The 2-hour walk didn’t even exhaust me. As soon as I saw the lotus structure I ran for it. I may look pathetic but I don’t care. I rest on the stairway beyond the stone flower. The stairway leads to a board suspended above the bay. You won’t see anything on the horizon except the line where the sky and the water meet. Places like this won’t escape an artist’s sketchpad. I reached for my bag and in a second I am ready to draw. He really knows how to wake such emotions inside of me.

It’s still so early that we’re the only ones inside the room. We’re okay with it, he can talk as long as he wants and I can look at him freely. Since we became friends my hand bogged me about a single thing, I wanted to draw him. But I was so shy to ask him that and I didn’t want the awkwardness back. I should be thankful that I could look at him like this. However, every time we hear footsteps we go back to our cold state. No talking, no staring, no everything. And even when I didn’t want that sounds to come, I couldn’t do anything about it.

He pretended to be asleep while I pretended to draw something when the first real early birds came. One by one my other classmates arrived. Soon after that our homeroom teacher entered the room with a new student. He was tall, his skin’s so pale, he’d short black hair and he’s unbelievably beautiful too. I noticed that everybody’s jaw dropped when he smiled. I admit that I was also staring at him that I didn’t notice Ren woke up until he said something.

“Hwang Minhyun.”

It was barely a whisper but the room was so quiet back then that I heard it perfectly. I looked at him and I was dying to ask if he knew that person, then it hit me, tall, smart, very beautiful. I still didn't know if he's smart but... Could it be that the new student was Ren’s childhood friend? Ren briefly smiled then returned to his poker face state when he saw that I got it. I saw that Hwang Minhyun settled on the seat beside Min Jaein then the class started.

Break time came and all of our classmates rushed out of the room, well except me and Ren. I was about to speak when I saw that we’re not the only ones inside the room. I looked outside instead and ate my sandwich. Then I felt that someone’s tapping my shoulders, later I knew that it was Ren. I peculiarly looked at him to make him remember that we shouldn’t talk when someone’s with us but he gave me the warmest smile I ever saw since we started talking.

“JR, this is Minhyun. We’ll act our usual selves when he’s with us. And Minhyun-ah, this is Jonghyun, my new friend.” Ren said.

I abruptly stood up and offered a hand to Minhyun. He returned the handshake and cheerfully greeted, “Nice to meet you Jonghyun-sshi!”

I smiled and bowed before offering him a seat beside me and Ren. He asked me a lot of unusual questions but I didn’t even feel a bit of irritation. He’s too adorable that negative vibes would just go away. He, like Ren, is also shining. For a brief moment I thought of a reason why I was surrounded by shining people. Maybe I did something good in my past life that I was rewarded like this.

I, Ren and Minhyun continued to spend some time for our little group in areas secluded from the others. Minhyun seemed not to comprehend our secret meetings at first. “What’s the use of hiding such friendship Ren?” After we explained that we’re doing that for our own sakes he was forced to accept the weird. He was happy to be with Ren again, Ren’s happy because he had more than a single friend and I was happy to be with them.

On the midterm my dorm roommate didn’t take the homesickness he felt that he decided to go back to his province. He was a mother’s boy and he spent all of his nights here in the school crying. He was one of the topics of our conversations. Being an awkward person that I am, I was not able to do something to ease his longing, and when he left I kind of felt guilty about everything. However, on my second night alone I was informed by the dorm manager that I’d be having a new roommate next morning. What kind of a person will be my next roommate? That was what I was thinking before I surrendered to my sleepiness that day.

I reached for my alarm clock when I heard it ringing, however, before my hand touched a bit of it, it stopped. Shocked, I immediately opened my eyes and was greeted by a smiling blonde.

“Good morning JR! You’re so cute while sleeping!”

I didn’t know what I looked like back then but I am sure that my heart almost leaped out of my chest. What was Ren doing there? He might know what swirled around my mind that time that he answered ALL of my questions.

“What am I doing here? I am your new roommate. Why? Because the dorm manager decided to transfer me to another room. You know that right, every week my current roommate will ask the manager if he can transfer to another room because I am scary. I didn’t do anything but they’re scared! How rude of them. When the manager told me that my roommate will be a Kim Jonghyun, I immediately agreed. I’m glad that out of the many Kim Jonghyuns here you are my roommate. Now get up and help me unpack, okay?”

I didn’t react at first, that was just a lot for me to handle. When I didn’t move an inch he literally dragged me out of my bed and pushed me inside the bathroom. When I was sure that he could no longer see me I let my emotions take me away. I felt really stupid after jumping and dancing like crazy inside the bathroom. When I calmed down I looked at my smiling face in the mirror. That meant more talking time with Choi Minki, right?

I helped him unpack and I was shocked that he had a lot of pink stuffs. Not that I don’t like pink, I actually admired him for his choice of everything. When we’re done, he invited Minhyun to join us. Not long after that the room was noisy for the first time. Minhyun was used to Ren’s things but not mine. He was so amazed by my sketches on my study table that he couldn’t stop talking about it. He even asked if he could have one of those sketches. Of course I agreed. It was my first time seeing somebody that was extremely amazed by my drawings and I can always draw another one.

