It was already late in the evening when Youngjae got up, because Daehyun was already getting sleepy.

“Youngjae?”, he asked quietly, while Youngjae was putting his jacket on.

“Yes?”

There was a long silence.

“Thank you. For everything”, Daehyun said. Youngjae turned around and looked straightly into his eyes.

Daehyun was standing right behind him, he wrapped his arms around Youngjae.

When he let go, Youngjae placed one hand onto Daehyun’s cheek.

Their eyes didn’t let go of each other. Not even when Youngjae came closer, they looked at each other and it was like a silent promise.

A promise forever.

Then Youngjae closed his eyes as he softly pressed his lips against Daehyun’s.

                                                                                  ***

It’s hard to tell him. It was easier to talk with my parents about it.

I don’t know how to say it. I feel guilty for not telling him everything, I relayed on that he would somehow find out on his own.

I don’t want to hurt him, I can’t stand watching him suffer.

I hate myself for being the reason he suffers. I made him cry...

I’m sorry. It sounds so pitiful, these two words.

I wished I could express my feelings somehow.

And I pray that he will find my notes one day, in case I couldn’t tell him what I feel.

In case I couldn’t tell him – looking straight into his beautiful eyes – that I love him. Forever.

Just in case...

                                                                               ***

Youngjae yawned and leaned back.

His mother was skipping through some files. They were sitting together in the nurses’ break room.

It was the first time, his mother and him were sitting there together, for a couple of years now.

However, they didn’t talk. Youngjae was drinking coffee, while studying for his exams and waiting for Daehyun.

He got some special medical treatment and Youngjae couldn’t stay with him.

Something bleeped and his mother sighed and put down the files.

“I have to check on someone. I will be back right away”, she said and left the room. Youngjae nodded.

He was reading the same sentence over and over again, but he didn’t get the meaning, so he stopped and looked up.

There it was... the thing that disturbed his concentration.

The files his mother was reading before. Usually he would never do something like this, but he couldn’t resist. He picked up the files.

Jung Daehyun

His heart was beating fast, as he read on. It seemed to be a diary at the first look, but then he realized that it was actually a list.

A list of things, Daehyun wanted to experience before dying.

- leave my room and stay a whole day outside without the gear

- do daily things, like going shopping

- go to school or university

- find friends

- singing on a big stage

These aspects seemed to be very old ones. His writing style changed for the next points and he had ticked one of the old points.

- find friends ... found the best and only one

Youngjae smiled stupidly. He didn’t write down his name, but he knew it was him. He simply knew.

Then he started reading on.

- singing a love song to the person I love

The next point was an addition to his very first point.

- spending this one day with the person I love

Youngjae breathed in and out. He stared down to the letters.

They’ve kissed, yes. They held hands.

But Daehyun never told him that he loved him.

Youngjae closed his eyes and prayed he was the one, because he wanted to make his wishes come true.

He would spend the whole day with him and do anything he wanted him to do.

The last point seemed to be the hardest one to write down, he explained it and scratched things.

- It’s weird to write this down. I don’t know how I came up with this. I think I heard people talking about it.

On the end of the day with my love I want to

I just want to know how it is like and somehow I can’t imagine to go without experience it.

How do I write this down?

I don’t even know a tiny bit of it...

I just don’t want to die as a .

Youngjae’s mouth fell open.

He was a himself, probably he had more knowledge through the stories of his friends and things he saw in movies or the internet.

But somehow he never had thought about sleeping with Daehyun.

It was not like he didn’t want to, it was more like he was afraid of hurting the fragile Daehyun.

And even more, he could not imagine it was him, Daehyun could be talking about.

He didn’t even confess, why should he...?

“Ah ”, Youngjae cursed and tore his hair.

He shouldn’t have read it. He was confused as hell and felt guilty for reading it without permission.

It was not ok to read Daehyun’s most private thoughts. He seemed to have written them for his therapy.

He just put the files back in time and sat down at his seat as his mother entered the room.

“Daehyun is waiting for you”, she said with a smile.

Youngjae got slowly up. He was embarrassed, he felt like he could not face Daehyun.

But he had to, it would be even harder to not see him.

He gently knocked onto the door and opened it a second later.

Daehyun was sitting in his bed and smiled weakly at Youngjae.

Youngjae tried to smile, but he quickly looked down as he failed.

