Minhyun leaves me alone after we ate the breakfast saying that he needs to help Ren for the final touches of the exhibit later. He will pick me up at 5pm he said, and he laid the clothes that I will use. That leaves me with nothing else to do. He suggested that I go sight-seeing or paint before the meeting time, but I don’t feel like doing so. I am too excited to see Ren that I just want to go with Minhyun and help them with everything. My offer was obviously rejected and now I am sitting in front of a television with a remote control on my hand. I’m not watching though, nothing I can make out of fast-paced and different accented English. It’s too early too for good Korean shows that I really have nothing left.

I lie down on the couch leaving the television open. I let my mind fly as far as it can reach and stop only when I feel that my body begins to numb. How long have I been lying down there? Maybe for hours or something, maybe it’s already 4pm and I need to make myself look like human. I glance at the clock and see that it’s already 1pm and my stomach suddenly growls. I make something edible from the food inside the refrigerator and stuff my stomach with it. I am not a good cook but I know what’s poisonous or not. After eating I walk up to my room and end up spacing out. Maybe 2 hours or so will pass by quickly if I do this.

I was almost incurable after Ren left us that day. I didn’t eat and drink a little for a week that I ended up having a high fever. When Minhyun visited me one day, he found me lying unconscious on my bed. He tried waking me up but failed to do so. He panicked and picked my fragile self up. He brought me to the nurses’ quarters and they immediately checked me up. I had a high fever and was dehydrated.

When I woke up I found out that I was brought to the nearest hospital. White walls and uninviting smell, it added to the uneasiness I was feeling. I tried lifting my left hand up but felt something while doing so. I glanced on my left side and saw that Minhyun was there. When I put my hand back he stirred and jolted up upon realizing that I was already awake.

“Oh my God JR-sshi, what we’re you thinking? You made me worried!” he started to nag as soon as he stood up. I made a sorry face in order to show what I felt and I actually listened to every word he said. “Do you want me to call the doctor? What are you feeling? I thought you’re going to die, seriously, I hate you!”

“I’m sorry Minhyun-sshi, I’m sorry.”

That was all I could say. What else more, that’s what I felt that time. Sorry for worrying the guts out of Minhyun and sorry that I was left behind.

I stayed in the hospital for 2 more days before going back to the dorm. The dorm manager decided to let me switch to Minhyun’s room. He’d be able to help me more. I didn’t have some terminal disease so I really didn’t understand why I had to change rooms. On the other hand, maybe I really needed help. I didn’t know that depression could do something like that to me and maybe I’d just die silently if I was left alone in the room.

When I knew about that I immediately packed my things. After that I stood still on the door, scanning the used-to-be safe haven for me and Ren. Time surely went fast, I thought I’d be able to enjoy high school life when I had a friend. I never imagined my time with him would be limited. Not long after I started crying again. How long would I be having a life like this? I was so in love, not to mention it was my first love, I was so broken. I looked down to those who cried because they’ve loved so much, but now I understand why. I hurriedly wiped the tears when I heard someone knock.

“Are you Kwak Aron-sshi?” I asked as soon as I opened the door.

“Yes, I’ll be the one switching rooms with you.” He said and offered a handshake. “I’m Aron, and I suppose you’re Jonghyun-sshi?”

I accepted the offer and nodded. “Yes, I’m Kim Jonghyun. Sorry for bothering you with this.”

“No, actually it’s okay. Minhyun’s such a nagger! Hope you’ll be able to last. I mean, he’s a good cook and all but he’s really good at nagging, so good luck!” he said and smiled.

I left the room and waited for Aron to close the door. When he did, I stupidly stood in front of the door for a few minutes and sighed as I admitted that nothing good will happen if I waited there.

The stay in Minhyun’s dorm room surely helped me in coping up with daily life. He introduced me to some of his friends and made sure I was taking care of myself. He’s like my mom and I thank him for that. Before the second year in high school started I decided to stay away from school. I missed my friends and family in Kangwondo. I visited them for a week and I told my mom everything that had happened in Seoul. I told her I was in love and it wasn’t a girl.

I waited for a negative response from her. I, being afraid of falling with another man, made myself realized how I like Ren so much it wasn’t even healthy. I forgot to give myself a position in my priority list. I told my mom everything while I cried my eyes out. My mom’s reaction surprised me more. She pulled me in a tight hug like what she usually did when I was upset back then. The warmth and security I felt became overwhelming that I bawled harder. The words she uttered next are permanently engraved in my heart and mind.

“Now you know that time won’t ever wait for anyone. And so what if you love another man, look Jonghyun, you cannot dictate the heart, if it starts skipping a beat because of someone then you can’t do anything about it. So what if you’re different? As long as you don’t step on anybody it’s okay. Now stop crying and let’s make you some soup. You’ll be my baby Jonghyun forever, no matter what, okay?”

Since then I started following what I want to do. I won on several painting competitions, I made good amounts of money because of my painting and I’ve had a lot of friends because I wasn’t holding back anymore. However, I never like any other people the same way that I liked Ren. No, I still like him, and that feeling went back and became stronger when I received his first postcard weeks before the high school graduation.

Isn’t this beautiful? I took this myself. JR, I have a lot of things to say to you, and I really hope I’ll have the chance to explain. First, I’m sorry. Maybe you have a lot of questions right now. I want to answer them all, when we see each other again. When? I don’t know, hopefully it’ll be soon.

