Junghwan cackled from the top bunk bed, popcorn drizzling from the wooden ladder to the floor. Jongdae frowned, flipping through the music in his phone, trying to find a song to block both his own corrupt thoughts and Junghwan’s noise out. On a whim, his finger stopped and pressed on Super Junior’s “Sorry Sorry”.

Jongdae lay with his feet on his pillow, headphones booming in his ears. He couldn’t pay attention to the lyrics. Without thinking, his fingers were moving again, pulling up the message thread he’d read dozens of times in the last half hour.

To: Jong Coach

From: Cho Coach

He’s coming over in fifteen minutes and I’m not dressed. The squid took longer than it took the last time to prepare! I don’t know why! What do I do?!?

To: Cho Coach

From: Jong Coach

Call him and ask him to pick up something at the store on his way. Drinks or champagne or something.

To: Jong Coach

From: Cho Coach

Daebak, you are a genius. Thanks, I’ll text you later!

To: Jong Coach

From: Cho Coach

Wait. Champagne?!?! Yah Kim Jongdae!

Jongdae twirled the phone above his face mindlessly, slipping in and out of jumbled thoughts, Choa and Yonghwa’s show, and his dinner with Jisook, the night before. He let the Super Junior song finish and shuffle to a jazzy Maroon 5. Finally, when Junghwan jumped down from his potato position on the top bunk, Jongdae pressed for the text message thread he’d been avoiding.

“I’m running to the drink machine. Want anything?” Junghwan nipped a handful of coins from the plastic laundry change can.

Jongdae tore his eyes from the message thread, frowning toward his roommate. “…No.”

“Dude. You look like you’re having issues. Be right back.”

Jongdae sighed, typing again. Before the room door completely closed, he scoffed, then managed to yell, “Stop stealing change from our laundry can!”

There was a nagging voice in Jongdae’s head that sounded a lot like Choa’s. Scolding him, for standing there, a short walk from his dorm, waiting for Jisook’s Hyundai.

If he’d had a chance to consult Choa on the matter, he truthfully wasn’t sure what she’d say, what she’d advise. The nagging voice in his head sided with it being a stupid idea. He was rushing, he wasn’t thinking through, he was blowing an unbelievably lucky chance.

He didn’t want to listen to the nagging voice, no matter how much it sounded like Choa when she was right. And she was right a lot of times, especially when it came to girls Jongdae dated or went for. But this, he kept trying to convince himself that this was different.

If Choa found out the reason he’d texted Jisook to see him without telling her, she’d react differently. She wouldn’t be so quick to scold him for ruining everything. If Choa found out that he had a growing, inkling of a suspicion that he liked Choa as more than a sunbae or noona or dating coach, Jongdae wanted to imagine that she’d hesitate to stop him from breaking up with Jisook so impulsively. Because she would believe his seriousness. Because she would be surprised.

He chose to believe it. He chose to convince himself, that if he broke up with Jisook completely of his own will, then told her about his suspicions, then Choa would have no choice but to consider things, too.

Orange car lights blinked at Jongdae. Jisook’s passenger door stopped just past Jongdae’s foot. From the driver’s seat, Jisook tilted her head toward him, tense hands gripping the wheel, blame already glittering in her eyes through the light reflected in her window.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Jisook’s eyes seemed to sink into her cheeks, more than usual, from the weight of every ounce of blame she had stirring in her insides. Jongdae saw the hints of grief smudging her pale skin. Jisook was smart, more than smart. It was all too likely, she’d anticipated what was coming.

Jongdae was a jerk. He knew it. He was a bigger than that Jaejin sunbae who’d cheated on Choa back in high school, and he’d always be embedded in Jisook’s memory as an . His mind hissed with the guilt. He had to croak the words out of him.

“Noona, I’m really sorry, I’m truly sorry, but… let’s… break up.”

He turned and saw Jisook returning his gaze, sad eyes staring at him with the crumbling walls of flutters, memories, trust.