“Youngjae?”, Daehyun asked worried.

“I’m sorry”, Youngjae murmured.

“What for?”, Daehyun asked quietly.

“For... everything”, he answered.

Daehyun reached out his hands, Youngjae took them.

“Don’t be sorry”, he whispered. Youngjae looked up.

“May I ask you for a favor?”, Daehyun asked quietly looking into his eyes.

Youngjae saw surprised that Daehyun’s cheeks were reddened lightly.

“Yes, of course”.

It took Daehyun some time to start, he seemed to be very embarrassed.

“I've talked to the doctor and he allowed me one day off. He said it’ll be ok if I go outside for one day”, Daehyun started.

Youngjae’s heart skipped a beat. He just read about that...

“May I spend this day with you?”, he asked as he blushed.

Youngjae blinked.

“This would be amazing”, he whispered. Youngjae felt like he was about to faint.

...spending this one day with the person I love

Daehyun’s eyes widened. “Really?”

Youngjae nodded.

“We will do whatever you want to do. Tell me everything you want to do”, he said eagerly. Daehyun smiled.

“I want to go shopping, until now I've only seen the big shopping malls on TV and... I’ve never been to a school. Can you show me yours?”, he asked shyly.

Youngjae grinned.

“Of course. Anything you want”, he said and he gently pinched Daehyun’s hand.

They started planning their day together and Youngjae got more and more excited.

“I’m looking forward to it, soo much”, he whispered and lay his forehead against Daehyun’s.

“Me too”, Daehyun murmured shyly.

                                                                              ***

It was pretty cold that day and it rained.

Youngjae was in a bad mood when he woke up and looked outside.

It was unfair that it rained on the day Daehyun was allowed to go out with him.

But alone the thought of spending a whole day with Daehyun outside, to have a date with him, was so exciting that the weather didn’t matter that much anymore.

His mother drove him to the hospital where they fetched him.

Here was the little not to the “spending the day alone with Daehyun”, they weren’t allowed to stay outside for too long and Youngjae’s mother had to be close.

But she understood that they wanted to be alone, Youngjae never told her about his feelings for Daehyun or about their somewhat relationship, but she seemed to know.

She stopped at Youngjae’s school.

“I will stay here in the car. If something happens just call me, ok?”, she said smiling.

“Thanks, mom”, Youngjae said. Daehyun bowed politely.

“Thank you”, he said quietly. She smiled at him.

“Have fun”.

Youngjae grabbed Daehyun’s hand and although Daehyun seemed to be a bit awkward about it, he didn’t pull it back.

They were alone, no one was inside the building.

Youngjae pushed the door open and showed Daehyun through the building.

“Here is my classroom and over there is the room for the “Art Club”... Here’s the cafeteria”, Youngjae babbled while they were walking through the empty corridors.

Daehyun looked curiously around. When they reached the cafeteria, Daehyun pinched Youngjae’s hand.

“Can we go inside, please?”, he asked excited. Youngjae smiled.

“Of course”.

He pushed the door open and they walked inside.

It looked odd without all the people sitting there, the tables were clean and there was no smell of food lingering in the air.

“Usually it’s very loud in here”, Youngjae murmured. Daehyun shortly closed his eyes.

“I don’t like noisy people, it’s better like this”, he murmured.

“People tell me that I’m noisy”, Youngjae said. He couldn’t hold back.

Daehyun turned around and looked at him.

“You are”, he said.

Youngjae smiled sadly.

“Meaning that you dislike me”, he said.

“You can be so stupid”, Daehyun said. Youngjae looked up.

“What?”, he asked confused.

“Seems like you are an exception”, Daehyun said.

“To what?”, Youngjae asked and blinked. Daehyun rolled his eyes.

“You’re noisy, but I still like you”, Daehyun said and chuckled quietly. Youngjae blushed.

“Y-Yah... what are you saying?”

“I said, you’re noisy but I still like you. A lot”, Daehyun repeated.

“That’s...”, Youngjae started, but Daehyun placed on hand on Youngjae’s cheek and took a step closes to him and kissed him.

Youngjae’s heart skipped a beat, when Daehyun’s lips touched his.

It felt like it was their first kiss, because Youngjae couldn’t believe their first kiss had ever happened.

It was like a dream that Daehyun could ever feel the same.

Youngjae carefully rested his hands in Daehyun’s neck to pull him gently closer.

