“Key, can you please bring the plate of chocolate chip cookies out on the dinner table?” Key’s grandma asked. Yes, it’s that time of the year, Christmas. Key was going to go home on the day before, but he decided to stay with his grandma for this year because of you know what. I decided to invite Jonghyun over to tell my grandma what happened. Well, my parents are in New York. So I guess they don’t really care about my relationship. My grandma only wants me to be happy, but does care about my relationship no matter what. But I still have to tell her though.

The wasted feeling inside me is finally gone! I got great sleep, and I ate very well. I wasn’t lying in my bed all the time. I helped my grandma prepare food instead of staring at the wall while on my bed. I felt relieved. I felt like the heavy feeling inside me is gone. But I still can’t get over the fact that Jonghyun likes me. I want to scream, but that will cause disturbance to our fellow neighbors.

I was helping out my grandma until the phone rang. “I’ll get it!” I yelled across the room. I picked up the phone and I heard a raspy voice. “Um, Key, I can’t come today. I don’t feel so good.” He couldn’t come…… He’s sick so I wouldn’t mind, though I’m a bit annoyed and disappointed. “I-it’s okay. Stay at home and rest. I hope you feel better.” I was bit teary inside. Since when was I emotional? What the hell? “Okay………………………………………..love you…..” Then the phone conversation ended. He said love you for the first time. I blushed again. Yep, I got used to it. Blushing is kind of a normal thing in my life now.

 I plugged the phone into the charger and went back to help my grandma. “What is it?” My grandma asked. “Oh, well, it’s from Jonghyun.” She nodded and micro waved some food. “That Jonghyun fellow….I see…” I gulped because I felt like she sense something between us. “Grandma, I’d like to tell you something. Could you please sit down?” “Sure.” She came to a stopping point at what she’s doing and went to sit on the couch with me. “Well…….” My grandma raised her brow. “Me and Jonghyun are……..-“My grandma barged in, “Dating? Eh? Eh?”

 How did she know? I blushed. I’m going to count how many times I’ve blushed in one day. “Yeah….” “SEE? SEE? I KNEW IT? WOAH HO HO I KNEW IT! A-HA! KEKEKE!” What the hell did I just do to my elderly grandma? Seeing her jumping on the couch saying I knew it is something very new. It’s like discovering a new dinosaur’s fossil. What has gotten into my poor granny? “H-how did you know?” I asked her. “I wanted you guys to be together really bad! You guys seemed like a good couple. I trust Jonghyun and I think he’s the one for you! I’m glad you’re not dating some !” Did my grandma just cussed? Even I don’t cuss! Seeing my grandma cuss is kind of cool though. “Jonghyun is not able to come to our house today because he’s sick.” Then her grin turned into a frown. “I was looking forward to meeting him though.” My grandma pouted. Ugh! Her face! Aish! It’s just so……awkward and weird. Aish! I covered my eyes with my hand. “Please, grandma. Promise me to never do that again!”

 She finally stopped. “Geez…..calm down Kibum!” Gur, I told her not to call me that anymore. “I told you to not call me Kibum!” “Geez! Can we stop the bickering?” We both shut up and sat awkward with both of our arms crossed. “I’m going to go continue what I’m doing.” My grandma stood up and went into the kitchen. “Me too.” I replied back. She put all the dirty dishes in the sink and stopped. “I’m happy for you Key. GO !” I smiled. She really wanted me to be with Jonghyun. Who knew she was a big fan of .

3 days later……

Ugh, I missed Christmas with him. I felt a little sad, but he was sick so I had to let it go. I think he recovered now so I’m going to ask him to go shopping with me.

Hey Jonghyun.

Hey my love….

            -Jjongie <3

Do you want to go shopping with me?

Yeah sure. When should I pick you up?

3-ish?

Okay, see you later honey ;D

Aish, he’s getting sweeter and sweeter every time I text him. I just can’t wait. *Sigh Now I have to do the makeup routine again. -_- So much hard work when you’re in a relationship! You don’t need to hear everything.

When I opened the door for Jonghyun, I saw a pale face at the door. He looked, well, sick. His slow breathing concerned me a lot and his abnormal color on his face. “W-what’s wrong?” I asked in a trembling voice. “Oh, it’s nothing.” He covered his mouth as he coughed violently on his arm. I felt as if he was about to cough out blood. Fortunately, he didn’t, but I was still worried as heck. He dragged his shivering body into my house and threw himself on the couch. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Jonghyun’s eyelids were closed. Just as I asked the question, his eyes opened again. “Yes, I’m fine. Are you ready to go now?” He asked in a straining tone. I just nodded and went out into the car with Jonghyun following me. I went inside the freezing cold car and I sat on my hands. Jonghyun went in the car and slammed the door. He still drives normally, but I got a sick feeling that we’re going to be in a car crash in no time.

We arrived at the mall safely. Jonghyun’s face was still pale, but it looked better last time. I quickly linked arms with him mindlessly without knowing anything. His drunk, yet cute face smiled at me. And of course, I blushed. People gave us the weird stares because we were linking arms. So, I stared at them with my furious, yet y, eyes until they stopped. And it worked. Why can’t the world let us have gay ual marriage? I mean, they have it in America! Why not in South Korea? No more weird stares looking at us and making us uncomfortable. It would make the society much, much better.