For three days, Jongdae kept away from Choa. It took every moment of the three days for him to swallow back Jisook’s voice, the way she quietly cried, the way she knew it was Choa in between the two of them, the way she accepted Jongdae’s pitiful, detestable offer to be her punching bag, drinking buddy, delivery boy, anything. With a brittle, fragile laugh.

Honestly, he had needed more than three days. If it hadn’t been for the advising meeting. His compulsive, recklessly diving, senselessly driving of a decision to change his major.

He couldn’t go with Jisook. He didn’t have the courage to call Jisook in the first place. He couldn’t go with Junghwan, who had class. He couldn’t go with Choa, not yet, not when everything had broken from inside himself because of his dumb, emotional instability.

He had tried to go by himself. Then he ran into Choa, looking for him just a short walk down from his dorm, leopard print heel impatiently tapping pavement.

“I broke up with Jisook.”

At his completely opposite answer to the mounds of questions Choa had thrown at him in one whopping breath, Choa’s face contorted into chaotic confusion. Just like Jongdae’s insides.

“What… happened?”

Jongdae began walking. Feet moving edge by edge. He brought Choa with him, needing to save time. It was 10:41am; his meeting was at 11:00.

“I like you, noona. Not Jisook. You.”

Choa stopped, darting heel clicks halting abruptly.

“What did you just say?”

Jongdae’s watch ticked too fast. He took Choa’s wrist, pulling her to keep walking. Everything would become worse if he missed the meeting. He dodged cracks in the pavement, quickly passing leisurely walkers and brick buildings.

“I’m older now, you know, noona? I can think about what I want more clearly now… even if it means I have to fix some things I didn’t know before. And when I got to thinking more and more, I just didn’t know until now, but I like you. I’ve liked you for a long time. And I don’t really like theater. I know I’ve been in it all my life, but I only like singing. I’m terrible at acting. So now, I’m going to my advising appointment. I asked my adviser to change my major. And Jisook noona was awesome, but, I already liked someone else when I met her, so I couldn’t like her the same way she liked me. And she could tell… so I…”

Choa forced her wrist out of Jongdae’s grip, stopping both of them at a right turn. They’d made it to the side of the library. 10:46am.

“What are you saying? Jongdae, what are you talking about?”

His palm was sweating. Choa had a desperation in her expression that reminded Jongdae of three years ago, when he’d first taken up his job for life. Her dating coach.

“The thing is, noona…”

It was hard to let himself out to her when they were still, not moving. His throat dried up. His skin crawled. His eyes stung.

“I broke up with Jisook because I like you.”

It at least felt good to finally let it out.

“That… doesn’t make any sense.”

Choa looked as if he’d just slapped her in the face. For the first time in three years, the frightening, charismatic, theater sunbae’s confidence melted away. Underneath her passion, her energy, her orange-gold radiance, she was a tender girl. She was beautiful, but it was a side of Choa Jongdae hadn’t wanted to see again.

“I know. Just like how it doesn’t make sense that after all those years and hours of practices and performances, I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m just stupid like that.”

Choa frowned, a slight trace of the domineering, poised coach in her returning to the ends of her lips. No matter how things turned out, she’d always be at least that scolding hand for Jongdae to rely on.

“No, you’re not stupid… it’s just… I don’t know what to say to all of this, Jongdae. You aren’t like this… you’ve always told me exactly what you were thinking or feeling…”

Jongdae felt like it was the right time to take her hand in his. His hands were warm and clammy, but it didn’t matter. Touching her warm palm, feeling her hand fitting in his, even if she was caught by surprise, Jongdae still registered the jolt. Electricity, not just the simple foreignness of Jisook’s small hands.

“I grew up too fast. It all just sort of dumped on me. I’m sorry noona, I’m sorry I didn’t know before. I’m sorry I have to tell you everything at once now. I’m sorry I just thought about myself…”

Choa eyes shifted away from Jongdae, leaving him trailing. She looked past him, pupils widening. She looked frightened.

“Choa?”

