Dongahe’s POV

I got up from my sleep because I heard some noises.

I sat down at the bed and I felt that my head was spinning.

I stood up and walked to the door.

‘NO!’ Kyuhyun? He talked with whom?

‘Yes. I know myself very well.’ Hyukjae? What was he doing here?

‘No, you don’t at all. It’s the last time I ask you. Who is he for you? Is it important to you? It’s ok if I take him from you?’ I heard Kyuhyun said to Hyukjae.

‘He? Who is he they are talking about? Me?’

‘He is just my friend, he is not important to me at all, and you can take him.’

Yes I’m sure they’re talking about me now.

‘No need to say it out loud. I really understand it, Hyukjae.’ I walked toward him and I could see he was panicking now.

‘Donghae……..’

‘Shut up Hyukjae.’

I turned my head and saw Kyuhyun.

‘Kyu, I have to go home. See you later.’ I smiled to him and took care of my things.

‘Come on, I will drive you home.’ He held my hand.

‘It’s ok. I will go home with Hyukjae.’ I said.

‘You? Go home with him? No! I will drive you home.’

‘Let’s go Donghae.’ Hyukjae pulled my hand and dragged me out from Kyuhyun’s apartment.

When we arrived in the basement, he pushed me into the car.

I pretended that I was sleeping, so he wouldn’t say anything to me.

‘I know you don’t sleep Donghae.’

I kept silent and sleeping.

‘Lee Donghae!!’ He shouted to me, but I kept my eyes closed.

‘Oh ! Ok! Sleep as long as you want.’

After that he drove his car and I knew he was angry now.

I knew perfectly we have arrived at our apartment.

I got out from his car as soon as he stopped his car.

I walked to the lift and pushed the button many times.

‘Seriously Donghae! Just screaming at me, say that I’m a bastard or something like that. Don’t treat me like this!’ He shouted to me but I kept ignoring me.

I was not angry at him, at all. Because I know he has never thought about me. Hearing him said such hurtful words are my nightmare, and now it becomes reality.

Finally the lift was opened and I came in. He ran to me but I shut the lift.

I pressed number 15 and waited until the lift reached that floor.

I came out from the lift and walked to my apartment. In this floor there are only 2 apartments. Mine and him. I entered the code and the door was opened.

When I wanted to enter, my hand was being holding by someone and I perfectly know who it is.

‘Let’s talk a while Donghae.’

I tried to release my hand but I couldn’t. His grip is really tight.

‘Please Donghae! Say something to me!’

I kept my mouth shut and he forced me to look at him.

‘Donghae. Lee Donghae. Please look at me.’ He was desperate now.

I didn’t want to see him. I looked down and kept struggling.

‘Please don’t make me do something bad to you.’ He threatened me but I kept my stubbornness.

He held both of my shoulders and pushed me to the wall.

He lifted my head with his hand and finally I could see his eyes.

In his eyes, there were many emotions. Angry, depression, insanity, jealousy, and many emotions that couldn’t be described with words.

‘Please, say something.’ He begged to me.

‘What do you want me to say?’ Finally I gave up.

‘Just say something Dongahe.’

‘You don’t feel that you need to say sorry to me?’ I asked him.

‘Sorry for what?’ He didn’t answer me but he asked me a question that supposed to be he knows.

‘Forget it. Release me.’ I tried to let his hand off from my shoulders

‘Why you were with Kyuhyun before?’ He asked me

‘That’s not your business.’

‘Of course it’s! He is my cousin after all and I had to face the fact that he likes you is a nightmare.’

‘Why?’

‘You asked why? Of course it’s a sin to be gay. He shouldn’t love you.’ He said to me when his face showed that he was disgusted with that fact.

‘If I love him too you will throw me away and pretend that you don’t know me at all?’

‘What were you talking about Donghae? It’s impossible.’ He laughed and I only could smile.

‘Why it’s impossible?’ I asked him when I still smiled at him.

‘Please, don’t say that you like him.’ He let go of my shoulders and took a few steps back.

‘So now you have started disgusting at me?’ I took one step to him and he took a few steps back again.

‘You’re my friend and please don’t be like this. Please think about your future, you will be insulted as gay, you would have a hard all your life, and you will be isolated.’ He looked at me.

I smiled to him and I walked to him.

He kept taking a few steps back from me.

‘You’re not Lee Hyukjae.’

‘What? What are you trying to say here? Please say to the point. I got to many problems today.’

‘Lee Hyukjae that I knew was not a cold person and was not concerned with other people's feelings, Lee Hyukjae that I knew were soft-hearted person and always smile, Lee Hyukjae that I knew was a people who always say sorry even though he was not wrong, Lee Hyukjae that I knew was the one who would always say thank you. Lee Hyukjae that I knew was a people who really cared for Lee Donghae, who always called him all the time, asking if Lee Donghae had eaten or not, what Lee Donghae was doing, Lee Hyukjae that I knew was a people who did not want to go to the club because he couldn’t drink alcoholic beverages, Lee Hyukjae that I knew would immediately run when I was screaming for help.’

I knew my tears would fall in no time.

‘But, who is Lee Hyukje now? I don’t know him at all.’

‘The Lee Hyukjae that I know now is a cold person that always says hurtful words, never smiles to me at all, never says thank you or sorry, always ignores my call or message and said how annoying I was, always goes to the club every night and always make me worry, and you are not there when I need your help the most.’

I took a deep breath.

‘I met my father.’

‘What?’ I could see from his eyes that he was very shocked and his jaw hardened.

‘I met him and he almost killed me.’

He wanted to say something but he shut his mouth again.

‘I was depressed to call you. I was scared, until I think I would die on the spot. The biggest fear I have kept for 20 years suddenly comes right in front of my eyes. 20 years ago I was not afraid as it is now, because you're by my side. But now? When my dad was chasing me, just like it happened 20 years ago, I was hiding in the garbage. But everything is different, I was alone, no one to protect me, no one hugged me while my body shook with fear, no one said 'do not worry, I'm here', there was nothing to protect me. You have gone from my life Hyukjae.’

‘Maybe, just maybe….

When you didn’t answer my call at that time, I thought to give myself to my father and met my mom.’ I smiled to him and turned my body and walked towards my apartment. I held the door and said.

‘Presence or absence of I am, I am alive or not, there is not any influence to you, right? I am just parasites that alive aboard, just useless junk, only those who do not have pride, I have a passion for life back to when I met you at the time. But now, I just wanted to quickly leave this world.