“Where the heck did you go?” Victoria interrogated a moment later when the three of them found a private corner to talk.

Victoria watched Kris’ eyes quickly dart over to look at Luhan who was watching and replied, “Nowhere.”

Victoria deepened her frown, “You’re hiding something, aren’t you? You don’t leave the dorm unless it’s to complete a mission. You’ve never once stepped out into the woods.”

“Can you stop it? I don’t need to be chided by you.”

“Cause you’re the one being weird.”

Something was off, Victoria could sense it. She’d known him a good 10 years and she knew he didn’t leave the dorm for anything else, ever. Kris followed routine and submitted to missions, but he would never once be late for morning routines or not show up at all. This morning she could feel that he was resonating a different vibe from his usual strong minded self.

“Look,” he gave in after her suspecting stare, “I’ll talk to you about it another time. Luhan said you were missing. Where’ve you been?”

Victoria double checked her surroundings before telling, “There’s a police camp a few miles away from where we attacked the government coup. They made it here the day we attacked them. It’s obvious they’re here for us,” she looked up into their faces, “if the others so much as know about the cops, we’re all dead before they make it here.” Then she could see it in both their faces that neither was wishing for death. “If the cops can find us, maybe we might be able to live again.” She looked at Kris before Luhan. “And you could go home.”

Luhan looked again conflicted, but Victoria couldn’t ask him what was wrong. She got to her feet realizing she’d taken up too much time.

“So don’t lead another attack on the government coup,” Victoria said to Kris, “the cops will be on your tail and we don’t need a mess right now.”

“Alright, I know,” Kris replied   

Victoria paused before looking back at them.

“You’re leaving? Again?” Luhan asked.

Victoria let her eyes slither to the ground before nodding, “I have some…things to finish.”

Without waiting for anything more she hurried off.

D—“:

When Victoria disappeared Luhan turned to look at Kris. If he thought about it, Kris hadn’t been around at all yesterday.

“Where did you go?” Luhan wondered when Kris turned around to meet with his eyes.

“Nowhere, really,” Kris answered. “You…do you want to return home?”

Luhan immediately imagined his apartment, Yixing, and the many calls he would have from his workplace. In his big apartment no one would be waiting for him, but if he returned to a home with Namjoo his circumstances would be different. His world might become happier. So then, he couldn’t leave Organization One without Namjoo because she’d definitely said she would come for him.

“Of course I want to,” Luhan replied, “don’t you want to leave this place?”

“There’s no one waiting for me,” Kris said, “honestly, I’ve never really thought about it.”

Luhan stared after him as he walked away. After Victoria mentioned it, Kris did seem like he was hiding something.

D—“:

The rest of the way back, Victoria ran. The cops at the police camp would be awake and moving about by now and Changmin would be checking in on her for breakfast very shortly. She could feel time ticking inside her head. Victoria ran so fast that she tripped over a tree branch. It felt like her feet had rolled over each other before she landed on her knees.

“Aish!” she muttered underneath her breath.

Victoria tilted her head up when she heard footsteps running her way and saw that it was only Changmin. Heaving a sigh of relief she sat back and pulled her loose hair behind her ear.

“Where’d you go!?” Changmin asked loudly. “I was scared for a moment.”

“Scared?” Victoria repeated amused trying to imagine some kind of fear before she realized he the kind of alerted fear kind of feeling. “Why?”

“Come on, breakfast is ready.” He walked toward her and held out his hand to her.

She stared at the palm of his hand for a long time. She knew that when a guy held out his hand to a girl, she was supposed to take it but Victoria felt stupefied for some reason right then. Perhaps because no one had offered her his hand before and she just wanted to let the moment sink in.

“Ah…” Changmin pulled his hand back and Victoria looked up at him a little regretfully before he squatted down in front of her. “You’re not supposed to be doing any strenuous exercises or your wounds will bleed easily. I’ll give you a lift back.”

“What?” Victoria asked even more stupefied. “It’s not like I’m not using my arms to walk.” 

“Come on,” Changmin urged before patting his back loudly, “I have a strong back. It’ll be ok. You don’t have to worry about your weight.”

Victoria turned her head and frowned at him. What was he going on about?

“The guys might gobble up breakfast before we get back. Hurry!”

“Well…if you insist.” Victoria mumbled after eyeing him for a second more.

Changmin rose to his feet very easily when she climbed onto his back and started walking back to camp.

“So where did you go this morning?”

“Just…it was boring so I took a walk.”

“Aren’t you scared?”

Victoria made sure to peer over his shoulder so that her nose might not bump into the back of his head. “Of what?”

“I don’t know,” Changmin said, “there could be some bad people in the woods. Smugglers, I guess.”

“Here?” Victoria almost snorted and tried to imagine wild rogues. “No.”