Jongdae shattered. Yonghwa walked up to them, looking from one to the other, gaze falling to Jongdae’s hand, clasping Choa’s tightly.

Choa stuttered, lost for words. Jongdae refused to let go of her hand.

“Choa, can we talk?”

Yonghwa stepped closer to Choa, looking down at her with gentle, strong eyes. Jongdae felt himself growing smaller. And then, Choa pulled her hand out of Jongdae’s grasp, not even looking at him, giving Yonghwa a hesitant nod.

“Noona…”

Choa’s expression settled firmly, hardened.

“You have a meeting to go to, Jongdae. I’m not sure if I can help you right now, but if you really have grown up and think that changing your major is the best, go with it. I just wish you’d confided in me… but I have to go. Good luck with things.”

She looked back at him twice as Yonghwa led her away. Where they were going and what they were going to talk about, Jongdae couldn’t guess. His watch read 10:55am. Grimacing, he rushed to the office, hands slick with perspiration.

The campus was quiet at night. The air was chilly. Jongdae glanced at Choa, wondering if her jeans and flannel shirt kept her warm enough.

She crossed her legs, letting out a full sigh. He waited for her to start.

“Do you still think you like me?”

She looked at him. Jongdae kept her gaze. Most of the confident Choa was back; the missing part was really more of her confusion with how to approach Jongdae, or so he assumed.

“Yeah.”

It made Choa shake her head. Her orange-gold hair fluttered against the cool evening darks. It used to be that when Choa shook her head at Jongdae for something ridiculous, he’d want to irk her even more. It was so much different now. He’d like for her to nod.

“I don’t understand why you came to that conclusion, honestly.”

Jongdae tried for a meek smile. He felt like he was on the spot, auditioning for a difficult theater role.

“Well, I always compared every girl I’ve dated to you, ever since we met. The closer they were to resembling you, the longer I dated them.”

Choa’s blank expression disappeared, a stern light catching in her eye.

“You’re an . You played all those girls. Did you even imagine how Jisook felt?”

Jongdae had to look away, the guilt not any less heavy than four days ago.

“I would’ve let her hit me if she’d asked.”

Choa punched him, sharply, square at the bone on his shoulder.

“Ow.” She shook her hand loose, rubbing her knuckles. “That’s me hitting you for her.”

Jongdae’s whole upper right arm throbbed, but he was grateful.

They kept quiet for a bit, Choa massaging her punching hand.

“Okay then. Let’s try this out. Let’s try dating.”

“What?”

Heat crawled up Jongdae’s body, seeping into his face and ears. Choa leaned back, hands at the edges of the brick ledge.

“I don’t know, Jongdae. I don’t know why I did it. But I broke up with Yonghwa sunbae, because of what you said. And how you actually went and changed your major, and you’re really serious about this pre-law track… I know you, and I know when you’re being serious. Apparently, I don’t know if I’m just worried about you more than I liked Yonghwa sunbae, or what, but I need to go with what you’re saying. And try dating you. But be mindful, I’ve never kept up with dating a younger guy.”

She met his eyes again, and the uncertainty assured Jongdae. Choa was just as confused, but that was why they matched codes so well. They had the exact same doubts and emotions. They were going against the flow of everything they had both fostered for a long time, but they weren’t disagreeing. They couldn’t. They were too alike for that.

“For the last three years, if I hadn’t had you coaching me about everything, noona, I would have probably crashed and burned like hell.”

“Oh, so that’s why you decided to like me now?”

“No. I told you. I’ve always liked you.”

Jongdae shook his knee impatiently. He wanted to change the conversation badly. Choa was going on and on about how she’d started hanging out with Jisook lately, how they were really close friends now, how Jisook was incredibly mature and well-rounded, considering the circumstances.

It was still maddeningly uncomfortable for Jongdae. For goodness sake, it’d been just over a week that he and Choa had started dating. What kind of crazy nerve Choa had for sticking her tongue in Jongdae’s face this way, practically planning the whole devious operation on purpose, Jongdae couldn’t fathom. He was just at the mercy of it. He deserved it, he knew, but he didn’t want to sit there sweating any longer.

