When I woke up, I was on a back again. This time I was carried bridal style. Whoever it was, I recognized his cologne. Wide shoulders and bright lips. My eyes hadn’t exactly focused yet, but I could see some facial detail. As soon as I saw the row of pearly whites and a way-too-happy- smile, I knew who it was. No need to worry, Chanyeol is here.  He was running. Huffing and puffing. Why didn’t we take the taxi? It was so cold out. Then I noticed he wasn’t wearing a jacket. Instead it was wrapped around me. Why would people go to such an extent? Maybe in this world, I was the only one who didn’t care about anything much. Being nice and all that. Bubbly friendships and love or whatever. Nope. I didn’t know anything about it. At least, I didn’t think I did. And I closed my eyes for the rest of the way home.

For the 3^rd or 4^th time today, I woke up to unfamiliar surroundings and to the smell of rosemary and chicken soup. It wasn’t my room, or my house. I sat up seeing my reflection in the huge mirror right in front of me. I was pale. My lips looked white. Luahn’s braid had been destroyed. I was left with a missing elastic band and somewhat curly hair. My phone was on the table beside me. 14 missed calls and 26 new text messages.

“UGHH” I couldn’t help but say that out loud.

I personally thought I needed a break, but no. Never had I had a break. During my summers, it was just music exams or preparations for other exams or just exams. Winter holidays were often paperwork for my parents. The simple accountant stuff like calculating the taxes and balancing the company’s income. Oh and my least favourite, organizing the top other industries that sponsor us. Those other snobby rich people think they act so well. All their “Oh! It’s so nice to meet you” and “ Oh! I see you’ve lost weight” were all fake. And what made it worse were the hugs that made all look so sarcastic.

My thoughts were disturbed my someone knocking on my door.

“Come in” I quickly said out enough that the knocker could hear me.

“Hey, Princess-sick-a lot” Kai walked in with a tray of chicken soup, some crackers, a grilled cheese sandwich and an Etude House clear nail polish.

“Cramps” I said as I pointed to my stomach.

He nodded as if he understood how much it actually hurt.

“Yeol’s downstair making a feast for you. And before you get mad, I bought your favourite nail polish” He finished with a smile.

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Why would I be m-“

“He called your parents” He said it so fast that it took me exactly 58 seconds to decode his clustered words.

“UGHHHHHH” And I slammed by face against the plushies and pillows beside me.

Yes. I had a problem with my parents knowing about my problems or just my life. 2 years ago I fainted because of lacking iron or whatever. So Luhan decided to take me home and order 3 tables full of food. He cleaned the whole house and did stuff that either the maid or I, myself, had to do. I appreciated everything he did, but then, his last action changed everything. He called my parents. Wither as -exaggerated -as –ever  voice, they thanked and drove him home. It was the 2 hour lecture that made me panic.

It started with “Don’t you ever learn? When other people do things for you, you have to pay them back. If you ask for too much help, you’re going to have to owe them a lot more. You’re bothering others with your own problems. Learn how to deal with it yourself. Please Hye Mi, be considerate of others. Don’t burden others with your problems…” And the torture went on for another 2 hours.

“He did it for your own good. Your parents sounded really worried.” Kai set the tray down and sat on the side of my the bed.

“Are they coming?” I examined the nail polish and waited for an answer.

He hesitated and finally answered. “No”

“Then they’re not worried” I put the polish down and had my first spoon full of chicken soup.

No one really understood the relationship of me and my family. It wasn’t really family. It was fine when I was 1 to 4 years old. Like other families, we went to watch movies, amusement parks shopping, eating together and the zoo. It was fun- my childhood. Everyday was like an unexpected adventure. Doing something different or going somewhere different. At 5, my mom and dad had an argument. Dad left home for 3 days and mom cried for 2. The other person who really knew about me was my grandmother, but she died when I was 7. I spent the most time with her. At the age of 4, I’d already learnt the concept of empathy. I knew my grandmother didn’t feel important. My mom and dad ignored her. Sometimes I would just look at her wrinkly face and cry. Her wrinkles increased every week and the look in her eyes became sadder every day. I told everything to my grandmother and she loved me. I could feel it. Every time I wasn’t with her, I missed her. I think I could say I loved her more than my mom or dad. She was my bestfriend.

 Eventually, my mom and dad’s relationship became colder and colder. And they just started to ignore me. The signed me up for classes ; art, computer, science, piano flute, guitar, violin, math and accountant classes. I’m pretty sure there were more, but my childhood was getting a bit hazy. It got worse when my grandmother died. She was hit by a car. I was in school when my mom suddenly came in tears asking for my abrupt departure. I didn’t when I saw my grandmother at the hospital or at the funeral. I refused to accept the truth. She was the only one that I could count on. Why did they have to take her away? Every night after my grandmother died for 2 years, I cried myself to sleep. I often had dream about her. Then I’d wake up with tear stains on my cheeks. But my parents wouldn’t notice, even if I made the loudest sobbing noises.

Maybe you’d consider me weak and my parents strong, but who knows. Kai left the room as he noticed my thinking way too deep to even realize he asked me a question. I ended up thinking too much I think. I felt a tear drop into the soup.

“” I murmured.

Quickly, with my sleeve I wiped my eyes. I felt a squeeze in my heart and the tears coming back, but I just did the usual. I clenched my teeth and inhaled and exhaled. Only God knew how many times I did that to suppress my sadness. I drank the soup and ignored the phone thinking it was my parents who were going to lecture me once again. I think they don’t even have the time for that anymore. It was Luhan.

“What the hell happened to you?!” He was angry.

“I’m fi-“ he cut me off.

“Don’t give me that bull. You don’t see other girls around fainting because of their periods and cramps. I scheduled an appointment with Dr.Oh for tomorrow”

“Isn’t he fully booked for th-“

“Yea, the next year, but I got to squeeze you in”

My expression softened and I just sighed. Again, I had to trouble someone else for my own problems.  He hung up and I knew just where he was. The doorbell rang and I heard Luhan’s voice, out of breath, asked “where”. I sat on the bed waiting for another knock on my door.