He hesitated for a moment but then started to slowly move his lips against Daehyun’s.

He seemed to be surprised but he didn’t push him away, he shyly imitated Youngjae’s movements. And somehow their lips moved in synch.

Youngjae softly pressed his lips against Daehyun’s before they released the kiss. Daehyun blushed.

“I n-never...”, he started.

“Don’t you dare to say something bad, it was amazing”, Youngjae interrupted and pinched Daehyun’s cheek.

Daehyun blinked.

“We can do it more often, if you want to”, Youngjae added quietly with a smirk on his face.

“You still read my mind. That’s embarrassing”, Daehyun complained.

“Actually, you really like that, don’t you?”, Youngjae said confidently and grinned. Daehyun blushed.

“Not at all”, he murmured and tried to push Youngjae away, but Youngjae wrapped his arms around Daehyun’s shoulders and held him.

Daehyun stopped struggling and couldn’t help but to enjoy the embrace.

“I love you”, Youngjae whispered into his ear.

Daehyun buried his face into Youngjae’s shoulder as his cheeks burnt. Youngjae chuckled softly.

“Still embarrassed? Let’s go on. I will show you the big hall with the stage”, Youngjae said quietly. Daehyun nodded.

Youngjae carefully intertwined their fingers and so they went in silence.

It wasn’t an awkward silence, at least not for Youngjae.

But when they reached the hall, Daehyun was so amazed that his eyes started to sparkle.

“The stage... can I go up there?”, he begged. Youngjae smiled.

“Yes, be careful, don’t trip over the stairs”, he said softly.

Daehyun quickly climbed the stairs and stood on the dark stage.

“There’s something missing... I’ll be right back”, Youngjae said.

“O-Ok”, Daehyun murmured. He looked around.

There weren’t many windows so it was pretty dark, but he discovered stairs leading down from the stage into an open room full of instruments.

His feet leaded him right away to the acoustic guitar.

He softly brushed over the chords and then grabbed it carefully.

He went back onto the stage and sat down on the chair Youngjae just put there.

The stage was now in the spotlight, the rest of the hall was in complete darkness.  Youngjae smiled.

“I will be sitting in the first row, watching you. I’m your number one fan boy”, he said smiling brightly and jumped down from the stage.

Daehyun breathed in very deeply. It had always been his dream to sing on a big stage.

And here he was on that big stage, the person he loved sitting in the first row.

The person he loved...

there was only one song he could sing right now.

He started playing the guitar and the music resounded through the hall.

The last chords resounded in the hall, then it went silent.

A few moments passed then Youngjae started clapping and climbed up onto the stage.

“SO beautiful! You’re voice is magic and song is really nice”, he said. Daehyun’s hands held onto the guitar.

“It was for you”, he said. Youngjae blinked.

“What?”

Daehyun bit his lip.

“I sang it for you”, he explained embarrassed. In the next moment arms flew around his shoulders.

“Oh god, I fall in love more and more. What have you done to me?”, Youngjae said. Daehyun blushed.

“I-I’m sorry”, he stuttered.

“What are you sorry for?”, Youngjae asked and tipped against Daehyun’s forehead. Youngjae sighed.

“We should go back now”, he murmured. Daehyun nodded.

He brought the guitar back and they left together. Youngjae nearly forgot to switch off the lights because he couldn’t take his eyes off Daehyun.

“Where are we going now?”, Daehyun asked, while they were walking through the corridor.

“To my house”, Youngjae answered.

“It’s time that you see my room, since I was spending half of my life in yours”, he said grinning.

Daehyun lowered his head. “Sorry”, he murmured.

“What?”, Youngjae said surprised.

“Oh no. You’re not sorry! And I’m not mad for spending my time with you, because it was the best time ever”, he said.

Daehyun’s shoulders shook slightly.

“What are you crying about?”, Youngjae asked and wrapped his arms tighter around him.

“You’re too nice to me, you deserve someone better than me. But I don’t want to let you go, I want to stay with you forever.

It’s so unfair that I pushed you onto this rollercoaster ride all the way up and now I’m clinging to you like a child and drag you down with me”, Daehyun whispered with the tears falling down from his chin.

Youngjae softly wiped them away.

“I don’t want someone else. And I’m happy that you want to stay with me. It’s ok like this, Daehyun. As long as I can be with you, it’s ok.

