CHAPTER 9

 

OH!

 

 

 

 

 

       TIFFANY had left.

 

 

       I sent her to the airport. We spent our time by drifting into silence during the way. We knew each other it would be a tough time for us. It probably just took four or five days; however for us it was hard still.

 

 

      We knew we could be touch by skype or else but it was absolutely different to communicate in remote with directly touching. I could say even in every breath she took, I felt my heart beat for her too.

 

 

       I tried not to think much about her. I knew I would be missing her. It was not exaggerating but hell yeah, I started to feel I would never passed a day easy without seeing her breathing.

 

 

       My thought began to wander aimlessly. I imagined I would get bored at the dorm since few days ago our manager just announced that we had a week day-off. Most of us just decided to back home, spending time with their family.

 

 

       I was the one who rarely to back home. It wasn’t I didn’t want to see my family, but rather than I didn’t want my father picked me up and drove me back again, spending 6 hours trip in road. I knew he would insist to do it and it would make me confuse to decide whether I was going to back home or not.

 

 

       Out of my expectation, I found Jessica at the dorm. The dorm was very quiet. I thought she was the last one who stayed still. She sat on the sofa, watching something on television and threw me a smile when she glanced at me. Then she just grabbed the TV remote and jabbed power button to turn it off.

 

 

 

       “I think you’re watching something,” I said and sat on the vacant space beside her.

 

       “Not really,” she replied. “I just turned it on to make some noisy sound. After all the members gone, it’s pretty quiet here. I didn’t like it,” she said.

 

       “Where’s Yuri?” I just asked, out of the blue. It was suddenly popping up on my mind.

 

       “Back to her home as well,” she said. “Why’d you ask that?”

 

       “Well, I thought you two had another plan. Spending time together, perhaps.”

 

       She heaved a sigh.

 

       “To tell the truth I was confuse. I had no idea about us.”

 

       “Why?”

 

       “I love her as well,” she admitted.

 

       “And then?”

 

       “I just wasn’t sure whether I have mutual feeling with her or not.”

 

       “You told me you loved her and you weren’t sure?” I repeated her words in bewilderment.

 

      “What if it was only fake feeling?” she asked. “If I give her a try for us and in the end she found my feeling wasn’t real, it would thousand times hurt her,” she said.

 

       “Oh c’mon,” I shook my head and patted her shoulders.

 

       “You know your feeling was real,” I tried to encourage her.

 

      “How could you sure about it?”

 

      “If it wasn’t real, you would never bother yourself to think about it,” I smiled and winked.

 

       She seemed surprise with my answer but all the things I knew for the next second was she gradually spread a smile to me.

 

       “How perceptive you’re,” she said.

 

       “Take it as compliment,” I said cool.

 

 

 

 

       She stared at me for a moment in the pause. I found she was thinking about something but just couldn’t figure it out.

 

       “What?” I asked her, tugged her away from her thought.

 

       “I never expected since you’re with Tiffany, I could see you became much better. You’re so caring, so understanding, and mature. She must be very lucky to have you, Tae.”

 

       I felt my cheek blushed. I cleared my throat.

 

       “It’s good to hear she’d changed me to be a better person,” I said, didn’t conceal my adoring tone toward Tiffany. “She’s amazing. I knew you’re her best friend and had got known her for longer time than me, but I wondered if you had any idea how much she meant to me… and how could she make me fall into her harder every day.”

 

       “You’re right. I have no idea,” she giggled. “I just could tell you’re lucky to have each other. If only I could experience such a sweet love story like you two,” Jessica said bluntly. I was little bit startled hearing her confession. Was she envy?

 

       “You have Yuri. Just give her a chance,” I said. “I believe you’re two can make it,” I encouraged her.

 

       “I could see she loved you very much,” I added. “She was so gently, she didn’t force, and I was sure she would treat you well as well.”

 

       Jessica nodded her head. “I know it.”

 

       “So what are you waiting for then?”

 

       “I was afraid, Taeng,” she said. “What if I could return her love as much as she gives me her love?”

 

       I shook my head in disagreement.

 

      “Loving someone doesn’t demand for returning in anything. I’m sure Yuri knows that knowledge.”

 

       Finding Jessica was still look confuse, I decided to encourage her again.

 

       “Have you ever felt miss her?”

 

       She nodded her head.

 

       “How many times?”

 

       “I’m not sure about it,” she shrugged absently. “Many times.”

 

       “Have you ever thought about her before you sleep?”

 

       She nodded again. “Lately it began to be my… hmm… habit. Dunno,” she answered again, like had no clue.

 

       “Have you ever felt hurt as well whenever you saw her hurt or cry or in pain?”

 

       “It was obvious,” Jessica replied bluntly.

 

       “Last time we had a row, I feel my heart got ache as well. And I realized it wasn’t because I hate her or else. It was because I couldn’t help to see her hurt.”

 

       “Okay then,” I said. “I believe you understand enough where this conversation would end up to,” I smiled. “I think you’d already find the answer that you’re looking for.”

 

       Jessica looked at me for a moment. I saw her turned up her lips, beginning to form a smile.

 

       “I know I will give her a try. Thanks for encouraging me, Tae,” she hugged me complacently.

