D—“:

Luhan turned when the wind blew and looked past the dormitory. He ran his eyes over the trees that made up the woods and blinked his eyes before turning around to look at the target boards down below. Setting the handgun down he sat down with his back to the high wall and pulled his knees up.

“I’ll save you, I’ll come save you.”

Namjoo had promised and he wanted to hold onto it as long as it took for her to come. Luhan was willing to wait, all because he wanted to see her running toward him. He wanted to preserve that feeling of bliss for when she finally came. Then maybe he mighty cry a little, then he’d laugh full of joy, hug and kiss her so many times until she screamed for him to stop. That was how he wanted it to be.

He missed her.

Luhan had forgotten that terrible ache that missing someone so much gave you. When they were married they were never too far apart nor did one go away for a long time. They were practically around each other every day. Namjoo loved life, she loved doing everything. Luhan would complain to her about her being so active and force her to sit and be still, sometimes she complied and other times she argued with him before leaving the house.

The sight of Namjoo screaming with the gun in her hand when he first saw her again was so different from the Namjoo who loved life. He worried that the stressors of the new environment would wear her down easily. Namjoo didn’t deal with stress well. Luhan hoped she hadn’t been through anything that would traumatize her. Namjoo had nightmares easily and her memory was strong. If something terrible happened, she’d remember it for a long time. Luhan felt his heart sink into a pit of concern for her. Plus, she’d been injured when he’d last seen her. Who was taking care of Namjoo? Who would look after her in his place?    

Closing his eyes he took a deep breath. Namjoo was with the government coup, right? He couldn’t imagine her being alone in the wilderness. He wanted to be there with her so bad so that she wouldn’t have to touch a gun. He’d shoot the gun in her place and replace her in getting hurt. He’d carry the burden, the sorrows, and the trauma. Luhan didn’t want to know that she was crying. He didn’t want to know that she was having a hard time. He only wanted to know that, even if a little bit, Namjoo might be smiling and enjoying herself, even if that seemed almost impossible right now.

D—“:

The moment Kris reached the clearing he spotted someone dashing into the opposite end of the woods. Kris was prepared to chase after him on impulse, but stopped when he remembered the person inside the cabin. When he reached the doorway he spotted the gun lying at the far end of the room and Namjoo on the floor crying.

He hurried toward Namjoo at the first thought that he might have done something to her but stopped when she ordered, “Leave me alone.”

Holding himself back he stared down at her. Kris couldn’t see her face from the hair that had fallen over her face. She looked like a straw doll all beaten up. Clutching onto the sweater he had with him he went to sit at the end of the bed and watched her cry her heart out. Just what pained her so much that she cried like that? What had happened to her?

Kris didn’t speak or try to comfort her. When Namjoo finally quieted he walked over to her and lay down on the floor with her. He turned his head to look at her and could make out her eyes through the strands of her hair. She looked calmed down, drained of energy, and tired. Namjoo blinked her eyes casually before she suddenly clamped them shut and clutched onto her head with both hands before letting out a painful cry. She drew her knees up to her chest some more and tensed up her fingers around her head.

“Are you ok?” he worried.

“H...headache…” Namjoo muttered through small gasps.

Were headaches that bad, he wondered.

“I heard that if you massage your temple right here, it’ll get better,” he reached a hand over and pressed them against her temple.

Namjoo opened her eyes to look at him wide eyed before she to her back and he drew back his hand realizing he shouldn’t have done what he did. He turned away and stared up at the ceiling of the cabin before turning back to look at Namjoo who had now closed her eyes. 

“You…do you want to return home?”

 “Of course I want to,” Luhan replied, “don’t you want to leave this place?”

She probably wanted to go back home desperately. She would be like Luhan who wanted to leave this place, this world. There was no sympathy, no understanding in Kris. He didn’t want to try to imagine how Namjoo yearned for her home, perhaps that home with that other person. It was because Namjoo gave him some kind of peaceful emotion and he didn’t want to let this peace go. For maybe a moment, he hoped Namjoo wouldn’t wish to go home as well.

He seemed to have fallen asleep where he was without realizing it. When he opened his eyes Namjoo was no longer on the ground and he was covered in the sweater he brought with him. Pulling himself up he saw Namjoo standing in front of the window by the bed with her hand held out before her. She seemed to be playing with the rays of the sun and allowed them to filter through the space between her fingers before closing her fingers and reopening them. Kris quietly stood up and walked around the bed where he stopped when she turned to look at him with a light smile on her lips.

