Title: Take My Hand, I’ll Lead The Way
Author: redcherrylilly5
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/redcherrylilly5/
Reviewer: Alice

Note: Please keep in mind that as a reviewer, I am only doing my job. Harsh criticisms are only made to help you improve your story and to become a better author. Do not, at any point, get mad at me as I am only doing my job as a reviewer.

Title: 3/5

The story title was okay and very straight to the point but you should also keep in mind that if you want someone to read your story, the title of the story needs to be eye-catching and would make you want to read it. Personally, I like it but it needs a little ‘BAM’ to it, something that will make readers want to click on your story and read on.

Forewords: 5/10

The forward is very important; this is what captures your readers mind. In your foreword, you have an ‘Authors Note’ which is basically introducing your new story. At the end of first sentence, you have two exclamation marks when only one is needed; this is the same for your second sentence. The word “whatever” does not need to be in block capitals, so please don’t be tempted to throw in random block capitals when it is not needed. I’m sure that you will know the differences between “to” and “too” and this may have been a mistake (typo) but for the third sentence, it is not “to” but “too”. Alongside your ‘Authors Note’, you also have the plot of the story. Personally, I would have put the plot of the story first instead of your authors note. I will go into more detail about your plot in the ‘plot’ section.

Underlined texts are the corrections.

This is your author redcherrylilly with a new story!
Haha, it's actually a oneshot but whatever!
Kekekekekekeke I enjoy myself too much.

Poster: 0/5

You do not have a poster so I will not count this in your overall score.

Plot: 9/15

{On Foreword}
Your plot is simple and straight to the point, nothing complicated about it, which is good. However, this kind of plot has been used over and over again so many times that it eventually becomes predictable as to what may happen throughout your story. The plot is something that makes your readers want to read on so it needs to be simple, straight to the point, interesting and original. Originality is important when it comes to the plot of the story. Can you imagine yourself reading a story that has the same plot as every other similar story? Wouldn’t it become boring?
Besides those points, I like your plot because it is simple and straight to the point. Within your plot, you’ve added a little twist at the end which makes me want to find out what happens between Daniel, Hyemi and Hyunseung.

Suggested corrections.
The story is basically about Hyemi and Hyunseung being together. Daniel has always liked Hyemi though and he takes his chance when Hyunseung goes off to camp. The day Hyunseung comes back is the turning point of their relationship.
In the suggested corrections, I removed both of the “though”. The reason was simply because it didn’t go well together, or at least not with both of them in. You would get away with having that “though” on the end of “The day Hyunseung comes back though,”

{Story}
As I was reading through your story, I found it quite hard to read and would sometimes lose my place. The font size was the ideal size but the way you set out your paragraphs/conversations is not my cup of tea. When scrolling down the page, all I see is conversations and a big block of writing. I will cover this particular section in the ‘Writing Style’ section.

At the beginning of your story, we readers are introduced to Hyemi, Jieun, Dongwoon, Hyunseung and Daniel through conversations and not descriptions. This works too but I find that if you describe the characters in detail is more interesting and you get to know what the characters are like. As far as your story goes, I found it ‘weird’ that Hyunseung was “killed” off so soon, but this might just be me.

Other than that, I quite enjoyed your story. The drama between Hyemi and Daniel made it complete but your epilogue ended your story perfectly; a ‘happy’ ending with a mysterious twists, love it!

Originality/Creativity: 5/10

I wouldn’t say that this is the most creative and original story I’ve ever read because I would be lying. But I will say that this story had its own originality and creativity even though the ending was predictable (for me). Some authors are not willing to step outside of thee ‘box’ or their comfort zone which is perfectly understandable but all authors need to take a risk every once in a while and experiment with different things, otherwise every story out there will be a replica of another story.

Flow: 11/15

The flow of this story wasn’t too fast or too slow but at a steady pace which slowly builds up to the plot. But I fear that you may have rushed it a little as there were a few spelling mistakes. Remember to proof read!

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: 10/20

You’re half way there! In your story, it is mainly based on the conversations rather than the
surrounding description etc. Therefore, it ticked me off slightly when at the beginning of a
conversation, there would always be at least one or two spaces between the opening speech mark (“) and the text. For example, " Friday!", this should be “Friday!”. There were also some spelling errors and little typos which need to be corrected. Reminder to you and all authors: proof read!

Characterisations: 0/10

You didn’t have any characterisations in your story, therefore you will not be marked for this and it will not affect your overall score.

Writing Style: 4/10

I will admit that your writing style is not my cup of tea. Meaning, I’m not a fan of it. When reading your story, I often find myself losing my place. I understand that every author has their own way of writing but please also bear in mind that what you like, the readers may not like.

Total: 47/85 (reduced by 15 points; originally 100)

          55.3/100

Reviewers Additional Note: Please proof read your story before and after you post your chapter/story. No matter what device you’re on, it is important to proof read to make sure there are no spelling and grammar mistakes.

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