long as you put one in during the story later on as you update.  

Introduction (Part of Plot):
It was a little boring. I was easily distracted by my surrounding since I wasn't soaked into the story, yet. I kinda had to force myself to get into it. Although, the introduction did a good job with describing the characters, settings, and situation. 

Rising action (Part of Plot): Now we're spicing things up! After the boring introduction, when you were on your way to the many conflicts, I was hooked."I want more! I want more!" I was chanting to myself. My eyes were glued to the story. It was getting more and more intense as I read on. 

Now here's the part that confused me. I wouldn't really group this with the introduction or rising action, but it is part of the plot. During the situation where Meisa first moved in, she saw some packets in her room. I thought Seunghyun only loved her? But then again, she never did saw the used ones. But still it makes no sense to me. I know he's trying to teach her a valuable lesson on life, but those packets didn't make sense to me. Still, it helped me least expect that he was actually a good guy. Basically what I’m trying to say is why did that event happen?


Originality/Creativity 8/10
I'm going to be honest with you. I got a  big surprise reading this. I thought it was going to be one of those cliche stories, but I was apparently caught off guard! Not knowing the person who she was going to marry was living with her, not to mention she very much despises him. Creative! I guess some parts were a little old, but you made up for it with the interesting twist. 

"Blackmailing was never her parents’ style but now, because of some stupid friends of theirs, she’s in deep trouble of losing her ‘best friends'." I like how you related her parents friends with her credit cards. It also amused me how you explained her credit cards as 'best friends'. It was a good form of personification.

Writing Style 8/10
You have a great writing style. I could read it without trouble on most parts. You also kept me going and entertained. The characters had many mysteries to them, so you gave the readers a puzzle to figure out. And it weren't those puzzles that were so easy to find out, it were the kind where you had to keep reading on to figure out the mysteries. Although, the one part where Seunghyun was describing what he was really doing in chapter ten: paragraph eight, gave way too much information. You should saved some for the readers to figure out, but it gave almost everything he was doing. Who knows, maybe there was more to it, but in my perspective that was basically Seunghyun’s whole entire plan in one paragraph.

Bonus 2/0:
I really liked your story. Maybe make some corrections first. After then, I would consider recommending this to many. It’s a really entertaining story. 

Total 73/100:
Subscribed! I’m dying to find out what’s happening next. How those three will blossom into the character they will turn into.

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