He was in a dim lit room, the lighting was kept in a relaxing blue. All around him were small round tables with a lot of couches and seats, it was a spacious room. It was evening, the sun was setting outside the dark tinted window panes to the unawareness of the people inside. At this hour the modern bar, fitted with new age furniture, was only half filled. One could hear the soft chattering of the few people talking, while the others were enjoying the soothing jazz music, played by a live band on the low stage. Nothing in there reminded of the state the bar would be in a few hours later, the loud talking, laughing, screaming of the party people and the earpiercing music with heavy bass, played by a DJ on the same low stage, replacing the live band. Lu Han was sitting on a couch, on the small round table in front of him were his glass of coke, his white smartphone, his purple-gray "Beats" and his wallet. He was thinking, ignoring everything else in the room. And he was kind of angry, he didn´t know what to do. Twenty years old, alone, foreign country and nowhere to stay.

Three months ago he had talked to his father. He went to his office room in their big house and knocked on the door. His father let him in and asked, "What do you want Lu Han?"

"Can I talk to you about something I´ve been thinking about doing?"

"Sure, sit down." His father motioned to the seat in front of his desk without looking up once. His facial expression was indifferent, uninterested. He started reading some papers on his desk again. 

Lu Han fidgeted slightly and wondered if he should disturb him or not. But his father didn´t make any signs of resuming to the conservation. So he just went for it.

"Okay, father. Listen." His father shortly looked up with a cold but nothing saying look. And went back to reading. He nodded slightly and then calmly, almost provocatively, spoke, still not looking at his son, "If you have to say something, then talk. I am listening. Else, please leave and don´t disturb me anymore." 

"So, I want to go to another country to maybe learn the language better and you know, go to university there. I want to improve in business and take real courses in a university, to- to learn it properly", Lu Han managed to tell him.

His father slightly nodded again, as if he had taken in his words then, or maybe he approved of something he was reading in his papers. "What country?", he directly questioned then. He wrote something down and then abruptly stopped. As if answering his own question, since he knew his son had, besides Chinese, learnt the languages Korean and English as important business languages for them, "Korea. To learn the language better. You want to go to Korea?"

*Anywhere, that is not here.* Lu Han thought at that moment but just responded with a simple "yes", since that was exactly where he wanted to go.

And then his father slowly placed the cap of his pen back on it with a faint click and put it down on his desk. He rested his arms on the table in front of him, took a breath and finally looked up to meet the eyes of his son, now more interested in what the younger had to say. The elders eyes looked tired, sad but still cold. The bags underneath were dark and it looked like he didn´t get sleep in a long time or maybe the burden of his life drew itself on there. The man was in the healthy middle, his figure wasn´t chubby, nor was he thin. But despite being healthy, the traces of age left wrinkles on his face nonetheless. His hair was mostly black, the once brilliant shine long lost and on both sides were parts who started to gray out. He sported suits, all kinds of suits and upon seeing him, one could tell he had money.

When Lu Han saw the pen on the desk and his father slowly looking up to face him, he feared. *Holy. Is he angry? I hope I didn´t make him angry with what I said? Or did I just do anything to anger him? Did I step on something? Oh no, what should I do?*

He timidily tried to look at his father. And the latter only looked back at him with an inexpressive gaze. Lu Han but had a hard time looking into those cold eyes.

Then his father decided to speak into the silence. "So what exactly do you expect from me?"

"I want your opinion. What do you think of the idea? And or maybe your approval?" Lu Han clarified, trying to sound stern.

"What for? Why do you want to study abroad? We have enough good universities here in China. If you wanted to study, you could have told me earlier." His father interrogated further, not giving Lu Han his answers but demanding answers from Lu Han.

"As I said, I want to become better in Korean. And maybe I can also improve in English there. Or take English classes with the business courses? About telling you earlier, I thought it was good having a work experience time between high school and university. I was thinking about study before, but after the two years now, I finally decided to study. It´s not too late though, I am still young and my high school results are easily good enough to get a place in any good university in other countries."

"Is it not good enough for you to learn in the company, experience at first hand? Don´t you like learning at our company?" Not commenting on anything Lu Han had said until then, he asked further. His dad was making up his mind and thus he needed some answers before deciding.

*I don´t like a single thing here, so please stop asking such questions.* Thinking this he tried to persuade his father from the opposite, he wasn´t going to give up on his wish, so he needed to be careful.

"Of course father! I like the company, I just want to get an official degree, an official qualification. I don´t want other people bashing me for not having a real qualification but just learning from my father! Do you think they will accept just this?"

At that statement, unbeknownst to Lu Han, a tiny smirk rushed over the lips of his father, vanishing as soon as it came *what a smart son I have there. He is right, he needs a real qualification.* 

"It is good. So be it. I decided: you may go to Korea. You will also learn to be more responsible this way."

*And I think it is a real good idea, you will learn to take care for yourself and become independent.* His father thought. Lu Han had never been alone for longer than a week maybe. When his parents were away someone was always there to check up on him. He was alone on class trips or short trips to cities around for work from the company. But he never lived on his own, handled money on his own or anything else. His father controlled the amount of money he got and he had all the power over his son´s bank account.  

