I carried the trash bag in my hand, turned the knob and pulled the door open. I stopped when I found you sitting on your feet about to slide a piece of paper at the slit under the door.

“What are you doing?” I asked in confusion. It was eight in the evening; you’re supposed to be at home.

You abruptly stood up and hide the paper in your pocket, “I was—I think—I …I dropped my money somewhere near your house or maybe inside!” you stammered and let off an awkward smile.

“How much was it?”

“M—manwon.”

“You came all the way hear in this time around just for that?”

“Well y—yes! I’m that poor,” your eyes squinted as you resorted into another awkward smile.

I let you in; after all, you came all the way here for your money, not because of me. The thought disappointed me. Well, it is expected from a guy who only thought of me as his best friend.

“Dinner’s almost ready. You should join me. I’ll go get the table done while you hunt for your money,” I said putting down the garbage outside the door.

“Jonghoonie.”

I turned my head over my shoulder as I headed to the kitchen, “What?”

“Sorry to have bothered you,” your eyes asking for forgiveness too. It was unusually for you to act that way, it made me feel uneasy for some reason.

“Geez, don’t act so distant Hongki-ah.”

After you found your money, we ate in silence. Another thing that troubled me since you’re really not a silent person.

I washed the dishes after we ate while you sat in the living room. Your eyes stared at the screen with a bothered expression.

I was drying up the dishes while thinking about what might me in your mind. Suddenly, a plate slipped from my hands. It fell on the floor with a crash. I immediately reached for the shattered pieces to clean it up. Suddenly, I felt a prick on my finger. In no time, blood oozed out of my skin. Actually it wasn’t just a prick, it was a cut.

I heard rapid footsteps approaching the kitchen, a hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me up. “Can’t you be more careful?!” your face expressed worry—and anger.

I panicked inside and couldn’t talk. I didn’t know exactly why you were angry.

Your face softened when you noticed how pale I was, “I’m sorry. What I am saying is that you should at least be cautious when I’m not around.”

After a moment, we we’re sitting on the couch whilst you attended my wound. I stared at the television, avoiding your eyes to make the mood a little less awkward for me.

“What could you have done if I wasn’t here?” you started wrapping bandage around my hand.

“I could’ve done the curing myself,” I answered without thinking.

For some reason, it made you laugh.

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just that my question’s stupid. Of course you could have done it yourself, it’s not like I’m of any use right?”

I didn’t answer, my vocal chords choked with a mixture of air called nervousness and cowardliness.

“It’s done,” you gently let go of my hand and stood up. “I should probably go now.”

“You should sleep here, it’s late.”

“Naaa I still have lots of home works stock at home,” you continued to walk but I involuntarily tagged your sleeve. I held it tight, not knowing why.

“You’re not useless. You taught and made me realize many things I’ve been missing in my life. You’re the only one that made me smile and laugh. You were the reason I’m still standing. You were supporting me and pushing me forward,” I almost whispered with my fridge covering half of my red-hot face.

I felt a gentle comforting pat on my head. I looked up at you. You smiled a smile as bright as the sun. You were my sun after all.

“Thank you Jonghoonie for making me a big part of your life. But learn to stand up with your own strength. So in case I wasn’t around you could still stand up and move on.”

“But you wouldn’t leave me right?” My voice sounded like I was begging…hoping. Why does it feel like you weren’t going to be around me anymore?

“Of course, I promise. But tonight I have to go or my grades will suffer even though it’s already suffering.”

I laughed and let go.

You walked to the door as I watched your back.

“Sleep well tonight Hoonie,” you smiled over your shoulder.

I couldn’t seem to understand what’s going on inside me. My heart wanted me to run after you and tell you how much you meant to me—how much I really love you but my body wouldn’t move.

It took me a while when my body decided to run outside but it was too late, you were out of site.

I wish I had more guts to run after you that night. Maybe if I had, my story could end happily. But no, only fairy tales have happy endings.