That whole day we did nothing but enjoy. We bought a lot of junk foods on a nearby grocery. I don’t eat a lot of chips but Ren and Minhyun sure could win in a junk food eating contest. We watched several movies in Ren’s laptop because we’re not allowed to have a television inside our dorm rooms. I and Minhyun also enjoyed teasing Ren, though Ren hated it so much. We also shared some secrets that we swore only us would know. When we saw that the sun’s about to set we called it a day and Minhyun went back to his room.

I and Ren cleaned the room before we dived onto our own beds. While I was waiting for sleep to eat me, I asked Ren if he’s already sleeping. I got no answer. When I was about to give up on waiting though, he mumbled something that I won’t ever forget.

“I am really happy to be your friend, JR.”

I really had a great time together with Ren and Minhyun for the entire 3rd quarter. Ren and I had a lot of weird and serious talks on our dorm room too. However, on the beginning of the 4th quarter, Ren seemed to distance himself again. There came a point that we didn’t even talk on the dorm room. When I was asking him what was wrong, he’d just say that everything’s fine. He even joked once that he was just having his monthly visit. I didn’t believe that though, I became paranoid that I was thinking what had I done wrong that made him go back to his cold self again.

That cold war between us lasted for a week. He’s cheerful when Minhyun’s there but it seemed to me like he’s just forcing himself. Things went back to how it was used to be but I couldn’t stop thinking of the reason why Ren acted like that. When I was sure that he wouldn’t ignore me again, I set the negative thoughts aside. As long as all of us are happy then I’m fine with it.

One day, when we just finished class, we waited for the others to leave the room as usual. Ren followed the flow of people after dropping another paper on my table. “Will visit the library. See you later. Take care of Minhyun.” What did Take care of Minhyun mean? Minhyun approached me when all of the people were out. He gave me his cheerful smile that I couldn’t help but smile back. He asked if it’s okay to eat outside the school and I told him it’s fine.

We ate a lot of things while walking the streets of a nearby shopping district. When we reached a park we decided to rest for a while. Unlike any other day, Minhyun was unbelievably quiet that time. I asked him what’s wrong. When he looked at me it was like he didn’t want to. He took a deep breath before asking, “Do you like someone, Jonghyun-sshi?”

Do I like someone? Of course I do, and I told him that I like Ren and him the most.

“No, not that kind of like, you know, when you see that person your heart begins to race, like it’s going to kill you. That kind of liking.” He said as he gave an awkward smile.

I laughed at his description. When he saw that I was laughing he playfully hit my shoulder. When I was still laughing he continued hitting me. I held his hand to stop him and was shocked that he was so cold and shaking. “Minhyun-sshi, what’s wrong?”

“Answer me first, Jonghyun-sshi, do you like someone right now?”

I wasn’t joking when I told him that I like him and Ren but if it’s like the like he was describing, I didn’t know what to answer back then, I was young and I still didn’t know how to classify such emotions. I was overwhelmed by the changes I was experiencing that time that I didn’t know if I actually like someone. Instead of saying I don’t know which I knew will confuse him, I answered him, “No, I don’t like someone right now. Why?”

His face lit up with my answer and in a hurry he said, “WouldyouliketogooutwithmeJonghyunsshi?”

He said it real fast but I was able to get what he wanted to say. “But we’re going out right now, yes?”

He sighed after I gave him my answer. “No, not like this. You know, like, can we date? THERE! I said it. Oh my God.”

My eyes grew big when I heard the word date. I stared at his flushed face because I was unable to think of anything sensible that moment. He was so shy and I knew he’d feel bad if I treat his proposal like a joke.

“What Jonghyun-sshi? I like you. Not like the like you have for me and Ren. Not like that.” He said while holding back his tears.

I didn’t want to see him cry, so after contemplating on whether to nod or to tell him I’d like to think about it, I smiled and said, “We can try.”

He smiled beautifully after hearing my answer. When he seemed to understand every word I said, he pulled me in a hug. “I won’t force you to like me back Jonghyun-sshi, but we can try, right? We can try.”

It’s funny how I remember things as detailed as this from 4 years ago. It’s the first time somebody ever told me that he liked me more than just a friend. I can’t help but smile remembering how Minhyun described that feeling of liking me, so he felt like dying when he sees me? I’m still smiling while doing the finishing touches of this sketch. When I am done, I heard someone say, “It’s very beautiful, JR-sshi.”

A voice I know by heart, though I am not expecting to see him here, but still… “Minhyun-sshi.”

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An update. Hnnnng~ so Minhyun's here! ^^ I don't know what to say~ stay tuned. kkkkk Unbeta-ed as always.

nowplaying: 한별 (Implode) - BoA feat. Kim Jongwan