Sungmin was by my side already, and he extended his hand to me while making a deep bow, saying, “May I have the honour of your first dance?”

I blushed. It wasn’t just my first dance of the night, it was the first dance I ever had. Knowing it would be with Sungmin just made my heart swell. I hesitantly placed my hand in his, and he placed his other hand on my back. As the music started, so did our feet. I tried to just concentrate on not stepping on Sungmin’s foot.

“Your dancing’s quite good,” Sungmin cooed.

I looked up and found his eyes looking right at me. Sure, we attended all lessons together, but I wasn’t used to extended periods of such close proximity, and of directly facing him.

I managed to let out a little smile despite my tenseness. “That’s because you’re guiding me.”

“Well, maybe we’re just good together,” Sungmin said. And all the time, his eyes were still on my face, in a way that made me feel like he hadn’t see me in days.

“Sungmin, will you please stop staring at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you haven’t seen me in days!”

“Why, is it making you uncomfortable?”

“No, not uncomfortable, just…more nervous!”

“But I like seeing your blushing face,” Sungmin stated simply, which made me blush even more.

The dance ended faster than I expected, and I was then passed on to Kyuhyun for the second dance, though Sungmin was reluctant. He promised he’d come back for a second round after I had danced with all the boys. My jaw almost dropped as I heard that I was supposed to dance with all of them. Did they have some kind of prior agreement or something? Was I some kind of a doll?

Kyuhyun was the tallest among them, but he was gentle and his presence made me feel somehow assured that nothing was going to happen to me. Despite being the youngest and always making sarcastic comments, he was serious when he needed to and I could tell that he was actually very mature, maybe even more so than Ryeowook who would sometimes whine like a much younger boy.

“So Kyuhyun, do you have a special someone you like?” I teased, getting back at him after he had teased me about Sungmin.

I was not expecting the reaction he gave, which was to flush a very deep red and look down, and in fact look like he was just caught doing something wrong. I could feel his hand grow cold too.

“So our little maknae does, eh? Don’t worry, I won’t force you to tell me who if you don’t want to,” I smiled at him and he looked just a little relieved.

By the time the song ended he was back to his usual self, though I was glad that I got to see a side of Kyuhyun that I had never seen before. Next up was Ryeowook, who was dressed in a much brighter costume than the rest. I wondered if it was allowed, but I guessed he knew what he was doing.

“Noona, you’re really pretty, have I told you that?” Ryeowook gave a sweet smile.

I laughed as I told him, “Yes, dear, you have. You’re really cute too!”

He looked even cuter as he pouted, saying, “Why is it that people always call me cute? I want to be handsome!”

“Because you are cute! Maybe you can wait for a few more years and you’ll transform from cute to handsome.”

His face suddenly brightened up as he squeezed my hand excitedly and said, “Noona! Are the rest of SJ cute or handsome?”

“Hmm…I think…”

“Starting with Kyuhyunnie!”

“Kyuhyunnie is more handsome, don’t you think so?”

I was met with a pout again. “I thought it would be that the younger ones were cute and the older ones were handsome.”

“Ryeowookie, you really are a cutie!” I told him.

“Anyway, let’s continue! What about Eunhyuk hyung?”

“Well…” I paused as I noticed Ryeowook incessantly muttering something under his breath. Luckily for me the music was soft at that part and after straining my ears a little I managed to make out a chant of “Please say I’m better, please say I’m better,” coming from Ryeowook’s mouth.

“Eunhyuk just gives me a very hot vibe, but no one can beat you in cuteness, Ryeowook!”

“Wow, a new dimension. Noona, do you secretly think about us and classify us at night?”

“What!”

“I’m just kidding, haha. Now on to Donghae hyung!”

“Donghae is definitely classified as handsome. He can be cute too, but he looks like a manga character that walked out of the book.”

“Wow, I’m so jealous. But I think I may be even more jealous about your description of Sungmin hyung.”

Why did it seem like the whole SJ knew about my relationship with Sungmin, even though we only just kissed that night? Were we that obvious? Was it obvious that I had liked him even before? I hardly even knew myself.

“It’s very hard to classify Sungmin,” I told Ryeowook frankly. “Sometimes I think he’s just a fast ball of aegyo rolling around, but sometimes I think he’s the most handsome boy in the whole universe and I really wonder how someone can achieve both so well.”

I was awoken from my reverie by Ryeowook’s “Wowwwww…told you I’d be jealous.”

It took me all the urge I could not to let go of his hand to ruffle his hair. “Don’t worry Ryeowook, you’ll get there soon!”

With Eunhyuk, I felt like I hardly needed to think at all as he was totally guiding me all the time, almost to the point of controlling. I knew he was a good dancer, but to be able to control someone too, he really had to be a dancing god.