“Fell asleep, huh?” she asked.

“I thought you were,” he said.

Namjoo turned back to the window and held her hand up again to the sun, “Say, how do you think it is up there?”

“Where?” he leaned to the side to look out the window.

“Heaven,” Namjoo said, “they always say you go to heaven when you die. What do you think about it?”

Kris looked at her wondering what she was going on about.

“Do you think there’s a heaven at all?” Namjoo wondered. “Or a hell? What if there is neither and that’s why ghosts walk the world?”

Namjoo dropped her hand beside her and turned back to look at him. Kris didn’t shy away and looked right into her eyes.

“Why are you asking?”

“How good do you think a person needs to be in order to deserve to live?” Namjoo asked. “Even a murderer might have a family he’s killing to support. Is he good for thinking of his family or bad for using them as a reason? A homeless boy might steal from a food stall because he is hungry. Is he good because he only wants to keep living or bad because he stole? Will that murderer have to die because he kills? Will that homeless boy be thrown into jail and waste half his life there because he wanted to live? What’s the definition of the good that we grew up learning? It becomes so much more complex the older we get. You know?”

Namjoo’s face spoke of so many expressions, so many emotions that Kris felt a little confused and a little hopeless. What had happened that hurt her so?

“Why were you crying?”

She turned away and looked outside the window. “The view here isn’t really bad. You get to look at a different kind of life here. There’s the trees, the birds, and even the grass. All alive in their own way.”

“Are you ok?” he softened the tone of his voice.

“Sure, I’ll be ok,” she turned to him with another smile.

Could smiles kill you, he wondered.

“Ugh…I think you should go. I’m going to sleep the rest of the day.” She walked toward him and turned him around before pushing him toward the door.

Finally managing to turn around he looked down at her. After a moment he released a sigh and held out his sweater.

“I forgot it gets cold at night,” he said, “there’s no insulation here to keep you warm, so here. Wear it to keep you warm.”

He watched her look at the sweater before looking back at him. “Are you sure?”

“Of course,” he added before she took it from him. “Get some rest then.”

Kris walked out and when he was a yard away couldn’t help but turn back to look at Namjoo. He wanted to keep the picture of her holding his sweater to her as she watched him walk off. He kind of smiled at her before walking out of sight. He was happy and optimistic for the first time in a while.

When he reached Organization One’s home base the smile on his face wore off when he spotted the bruised Dae Suk smirking at him from a distance. Choosing to ignore him Kris trudged forward.

“Where’ve ya been, Kris boy?” Dae Suk stopped Kris when they were shoulder to shoulder and turned to look at him with teasing eyes. “I saw you walk off with a sweater, why have you come back without it?”

Kris was prepared to let Dae Suk slide off his shoulders when he first saw him, but Dae Suk was trying to press it.

“Why don’t you,” Kris said, “mind your own business?”

With a glare he walked off.

D—“:

Baekhyun had made it back to the stony building but couldn’t bring himself to go inside. He was overwhelmed with guilt toward Namjoo. He sat down on the steps where he’d last sat with Namjoo and leaned against the wall with closed eyes. Because of him, Namjoo was suffering from something she’d done and all that was starting to kill her inside. Baekhyun hadn’t meant for it to happen to her. He hadn’t meant for her to kill Man Sook whether it had been for his sake or her sake, he hadn’t meant for it to happen. It wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t told her to run off.

Apologetic he covered his eyes with his hand and sat like that for a long time.  

D—“:

It was dark now. Victoria couldn’t see the night sky from inside the white tent, but she could picture it in her head. This night sky would be the same sky she looked at every night at the mental institute which made up the dormitory. It was the same sky that appeared to her through that window from her room. Tonight, a group would go out and complete mission. Victoria wouldn’t be a part of it.

Turning her hand she stared into the palm of it. She could see a pool of blood building up in its center. Red, dark, thick, and she could see the reflection of her own face looking into the blood. It would trickle from her hand and each droplet would land on the ground.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Victoria wasn’t prone to nightmares so she didn’t suffer any dreams that she might be running away from her victim. She wasn’t prone to nightmares, but she was prone to guilt. Victoria knew guilt. She was sensitive to it. She had once been a good girl after all. She couldn’t know about the others, but she knew Kris had no desire to kill either. He didn’t do it for himself, he only did it because he was told to. Now that Victoria thought about it, neither she nor Kris had ever done anything for themselves.

