“I meant everything I said, Chanyeol. You’re out of the band.”

It was the first and only thing Kilwoo said to him the next day at school. The day whizzed by in a blur, Kyunghwan and Hongki uncomfortably silent in the space that felt like an ocean between Chanyeol and his best friend of the past five years. 

Chanyeol couldn’t pay attention to anything in any of his classes, his mind secluded in the deep, murky pool of his thoughts. Why Kilwoo felt so betrayed, what had changed about Chanyeol since he’d met Bomi, how he could patch things up. 

He was so beside anything around him, he completely forgot about his and Bomi’s newfound routine of walking to the noodle shop for their evening shifts on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He showed up earlier than usual by himself, helping unskillfully to cut vegetables in the kitchen for dinner servings. 

He heard the workers near the entrance cheerfully greet Bomi, before he got to see her on his way out from the kitchen. He swept the hair away from his forehead and made for a smile, but his mouth felt stiff. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey,” Her single greeting seemed to crawl back into . Chanyeol couldn’t be sure, but it didn’t even seem like she gave him as much as a glance before she turned away.

She seemed absolutely normal around the other staff members. Smiling, bright voice, boisterous laugh, same old Bomi. But Chanyeol just couldn’t bring himself to get up to her, pick a bicker or joke or anything. As if that cold, bleak ocean between Kilwoo and him had transitioned over between Bomi and him now. 

The shift felt like it would last a hundred years, and didn’t show any signs of picking up for at least another hour. It was Chanyeol’s chance. 

“Bomi… is something wrong?” 

It snapped in Chanyeol’s head like a set of fingers in his brain. Of course, he’d learned it by now. Bomi was the type to always wear her thoughts and feelings on her expressions. She couldn’t hide things, she couldn’t lie. Her forward personality had its downsides, though it helped Chanyeol read her better now. Her crinkled frown, the way she bit her lip uncomfortably. 

“No, nothing’s wrong… at least not for me… but if you’re talking about you…” 

Chanyeol leaned forward against the counter, eyebrows raised, propelling Bomi back by rebound.

“Your friend Kilwoo came to talk to me today,” She straightened and regarded him with something between a glare and a sulk. 

“What did he say?” 

“Well he… I mean… are you sure you want to know?” 

Chanyeol nodded without hesitation, but cringed inwardly at how reluctant Bomi seemed. 

“He… I think… was under the impression that… well…” 

In any other circumstance, Chanyeol could picture himself poking fun that his brash stuttering habit had rubbed off on Bomi. But it just felt like the most inappropriate time to do so. And he missed it already, that easy, comfortable, but a little on edge too, mood Bomi had always put him in. 

She threw her hands up in front of her, willing her chest to just spit it out. “He claims I’ve seduced you somehow, and I’m the reason your friendship is breaking apart.” 

She avoided his eyes, looking none-the-less relieved even after letting the truth out of her. 

The flame of anger flickered on before Chanyeol could even process what he’d heard. With the heat swarming his head, he kept control of his voice, like the way Bomi had told him to for phone calls to potential employers back then. 

“I’m sorry I pulled you into it, Bomi. I screwed up and Kilwoo needs someone else to take it out on, besides me. I just need a way to set things right with him… get it into his hot head that I’m not going anywhere… actually, I was wondering… if you could help me with it.” 

He blinked at her with wide eyes as she turned toward him, and the deja-vu from when he’d first asked her for her help, replayed fresh in the back of his mind. 

But Bomi’s gentle features turned downward in a flash of clear annoyance. 

“Help you resolve things with your friends? Chanyeol, I’m not your mom. I’ve only known you for like… two, three weeks. I have plenty of things on my hands with my own life, and your friends… that’s really your own, personal problem. You should… you should really consider growing up a little more… sometimes you have to do things on your own. There won’t always be someone around willing to help.” 

A sharp sting hit him behind his eyes, but Chanyeol blinked it away rapidly. He watched Bomi even though she avoided his eyes, the regretful frown unfitting on her bright lips. 

He nodded because she was right. He nodded because he still had a long way to go, from the young, naive kid that lived inside the tall, bony guy. 

“I understand. Thanks anyway.” 

