Love is the bridge between two hearts. An unbreakable bond...

Daehyun was now the hospital miracle-wonder-boy, because he was still sitting in his room waiting eagerly for Youngjae to show up.

And the reason for being a miracle was that regardless his illness he was still alive.

Since the day Youngjae and Daehyun had met for the first time 8 years had passed and so Daehyun had lived 7 years over the life expectation.

It was a medical wonder.

A young man stormed out of the elevator, he seemed a bit breathless. His brown hair was falling into his face.

His eyes were shining brightly, on his lips was a gentle smile, he looked excited.

While going through the corridor he took off his jacket.

“Oh my god, he’s so handsome”, one of the nurses sighed.

“He really turned into a good-looking young man. It’s like it was last winter when he came here with his mother. He was our cute baby...”, the other one said.

He pulled down his cap and brushed off the snow. It was already February, but it wouldn’t stop snowing.

“Hello, Youngjae”, the nurses greeted him. He nodded politely.

“Good afternoon”, he said but he didn’t stop, he headed right away to room 220.

He flung the door open.

“Yah, you’re late”, a voice greeted him.

“Sorry, hyung. Blame my stupid history teacher, she totally overdid it with the-“, Youngjae started to explain.

“Youngjae”, Daehyun interrupted him.

Youngjae stopped surprised and looked down to the boy in the bed.

No, even if it seemed as if nothing had changed, there was sitting a young man, he wasn’t the little boy anymore. And regardless his thin chest and arms and his pale face, he was looking gorgeous. In Youngjae’s eyes at least...

“I’m mad at you. How could you let me wait?”, Daehyun said and furrowed his eyebrows. Youngjae’s mouth fell open.

“What? I-... no, I’m so sorry. I will make it up”, he said worried and talked three times quicker than usually.

“Don’t be mad with me. Hyung, please! I’m so sorry”, he apologize and before he could even breathe to carry on, Daehyun wrapped his arms around Youngjae’s waist.

“What are you talking about? As if I was ever mad at you”, he whispered. Youngjae looked relieved.

“Oh god! I was so shocked. Don’t do that to me”, Youngjae complained. Daehyun chuckled.

“You always fall for that”, he said softly.

“You’re mean”, Youngjae pouted. Daehyun laughed and pulled him closer.

Youngjae lost balance and fell down onto Daehyun’s bed. Both of them started laughing.

Daehyun nuzzled himself into Youngjae’s side and Youngjae put one arm around him. They had always been that close, but Youngjae sure was aware that they weren’t little boys anymore and the way they treated each other was not like friends should behave.

Daehyun’s cool finger over his hand, Youngjae intertwined their fingers.

Daehyun rested his head onto Youngjae’s chest. Youngjae enjoyed this pose more than anything, but still... he was afraid that Daehyun could hear it.

His treacherous heartbeat that was beating a little bit too fast, when Daehyun touched him.

After all the years he spent with Daehyun they had become best friends, but it would be a lie if Youngjae denied that for him it was only friendship.

He had no idea what Daehyun felt or if their closeness had a meaning for him at all.

He couldn’t remember when he fell for Daehyun or when he realized that he was in love with his best friend.

There was no certain time, it just happened. Slowly. Like falling asleep, you lie around for a long time and suddenly you’re asleep. But the time you fell asleep, you can’t remember and although it happens suddenly, this progress is anything but fast.

“Did you run here?”, Daehyun asked.

“Why?”, Youngjae asked staring up to the ceiling. Of course he had.

“Your heart beats really fast, you know”, Daehyun said. Youngjae’s eyes widened. Oh crap.

“W-Well...y-yeah”, he stuttered. Daehyun sighed.

“Be careful, Youngjae. Don’t be careless when you run here. I couldn’t stand the thought of something might happen to you”, he murmured.

Youngjae’s heart skipped a beat. Daehyun got up and looked at the blushing Youngjae.

“Are you ok?”, he asked. Youngjae quickly nodded. “O-Of course”.

Daehyun frowned. “Your heartbeat is not regular, this is actually...”, he started.

“No!”, Youngjae interrupted him loudly.

Daehyun blinked surprised and winced as if his loud call had hurt him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scream”, Youngjae apologized hastily. Daehyun turned away.

“Daehyun, I’m really... are you crying?! Oh god, no don’t! I made you cry... no, no! I never wanted to...”, Youngjae said shocked and his talking speed increasing in fear. Daehyun wiped his tears away.

“Youngjae, why don’t you tell me about it?”, he asked.

Youngjae held his breath. His heart again skipped a beat.

“Excuse me?”

Daehyun looked up, his face was all troubled.