“I really like Sora unnie,” I told him.

“I’m glad you do. I was really sad when she graduated from SM, but good thing I still had the rest of the guys. But Ryeowookie and Kyuhyunnie will be alone when we graduate at the end of this year. I wonder what it’ll be like…”

“All of you are going to take over your family businesses?” I asked.

“Yeah, most probably. I mean, Sungmin’s got his, and it’s big as you can see, I’ve got mine, Ryeowook and Kyuhyun too. I heard that Donghae’s father’s business is growing too.”

“That’s really cool. I’ll probably just graduate, go to university, come out, and be a salaried worker just like everyone else.”

“No you won’t, you won’t be just like everyone else! You are very special.”

“Thanks, Eunhyuk.” But I knew my limits. After all, what could the daughter of a fisherman possibly hope to achieve? Coming to SM was already beyond my dreams.

As Donghae guided me round and round the dance floor, I felt like I wanted to cry. Not out of sadness, nor of happiness, but merely from a feeling of peace and calmness. Donghae always said such thought-provoking yet deep things, things that one not close to him would never see behind his childish and sometimes even silly façade. I remember asking him about his popularity in school once, and he said that when girls asked him for his autograph, they would always bow and say ‘kamsahamnida’. But why should they be saying kamsahamndia, he asked. He should be the one thanking them for supporting him and loving him. It was at times like that where I felt that Donghae was really one of the most mature. And his words often gave me that feeling of complete calmness, like nothing was going to happen. I felt like I could be myself completely in front of him. We danced, just looking at each other. There was no awkwardness or embarrassment, and we didn’t speak much. He simply had a half-smile fixated on his face. He was truly a friend I never regretted making.

When the song ended we bowed to each other but our heads ended up hitting each other, which I thought spoiled the mood but Donghae patted me on the head. “Silly girl!”

As promised, Sungmin came back.

“So…which pretty girls did you dance with?” I .

“Hmph!” Sungmin scoffed and puffed out his cheeks. “While you danced with FOUR other boys, I danced with NO ONE.”

I raised an eyebrow. Even if I didn’t know much about these events, as the host, wouldn’t he probably be expected to at least take part a little more actively?

“Why do you look you don't like believe me?” Sungmin questioned as the slow music started. “I only have you.”

Since when did he become so cheesy? “But…” I bit my lip. I was wondering whether to ask the question that had been bugging me since just now.

“What is it, baby?”

I took a deep breath and just decided to just get to the point. “Sungmin, do you have a fiancée?”

He stopped dancing, causing Ryeowook and another girl to crash into us. “Woah, you ok, hyung, noona?” Sungmin didn’t even answer him and dragged me to the stairs.

“Where are you bringing me?”

“The place of answers.”

We headed up the same steps I had come down from not so long ago, but instead of heading down the same corridor we went another way. Boy, when I said this place was huge, I had no idea what I was dealing with yet.

He led me into another finely carpeted room, and there was nothing but a glass box in the middle, with two scrolls encased inside. I frowned at the writing. It was written in hanja (Chinese characters). Hardly anyone used that nowadays. It must be quite old.

“This,” Sungmin motioned to the scrolls, “is my great-grandfather’s writing. Can you read it?” I shook my head. I was not that learned. “It says…well, never mind what it says. But he wrote it when he first started up this company that my father now owns. You see, my father doesn’t really care who I marry – but he’ll do anything just to make the company thrive. That’s why I was betrothed when I was twelve. It helped the two companies be on a good relationship – one that’s lasted five years.”

“Oh…” Were my eyes getting wet? “And your fiancé is…” I couldn’t complete my sentence, but Sungmin did for me.

“Heejun.”

I didn’t know what to say. So if he already had a fiancé, what did this all mean? Was he intending to marry her? But what was with his mean attitude to her – and his nice one to me? What did the kiss just now mean? Did it mean anything at all? And most importantly, why was he telling me all this now?

He seemed to have read my mind as he continued. “I said I brought you here for answers.” He cupped my face with his soft hands and once again, thumbed away the tears I didn’t know had started falling. “And here is my answer to you.” Sungmin brought me in for another kiss that night. We started off very slowly, doing nothing more than pressing slowly in. But then he started to pull at my lower lip, which caused me to subconsciously let out a small moan. I felt him smile against my lips, and as I smiled back he deepened the kiss. “I don’t care who my fiancé is, who my parents want me to marry. Because in my heart, there’s only one girl. And that’s you.”

That night, I replayed the scenes of that night in my memory while I was lying in bed. I hugged my pillow tight as I giggled to myself.

“I love you, Lee Sungmin.” I kissed my pillow, my substitute for Sungmin for the night.