And suddenly, she was thankful that Luhan had come after them. Luhan had at least been spared from the suffering she and Kris had experienced together. She curled her fingers into her palm and looked up when Changmin poked his head in. He smiled at her broadly before waving for her to come over. Sliding off the bed she walked toward him. Victoria thought everyone had a curfew, so why was he still up?

“Why?” Victoria wondered when she reached the doorway.

She searched the emptiness behind him to see that everyone else had resorted to their tents for the night.

“Come out here,” he said and when she made no movement he reached in for her wrist and pulled her out.

Once they were outside he didn’t stop and continued dragging her toward the woods. Victoria felt her mind swirl in confusion. What was going on? What had Changmin planned for her? What was he up to? Victoria wanted to ask, but her lips didn’t move.

He finally let go of her wrist and his mouth dropped in awe when he tilted his head up to look at the stars glittering in the night sky. Her eyes glued themselves to his side profile, his amazed expression, and the shine in his eyes as he looked up at the sky in admiration. Victoria felt something she’d never felt before. An overflow of happy, peaceful, and calm emotions spluttered over her. It was difficult to describe, but she knew she finally had something she’d never had before. And it was something a person couldn’t touch, they could only feel it. She was content and fulfilled, whatever that meant.

Chamgin turned to look at her and when she didn’t say anything and raised both his eyebrows. A smile climbed onto her lips and she looked away somewhat more gleefully than she’d expected.

“You have a nice smile,” Victoria commented quietly while digging the tip of her shoe into the fertile ground.

“Huh?” Changmin was confused before pointing a finger at himself. “I was smiling?”

Victoria didn’t know if he was, but the words had just come out and it suddenly didn’t matter if he had been smiling to start with or not. She stole another glance at him before sitting upon the ground and crossed her legs.

Changmin took the spot next to her and said, “I wonder which planet is out tonight. Some of those stars are actually planets. It’s funny how we call them stars anyway.”

Victoria finally took the chance to look up at the silver glittered sky blanketed above her. It gave off a different feeling when she was actually outside looking at it than when she stared at it from inside her dorm. How come she never realized it before?

“There’s a saying that when some people die, they become stars.” Changmin said. “I don’t know if I believe that though. Have you heard about star crossed lovers?”

“Romeo and Juliet?” Victoria asked looking at him.

Changmin nodded, “Some people say it’s a foolish story. They’d be like, ‘How can two people fall in love at first sight and be ready to die for each other!?’ Some people think it’s romantic. I think those kind of people are very narrow minded because I think it’s a little bit of each.”

“How so?” Victoria wondered.

“Mmm….well…” he let the words drone on, “To be ready for commitment right away is foolish itself. What if the person you’re ready to give up everything for isn’t ready to give up everything for you? I’d say, Romeo and Juliet were just fortunate they shared mutual feelings. It’s not always that way though. It’s just a story after all though, so I don’t know why some people take it so seriously.”

Victoria’s eyes dropped toward the heavy darkness before her. “Do you believe in love at first sight?”

“I don’t know,” Changmin managed.

“Then what about star crossed lovers?”

Changmin opened his mouth to speak but hesitated as if he had a hard time talking. “I don’t know. I think if you persist hard enough and you’re able to believe in yourself all the way through, you should make it through.”

“That’s kind of foolish too,” Victoria said before drawing a knee up to her chest and wrapped an arm around it. “Imagine there are two cliffs and a gorge in the middle. No matter how hard you try to get to the other side, you’ll end up falling into that gorge. It’s impossible to make it to the other side, but I guess that’s what still being humans mean. We’re always hoping and wanting to try.”

“If hope is real, they can make it to each other.” Changmin refuted.

Victoria felt her eyelids fall a little and felt a sarcastic smile fall upon her lips. This man in front of her was real. He was innocent, too kind, and naïve. He was all Victoria had ever been.

