My friendship with Luhan started when I was a baby. Our parents were close, kind of like bestfriends. I would go over to his house for dinner when I was small when my parents had arguments or something. Well, that was after my grandmother died. I missed her cooking.

The only one who knew how much I loved my grandmother was him. I don’t know about Kai or Chanyeol or the rest of them. They weren’t as clear of my history as Luhan was. He didn’t understand me though. He did, but didn’t fully. More than my parents. That’s how he got the title as ‘bestfriends’.

Often people would acknowledge my cold eyes because my pupils were just round black orbits covering more than ¾ of my eyes. The funny thing was, the white parts of my eyes would turn light blue. I didn’t really notice until my grandmother told me.

I knock interrupted my thinking. Luhan came in, phone in one hand and backpack over the shoulder. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized that so many people were home when they had to be at school.

“School?” I asked.

“We all got sick leaves.” He dropped his backpack down and came closer to me. He held my hand while I just stared at him blankly. The same look I would have at home or at school when I wasn’t forced to smile. My hands and feet were freezing. I noticed the soup turned cold and the sandwich was cold too.

I looked into his eyes and asked myself the question I would ask about 10 times per day. ‘Why do you care?’ I asked in my head of course. I mean, I didn’t do anything for you in return so why bother to care about me. You can say we’ve known each other for 15 years, but I’ve never really did anything significant for you. I couldn’t understand the kindness of others.

Since I was little I’ve thought of the world , in general, as a place filled with people who’re constantly trying to sabotage you. Society is ugly and so is the rest of the world. I was raised to think like that. Not the ordinary, you-only-live-once or live-with-no-regrets kind of method. If I did something wrong, bad things would happen. Actually I believed that even if I did good things, bad things would happen.

I didn’t even say anything, but I think he got my stern look.

“Because I can” and continued rubbing my hands.

Chanyeol and Kai were downstairs doing their own thing. I didn’t know where the others where. Except for Lay. He was in Paris studying French music and all that stuff. If I hadn’t mistaken, Baekhyun was still at school and the others were a mystery.

They were all friends of Luhan’s when I met them. They were the people I expected to become close with, but what happens happened. I could cope with them. They weren’t really like the rest. I could show them my cold side and they would give a care.

Finally I gave up and checked my phone. Messages from Lay sending me pictures of Paris like he would everyday, Baekhyun telling me not to forget my pads. (how do they even..) and the rest were from Luhan. The calls were all from Luhan except 3 were from Suho, but you get the point. Not a single concern form my parents. As I expected.

Someone downstairs was playing the piano. Another song I was familiar with- Yiruma; River Flows in You.

As he played I stirred the soup as if it would get warmer by me mixing it.

Whoever was playing missed an-

“E flat” Luhan yelled out.

“My own style” It was Kai playing. He improved since the last time I heard him play which was about 3 months ago.

I felt a sudden rush of warmth, was it because of my period? Then, as if I couldn’t control it or something, a smile flashed onto my face. It was fast before I noticed and returned to my regular expression. This place made me feel like I was need or I was noticed at least. My house was just big. And cold. And empty. Although this house was smaller, it felt good to be here.

“Woah.. I haven’t seen that in years” Luhan squinted his eyes and rubbed them.

“What” And I rolled my eyes.

“Your smile.”

“I smiled this morning for … 7 minutes”

“Those were 7 minutes of forcing your face muscles to stretch. It wasn't a smile.”

“Same thing”

I head keys jingle and a deep voice say “Back”

“Now what happened to Miss November?”

Kris called me that because my birthday was in November. And for some reason, he considered November the coldest month in the year and I was cold always.

“Up there. Lady things” Kai responded and stopped playing.

“Hey BB” Kris just casually said while walking in.

Luhan widened his eyes “her?...”

“No he’s talking to you. BB Lulu” I said and let out a light laugh while Kris burst into a laugh fit.

Luhan rolled his eyes and smiled by the sight of my amusing myself.  

“There she is” Kris exclaimed and I stuck my tongue out at him.

“What” I plainly replied.

“Your birthday’s in 2 weeks. November 29^th “

“I know”

“What do you want?”

“Nothing”

“Come down, you can’t stay in this room forever” And so I walked downstairs to see loads of food on the table.

I was in Chanyeol and Kai’s house. They were brothers, but their parents bought this house for them to live with Kris and the others. I didn’t consider this house big compared to mine. This house had 4 floors my house had 6. This house was for 12 people + an extra room for me just in case. My house was for 3 people well it was usually just me since my parents would disappear. I look for my favorite food in their pastry shelf. Target found- chocolate chip muffin. Before I took the bite, I felt a bit guilty for not eating the grilled cheese or finishing the soup. But I ended up taking a bite anyways. The muffin was still warm so I guess they preheated it for me since Chanyeol knew it was my favourite food to eat. As I munched on my snack, from the kitchen I stared at the 4 boys on the couch happily playing Xbox. Probably COD 2 or something like that. If the others came home, then it would feel totally complete. But I liked it when I was with them. I felt something I wouldn't feel anywhere else.