“So, you know on Christmas when you were supposed to come over?” I said. “Yeah,” He mumbled. “I was planning on telling Haemoni what happened between us and-“I turned to the side and Jonghyun disappeared. Where is he? I panicked and search for Jonghyun and found Jonghyun face down on the ground. “JONGHYUN! JONGHYUN!” I panickly ran to him and shook him to see if he’s still okay. His eyes were rolled back only showing only the whites, but he was still breathing. He was still sick…. I was lost in guilt, shame, and anger all over myself. He was sick and I made him go to the mall with me. It’s my entire fault. My heart beat rang through my ears. I felt a chunk of guilt inside me, a lot. He loves me. Even though he’s sick, he would just go to the mall just to make me happy. Just for me….. I felt a lump in my throat. I couldn’t swallow in down with all those thoughts in my head. He made me feel special.

I called 119, (991 in Korea), and shakily pressed the call button. “Hello, this is an emergency line. How may we help you?” “My boyfriend! He’s sick! He collapsed on the ground and he’s not moving.” I breathed heavily while talking. Too much in my mind…. I literally couldn’t think at all. I felt like everything depended it on me, and I’m always the person who depends on people. I’ve never called 119. I have no experiences what so ever. I was terrified. My mind was blown…

“The ambulance is coming in 5 minutes.” The operator said calmly. I nodded and spoke unclearly, “Y-yes, thank you.” My voice cracked and quaked. My heart was about to break through my ribcage and I do not know what to do. Okay, so the operator told me to wait. So I waited, with shaking legs, and with my heart beat ringing through my ears. Everybody at my mall was staring at us. No one offered to help. They probably think Jonghyun’s on drugs or something. But they don’t know anything. I’ve done wrong and I should’ve known better than to let my boyfriend take the stupid risk just to make me happy. The more I thought about it, the more guilt crushed my heart.

Sirens of the ambulance ringed through my head. The cold breeze brushed against my cheeks. I watched as the paramedics carried the sickly Jonghyun onto the pushing cart and carried it into the truck. A tear struck my eye as I see him go through this chaos. It’s my fault….. It’s my fault…. It’s all my fault…. I kept repeated all those words, which made me cry more. I sniffled and wiped my tears off. The paramedics told me that they would call me when Jonghyun is set, which I don’t know when. Today, tomorrow, when?

“Kim Jonghyun is now ready. You can visit him now.” The deep, crackling voice said. “Oh, okay. Thank you.” As soon as I heard the news, I barged out of the door and drove away to the hospital. Jonghyun, please forgive me…  Tears rolled down my cheek. I waited for 5 days for the call. I couldn’t wait to see Jonghyun.

I stood in front of Jonghyun’s room number. “587…..” I mumbled to myself. I twisted the cold, steel doorknob and pushed it opened. Colors of white greeted me inside. On the hospital bed, there was Jonghyun in a hospital gown. He was eating jell-o, actually, he was poking the jell-o, not eating it. When he heard the noise, he turned his head and saw me creeping in. Jonghyun smile spread across his face like a zeal dog seeing its owner when the owner comes home. “H-hey Jonghyun, are you okay now?” Jonghyun put his spoon and the plastic cup of red colored jell-o down. “I’m fine now that you’re here.” I was in tears of joy to hear his sweet voice again. I missed that for 5 days which seemed like 5 years to me. I ran to him and gave him a big squeeze. Jonghyun wrapped his arm around my back and gave me a squeeze too.

“I’m so sorry.” I cried. “Why are you sorry?” Jonghyun asked in a concerned voice. “For making you go to the mall with me when you’re sick. I feel very guilty.” I snuffled. “It’s okay. I did it for you.” “I know that and I don’t want you to! You could’ve said you were sick so you could stay at home and you just-“ I felt a soft feeling on my lips. It’s so soft and plump. When I opened my eyes, the soft feeling was Jonghyun……his lips. His lips were placed on mine. I closed my eyes to take a picture of this memory forever. I was excited, but I wasn’t freaked out. Jonghyun was the person that I love and it’s our first kiss between him and I. It was breath-taking, magical, as if I felt sparks fly between us. I would never feel like this towards anybody. It was only Jonghyun, my lover. Jonghyun separated the gap between us. Our faces were only centimeters away from each other. I wanted to kiss him more, but I didn’t want him to think that I’m an animal. Of course, I devoured our long kiss. But I have to calm down. I know that we’re taking it slowly now.

“Does that make you shut up now?” I tear eventually slipped out of my eye somehow. Jonghyun took his thumb and wiped it off my cheek. I settled my face on his chest. I listening to his rapidly beating heart beat and heavily breathing. It was a soothing sound to me that could put me to sleep anytime. “I’m sorry.” I whispered. “Don’t you ever say that me again.” Jonghyun chuckled. Then he gave me a soft peck on the cheek. I smiled. I was about to turn into an animal and devour him, like in a dirty way, but since he’s sick, I couldn’t. A simple, loving kiss was fine. It was spectacular actually. Jonghyun is mine, and nobody else’s. He’s special and he will be in my heart and travel with me to the heavens. Our first kiss was on December 28......and I'll never forget that.

"Do you love me?" Jonghyun whispered to my ear. "I love you so much." I replied.