Zi Ying isn’t pulling away from me, so I’m guessing that’s a good thing, right? I mean, if she didn’t want this she’d pull away and walk off, right? I’m not pushing this too fast, am I?

I’m so close to her face that I can count the freckles on her right cheek, and compare it to her left. Before I know it, my lips are on hers and I can feel her tensing up against me. My hands immediately find her small, delicate ones and give it a squeeze to reassure her.

She relaxes after a few (long) seconds, before moulding herself into my hold. I bring her closer to me and break the kiss before it gets too heated. I can’t go into practice with my mind clouded.

Her slim arms wind themselves around my waist, holding me tight against her svelte frame. I don’t hesitate to burrow my nose into her thick hair, inhaling as much of her as I can.

I miss this. I really do. Her scent makes me dizzy and I’m finding it hard to control myself, but the more I pull away, the more I want her with me. It’s so conflicting, but so addicting at the same time. I want her, but I can’t have her.

She sighs against my chest and mumbles into it.

“What did you say?” I ask softly, trailing small kisses on her shoulder.

“Don’t leave me again,” she asks softly, and I make sure that in my heart, I’m promising her everything I have within me that I won’t.

“I won’t. I will never.” I say with as much determination I can muster. “But I want you to know that the road ahead isn’t easy. I will be busy with a lot of schedules, and sometimes I won’t talk to you for days on end.”

“I know…” she trails off, pressing her face deeper into the crook of my neck. It’s a little uncomfortable with the pressure, but I can’t help but feel as if she is meant to be the one fitting there. I mean, besides my children’s head when they’re tired and they need a nap… Sorry, I’m rambling.

“But I need you to know this, Zi Ying – I will never leave your side for as long as I’m breathing. I need you to tell me the same too. We will never leave each other, no matter how hard it can get. Because at the end of the road, when we’ve gone through all the obstacles together, we will know how much we’re meant to be together.”

Zi Ying smiles so angelically at me that I can’t help but kiss the tip of her nose. Her face scrunches up cutely and I’m dying a little inside from her cuteness. Lord, help me. If I think of indecent things, forgive me.

She is about to reply me when Yi Xing opens the door. She jumps back in shock and touches her hair to occupy herself. I smile and shake my head.

“Ge, why are you taking so long? Everyone is waiting for you,” he says, looking suspiciously between Ying and me. “Are you two all right? Your faces are very red,”

Zi Ying blushes and excuses herself, brushing past me and purposely nudging my side, although not doing much, seeing as I’m much bigger than she is. In the end she just slaps my back lightly, before turning the TV on and settling comfortably on the extra bed.

“Tell the guys I’ll be 2 minutes,” I tell Yi Xing, who nods and leaves looking quite irritated. I wonder for a split second, but blame the plane ride for his behaviour. He’s never too good with plane rides.

“See you later, Ying,” I walk over and give her a surprise kiss, leaving her shocked and smiling at the same time.

They were very animated and such caring and genuine people, the type that you’d want to be friends with, even if they were twice your age (or more). I found myself in a deep conversation with Yi Xing’s mother, who had plenty of concerns for her son.

“He has a blood coagulation problem; that’s why I worry so much – his practice and training often bruises him a lot, so it’s hard to work with such a weak body. But this is what Yi Xing wants, and I know he won’t give up until he gets to the very top, so as a mother, all I can do is support him and his dream.” She sighs wistfully, but keeps a small smile on her face.

“That’s really admirable,” I mention, thinking of how much I’ve given up just because the situation seemed so dismal and tough. I felt quite lazy, to be honest; I had no idea Yi Xing was battling such a condition.

“All I can do is pray to God and hope all will be okay with him – he hardly visits China and when he does, it’s a short period of time, so meeting him is quite rare.” She adds, taking her wallet out from her purse. She shows me a photo of her and Yi Xing. “This was taken 5 years ago. I haven’t had the chance to take another photo with him. That’s how busy he is. But if this is what makes him happy then I will be happy for him.”

I wonder if I can have the same positive outlook as she does. I’ve been in such close contact to Tao that maybe I don’t feel the pinch yet. I mean, it probably won’t be that hard, right? And besides, I’m a person that can adapt well, right?

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I doubted the chances of me coping with the lack of Tao’s presence. I mean, look what happened when Wu Fan left… I was a wreck.

“You’ll be fine, Zi Ying. If you need someone to talk to, 阿姨* will be here.” She tells me reassuringly, before standing up to leave for the showcase venue.

