REVIEW
I Don't Want To Call Him Brother-in-law
peperomin's fanfic review
Monday, April 4, 2011 @ 11:19 PM
[Story Title]: I Don't Want To Call Him Brother-in-law
[Author]: peperomin[Story Link]: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/29182/i-don-t-want-to-call-him-brother-in-law-jonghyun-key-minho-onew-shinee-shinsekyung-taemin
[Reviewer]: ll0vex3_her
Title: 4/5
I totally fell in love with that title. And yes, at one point of time when I only read the title, it confused me a little, until I understood the whole plot. Well, a nice title that totally attracts the attention of readers! Although at first I really though Jang Mi didn't want to call Jonghyun brother-in-law was basically because she hated him. So it turns out all wrong! You really got me hooked down there~!
Poster(If there is one): 9/15
Its a very nice poster! Although I have something to point out. You story evolve around JONGHYUN, SEKYUNG & JANG MI. Basically, there is no need place the whole of SHINee in the poster. And most importantly, the main characters are suppose to be in the poster, which you left out Sekyung.
Description: 7/10
Well nice description you got there! Short, sweet and simple but trust me, I like it. Basically, this is how short description suppose to be. You written what the readers need to know. And just that few 4 short sentences allowed me to understand what is going to happen and how to plot is technically going to be like.
Forward: 2/10
None, and that's the dissapointment. You could have added in other details, just to create suspense and others. It doesn't have to be too long or anything.
Character descriptions (only if have one): /10
None, don't worry, I won't count the marks in.
Plot: 29/45
A nice plot! Something not totally new, yet is indeed a first time for me reading this type of story written like this. And boy I do love how Jang Mi and Jonghyun's interaction even though its clear to me that Jonghyun will only loves Sekyung. However, this is really what we see from every story right? Its always a triangle love story, and yes, the sisters falling in love with the same guy is not an original plotline, even movies and dramas have these kinds of storyline. So I'm just suggesting, you add in some suspense and some twists, different from others and that creates the changes that make your story different from others.
Writing: 18/40
Truftfully, your writing really has no feel. I can't really feel the happiness or sadness from your writing. Its kinda boring and it seems to be like your just telling, not showing. Describe more, about the looks or surroudings or anything. You have to give the readers something to imagine. Imagination is one of the very important factors that I grade for. Use the 5 senses, it will become even more easier. Be more descriptive. So that you are really writing the story, showing the readers, not just dumping sentences together to tell the reader about your story.
Spelling/grammar: 16/25
Apart from careless mistakes here and there, basically everything is alright. Keep up with it! And please do remember to separate the words with spacing and know is spelt as know, not kwno, thank you.
Chapter titles (only if have titles): 5/10
The chapter titles are basically average and boring. It seems to be too obvious that doesn't attract the readers attention and its kind of gives a feel : "too-boring-to-continue". Yes, it may only be me, but sometimes, your title is what affects the whole chapter. It has to be relevant, or else it will be totally no use.
Ending (only if completed): /20
None, don't worry, I won't count the marks in.
Rated scenes (only if rated): /10
None, don't worry, I won't count the marks in.
Total: 90/160
Criteria: B-
Criteria: B-
Small note:
Sorry if you're unhappy with your grades! I did my best and thank you for letting me review your story. *bows*
~~~~~
I sincerely thank lemonswirls' ll0vex3_her for the honest review. I'll try to improve on whatever I can now. But for the poster, it is hao_xin17_lin's policy that I use it for at least 3 month, so I can't do much about that as I have to respect her work. I promise that following chapters will get better!
peperomin pics`
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