Almost - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bbm1DOhSkHo

Note: Happy Birthday to the #1 Royal Subject in all of KPop industry. Please ship SunSun till the end.

Sunny’s POV

Today is the day of our Asia Tour. I’m all nervous but at the same time, I don’t care. How could I be so stupid? Assuming what we had was what I had expected to happen. That those sweet gestures from him were what I thought they were. That he felt what I felt for him, too. That he fell for me, just like what happened to me? We were almost there. Or, more correctly, I was almost there. Without him.

Without him? That’s not what I had in mind. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t want to go there.

There.

At a place filled with all the mushiness can be filled.

Where love can be expressed.

That we’d take a step closer to that place.

Only that, he took a step back.

Leaving me hanging there.

We almost got there.

Can you tell me how can one miss what she’s never had?

How could I reminisce when there is no past?

How could I have memories of being happy with you, boy?

Can someone tell me how can this be?

Jessica’s performance was going on. She was playing the piano while singing her piece. Was this intended for me? Did she know already? I only told her the half of the story.

How could my mind pull up incidents?

Recall dates and times that never happened?

How could we celebrate a love that’s too late?

And how could I really mean the words I’m about to say?

Was she really talking to me? Well, it seems like it though. But how can she –

Holy shiz! Don’t tell me she can read minds? That is just creepy!

Her voice, seeming like she knew about what I’m going through. I wanted to breakdown now. But that wouldn’t be a good idea. I’d be the one to perform any moment from now. I need to be strong, at least for now.

The tiresome concert came to a halt and I decided to head straight back to the hotel room. Not even minding the members who called me up. I’m sure they were worried but I can’t face them now. Not yet. The wound is still fresh. So new. The feeling was expected. But I didn’t know it was this miserably foreign. I don’t like this. Why, of all people, did it have to be him? I could’ve chosen another male idol. But it had to be with my same company sunbae – Sungmin oppa.

I couldn’t blame myself though. When the heart beats and calls for someone, it couldn’t be helped. I wish that wasn’t the case though. That I could dictate who I’ll fall for. That the person I’ll fall for would automatically fall for me. Like a natural reflex. But no. Preach!

I jumped to bed and embraced the loneliness I’m feeling. What if it wasn’t him that my heart had chosen? Or what if I didn’t tell him my drunken confession?

I was so wasted that night but I could remember clearly what happened.

I remembered how spontaneously I blurted out the words “I love you, Sungmin oppa. I’ve always had.”

I remembered when I tried to reach out to him and when I did, I didn’t waste the time to land my lips against his. Short as it may be, it was beyond magical.

I remembered how he seemed to be terrorized by the kiss when I pulled out? Did I disgust him that much?

I remembered how he immediately grabbed my hand and brought me back to the dorm.

I remembered the silence that filled the drive.

I remembered how it felt. How much pain I caused myself.

Is this the consequence of the action I made? Is it a crime to fall for someone like him? If that’s the case, I should accept the punishment. No matter how long I should pay for the penalty.

Rather than feeling the “What have you done? Why did you say that?” scolding of myself, I am relieved I did have the courage though. How deep I breathed in when I said those words. It was like me holding my breath for a long time without noticing. At least, I won’t hope any longer for something that would never be mine.

He will never be mine.

A fact I had to accept.

Life must go on. But how can it?

Sungmin’s POV

Watching their concert here in Youtube, I couldn’t cease to regret a lot of decisions I made in the past. Why did she have to feel that way? She shouldn’t have. She wounded herself. Is she the one to blame? Or am I?

I can’t catch her now that she has fallen. I couldn’t fix her now that she’s broken.

That’s not how it should’ve worked! As much as the confession tingled me, reality was much more frightening. I said I would protect her. But against who? Me? Or herself?

I cannot believe I let you go

Or what I should say is,

I should’ve went out with you.

I should’ve made you my boo, girl.

Yes, that’s one time I should’ve broke the rules.

Tears trickled down my cheeks without noticing. Ah, so much for my macho image.

Jessica, why are you singing that song? It’s like adding fuel to my fire. Or alcohol to my wound.

Don’t let go, Sunny. Hang in there.

But people change. And feelings fade.

What if by the time I’d be ready to catch her, she’ll step back and fall for the other side of the cliff?

Will I take that? Will that be her revenge? Or Karma? Or punishment? Or just another way of saying that us being together is wrong. That we shouldn’t be together. That crossing beyond that line would be fatally dangerous.

Who would die? Both of us? Me? Her? Or the love that is in between?

Is our love a crime?

Maybe it is.

We were almost there. But something’s in between us.

Nobody’s POV

Being under the same agency, they couldn’t help but bump into each other once in a while.

Awkward.

But after repetitive chances, they managed to get used to the feeling. Until a smile can be plastered on their faces.

Smile. A mask that can conceal inner feelings.

Did they finally bury the feeling deep within? Or was it a cover to wear a mask that conveys their feeling?

May 21, 2012

Six days after Sunny’s birthday, SNSD went all the way to Anaheim to perform for the MBC Google Wave concert. With TVXQ, f(x), KARA, and a lot more Hallyu idol groups. And who could ever forget Super Junior’s attendance? Of course they were there, too.

Yoona and Yuri weren’t able to attend the concert though. They were busy shooting their respective dramas, Fashion King and Love Rain. Which leaves SNSD as seven-member group. Minus, Taeyeon and Tiffany who were the emcees of the said gathering.

Now, there should be five SNSD members in their locker room.

Head count.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four.

Fi –?

Someone’s missing!

Roll call!

Sunny, check.

Seohyun, check.

Hyoyeon, check.

Where’s Sooyoung? Ah, she was ea