I’m doing fine right now, in some place far from Seoul. I’m doing photography too, and I have a lot of friends now. No one’s as stupid as you though. Haha.

Sorry if I suddenly appeared in your life again. You’re not angry, right? And I won’t blame you if you are.

I’ll try to send a lot of postcards JR! Hope this photo made you smile.

~Ren

The photo has the view of a beach at sunrise. Not a breathtaking photo but it can give a soothing feeling. I unconsciously smile and my heart did that familiar skipping again. Maybe I wasn’t over Ren yet. Maybe I won’t be over him.

He had sent postcards once a month until my 19th birthday. That day he’d sent a photo of a famous landmark in America. Written at the back was ‘For the first time in my life I’ve climbed a mountain! Maybe by this photo you already knew where I am but don’t follow JR. This isn’t the right time yet. I’ll never ever show myself in front of you again if I see you here soon. Not until I say it’s okay, ha? Oh! And congratulations because you’re now a university student! Don’t ask where I knew, I’m an awesome stalker like that. Sounds crazy?’

To be honest I really wanted to teleport right then and there because it was already a chance. I thought I wouldn’t waste another opportunity, right? But because I was a fool, I followed what he wanted. After that postcard on my 19th birthday I received nothing again, for almost a year. I became uneasy, feeling the necessity of running towards him as soon as possible. But I held myself back. It’s not time yet. Sure, time won’t wait for anybody, but some events need to happen in the right time. I believed Ren, he would give a cue or something and I knew he would.

After almost a year of anxiousness, my most awaited postcard came, and yes, it’s the main reason why I am here. And finally I will be able to meet him again. I am nervous but the feeling of excitement overpowers all. As I glance at the clock I see that it’s already 3:47pm. Then I feel my stomach roar again. I may be thin but I eat a lot, and I usually have at least 5 major meals a day. Eating some cereals won’t hurt, right?

I walk out of the room with the clothes with me, I’ll use the bathroom downstairs because it’s near the kitchen. I lay the clothes and the towel down the couch as I shuffle to the kitchen but something catches my view. The door that’s usually locked is slightly open. I feel like I am magnetized towards the room. I am contemplating on whether to peek inside or leave like I didn’t notice something. But it’s impossible to leave it like that.

Slowly, I walk towards the room and darkness welcomes me when I enter the room. I look for the switch and when I turn the lights on, a cabinet full of bottles welcomes me. I walk to the cabinet and take a bottle out, where I read something like photographs in it. I may not be good at photography but I know that in order to produce a photo in a dark room, a special liquid is needed. Maybe this is the liquid, wait, so this is a dark room? I look at my left side and find a sink and ropes tied from side to side which look like where clothes are hanged when drying them. Oh! Maybe that’s where Ren hangs the photos to dry. Seriously, why am I so stupid? On the far-end of the sink situated a corkboard with some displayed pictures. It is not really random, they are landmarks taken on sunrise or sunset.

Ren really has something for those times of the day.

I scan the room more and notice some weird things on the right side. There are blonde wigs and a somewhat disassembled wheelchair. As I am approaching the weird things, I hear the gate creak. ! Minhyun’s here! But isn’t he early? I hurriedly switch the lights off and leave the door the exact, or maybe at least the exact way I saw it a while ago. Where to head to? I immediately run towards the kitchen and pretend like I am looking for something when I hear footsteps coming to me. What to look for? What…

“What are you looking for, JR-sshi? If it’s the milk here it is, we’ve ran out of it, uhh… Few weeks ago? Here.”

Thank God Minhyun has the habit of answering his own questions. “U-uhh, thank you Minhyun-sshi. I was going to eat some cereal when I found out that there’s no milk…” why am I stuttering like an idiot? Shakily, I take the milk from Minhyun’s grip and silently go to the cereal on the table.

Glad my snack went by fast and Minhyun asked me to change my clothes and fix myself the best way I can, and so I did.

At 4:45pm we are off to the exhibit. My heart is beating unbelievably fast at the moment and I am aware that I am shaking hard. Minhyun must have noticed it too because what he did shocked me. All of a sudden I felt a hand on top of mine.

“Don’t get me wrong JR-sshi, you seem hyperventilating. I am just comforting you, as a concerned friend.” He said.

I nod in response. I know that Minhyun’s over me for quite some time now and I hope he really is. He is stronger and more mature than I am, I know he is.

After travelling for almost 45 minutes Minhyun’s car stops in front of a skyscraper and Minhyun says, “We’re here!”

---

Sorry for the late update. T^T I am doing my thesis right now... But for the moment I am free, so I updated. I need to finish this before Christmas break so I can write another NU'EST fic... Honestly I didn't imagine this to be 5+ chapters long. I enjoyed writing. ㅎㅎㅎ The next chapter will be the last for this fic, hopefully. Thank you for waiting, reading, commenting and subscribing. I love you all. :)

This is unbeta-ed as always...

OH! And LO/\Es, mind to vote for NU'EST here... we're on the 5th place I think, with 9.32% right now. The lead has 30+% votes!! One account on twitter/MTV can vote once/hour. T^T We need to help each other with this. D: For LO/\Es, for NU'EST, HWAITING!! In case you don't know how to do this and that, here's a tutorial (cr: synchren) Don't forget the AKP awards too.

nowplaying: Not Over You - NU'EST