As the taxi van pulls up alongside the venue, shivers and goosebumps travel along my arms and back. I never knew how popular EXO is in China. So many fans are waiting in line as they check into the concert hall, and plenty of news coverage is being broadcasted even as I file out of the vehicle.

Mom and Dad are buzzing with excitement, much like the other parents and family relatives. As Tao’s sister, I’m feeling genuinely excited but worried for their wellbeing. I’ve heard of fans and extreme fans – the latter being a little psychologically challenged.

As we’re waiting around for security to bring us in backstage, a few of Yi Xing’s past fans recognize his parents and start to take photos of us, much to the chagrin of the various family members. I don’t want to make the fans think that Tao or the other member’s family are horrible, stingy people, so I give them small smiles and ask them to respect our privacy.

“Are you Tao’s older sister?” one asks, to which I give a small smile and continue to ask them to respect our privacy. A few others catch on and Dad has to politely shield my face from being captured too much on cameras. It’s a good thing most of us are wearing shades.

Security comes unexpectedly, and they are quite rough on the fans. Out of instinct, I ask the fans to be careful and the security guard to be gentler, before I allow myself to be escorted towards the V.I.P entry. The walkway is dimly lit and there is a frenzy of people talking loudly into walkie-talkies, or people rushing around with cables and clipboards.

“EXO is in the dressing room preparing for centre stage. Don’t take too long; 15 minutes max.” The burly security guard tells us before opening up the door to the room. I see familiar faces being done up, almost to the point of no recognition. That’s not to say that I don’t recognize them entirely, but the makeup makes them look like a totally different person.

Yi Xing’s mother doesn’t need help finding her son. I look over and see her hugging him tightly, tears welling up in her eyes. I can tell how proud his parents are just by the sheer amount of happiness radiating from their bodies.

“Mom, Dad, Jie!” Tao exclaims as he looks up from his laptop. He rushes over and grabs us into a big group hug, smiling widely. His makeup makes him look far scarier than he is, and his hair makes him look much more mature than his real age. I can’t believe my 19 year old brother is achieving such fame; I feel so proud of him.

Mom and Dad start pouring out their naggy-ness on poor Tao and I go to each member to wish them luck. I knew that 15 minutes wasn’t much time, so I rushed most of the greetings.

Yi Xing smiles widely as I approach him, his dimple sinking in deeply into his cheek once again. This time I don’t hesitate to poke it with my finger. He looks startled but nevertheless, reaches over and ruffles my hair.

“That’s for poking my dimple,” he tells me, before introducing me to his parents. I nod and tell him that we’ve met previously, and I also shared how his mother showed me his past photo. He looks mortified. “Ma! How can you show her that ugly photo?”

Aunty laughs and shrugs. “What can I do? You are so cute!” she says, pinching his cheeks. He frowns and pulls away before patting his cheek. I know my time is almost up, so I wish him luck before finding Wu Fan at the back of the room, getting his hair finished.

“Hey,” I start, smiling into the mirror where he smiles back at me. The stylist sprays his hair with a big swish of hairspray before leaving us alone. “Has Mom and Dad come over yet?” I ask.

Wu Fan nods and stands up, taking my hand and leading me behind the partition, which leads to the impromptu changing room. I’m aware that it might look suspicious, so I grow nervous at his daring action.

“I want you to have this,” he tells me, holding out a simple, silver ring. “I got it done in Korea before we got here. I didn’t know when to give it to you, but I wanted you to have it nonetheless.”

He picks up my left hand and slips it into my index finger. “One day, it will be here,” he states, pointing to my ring finger. I blush furiously and look down, thinking of math equations to get my mind off it.

10y – 5x (2+4) = 12y, find x. Bring 10y over to 12y….

His feet look so huge compared to mine—

Wu Fan lifts my chin up and forces me to look at his face, making the red creep back to my cheeks. I’m sure I look like a tomato right now.

“I will never leave you, I promise.” he whispers to me, before closing the gap between us with a kiss. It was urgent, and needy – like he wanted to have all of me, but couldn’t. I held his waist tightly and broke the kiss, wanting to see his eyes one more time.

How much of his absence can I deal with? I’m not so sure myself, but I am keeping him to his word. Wu Fan hugs me tightly as the heavy velvet curtain is swished back slightly.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Se Hun squeaks, blushing at the sight of us. Wu Fan and I are thrown out of our moment as we laugh hard at Se Hun’s reaction, causing the nervous air in the waiting room to alleviate.