“Really?” Changmin asked. “I’d imagine smugglers would travel through the woods with guns and knives rather than the streets of some city.”

Victoria was entertained. Changmin amused her with his way of thinking and yet again because he was so kind. When they reached the camp he let her down and they walked back to the white tent together.

D—“:

Baekhyun traveled farther this time. He woke up earlier than usual and gradually moved faster over the ground he’d already covered. By the time the sun was high in the sky he finally reached a clearing and before him was a wide grassland that ran on for miles. Baekhyun looked around confused and took a step forward before he spotted a cabin sitting at the far end of his left. His eyebrows shifted up and he started toward it naturally.

The walk took up a few minutes of his time but he was starting to feel a little excited the nearer he got to it. It was old and he wasn’t sure if anyone used it anymore. Fall was only transitioning in and the hunting season would start in a month’s time. If it wasn’t currently being used by its owner it was the best time for someone to hide in it. Baekhyun thought of Namjoo right away.

When he neared it he shouted, “Namjoo! Are you here!? Namjoo!”

He walked up to the window to the left of the door and peered inside. Instantly he spotted someone moving inside. The door opened almost immediately and he turned to find Namjoo looking back at him. Her eyes were big and it looked like the life had been out of her. Immense relief flooded through him and Baekhyun felt like falling onto his knees to thank the heavens for having kept her alive. In just a few days’ time Namjoo looked thinner than when he’d forced her off alone. The guilt rose again and he he hurriedly took two steps toward her, but Namjoo stepped back almost at once. Her doing so forced him to pause and wonder if he’d done something wrong. Or maybe…Namjoo was upset with him.

“I almost thought…you hadn’t made it,” Baekhyun said terribly relieved, “I’m sorry.”

Namjoo turned her face to the ground and he almost couldn’t see her eyes anymore. “Why are you here?”

Baekhyun felt his lips fall apart. She was being so weird. “To bring you back. Everyone else is waiting.”

“I can’t go back…” her voice was quiet, very shaky.

Baekhyun couldn’t make sense of what could be running through her mind. When she lifted her head up he saw the large broken tears inside them, and he knew then that something had happened. Then the guilt worsened because he realized it’d happened because he’d forced her to run off alone.

“I killed him,” the tears slid down her face one after another, “I killed him, Baekhyun! I killed him!” Namjoo grabbed his shoulders, clutched his shirt, and shook him. “I shouldn’t be here! I killed Man Sook! I killed him, Baekhyun!” Her head hit his shoulder before she eventually fell and held onto his leg to cry by his feet. Namjoo’s cries were so loud and painful to listen to, but he didn’t know what to do. Baekhyun stood there clueless and confused the entire time.

D—“:

Victoria learned that Changmin had graduated from a Police Academy with high results and that was one of the reasons why he had come out with the personalized troop. He had told her he wanted to make change and restore lives than just sit inside the police station dilly-dallying all day long. As time went on though, he didn’t actually know what he’d come out for. Victoria thought she understood him. She’d fought with Organization One so that she might be able to continue living, but the longer she stayed with them the more she felt she was just losing it. Then she just lost herself somewhere along the way and she didn’t know what she was doing anymore but killing.

However, their circumstances were very different and Victoria knew she couldn’t understand Changmin. He’d grown up under the strong influences of caring people, who were his mom and sister. Changmin was traveling down the right path. She envied him.

She turned to him from the bed she was sitting on. Changmin was reading a book and was totally immersed in it that he didn’t notice her stare. Looking at him today reminded her of her young self. Victoria had liked books; she’d liked sports, liked school, liked studying, and had remained a positive youth in the face of everything. She was always ready to take on challenges and had been the president of her class. The once optimistic person that had been her was now gone. Where had she gone? Victoria remembered. She’d died with her innocence when she was told to either shoot the gun or have her head blown off.

“What?” Changmin asked and Victoria snapped out of her thoughts.

She smiled at him one of her fake smiles. “You like reading?”

“Of course! I love it!”

He was like her…he was like the person she used to be. If they’d met somewhere on the streets of Seoul they could have started up a conversation easily and could have turned out to be good friends. It could have been like that.

“You too?” he asked.

“I haven’t been able to touch a book for a while though,” Victoria replied, “what is it about?”

“It’s about a PI, private investigator, who goes around and solves crimes and stuff,” Changmin simplified it up, “it’s really interesting.”

“I bet,” Victoria agreed.

She’d be more thankful if there was a private investigator who could save her from Organization One and restore her life. For about a second Victoria was prompted to tell Changmin about her problem and beg him to be her savior, but Victoria’s lips didn’t move at all. There was too much on her side to lose if she were to be honest. She wouldn’t only lose her one chance of returning to her life, but she’d risk Luhan’s chance of going home and Kris’ chance to also have his life restored. Since the three of them now shared one fate, Victoria couldn’t be selfish.