He got back to his work and took the pen into his hand and detached the cap of it to write on. He read again what he had been writing and focused on it, against his expectation (his son leaving the room), he still noticed his presence there. He looked up to see Lu Han sitting in the same position and not making any move for leaving and asked, "You didn´t leave. Anything else to tell me?"

"Shall we not decide the details? I mean where I´ll live and what uni I´ll attend. I mean we need to prepare a lot if I want to go."

"You mean you. You need to prepare everything. I´ll leave yourself to you. You are twenty, I trust you to not do anything stupid. You are responsible for yourself from now on. Now leave. I don´t have time for this now. If you want anything then come back some other time." He didn´t look up again and made a motion with his hand, indicating Lu Han to go, he was sweeping his son out of there with his hand.

Lu Han stood up and he knew better than to just leave the room without a final word.

"Thank you, father. I´ll leave now." And he bowed before turning around in direction of the door. No smiles were exchanged, no nice words, no tender looks between father and child. There was just coldness of serious words and hard glances. And not one single more word was dropped unnecessarily.

Lu Han knew, his father didn´t even look up, when he said "thank you", he was sure, he didn´t see him bowing either. But if he didn´t do it, just in some weird magical way, he did never know how his father did it, he would have noticed. Then Lu Han would be badly off.

While closing the door to the office, *Thank you, you son of a biscuit! How I hate him. Can I not strangle him? He finally let me go, I am responsible for myself, hah, but I doubt he trusts me. That old fart. Just trying to get my trust. Urgh. How I hate him.*

A few days after this, his father ordered him to his office. When he went there, his father told him to sit and took out an envelope and handed it to him. He wondered what it was and just waited until his father would explain himself.

"In there you have all the data about your own bank account, in the account there is your deserved money from the work you have been doing the last two years in the company and some bonus I give you as a starting help. There is also a new credit card for only your account, I trust you to use it wisely. The one you have now, leading to one of my accounts with a limited amount of money withdrawal, will be suspended when you leave. I hope you started the preparations. At least finish up the university applications and mail them to the respective universities. The rest will come along."

Lu Han could just sit there uncomfortably and nod.

His father went on, "Once you have everything ready, you give me the details, okay? When you have moved there, you will send me your address, new Korean phone number and everything. You have responsibilty now, please understand this. I don´t want to see you change."

At the last sentence Lu Han looked up to meet his father´s piercing gaze, the elders eyes talking to Lu Han and warning him and immediately the son understood what the man was referring to.

"In fact, I hope you change for the better. I only send you away, so you can learn something proper and so you learn to take care of yourself. And one more thing, I warn you. Lu Han, if you try anything fishy, if you try to escape, I´ll find you and it will have its aftermath. You know I have ways to find you, so don´t even think about it. Never forget who you are, okay? You are my son. My son.

That´s all, you may leave." He finalized.

Lu Han had held his breath, his father scared him for the umpteenth time in his life. He hated this feeling. His father did not trust Lu Han one bit. And he hated this man, pretending to be his father, but just being the unfortunate man to have procreated him. He stood up, this time though, only bowing shakingly and when he almost reached the door, he heard his father say.

"Lu Han, never forget who you are. Remember my words. And when you get the results for your exams, then please send them to me, so I know, you are doing it right. Oh, and come visit us in the holidays."

*Visit us in the holidays, my . Hypocrite! Don´t you know I see through you? I know you, old man. I would gladly come to visit mother, but because of you, that will rarely happen.*

Lu Han didn´t turn around, he heard and left. He was feeling a headache coming and his eyes stung. But he couldn´t cry, a boy doesn´t shed tears. A boy is strong.

And the voice inside his head made unbearable noises. The voice wanted to protest. No one ever said Lu Han couldn´t cry. But the voice was getting ignored as usual and still the pain of the screams hit Lu Han nonetheless. He was eager to get away from this place as soon as possible.

Almost three months have passed since these incidents. Lu Han had arranged eveything. Yesterday he wanted to tell his mother, but he didn´t have the heart to. His father didn´t say anything. Lu Han had informed him about his departure and in the morning he left a note for his mother. He only hoped, "that old man" wouldn´t accidentally find it. His flight was in the afternoon, from Beijing Haidian to Incheon Airport Seoul, it only took about two hours.

Silent steps left the house in the early morning hours, before the eyes of the mother could flicker open and try to stop the child from leaving, it was when the sun was starting to rise. The nostalgia of leaving hit him hard, when he turned back to have a look at his home. His home, which did feel, and in certain way did not feel, like home.

There he was walking slowly through the city. Sleepy Beijing and red and orange tones, bright reflections of warm colours thrown in every direction by the towering glass of the still sleepy and quiet city. 

When eyes flickered open and the mind cleared from uneasy dreams, his mother knew it. She didn´t feel her child´s presence in the house.

Mothers know.

And soon her fears were confirmed. The note was found.

Dear mother, 

I left home for studies. I am going to Korea.

Father knows, don´t worry. I had talked to him and he agreed.

Please don´t worry. Eat healthy and take care.

I hope father won´t do som