“You’ve changed. We never needed to talk to understand each other, but you started to distance yourself. I don’t know why... Have I done something wrong? You’re acting strangely, you know?”, Daehyun said.

Youngjae bit his lip. He wanted to explain but he couldn’t without telling the whole truth.

“You’ve done nothing wrong, Daehyun. I’m sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, this is the last thing I could ever do”, Youngjae said and looked down.

“Then what is it?”, Daehyun asked.

“Don’t you trust me anymore? If you made something bad, I don’t care, I won’t tell anyone, I will stick to you no matter what”, Daehyun said and took Youngjae’s shoulders. He desperately shook him.

“Please, Youngjae. Please, just don’t leave me alone”, he begged. Youngjae breathed in and out.

What was he waiting for? They didn’t have much time left... Now or never.

“You want me to tell you about it?”, he asked quietly. Daehyun nodded.

“You won’t have to worry, I will never leave you alone. The thing is, I am worried that you wouldn’t want to see me anymore after I told you”, he started. Daehyun fiercely shook his head.

“This won’t happen. Don’t worry!”

Youngjae sighed. “You don’t even know...”.

Daehyun tried to catch his gaze, but Youngjae avoided him.

Silent minutes passed until Youngjae found the courage to start. He didn’t want to rush things, that had been his excuse over the years. But in this case, there was no time, he could hope for.

“Daehyun, I ask you not to ever interrupt, just let me tell you... everything”. Daehyun slightly nodded with a curious but also frightened expression in his eyes.

“There are nights where you have nightmares and I would always be there and comfort you, but I can’t make them stop.

I would do anything that you would have beautiful dreams forever, so you won’t have to cry no more. And then I would visit you and you could tell me about them with a smile on your face...

I couldn’t tell you that it hurts me seeing you cry, because I don’t want to give you the feeling it could be a burden to me. You’re not a burden to me and you will never be.

There are days when you can hardly breathe. You’re in pain. And I would sit here, trying to calm you down, trying to comfort you, but the truth is, I can’t do anything to help you.

I could never. This makes me sad, so sad that I wished I could be the air that was easier to breathe.

Every night I lie awake in my bed and pray for one more day with you and I hate myself more and more for being that selfish.

I promised myself to tell you, but I’m a coward and beg for tomorrow, because tomorrow I would tell you... what I truly feel.

But there’s no tomorrow in the present and just because we luckily got 7 more years, I foolish believed we would have a lot more time.

I never realized that keeping this a secret could hurt you, because I was too afraid. I’m so selfish and I hate that. I was too afraid of being hurt myself”, Youngjae stopped.

Daehyun looked confused. He opened his mouth. “You’re not selfish, Youngjae”, he whispered.

Youngjae shook his head.

“Don’t interrupt”, he murmured. Daehyun nodded apologizing.

“It’s harder like this, but it wouldn’t feel right to say it without looking you in the eyes. So, Daehyun...”, he said and softly turned Daehyun’s face to his.

Their eyes met and for a moment it seemed like the world around them disappeared and it was only them.

“I love you”.

The moment was over when Daehyun started blinking.

He didn’t say a word he just blinked and then turned his eyes away.

Youngjae bit his lip, he knew... he knew that Daehyun would never have the same feelings.

He sighed and got up. He already had reached the door, when Daehyun started talking.

“Youngjae... you will come tomorrow, won’t you?”, he said. Youngjae turned around.

“Depends if you still want to see me”, he answered.

Daehyun shook his head. “Of course, I want to see you”, he said sighing.

Youngjae ran towards the bed and then he hesitated.

“Can I... Can I still hug you?”, he asked awkwardly. Daehyun stared at him.

“Are you serious?” He wrapped his arms around Youngjae’s waist and pulled him close.

Youngjae closed his eyes and lay his head onto Daehyun’s hair.

“Youngjae... can I ask you for something?”, Daehyun murmured. “Sure, whatever you want”.

“Can you stay a little longer with me?”, he asked. Youngjae suppressed his tears.

“Yes... as long as you want me to stay”, he whispered.

“Thank you”, Daehyun said.  

Youngjae sat down next to Daehyun, they didn’t look at each other.

But the silence wasn’t awkward, after a while Daehyun rested his head on Youngjae’s shoulder.

“Youngjae... I’m sorry. I hurt you”, Daehyun whispered.

”What?”, Youngjae said surprised.

“I don’t know anything about love. I just don’t know... People tell me it’s the most beautiful thing on earth and it’s a nice feeling.

But I still don’t understand it. I’m sorry that I can’t say something back to you, I just don’t know...”, he murmured.

Youngjae carefully took Daehyun’s hand. He intertwined their fingers.