“Changmin,” Victoria said, “what kind of cop did you want to become?”

He set his book down and crossed his legs on the bed opposite her. “Mmm…someone who could bring justice to people the right way. My father wasn’t a good person, you see, so my mom was always going on about good this, good that. I’m kind of obsessed with ‘good’ now.” He laughed a little awkwardly and Victoria laughed a little with him because his laugh had been kind of funny.

“Good, huh?” she repeated a little afterward. “I wonder what good is now…”

“What was that?” Changmin questioned.

“Nothing.” Victoria shook her head.

And once more, she recalled how much she envied him.

D—“:

“Namjoo,” Baekhyun quietly called when he bent down to look at her, “it’s ok. I know what you did.”

Namjoo had never hated herself so much before. She’d never touched blood, she’d never intentionally hurt or rather killed someone. And Man Sook was quickly becoming a nightmare. It was harder when she realized that she’d have to face the rest of the government coup who had spent a much longer time with Man Sook, yet she’d taken this friend away from them.

“Come on, go back with me, ok?” he calmly urged.

But Namjoo wasn’t ready to face the rest of the group yet. She hadn’t readied herself and she wasn’t mentally prepared even if they told her it was alright, they’d forgive her, and she’d only done it because she had to. Even if they were alright with it, Namjoo wasn’t and that was the bigger issue at hand. It was impossible to forgive herself and forget it had happened.

“No,” she refused and shook her head, “I want to be alone.”

“Namjoo, it’s not safe here,” Baekhyun tried. “Lets go back together. Please.”

He reached for her hand to plead with her, but Namjoo pulled her hand away and got to her feet.

“I’m staying here,” Namjoo was insistent. “I don’t want to go with you.”

“Namjoo,” he called again and tried to reach for her again but she took yet another step back. Baekhyun looked a little hurt at her refusal and they stood in silence for quite some time. He gave in after some minutes, “Ok, I’ll let you stay here, but I’m going to come back tomorrow and the day after and the day after until you feel ready to go back.”

She turned her eyes away and Baekhyun finally walked away after a minute. When he left Namjoo went to lay down on the bed with a leg and am arm dangling over the side of the bed. She stared at the door and the long yellow rectangular shape it was creating on the ground inside the shadows of the walls around it. For a long time she stared at it and felt her eyes move when a shadow suddenly appeared blocking out the yellow rectangular shape the open doorway had created. When Namjoo sat up she watched an average size traveler or perhaps another smuggler with a dirt streaked face walk in.

His jeans were baggy and somewhat ripped. There were grass stains on it and his shirt looked week’s old. The smell it gave off was torturous and Namjoo slightly frowned at the sight of him. Unlike the first time when she was approached by that one stranger, Namjoo felt less fear this time.

“Who are you?” Namjoo asked.

“I thought this place was empty,” he said before tilting his head to look around the room before letting his eyes land on her and when they did he ran them over her. “I’m kind of hot right now. Wanna, like, have a go, Missy?  Promise I won’t disappoint.”

Namjoo reached for the gun in her gun belt and held it beside her as she stood, “Piss off.”

The shock on his face forced him to let out an exasperated laugh and repeated with a sassy attitude, “Piss off?” His expression grew mean, “Do you know who you’re talking to? Do you know who I am?”

Namjoo felt her blood gush up to her brain and she just wanted to laugh in his face, laugh in life’s face. She was tired of this, of all the hurdles foreign to her that were forcing her to adapt to them. Namjoo didn’t want this.

“You’re not going to get out!?” Namjoo raised her voice and felt her hands tremble from the anger coming out of nowhere. Then she raised her gun. “I’ll kill you! I will!”

He stared at her mockingly before he slid out his pocket knife. “You little , you think I’m scared?”

Namjoo almost felt her teeth chatter, her hand shook and the gun shook with it. Then she remembered Man Sook and the nightmare he’d left her with. She blinked her eyes. Honestly, she was scared of killing. She was tired of hurting people intentionally. Hot, burning tears of anger and hatred toward herself grew in her eyes again.

Namjoo slammed the gun toward the ground by his feet and shouted, “What are you going to do with that? Kill me, take my guts, and sell those cause they make a lot of money? Is that what you are? One of those s!?” She panted from the anger and scream, “Then kill me! I want to die too! This is easier than having to blow of my own head! Kill me!”

The man’s face turned from excitement to determination then to bewilderment which quickly shifted to a disgusted expression. He slid the knife into his pocket and muttered, “Crazy ,” before walking off.

Namjoo felt the tears slide out before she dropped onto her knees and curled up onto her side to cry away. She had never hated herself so much before. 

***I think I have found the theme song for this story guys, DBSK's Proud. Oh I love that song.