Title: The Story of Our Past 

Author: i_love_kpop 

Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/45033/ 

Title: 3.5/5

The title was simple; it told a bit without giving away too much, but I didn't really find it all too original. There was little-to-no originality in it; I wouldn't be surprised to see the same exact title on a few other stories here on AFF. 

However, I still liked the title. "The Story of Our Past" leaves much to the imagination, and really makes you wonder what the story is about. 

And so, while the title may not be original, it definitely is interesting and very eye-catching. Or, at least, in my opinion it is. 

Because of this, I'd like to say that you did good job on the title! :) 

 

Forewords: 8/10

The description and foreword was fine, but it could've been a bit better. 

For one, I didn't like all of the different colours you used. They were unnecessary and made my eyes hurt a bit from looking at them, especially the yellow font that you had used. The different colours aren't needed, in my opinion; just stick to plain old black, for it doesn't matter if your story is written in different colours. It doesn't make it look all that pretty. 

Plus, you don't see actually books written in different colours and/or fonts, now do you? 

Another thing would be the format. I didn't like it one bit, I'm afraid. There was no need for nice-looking sentence/scene breaks or asteriks. 

I advise you to stick to one sentence/scene break or maybe even choose the asteriks if you'd like, and leave the different ones behind. Once more, the story doesn't look all that pretty; instead, it just looks like you constantly forgot which sentence/scene break you were using. 

However, apart from this, the description and foreword were good to read! :D You even used the two of them PROPERLY, rather than what other writers do, abusing the description and foreword, not writing anything that has to do with the story and instead using one of them or perhaps even both to write author's notes. Also, you didn't use the dreaded character charts, so this was a plus as well. 

Wonderful job here! :D 

 

Poster: 3/5

I loved the poster; it had a nice blend of colours and affects, and was all-around beautiful. However, I didn't like how Yoona and Donghae's bodies were kind of blended into each other; it looked like they were ghosts or transparent or something. 

Also, I think that the bokeh effect should've just been used around the title and the effect also shouldn't have been used on Yoona's face. If these two things had been done, then I think that the poster would've looked better than it already did. :) 

Apart from these two things, I really liked the poster! ^^ 

 

Originality/Creativity: 6/10

You don't get full marks here because of the fact that the story isn't as original as I would like it to be. Unfortunately, the whole not-seeing-each-other-in-so-long-while-being-best-friends-and-then-finding-each-other-again-and-falling-in-love thing has been done numerous times here on AFF, so I wasn't able to give you many marks for the originality/creativity part of this rubric. 

However, I suppose that you did add your own slight twists to this story. 

For example, in the foreword, you added a little snippet that pointed at the fact that the story was being told to a little girl by someone (Specifically, her Godfather), and so, because of this, you managed to score a few more points from me. 

That little twist hadn't been done in any stories with the same plot of yours that I've read, so good job on making it slightly different from the norm. :) 

 

Flow: 13/15

The flow was very good!  :D You didn't linger that much in the childhood past of Donghae and Yoona, which was good; but at the same time a bit bad. I think you could've lingered a bit there - not that much that the readers get bored, but just to really emphasize the fact that the Donghae and Yoona's friendship had been really deep and really strong, that they really cared for one another and depended on one another, etc. etc. 

Apart from that, your flow was nice and slow, but not so slow that people got bored of reading your story. You kept it quick enough to keep people on their toes, and consistently tried your best to keep the story's plot alive and present through and through. 

 

Plot: 9/15

Basically, you got a low mark here for the same reason(s) you got a low mark in the originality/creativity part of the rubric. 

Obviously, you cango back and read the originality/creativity part of the rubric once more if you have forgotten what I wrote for you and your story there. ;) 

 

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: 8/20

Unfortunately, this aspect of the story wasn't as good as it should've been. The grammar, punctuation, spelling and vocabulary weren't really good; the sentences were all times choppy because they were ended too early, sometimes didn't even make any sense, the beginnings of sentences are capitalized, commas aren't were they should be, you use both present and past tense, and so on. 

I suggest that you get yourself a Beta reader; your spelling, grammar and vocabulary isn't up to par. Although, you weren't all that bad. :) It's much better than other writers here on AFF, so kudos to you on that! Still, I do suggest that you get yourself a Beta reader, so the quality of your writing is better. That way, you'll get yourself more readers, commenters, and subscribers. ^^ And we writers all strive to achieve this, don't we? 

 

Characterizations: 6/10

The characterization wasn't bad; you could tell who was like what. I especially like Yoona's characterization; she seems like a good friend. ^^ 

Although, I think you could've done a bit better. If you described the characters' emotions a bit more, really devled deep into them, then people would be able to sympathize, agree, and basically know the characters a lot better. 

Still, overall, the characterization part of your story was really good! :) Good job. 

 

Writing Style: 7/10

I liked the writing style. While there wasn't anything that really stood out, it was still good. I loved the flow, and I especially liked the flashbacks that showed a lot more insight, and really made things connect with one another better.  :) 

However, three marks were taken because of the fact that the spelling, grammar and vocabulary weren't as up to par as they should've been. 

Total: 63.5/100

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