It’s been 2 months after I left Seoul. I kept a safe distance from Chanyeol. Sometimes, we had small talks, but gradually, I could feel.. we were drifting apart. He said he was always busy, and that he didn’t want to bother me. There just came to a point when I opened my accounts just to see how he was doing.

And then I saw him with a picture of someone familiar. There were lots of them; there were lots of I miss yous posted as well. He was with Go Jia, my best friend. I began looking more, as if I were ‘stalking’ already when I reached the point of knowing that they talked to each other as if they had mutual understanding.

“My love.” He called her. That, that very statement.. I knew they had a past, was it to return then?

Was that the reason why she asked me several months ago if I ever liked Chanyeol? Were they going to be ‘one’ soon? But didn’t Jia just break up with her past lover?

She’s Jia though, ‘my bestfriend’, though I didn’t tell her what I felt more than expected for Chanyeol, I know she knew it. She’s my bestfriend, she couldn’t possibly.. be his.

But then a sudden shutter was felt within me, it was unexpected of me. As if my heart were frail, I was struck-driven and then again, my lips quivered, tears rolled down in every direction. I was sensitive, but slowly his promises just faded and turned into dust.

A week before Chanyeol’s birthday, Baekhyun and I got to talk. He was back in town, our hometown – Canada. As usual, the chatterbox Baekhyun I got used to listen to ever since got me all ‘updated’ about stuffs going around back in Seoul.

“How are you and Chanyeol? I heard.. you and him were not talking that much.” He inquired, his voice declining to the last word of his sentence. “I’m busy, he’s busy, life’s like this.” I reasoned out, trying to sound casual and impassive.

“Why do you sound cold? Is it because of Go Jia?”

“GO JIA? What’s up?” I widened my eyes at the mention of my best friend.

“Scarlette.. Jia, she isn’t what you think she is.” Baekhyun confessed, but I didn’t easily listen to it. She was my bestfriend, wasn’t she?

“Scarlette, I know Jia more than you do. Damn, I need to shut up sometimes, really. But.. I don’t want you to cry. I don’t want you crying for the same reasons again. ” He sighed and I buried my face into my pillow. Why was Jia suddenly involved? My mind huddled into a haze, and as vague thoughts preoccupied my mind, I could feel my head hurt and my heart in twinge. Was that why she always seemed off when I told her of my possible feelings for Chanyeol?

“Baekhyun, I’m hurting. Baekhyun..” I trailed off as my throat dried up, my eyes welling up. I gripped his shirt and he held onto me tightly. “I didn’t mean to.. Scarlette, don’t..” Baekhyun started to be sympathetic, but clear visions of moments Jia’s bitterness towards me and Chanyeol clouded my mind. How could she? He? How could they...without telling me?

“Baekhyun, I know it’s wrong.. b-but. Why do I feel, now, that I’m the third wheel? Why? I feel stupid. But I should be grateful, shouldn’t I? I’m their bestfriend, right? But..” I sobbed in between my trance, hands shaking as I looked up to him, and then I realized he had a straight face put on. He clasped his hands with mine and I found the courage to utter the last word, “But I love him.”

After a few seconds, my hands crashed onto my chest where my heart once fluttered, but started to shatter latterly. I kept a firm hold of it. “Oppa, this hurts.”

He sighed, what did I just say? I hated it, and at the same time I might loved those words. It had the bittersweet feel to it though it scratched my insides, wounding every inch of me. “Are you sure?”

I shook my head no. It was too fast, my tongue rolled as it wanted to take back what I said, but I just left it hanging. “Dongsaeng.. I love you.” I sprung my head up into his view and smiled, “I love you too, Baekhyun. Thank you for being there.. Always, just by my side.”

Why couldn’t I just have had these feelings for Baekhyun? Why should it have been for Chanyeol?

“Just know Oppa is here. Sehun is, too. Chanyeol and Jia? Let them be, the Above has better plans for you.”

It’s been hard for the past few months, without communication with him, and ‘her.’ Baekhyun had returned to Seoul, but he’d be returning for summer. His birthday went on and I wasn’t even sure if he had gotten my greeting. I had carried on with life, though truth be told, it hurt to be replaced. When I knew, deep inside me and maybe ‘him’, that both of us once valued each other more than who knows what. How could ‘distance’ just perish away all the memories both of us made? His promises? I missed the friendship we built, the trust I planted and the risk I took.

I hadn’t been catching up on them, and up until now I couldn’t calm my heart. It still longed for someone. Park Chanyeol.

But if ever he had replaced me already, if ever Jia had given him everything I possible couldn’t, then maybe it’s for the best.

~~

Today, Baekhyun would be arriving. I couldn’t help but think of what Baekhyun had told me before his depart back to Korea.

*flashback*

I was curled in a furball when a knock was made on my hollow door. Half-awake, eyes closed I proceeded to open my door, and an inaudible voice spoke upon. I puzzled the figure before me, and it was Baekhyun. “I thought tonight’s your flight?” I stepped back as he made his way in my room, straight to my bed. “Sit here.” I raised my brow at him, but not long after he pulled me to sit beside him. “Are you sad? Does it..hurt there?” His half-lit face, those eyes, almost twinkling, shone under my dimmed room.  I smiled sincerely and ruffled his hair. Maybe I wasn't fine, but his presense at least wiped out the solace. “It will be fine. Can you trust me with this?”

“With what –“

He pulled me in for an embrace, my hands still on his chest. “With this, this heart. I will protect you, neh?” I felt so secured. Why couldn’t my heart just had chosen someone else?

“And.. and your Sehun oppa too.” (*Oh Sehun = Scarlette's brother)

"I trust you." He cradled me, and with his harmonious voice, rocking me back and forth, my head locked on the crook of his neck. “Goodnight, and baby, don’t cry.” With that, his lips softly grazed the top of my head. For a moment, his warmth had permeated unto me and I couldn’t help but be thankful. “Thank you, Byun Baekhyun.”

~~~

SHINeesJuliette: Oh, so there. This is true to life.. err so. This was rushed. Enjoy? Comment and subscribe, maybe I'll finish this off with the last chapter. Happy Holidays, you guys! <3