Just as I leave, Wu Fan grabs for my hand.

I apologize to Wu Fan in my mind – although I did say I would look out for him, I can’t help but be mildly distracted by the fans screaming or the flashlights from the cameras. And on top of that, the singing and the dancing was just too mind-blowing for me to digest. I did see Wu Fan during a few performances (because of his height) but all in all, it was hard for me to concentrate on one thing at the same time.

As expected, a few camera flashlights came in our direction, but the burly security guards blocked us away from most of the fans. We had priority seatings, so I was grateful for that. The most they could have taken was the back of my head or maybe my side profile; but the place was so dim that hardly anything came out clear on my camera anyways.

 At the end of the showcase, we are quickly escorted backstage again, where most of the boys were busy warming down and changing out of their outfits. We weren’t given any time to see the boys, so most of the family members left for the hotel to see the boys one last time before they leave for Korea tomorrow.

Mom and Dad leave as they are growing edgier from the screaming fans, but I opt to stay back as I want to see how Tao’s going – by the end of the showcase, he was wincing in pain and holding on to the side of his waist. Something is definitely up.

Two security guards wait with me by the side exit as plenty of fans scream behind me, waiting for the emergence of EXO. The minutes feel like hours, and I know that if I don’t calm myself down, I’ll end up screaming along with the rest of EXO’s fans.

Soon enough, I see D.O and Su Ho giving a tired but grateful smile to their fans screaming out their names, and I’m surprised I’m not deaf by their shrill screams. One by one, the boys file out of the glass doors, where I immediately zone in on Tao, who’s being aided by Xiu Min and Kai. I let out a soft cry at the back of my throat and immediately rush over to him when he comes out from the other side of the glass doors.

He smiles tiredly at me and bows his head low as I help him to the bus that will drive them back to the hotel. The fans are going wild by the second, which frustrates Tao. Once I’m in the bus, the boys go about releasing the curtains and blocking all form of camera footage of them in the bus.

Tao groans as he sits down on a seat, frowning as the pain shoots all over his body.

“Tao-er, what happened?” I ask, helping him massage his sore waist. “You strained it, didn’t you? When you were doing your flip; your footing slipped a little, didn’t it?”

Tao nods painfully at me and doesn’t hesitate to take the painkiller from the stylist. I watch him wince each time the bus bumps along the road and feel my heart squeeze in pain too.

A warm hand touches my shoulder and I see Yi Xing smiling wearily at me. He looks worn out too. The showcase must’ve drained a lot of their energy. Most of the boys are already sleeping, or about to doze off.

“He’ll be fine,” Yi Xing reassures me. “He’s been fighting the pain since the Seoul showcase. He’s got medical aid waiting for him at the hotel.”

At Yi Xing’s statement, I feel a little better, but not entirely. I’ve never seen Tao in so much pain before. I sigh and look over at my younger brother as he sleeps with his brows furrowed together.

 Yi Xing gives me a small smile and nods towards Wu Fan, who’s discussing matters with the manager heatedly.

“Duizhang’s trying to get a much medical aid as possible. He’s worried about Tao too. When we were backstage, he wouldn’t stop nagging at the stylists and guards to get him out as soon as possible. I’ve never seen him like this, but don’t worry too much – Tao’s in good hands.”

At that moment, I let out a long breath. The tears start welling and I’m blinking furiously to stop them from falling. I feel so useless. I can’t even help my younger brother anymore. Everything is dealt with so… so… I don’t even know the word for it. I’m trying to offer my presence as a comfort, but Tao has so much to worry about that he needs much more than just that.

Yi Xing tenses up when he sees me upset, but reaches over and gives my shoulder a rub. His warm touch manages to reach my heart and I slap a hand across my mouth as the tears slowly fall out. I don’t let out any sound escape my lips, but don’t stop the tears slipping down my cheeks.

“Don’t cry, Zi Ying, I promise to look out for your brother too,” he says, wiping my face with the back of his hand gently. I nod, unable to reply Yi Xing. He then fishes out his handkerchief (who carries handkerchiefs, seriously) and presses it against my face.

 阿姨* = Ah1 Yi2 = Auntie

Chapter update! :) I have the whole story finished, so it's just me remembering to update this story LOL. I've got a few ideas floating around now, but we'll see how it goes. Most of my stories aren't getting enough comments and subscribers so I'm quite hesitant with my work... :(