RW[5]

Author: xlene-jy

Story: I’ll Make You Mine

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/xlene_jy/

Reviewer: Chohye

Title:2/5

I gave you this mark because I think you can get a more better title than this. This title is seen in many other stories that I really don’t think it attracted me, gave me a link or a connection for me to read the story, but the good thing is that it is connected to the story. Like when ever I read this kind of title I firstly think that maybe a boy/girl is trying to do things to get the boy/girl to make the person love them but it gets up in an love triangle or a rival or some misunderstandings in the story. This is the first thing that I thought of when I read your title.

Poster/Background: 1/10

There are no posters but there is a background of a pond or something so i’ll mark that in. The background did not match or connected to the story, also, if you have a poster it would be much better :D but a poster and a background which it connects to the story :D

Description/Foreword: 2/10

I gave you only 2 marks for this, there are no description because I know that Winglin only has foreword that I did not mark that as a point but the foreword I did :D Do you know what to put on the foreword? It’s fine to write the summary like that but it’s good to put characters description there as well. Make it more interesting to let the readers get into your story more! :D

Plot: 13/15

You have quite a lot of mistakes in your story like more of an obvious ones. “speeds dial” should be “speed dials Rina.” Instead. The whole story wasn’t that fun or that interesting enough for me to get into the story more. It was in whos point of view? There was a part for Onew and Rin now it switched over to Sungmin then again in another place where Donghae and Onew is... it was quite confusing... the fun part was the twitter. How the fans went all crazy how Donghae twitted the fans that was the most random part or the story that I have ever read :D

Creativity/Originality: 14/15

I took one points out because of the title did not seem that original and ofcourse the story I haven’t read a story like that before which is a good thing to me. It was quite complicating and messy, but it had some fun parts as well which I like. You wrote it in your own style which I like. It was good.

Flow: 7/10

The flow? It seemed somehow rushed when I read it. It felt like you jumped into some random bits as well... like you wrote about Onew and the next thin6g you jump into someone else which I mostly get confused in the story while reading it. You had a lot of obvious mistakes in your story that I will point it out soon. Everything else was fine.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10

As I said soon, here is the mistakes you did on your story.

You did not put capitol letter when you started a conversation with someone in your story.

“ofcourse I don’t mind at all.” Smiled Onew. You know where you did not put your capitol letters right? At the start of the sentence always put a capitol letter unless it isn’t a full stop or if you are continue on with your sentence.

“Sorry about you two, But we gotta get going.” Should be “Sorry about you to but we gotta get going.” You just put capitol letters in the place that you don’t need and don’t put capitol letters in the place you NEED to.

“Let’s go nowwwwwwwwww~~” instead of this, “Let’s go now~” you can just put this in. Shortly.

“Onewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww next week?” you don’t need to keep on writing wwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Maybe just a short little “Onew~” or “Onew~~~” only three is enough.

I don’t even get why you put “WDKFAKDGJAKDGA” those weird nonsense words in there too, maybe make up a word or describe it in words than making the story messy like that.

Characterisation: 2/10

You did not describe your characters that I did not know anything about them. As I said in the foreword you should describe the characters of what roles they are to be doing so the readers know and understand that character. Just because it’s SHINee and Super Junior, some people like me >_< I’m not a SM artist lover but I do listen to their song, don’t know about their personalities, so in the foreword just write a short description about your characters so I get to know about them more in the story.

Writing Style: 8/10

Writing style was alright but abit messy, I know it’s because of the Winglin can’t change fonts or things like that because it isn’t like Asianfanfics or other sites but the colour that you used were fine. Clear and understandable. The colours that you used were fine.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

As I said it wasn’t that interesting from the foreword place the only part which was fun was that was the random twitter parts.

Extra:5 /5

I know you can improve J as you said you want to on the form you wrote on. I know you can make your story more interesting. Hwaiting! J

Total:63 /105

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RW[5]

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