“People all come from different worlds,” Victoria went on calmly as if she were telling him a story, “some from worlds you can’t imagine, and others, who are lucky, come from the world we all know of. They grow up in families and are educated. Then we have the rich, the high class. There’s also the poor. How do we all collide into a world? Acceptance is difficult, you know. Like when a high class person steps into a poor man’s home and suddenly goes, ‘What’s up!?’ Wouldn’t that poor man be confused and wonder what that rich person was doing in such a trashy home? It’s impossible for them to click right away because they live so differently.”

“If they get to know each other that could make a difference. Acceptance also takes time.”     

Victoria thought about it for a second and nodded, “Yea, you’re right.” Then she quieted before she looked at him, “What if that person was a murderer?”

The glow in Changmin’s eyes transitioned and she could see that he hadn’t taken that into mind at all. How would this naïve man treat her when he discovered that she wasn’t who he that she was? That she wasn’t a Tory, but a Victoria? That she hadn’t lost her sister? That she was there because she only wanted her wounds to be treated properly and that she wanted seaweed soup? How would he feel if he knew she could break his neck in a few seconds? If he knew she could hold any kind of gun and still manage to shoot his eye out, would he still want to befriend her? If Changmin knew how she had been raised, how she had lived the past 12 years, if he knew that she knew of the kidnapping and had been hiding it from him, who had been determined on finding them, would he hate her? Would Changmin chase her to the ends of the world? Would he…push her off the cliff and into the gorge? Or would he keep her?

“I don’t think that’s tolerable.” Changmin told with a straight face. “No matter what, a person who has taken another’s life is in the wrong no matter how I look at it. Even if he was protecting someone else, or doing it to keep himself alive or his family alive, taking someone’s life is a crime. Think about all that people that person might have around them. Even if there might not be anyone close, someone will eventually see his picture in the papers declaring him dead. Someone will recognize him. Killing is just wrong.”

His eyes bore into hers for a long, long time. Obviously even hoping to return to a life she once left behind must be a dream far beyond her reach, but she still yearned for it and maybe that was the only thing that told her she was still human and not just a shell with a beating heart. No one would be prepared to accept someone like her. Not even a person like Changmin…

“A penny for your thoughts?” Changmin turned and Victoria felt their fingers brush before she pulled her hand back.

Changmin looked away as if embarrassed and they didn’t say anything for a while.

“I’m thinking…” Victoria spoke quietly, a little sadly, “about what might be waiting for me when I return to Seoul.”

“What about your friends?” Changmin asked.

A depressed smile made its way to her face, “Friends?” She tilted her head up to the sky and wondered if her friends still remembered her. It was highly impossible. 12 years was a long time. A lot of people would have believed she was dead by now. Her relatives would have deemed her and her family still missing or dead. 

Victoria chose not to say anything.

“Sorry if I asked about something sensitive,” Changmin voluntarily apologized.

“I envy you, Changmin,” Victoria turned to look at him.

He looked surprised and raised both eyebrows. “M…me? Why? What’s there that’s good about me?”

“Just…because everything about you is good.”

His eyebrows slightly curbed together in confusion. Victoria just smiled at him. She’d never tire of this calm feeling he allowed her to have. 

***I've been trying to express the similarities with Changmin-Vic and Kris-Namjoo's relationships. They four start off as friends you see, but as time elapses Victoria wants Changmin to be the one who will help her out of Organization One yet she now isn't sure if he will be the right person to do it. We know that Vic is still desperate to have her regular life back, Kris, on the other hand, hasn't thought about it at all but he will start thinking about it soon. The more time Kris and Vic spend with Namjoo and Changmin, the more the two of them will start to yearn for things they never had. You can assume that this is why Vic and Kris are starting to drift from the kind of killers they used to be. It's also why their feelings are changing. Victoria starts to feel warm, a little lighter, and happier. Kris is happier, he smiles, he starts to care, and he's kinder to Luhan. 

***Victoria, Kris, and Luhan have all switched roles. Whereas Kris and Victoria are now starting to edge out of Organization One, they're becoming soft - returning to who they used to be while Luhan becomes a tougher shell. Look at how he beat Dae Suk up and the guns he's starting to hold naturally.

***We also see that Namjoo has changed the person she used to be. Luhan describes her as an energetic person who loved life and loved moving around, but now she's desolate, dark, and miserable. There's no love for her about life anymore. 

**Huhu~ I have so many surprises for you all.