My stomach swirls as I walk towards the building while Minhyun calls for a valet to park his car. I continue to walk until I see a list of the events for the day. I scan the page and do nothing when I felt my heart stop as I saw the familiar name.

Choi Minki, Freedom: The First Photography Exhibition, 4th floor Art Center, 6pm

I squeak when I feel someone tapping me on the shoulder and laugh awkwardly when I see that it’s just Minhyun.

“Come on JR-sshi, the exhibit will start soon.”

I nod and let my feet drag me to the elevator. All of a sudden I lose the will to go up. Ren’s finally here but I don’t understand why my body is feeling this way. Maybe it’s because of what I ate a while ago? Did I eat poison? Minhyun pressed the number 4 as soon as we stepped inside the elevator. I am feeling everything but good right at that moment. I am so cold and nervous. I can feel Minhyun’s worried glances towards me and I try to smile to hide my uncertainty away. Am I really ready to face Ren like this?

At first I was really sad that he left me, considering that he’s the first person to enter my life that way. I thought I had a friend who would treat me like a real person. I was happy even though I seemed not to understand everything because being with a friend gave me contentment. But all those things crashed when he left. I was broken to the extent that I was almost unfixable. I blamed myself, I was so stupid, so incompetent. Maybe I was also boring. But I really felt abandoned. I truly showed who I am, I gave my full trust and I unconsciously gave my heart too. I know it’s wrong, I should’ve known that in order to give something to someone else you should give a bit to yourself too.

Ding!

My heart beat at an unbelievable speed the moment I heard the elevator stopped at the 4th floor. This is it. The point of no return. As much as I disliked how I’ve been treated, I really want to see him soon. I believe I wasn’t left behind because of nothing. Everything happens for a reason.

Minhyun led me to the art center. We’re walking slowly because this place isn’t a joke. We’re even walking on a carpet and the hallway is deadly silent. We barely make a sound as we stepped closer to the room where Ren is in.

Tic-toc-tic-toc

Time seems to go slower the nearer the room is. Each step becoming heavier as I eyed the board beside the door. Choi Minki…

“JR-sshi, are you okay? You’re… you’re deadly pale. Oh my God.” Minhyun asked before opening the door. He took a few steps closer to me and touched my forehead. “Not only that, you’re deadly cold too. You sure you’re okay?”

I nodded. I tried saying something but my throat’s dry too. Maybe I did eat poison.

Minhyun opened the door and I was overwhelmed by what I saw. Almost all the people inside are wearing white. Minhyun is wearing white too. So why am I wearing black? I find it harder to go inside now that I know I’ll stand out. I was dragged by Minhyun because I obviously have no interest on going inside if I’m wearing something different.

“JR-sshi, it’s okay, no one will bother you, I promise.” Minhyun said, and for a while I contemplated if I’ll ask him how the heck he knew what I was thinking. Maybe he can really read minds.

Minhyun excused himself as soon as we entered the exhibit. “Go on JR-sshi, admire Minki’s works. I’ll be talking to the other guests. And as I said, no one will bother you.”

And then I am alone. I wonder where to start. Glad there are guide arrows on the walls. I decided to start on the right-most part of the exhibit. Here I saw a lot of smiling faces. Different people, babies, teenagers, adults, with different tone color, different hairstyles, different everything. I can’t help but smile as I look at the photos. At the end of the first batch of photos, there’s something written on the wall.

People must not forget how to smile. It’s one of the many things they can do to express and feel freedom.

Ironic I must say, because the photographer seldom smiles. Maybe he does, I saw him, yes, but not as much as I or Minhyun does. As I look up, I saw my own reflection on the picture frame, and after a long time I saw my genuine smile again. I am so angry a while ago, aren’t I? I laughed at the thought that these photos taken by him made me smile. He still has a huge effect on me, obviously.

I continued to the next batch of photos. Now there are people who dance, sing, paint, draw, play basketball, eat hamburger and many more. They are compiled together and in the end he had this collage. It took up almost an entire side of the wall but the activities the people were doing never repeated. He’d planned this very well. At the end of the collage, there’s something written too, as expected.

Whether it’s hard and eating up all your sleep or dangerous and eating up half of your life, as long as you like what you do, you are embracing the freedom given to you.

I remember that Ren wasn’t allowed to take photos before. Then all of a sudden he brought his pink camera. Inasmuch as I wanted to know why he suddenly changed his mind, I wanted to give him the personal space he needed. Maybe he truly realized that it’s more comfortable and more meaningful if you’re doing something you like.