“She’s so smart. I wish I’d been friends with her last year when I took that crazy hard chemistry class. Then I would’ve passed with an A. But of course, I have you now. The political science major. If I take any non-theater classes that need a smart person’s attention… well I can’t really decide if I want to ask Jisook or you, Jongdae.”

Jongdae threw his pen down on his giant Political Theory textbook.

“Noona. You know what I’ve noticed?”

“What?”

“Nothing is really different. I mean, what’s changed? You boss me around to get you coffee, and we sit at tables and study. What’s different from when we weren’t dating, to when we are?”

Choa took a long sip of her coffee before giving Jongdae a devious little smile.

“That’s because we’re in public, Jongdae.”

That made Jongdae utter a breathy, disbelieving laugh.

“Just come pick me up after my night rehearsal, okay? We end at 9:30.”

Holding hands was one difference Jongdae had forgotten about. It made him nervous, to be honest. He wasn’t used to it, and when Choa slipped her hand in his on their walk back to Choa’s apartment after her rehearsal, he felt sort of bad about what he’d said earlier. The way she made him nervous and anxious was so much more different than before.

Jongdae listened to Choa talk about her rehearsal as they walked. The disappointment when they reached the entrance to her apartment was heavy, but Choa dragged him into the building. Keeping their hands laced, pushing the elevator button.

“Uhh… are your roommates home?”

Choa shook her head. Jongdae nodded awkwardly to himself, mixing up 6 with 9, when Choa lived on the sixth floor.

“You said you wanted to know what’s different, right?”

Choa’s apartment looked exactly as Jongdae remembered it. The night he’d imagined Choa being kissed by Yonghwa at their door, darted across behind his eyelids. Maybe that was when he’d realized he liked her.

Jongdae stood dumbfounded in the small living room until Choa pushed her laptop into his hands, then led her to the kitchen table.

“Pull up a movie we can watch. I’m gonna make us milkshakes. We have strawberry ice cream, okay?”

Jongdae’s eyes mindlessly shifted from the black laptop screen, to Choa dancing in her kitchen with a shiny spoon and milk and the blender, for a good five minutes.

“Kim Jongdae. I know exactly how many girls you’ve dated in your life. Why are you trying to act like such a dating newb? Quit zoning out!”

She was so naggy, like always. Jongdae burst into laughter, messing up his hair with a hand, shaking himself out of it. He wasn't about to put his dating coach to shame just because he was dating her now. 

“Um, can I get my milkshake fat free please? I’m watching my calories.”

Choa scoffed, and Jongdae pulled up The Vow with Rachel McAdams, even though he knew Choa thought the movie’s plot was pointless.

They settled in the couch with hands tangled again and the laptop set on the coffee table.

“Ugh, this stupid movie.”

Jongdae grinned crazily, pulling Choa closer. They both smelled like strawberry. He inched toward her lips and couldn’t believe he hadn’t kissed her a long time ago.

He wanted to ask if he was a better kisser than that Yonghwa sunbae, but stopped himself. Because it occurred to him that, Choa was clearly the best kisser of any girl he’d ever dated. But he wasn’t gonna let her have that victory. He figured things were the same way for her. He was sure her arm never shivered like the one right against him now, when she’d kissed Yonghwa on stage.

“This actually is a lot better than when we weren’t dating, noona.”

Choa’s laugh tickled his neck. She put her milkshake down to smack him on the head. He gave her alarmed fish eyes and leaned in, tilting her head his way. They didn’t watch a of the movie.

[A/N:]

While waiting for Kyungsoo's story up next, I'd like to share with you guys my Kpop FanArt Blog! Just visit and take a few seconds to browse~ It doesn't have much but I'll add things little by little ^^

Link: jellykpopjar.tumblr.com

Thank you always always always for reading♥

Please enjoy these massively ayyy Gifs of Jongdae and his freaking ear piercing~ 8D

Credit: jngdes.tumblr.com