Thinking about Bomi and his friends never failed to give him a headache. Kim Kilwoo’s guitar trick only frustrated him more, leaving Chanyeol with nothing better than the reckless desire to rip his strings and smash the poor thing to pieces. 

He missed music on the tips of his fingers and in the nape of his throat. He missed the guys’ bright eyes when they made something nice happen between the four of them. He also missed the lively, ernest, headstrong, warm soul that was Yoon Bomi. He missed the blur of business and excitement working at the noodle shop. 

All of those thoughts converged together in his brain without singularity, without separation. And it drove Chanyeol nuts, that ultimately, it came down to a choice. It was one, or the other, but not both. 

Eventually, when the anger and frustration simmer down, Chanyeol was left with a hollowness. He decided that it might just be better to empty himself like that, and carry on with his life. Whether he made the right decision or the wrong one, didn’t seem to matter in-so-much as that he just take care of it, for good. 

It broke him badly when Mrs. Ho hugged him with a saddened gaze of understanding, and patted him out of the kitchen. Chanyeol feared facing Bomi immediately after that blow, but it had to fall that way. Arms crossed sternly, the absurdity of it all clear on the pouting, huffing, livid expression. 

“Thanks so much for everything… I know it won’t cover everything I owe you from the past few weeks, but it’s the best I can do. It’s… you know, what I’ve saved of my pay from the noodle shop, plus my share from the kindergarten field day. I really want you to have it, to put it to good use, Bomi.” 

She wouldn’t unfold her arms to take the envelope from him. He settled for placing it on the cashier counter. 

“I thought you said you weren’t the easily giving-up type. Were you lying, or did you really just have no clue? You know what, never mind. It doesn’t even matter. Yeah, in the beginning, I have to admit, I was excited to find someone who found my idea as fun as I thought it was. But, it’s not like you falling out on it is going to hinder me at all, so… whatever. Go back to that little band of yours.” 

Even that forced veil of cynicism to hide her air of disappointment, shown on her face like a neon sign. Chanyeol suppressed the urge to reach out for her, hanging his head. 

“I’m really sorry, Bomi… just… just imagine, you stepped in a muddy puddle on a rainy day. Nothing more than that. And you just need to shake it off. Good luck with your upcoming trip. You’ve really earned it, and I’m sure it’ll be great.” 

Maybe she had had more to say to him. But Chanyeol just felt that it was time to be off. So he quit his delivery job, and returned to his friends and the instrument shop. And Kilwoo, Hongki, and Kyunghwan accepted his apology, telling him there were more fish out there in the sea. Even though for Chanyeol, that wasn’t what it had been about. 

Things returned to the way they were. Almost as if Chanyeol had never met a girl in a chicken suit with an awesome plan to go on a trip around the country with her own, hard-earned money. As if Chanyeol had never gone through those nerve-wrecking steps of the past few weeks of growing up. 

In truth, Chanyeol had a hard time understanding why families, families of his friends, random neighbors, practically everyone he knew, took it upon themselves to congratulate him for doing what he was supposed to do. Graduate high school. 

What had high school even been about, anyway? He’d never taken studying or exam scores seriously. He got into a university close by with mediocre grades. No scholarships, no fancy awards, nothing he could put out as an ‘achievement’. He and his friends had just lived life the way it was supposed to be done. Go to school, go to tutoring school, prepare to go to college. 

It all just seemed like a big show, but Chanyeol appeased his parents and his family by going through all of the motions with a big grin. His gown ended up being a little short, displaying a good part of his ankles nicely. He and the three of his bandmates together, did make a nice scene, hitting the mark for being possibly the most raggedly dressed, careless crew of the graduating class. 

He kept spotting Bomi time after time during the ceremony, or maybe he’d been looking for her the whole time. One way or another, he didn’t have the guts to go up and congratulate her. So it took him by complete surprise when she came up to him. 

“Congratulations,” She said in a weird, monotone voice, going for a cool, collected vibe and falling rather short. 

“You too,” Chanyeol grinned because she was funny, he grinned because he’d missed her, he grinned because he could still read her expressions like a book. “When are you leaving?” 

“The day after tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll be finishing up packing and planning, and then in the evening I’m booked for my last shift at the noodle shop.”

“You must be sad it’ll be your last day with the noodle shop crew. They’re throwing you a goodbye party, right?” 