“May I?”, he asked and hesitated. Daehyun nodded.

“It’s ok, Daehyun. No one understands love, you’re not alone with this. I don’t know a lot more than you. You don’t have to say something back to me”, he said.

Daehyun’s fingers held him tighter.

“But I want to...”

Youngjae smiled weakly.

“Then tell me what you feel”, Youngjae said.

Daehyun was silent for a long time, he was thinking. So Youngjae listened to his calm breath.

“What I feel... it’s a lot. I don’t know how to describe it. I’m not good at that...

 I’m happy when you’re with me and I feel lonely when you’re gone. I miss you when you’re not here and then I wish you could stay longer and longer...

 When I have those nightmares, you would always be here and I... I feel safe”, Daehyun faltered.

Youngjae smiled.

“What do you feel, when we’re holding hands? What does it feel like when we hug, when we touch?”, he asked after hesitating.

Daehyun opened his mouth and closed it again. Youngjae turned his head and was looking into Daehyun’s eyes, the tips of their noses touched, their lips were only a breath away from each other.

“How does it feel when I’m looking straight into your eyes?”, Youngjae asked.

Daehyun softly trembled. Youngjae raised his hand and slowly brushed Daehyun’s jaw line.

“I-I can’t breathe”, Daehyun stuttered. Youngjae immediately let go.

He looked worried and checked the monitors.

“Should I call the doctor? What happened, do you need something?”, he asked hastily.

“No, no!”, Daehyun called.

His confused and fearful expression changed, he looked angry.

“I messed it up...”, he said and fiercely tore his hair.

“What?”, Youngjae asked confused.

“I’m ok! It was just, b-because... you were so close”, Daehyun said.

He was obviously angry with himself but now he got embarrassed as he told Youngjae about it.

“Oh... sorry. I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for”, Youngjae said worried.

“No, I was ok with it, but it’s completely destroyed because I’m so stupid”, Daehyun said, he looked as if he was about to cry.

“Daehyun, stop it. There is nothing destroyed and you’re not stupid!”, Youngjae interrupted him. He gently hugged him.

“B-But I destroyed the moment, it was perfect”, Daehyun said furiously.

“It doesn’t have to be perfect, that’s what makes it perfect... but you know, anything that has to do with you is perfect for me, ok?”, Youngjae said.

“Can we...”, Daehyun started, but the door opened and the doctor entered.

...try it again?

Daehyun finished the sentence in his thoughts.

“Daehyun, it’s time for the general check. I’m sorry, you will have to leave”, he added towards Youngjae. Youngjae nodded.

He hugged Daehyun. “See you tomorrow. One more day”, he whispered so that only he was able to hear.

“See you”, Daehyun said and let him go.

     ***

Daehyun was very quiet the next day, his face was paler than ever before.

Youngjae immediately embraced him. He didn’t ask, he just sat down next to him. He already knew that Daehyun’s time was almost up and the end was approaching.

“You know, I’m here... always”, Youngjae murmured and lay one arm around Daehyun’s shoulders. Daehyun rested his head on Youngjae’s chest.

“I want it to be over... I want to finally die. I can’t bear the thought of going to bed and ask myself again and again, was this my last day? Did I do everything right today? I can’t stand it anymore, I don’t want to sit around and wait...”, Daehyun quietly said.

Youngjae froze. “How can you be so cruel? Don’t leave me alone like that”, Youngjae said as his tears where running down his cheeks.

Daehyun had his lips clenched and he tried to breathe calmly, but the sobs broke out of him and he started to cry.

“I’m so s-sorry...”, he stammered and pressed his face into Youngjae’s chest. He waited until the sobbing stopped then he continued.

“You would be happier without me. You used up all your free time to spend it with me. In a hospital! You can’t go out, you can’t do all the stuff other people do at our age! I don’t want to do this anymore to you.

I’m bonding you closer to me, but for nothing. I’m dying, Youngjae. I will leave this world”, he said and he started crying again.

“That’s because you’re too beautiful for this world”, Youngjae whispered. Daehyun blushed.

“Stop that stupid story”, he said, but he didn’t sound annoyed. 

“But it’s true”, Youngjae said.

“Why are you just like this...”, Daehyun murmured.

“Because I love you”, Youngjae answered gently. Daehyun looked up and sighed.

“You shouldn’t”.

Youngjae closed his eyes for a moment. “I know, but I don’t care”.

They were silent and thoughtful.

Youngjae thought about the things the doctor told his mother. He overheard their conversation.

That Daehyun suddenly got so depressed was one of the typical signs of the approaching death.

Youngjae had known from the very first start that this had never a chance, but still he was hoping and praying for Daehyun to survive.