Nothing will ever change my feelings. You’ll wait for me, won’t you?”, he said quietly while his cheek.

“Waiting?”, Daehyun asked confused.

“There’s only one heaven”, Youngjae said. Daehyun looked down.

“We will talk about something nice now, ok?”, Youngjae whispered and kissed Daehyun’s forehead.

Daehyun leaned against him.

“I will watch you and then... it’ll be my turn to protect you from... up there”, he murmured.

“I know”. Youngjae Daehyun’s hair.

They intertwined their fingers again and walked back to the car.

Youngjae’s mother was waiting with a smile on her lips, but her eyes were sad when she looked at them.

“Let’s go home now”, she said. Daehyun nuzzled his head into Youngjae’s chest and fell asleep on the way.

Youngjae smiled and his hair.

“I’m sorry”.

Youngjae looked up and nearly jumped as he saw that his mother was crying. She had already parked the car in front of their house.

“I-I’m so sorry”, she sobbed.

“Mom...”, Youngjae said not knowing what to say.

“I don’t want you to suffer, I can’t bear the thought of... I wished he and you could have met somewhere else...

I wished I introduced you to him in a better place... in a d-different life, where you won’t have to suffer. I’m so sorry”.

Her tears were falling like raindrops and were rolling down the steering wheel.

“Mom. I’m happy”, Youngjae said. She looked up surprised. “Eh?”

Youngjae bit onto his lips and lifted the sleeping Daehyun.

“Thank you, mom. For introducing me to Daehyun. Thank you”, he said and got out of the car.

He carried Daehyun into his room and lay him onto his bed.

                                                                    ***

Daehyun was angry that he fell asleep and lost time of his free day, but he calmed down when Youngjae treated him with a proper dinner cooked by his mother and green tea ice cream for dessert.

“You get used to the food in hospital, but that doesn’t mean it will ever taste good”, Daehyun sighed.

Youngjae chuckled. “You never said something. I will bring you some lunch tomorrow”, he said shaking his head.

Daehyun looked up from his already empty plate.

“You... you don’t have to. I just meant”, he started, but Youngjae raised one finger.

“Don’t take your words back, I heard them”, he said and laughed. Daehyun sighed.

When they were back in Youngjae’s room and alone – Youngjae’s mother was sitting in the living room watching the news – Youngjae took a deep breath and decided to ask.

“Daehyun, if there’s anything... you know, like... like a wish. Something you want to experience, to see, to go to... please tell me. I will fulfill any dream you have, any dream”, he said.

Daehyun who sat next to him on the bed frowned.

“A wish? A dream?”, he asked and seemed to think.

And then suddenly his face turned red and he buried it quickly into a pillow.

“Are you ok?”, Youngjae asked confused.

“Y-Yes”, Daehyun stuttered.

Daehyun never felt so embarrassed before, he feared that Youngjae would read his mind again.

There was something special left, when he thought about his list – nothing as trivial as going shopping – and he was still unsure if he could say it out loud.

But he wanted it.

He wanted do it with Youngjae. Youngjae would be the only one he could ever lose his ity to.

And he somehow started wondering if Youngjae was also still a and if he had some experiences.

Just thinking of it nearly wanted him to jump out of the window.

Youngjae came closer, his eyebrows were furrowed.

“Are you alright?”, he asked.

Daehyun’s eyes widened and he crawled backwards and bumped into the wall.

“Y-Yes”, he stammered.

“W-Well, Youngjae... I thought of asking the doctor for a second free day, b-because... there is still something I want to d-do”, he said and looked down.

Youngjae nodded.

“Ok. I’m sure that you will get a second day”, he said with a smile.

Daehyun looked away, he couldn’t say it and Youngjae didn’t seem to get it.

From all the times Youngjae wasn’t able to read his mind now.

Wow, so many new readers!!!

I'm so touched. Thank you <3

And thank you for your sweet comments!! *__*

I never imagined this...

The song Daehyun sang is "The One and Only You" by Kim Soohyun

Well, it just came to my mind and I can really imagine Daehyun singing this...

So.. Now to a different point.

I'm sorry, it's kind of weird to put Daehyun's wish of having with Youngjae in this story.

I wondered if I should really do this, but I think he's 19 and he should have that chance.

Urgh, sorry, if you dislike that idea... m(__ __)m