“If you hadn’t..!” She started with a raised voice, then cut herself off abruptly, blowing air. She shook her head at him disapprovingly, and Chanyeol couldn’t do anything except stand there, like the idiot he was. 

“Never mind. Have a good break.” 

“Have fun on your trip,” Chanyeol barely let the words out before she whipped her hair and walked away. She looked very pretty in her gown, but he would never have been able to tell her that anyway. 

Chanyeol couldn’t think of any way that he wouldn’t look dumb. He’d been standing in the freezing cold since 5am, madly looking out for any signs of Bomi from the direction he knew to be her apartment block. 

He didn’t have a choice except to wait for her where he was ninety percent sure he’d see her leaving. He didn’t know what time she was leaving, he didn’t know which bus she was taking where, he didn’t know anything. One thing he knew, yeah, he was dumb. 

Because he saw it in Bomi’s face when she finally showed up a block away, armored in bulky winter clothing. Shock at first, then the smugly accusing look of what the hell are you doing here you freak.

“How long have you been waiting here, Park Chan-crazy?” 

“Since… 5am?” He grinned at her with chattering teeth, shivering arms and legs. 

She didn’t say anything for a while, just staring, shaking her head at him. It was a good thing Chanyeol had been freezing his in the cold. The pity card could play well for him. 

“So… your coming?” Bomi had a twinkle in her eye that told Chanyeol, yes, he was forgiven. He nodded energetically, neck muscles stiff from cold. 

“Okay then, we need to take a bus to the station. We’ll get you something warm there, before we board for Daejeon.” 

She let out the deepest sigh and started walking, Chanyeol happily trailing after her.

“So we’re starting at Daejeon and going south?” 

They got to the bus stop before she even responded, and not with an answer. With a hard thud to his upper arm with her knuckles. 

“Why… How can you just pop up out of nowhere like this, and expect me to forgive you so quickly?” 

The only other woman at the stop glanced over at them briefly over Bomi’s raised voice, but Bomi didn’t care one bit. 

With a number of apologies and stupid grins, Chanyeol told Bomi the story on their city bus ride to the station. How he just had to tell his friends, that this was what he really wanted, that no matter how much he loved them and the music they made together, he just had to go for this, or he would regret it for the rest of his life. How he sold his guitar for money for the trip. How he would have to beg Bomi for a lot of help, if she would be so kind. How he wasn’t done with music, no way, he would just have to get another part time job once college started, so he could buy a new guitar. 

It amazed Chanyeol again and again, how quickly real friends forgave him when he told them the truth, showed them the truth. Bomi was probably going to give him beef for it for a long time, Chanyeol could count on that. But Bomi had been a little afraid of going alone, she told him. She’d really wanted Chanyeol to come. 

“You did tell your parents you were gonna be gone for two weeks, right?”

“Right… last night I did. But… I didn’t tell them I was going with a girl.” 

“Okay… wait! My mom is gonna kill me if she finds out I went with a guy!” 

“Both my parents and your parents are all gonna kill me…” Chanyeol matted his hair at the dilemma. Of course, one mistake finally resolved, and another one comes rolling right in. 

“We need to… we need to plan this carefully. Someone needs to be notified soon, just in case you turn out to be a psychopath and kidnap me.” 

“Bomi, I’m not a psychopath…”

“Let’s do it this way. First, you need to call your mom and tell her. And then, I’ll wait to tell my mom until we come back.” 

“That not fair… that makes me look like the bad guy…” 

“This is your fault, you know! Last night I told my mom the truth when I said I was going alone! You didn’t show up until twenty minutes ago!” 

“Fine! It’s all my fault. I’ll call my mom… after we get to Daejeon.” 

They laughed about it ridiculously, Chanyeol having no idea how to handle any of it. But Bomi would help, she’d better help, so he decided not to worry about it too much. 

Yup, he was gonna have to grow up fast to be able to explain holding Bomi’s hand at the Daejeon flower world gardens. And kissing her on the Yeosoo beach shore at night. And repeatedly deciding to rent small one-rooms between the two of them to save on costs, but definitely putting as much space between at all times while sleeping. And posting selfies of them together on instagram. 

Who knew if he’d even be alive to start college in March.