I inhaled the scent of the home as people practically flew down the stair. It gave me a ‘rest assured’ kind of feeling. And I let out a sigh of relief.

“HYEMI” Tao was excited.

I just wanted to fit in with the situation so I did what other people would do in movies. I threw my arms around him and hugged him like there was no tomorrow. He was so shocked. He just stood there, as if frozen.

“Woah. Someone has multiple personality disorder”

That wasn’t even funny. It sounded like some nerd joke. But Kris liked to be like that.

“Why the sudden change?”

I didn’t feel like answering him. Actually, to be honest, I did even have an answer for him. But he knew he got me on that question. Instead of annoying me by asking me again, he just smiled and elbowed my arm.  Sehun was still a little red, but still the same. A really goofy smile appeared on Luhan was he made his way to me.

“Classes?” He had a camera in his hand.

“Later”

As he set the camera down on the table, Tao grabbed it and started taking picture of everything he could. I wasn’t really a picture person, but I didn’t mind cameras, but I didn’t like them. The relationship with me and cameras where so complicated. I stepped into the backyard and sat by the pool where met and Kris has first met. Instead, the person who joined me this time wasn’t Kris, but it was Luhan.

“I miss grandma” Those 4 words just slipped out of my mouth. I couldn’t keep them as a heavy burden to my heart anymore. Those words were weighing my mood down.

“Do you?”

“I think I do. I feel bad these days” It wasn’t the kind of stomach bad or sick kind of bad. Like there was a hole in my chest or something. It was something empty that I lacked I guess.

“I don’t think it’s that” I shot him a look. Luhan usually didn’t debate with my thoughts unless he was certain that I was wrong.  “I think, you can take it anymore”

“Take what?” He had no idea. He was clueless. Although he was the closest person who could possibly understand me, he couldn’t.

“You know what I’m talking about”

“No I don’t. I can’t read minds. Sorry” He gave me one of those stop-with-the-unnecessary-statement looks or did they call it cut-the-crap kind of looks? Something like that.

“You can’t take it that you’re so lonely. It’s not just you missing your grandmother. Trust me. You like being here. With us. Together”

It has been a while since it was the last time I heard someone say the word together to me.  He was wrong. I didn’t like being here. It was just a place for me to relax from all my stress. I liked relaxing which meant I liked to be here. Lies. I don’t like anything. I try my hardest not to. I didn’t even have the time to say ‘no’ to him yet, but he already knew I was going to deny it.

“Then why did you come here.”

“Because I felt like it”

“Why did you feel like it?” And he gave me that famous Luhan smirk.

It didn’t make me melt like the other girls, but it was the question. ‘Why did you feel like it’. I didn’t have an answer.  It was because I wanted to. I wanted to because I…

“Like it. Love it” I shot daggers at him with my piercing eyes. Love was something I wouldn’t feel. Or I wouldn’t know how to feel. I think.

“Okay, fine. You don’t love it but you liked it. That’s why you missed it and came back.” He was right. He knew me. Luhan finally persuaded me with his words and shocking responses that he knew me. Maybe, just maybe, I could…. Trust them?

“Speaking of missing people, don’t you miss Lay?” I knew Luhan and Lay where close and he asked me that just so I could say ‘yes’ and we could complain about our grieve together about Lay.

I met Lay when I was 9. I didn’t pay much attention to him though. That is, until I heard him play guitar. He was sitting outside of the school in November. It was my birthday that day and Lay was outside in the cold eating his lunch. Actually he was mostly playing his guitar while his lunch turned cold. For some reason, the play he played just made me want to sit beside him and listen. And so I did. I could tell he was so submerged in playing that he didn’t notice me. When he finally opened his eyes and turned his head, he saw me and almost fell back.

“I like that song. What’s it called?”

“I… made it” And he blushed a little and turned his head to the opposite direction.

“Teach me”

His eyes got big- like a fish and his small probably swallowed over half his face. He had dimples. Cute dimples. When he was teaching me the chords and strumming patterns, he expressed himself so well. Every word he said sounded so lively and happy. Kind of what I wished for.

“How do you do that?”

“Have you been listening? I just told you the G chord with t-“

“How do you manage to smile for so long?”

“I don’t know. Just naturally because I’m doing what I love”

Interesting philosophy. He and I use to play together about thrice a month, but my parents said it was a waste of time after I got my RCM certificate. He would just express what he had to say through music. I enjoyed my time with him. But then he moved to Paris. It was only to study French music for 3 months, but it felt like he would leave forever. But I admitted I missed him and his guitar.

I finally felt at ease. Then I had to go to architecture class. At least I wasn’t so mad or whatever I was this morning. Feelings weren’t my best description. You could say I’m kind of cold hearted or whatever you preferred. I haven’t felt those feelings before, so I could do no more than describe them as the novels I’ve read. The day passed quicker than I expected and once again, I was back home in my room. The keys clicked and I heard the front door open. My parents were home.

3 hours and it was still the same. I felt the same and I was still alone in my room with a stack of finished papers. Although my parents were home, they had their individual things to do. The only thing that changed was my father came is as pointed to the stack of paperwork then I nodded. He closed the door and it was over. Our family conversation of the day. School was tomorrow and I laid on my bed counting the hours of sleep I would have.