 

       “Not a big deal,” I replied. “You’d helped me a lot with Tiffany,” I said and rubbed her back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

       “Tae, I think I’m going to go to States tomorrow. My cousin had been hospitalized due to accident,” Jessica gave me the news in the afternoon.

 

       “Omo…,” I shouted. “How is her condition?” I asked.

 

       “His condition,” she rephrased. “The doctor said he’d be okay in a few days,” she said.

 

       “Thanks God,” I said in sympathy tone.

 

       “I thought I’d gonna hang out and look around there as well, while paying a visit to my cousin. And I thought… I suppose to invite you to go there as well,” she said and looked at me.

 

       “Me?”

 

       “Why not?”

 

       “You don’t want to catch up Tiffany?” she asked.

 

       “Of course… I want to,” I found myself smiling.

 

       “I’m sure she’d be surprised,” she smiled back.

 

       “Great idea!” I yelled. “I’ll come with you, then!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

       Jessica and I had already booked a room in the same hotel with Tiffany. I was too excited to meet and surprise her and couldn’t stop imagining what she would react. I found myself kept smiling like a fool during the way. Surprisingly, I even didn’t feel tired after we’re touched down LA. Instead, I was overwhelmed with exultation feeling; as I imagined I would meet her soon. I would pull her into my hug and flood her with my kiss. I would kill all of those missing feeling.

 

 

 

      We reached our hotel and Jessica registered and took care of our check-in matter as I wasn’t too fluent in English. We’re standing in front of receptionist desk and I couldn’t catch word by word the hotel staff released but overall I could understand what she was talking about. I handed my passport to Jessica and Jessica gave it to the staff.

 

 

 

       She displayed us a smile and I saw her typed for some moment skillfully then returning back our passport. Not long after that she proffered two white luxury card key to us and said thank you.

 

 

 

       I was about to leave the counter when I heard the unmistakable husky voice behind me, across the counter, near the entrance. I abruptly tilted my head and so did Jessica.

 

 

 

       I jerked in dismay witnessing what I saw. It was the thing I believed I would never want to see in this world.

 

       Tiffany was standing next to the entrance. She was gorgeous as usual. But what was bothering me was the guy standing beside her. I recognized him, of course. It was Nickhun, idol star at Korea as well. I felt myself slightly trembling and Jessica clasped my arm in order to soothe me.

 

 

 

 

 

       What the hell he did here?

 

 

 

      

And why Tiffany even didn’t tell me that she would take a shoot with him???

 

 

 

 

 

       I felt my heart was stinging, witnessing both of them were laughing at something. They seemed like a perfect couple, if people didn’t know her history with me, and would never know, I thought. I saw Nickhun tell her something else and again, she giggled while staring at him. And that churning my soul more was when I caught Nickhun hand was curling around her waist. It really killed me. I felt nearly to explode that time. And at that time, along with sudden pang that began to attack the whole of my body, my tears began to stream down.

 

 

 

 

       I felt betrayed, I felt hurt, I felt devastated.

 

 

 

       Jessica quickly reached me into her hug and without any words she guided me to the lift. Our suitcase was in bellboy hand, was on the way to send to our room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

       At the room, I soaked my body with tears. I leaned my head on Jessica’s shoulder. I had no idea whether my tears would be able to stop or not. It probably would only stop if my gland was draining. I felt broken inside.

 

       “I can’t believe what I saw,” I managed to say in the middle of sob. Jessica was still rubbing and caressing my back.

 

       “She wouldn’t able to cheat on you,” Jessica whispered to me.

 

       “It wasn’t about it,” I said. “She didn’t even tell me that she would be along with Khun.”

 

       “Probably she did that to protect your feeling,” Jessica said in logical way.

 

       “She knew it would never be right!” I raised my tone unintentionally but Jessica seemed still be poised.

 

       “She didn’t want to see you hurt, Taeng. That’s why she didn’t tell you about Khun. She didn’t want you think too much about it.”

 

       “It wasn’t the matter, Sica,” I said. “Whatever it was, she must be honest to me. How could a relationship run without any honesty?” I asked her.

 

       “I never lie to her. Ever,” I stated. “She was supposed to not to be honest to me as well.”

 

       “And if you were me… when you saw him wrapped his arm around her, how did you feel?”

 

       “Witnessing both of them giggled and laughed, what did you feel?”

 

       Jessica stayed silent as she couldn’t answer my question; but her hand was still keeping me.

 

       “I wish I didn’t ask you to come here,” Jessica said feebly.

 

       “It wasn’t your fault at all,” I stated, guilt.

 

       “I didn’t want to see you hurt either, Taeng,” Jessica said and somehow it touched my heart.

 

 

 

 

 

       I stared at her for a moment and I really had no idea what was happening at that time but the next time I knew was we’re slowly getting our face closer each other. I angled my head and my lips met her. We didn’t pull out and just go on. I had no idea either, if it she or me who began to start a kiss.

 

 

      We're drifting into warm kissing.

 

 

 

       All the things I knew was the kiss just succeed to ease my pain. And deep inside my heart I knew I still and will always love Tiffany. She wouldn’t be replaced by anyone else. Because I would never have a kind of feeling to someone else like the way I felt to her.

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued…

 

 

Hurt.