The next batch of photos stirred up memories and emotions inside of me that I have long kept. These are familiar places from my previous school, the school Ren and I both attended. Tears unknowingly invaded my eyes as soon as I saw that place where I first met him, then the auditorium where I knew his name. Next are our seats where he used to sleep during classes, the board where he effortlessly answered our professors’ questions even without listening to the lecture, the cafeteria where the three of us ate, sometimes, after a long day, the gym where we saw how weak the both of us are, then our dorm room… I am expecting to see more but it’s the end of the wall already, nothing is written at the end of the photos too so I decided to continue on walking around.

“What…”

It was all I can say the moment I laid my eyes on the next set of photos. It was me, with Ren, or with Ren and Minhyun, all of the photos are smiling, it showed how happy all of us on our little group. Now I am really producing a shower of tears as I held out of the photos. I really had a great time back then, before Ren left, after I was healed, before I became a university student. As I reached the last photo, which had me, Ren and Minhyun all smiling goofily while eating that kimbap Minhyun used to cook for our lunch, I saw the same handwriting again.

Friends, sometimes you need them in order to realize how to achieve your own freedom.

Without caring how creepy I look, I smile despite the tears travelling on my cheeks. My feet seemed to have its own mind again as I felt myself dragged toward the next set. This is where I almost lost it all. Why, of all the people, was my photos posted here? I laughed at how silly I looked, smiling, frowning, there’s a photo where I am almost crying too. Then there are photos of me sleeping, eating, writing notes…  I don’t remember him taking photos of me while I’m doing those things. Then as I stood in front of my last photo where I was sketching, I saw the familiar scribbles again.

I love seeing people doing what they really want to do.

I love seeing this person doing the thing that gives him happiness.

Happiness which you can only achieve while doing that thing you really love to do.

Waves of emotions started to hit me after I read what he wrote. He loves seeing me happy, is it? I felt that familiar tingling in my heart as I analyzed each pieces and tried to put it all together. There’s a big chance that I wasn’t hallucinating, right? I wasn’t ignored, right? It was being reciprocated the whole time, right?

 I aimlessly walked towards the last wall as I tried to cope up with the things scrambled inside my mind. And the last photo wasn’t what I expected it to be. So, this photo’s still alive…

I saw the same tree and twilight again, peaceful light blue color slowly spreading across the ground as the sun ever so slightly peeked from the sky. Then I saw two figures so close, eyes shut as both tried to make sense of what was happening. I saw the same white clothes he asked me to wear that day, his ponytailed blonde hair contrasting very well on the perfect scenery.

I felt waves of red creeping on my cheeks as I saw it right in front of my eyes. Scribbled beside it is,

Love is one of the greatest proofs that you’re free.

Love is one of the greatest gifts you’ll ever receive.

Being loved back by the person you dearly love so much is the greatest feeling you’ll ever feel.

Having your first kiss with the one you love is one of the memories worth treasuring.

Without much thought, I let some words escape from my mouth. “It was my first kiss too.”

“Seriously?”

Upon hearing that voice my heart and stomach decided to abnormally move on their own. While my heart’s beating incredibly fast, my stomach produced some whirlwind inside my body that I felt collapsing right then and there. As soon as I look from the source of the voice, I saw a weird but nice smile greeting me. The same eyes, pointy nose, perfect lips, but a black, shoulder-length hair, still the same beautiful face, I can’t help but stare. It’s been so long.

“It’s been so long, JR.”

---

Soooooo, sorry for the late update. T^T Everything you read are mine, nothing's copied or whatsoever, so it's really hard... I am not that good at writing... I don't even know why I decided to have those 'poetry-like' whatever, but for Ren, I'll do everything. XDDDDD

This is a part of the ending which I cut into halves because I feel like cutting it. No, because it's too long. XDDD And the second part's still unfinished too. Hopefully I'll finish it soon, so we can all move on with our own lives. XDD No, coz I want to make another NU'EST fic but before starting that one I want to finish this first.

Thank you for waiting for my update. D:

If my estimation's right, the next chapter will be the last, thank you for accompanying me up to this point. I LO/\E you! ^_____________^

Unbeta-ed as always. :))

And yeah, don't forget to vote for NU'EST here. It's GDA... it's the most important of all polls out there and NU'EST has a big chance of winning so yeah, come on LO/\Es, HWAITING!

nowplaying: 사랑과 전쟁 (Love&War) (Feat. 하하) - Davichi ((And this is my theme song for JRen. LOL Watch Kpop20 so you'll know why. XDD))