In my dream, there is nothing but darkness, everywhere. I can’t feel myself; I can’t feel around me. There is nothing. There is no time. There is no beginning and no end in sight. Until a red light shines down to me, growing, turning into petals. I watch the little roses spin down their vines growing in different swirls and designs. The most elegant fragile rose fell into the hands of a beautiful faceless angel. Her delicate wings sending a light breeze to the petals falling down the water stream below. Something about the scene made my heart react. Some kind of emotion was trying to force itself out of me as my eyes begun to sting.

                I jumped up from the ground, feeling something cold touch me. My eyes looked all around me, but nothing and no one was here. The moon still lit up the whole backyard. Besides my back aching, I felt at ease. But…crap, tomorrow is a school day. Or today is a school day. I reached for my phone and looked at the time. It was 1:53! I gathered my stuff quickly and tried to go to my room as quietly as possible.

                During the bus ride to school, my thoughts were on a new track. If I was going to get anywhere, I’d have to be honest with myself before anyone else. The spell suggested that I was meant to be with Taemin, this guy that I know absolutely nothing about. Whenever we would pass each other in the halls I have to force my eyes away.  I finally admit to myself now that, yes, I did have a ‘crush’ on him, much emphasis on the past tense. That was before he had pissed me off.  When I had been trying to be nice to him, I’d hoped of some form of friendship. I would stare at him and wait for a response that wouldn’t come. But I’m done with that. Why hope for something that seems to only be a figment of my imagination?  When I see Taemin today, I’ll try not to be mad at him. I’ll try my best to hold my tongue; I’ll hope for nothing more. That will be my goal for today. If it was truly meant to be, then I’ll let time work it out.

                “Hey,” I waved to Jiyong as he sat in the seat in front of me.

                “Hey,” He smiled brightly,” Are you in a good mood today?”

                “Why?” I laughed.

                “Because I usually say hi first,”

                “Well…” I trailed off. Something in me wanted to thank him for his helpful information. But, wouldn’t that be weird? If he hadn’t told me anything I’d still think I was being ignored.

                “You look different.” He said in a suspicious voice.

                “I didn’t sleep to well last night, that’s probably it.”

                “You do look a bit tired,” He nodded, “But you still look beautiful to me.” I gave him a mean look until he laughed and looked away. I was hoping he wouldn’t ever complement me. It always seems to ruin the boy-girl friendship border.

                Throughout the day I managed to stay in a good mood and I didn’t see Taemin once.  It was when I was walking to art with Yeong that my mood spoiled. The words Yeong was speaking started to fade as my footsteps came to a stop around the corner from class.

                “Lucinda? You okay?” She asked.

                “…Yeah…” I said more to myself than to her. My stomach was turning in tight knots. How can I face Taemin? Nothing is gonna change, even if I don’t stay mad at him. He’ll still be ignoring me.

                “You look kinda….scared.”

                “I don’t get s-“

                “Yeah I know, you don’t get scared,” She mocked me.” Are you worried?”

                “No…”  I laughed. Why would I look scared? A wide smile spread across her face.

                “Lou-Lou, are you finally going to skip a class?” She whispered loudly.

                “That’s MS. Lou-Lou to you, missy.” I smiled,” And yes, I am,”

                “Good job,” She patted my shoulder like a proud parent and walked to class. I went the other way and into the restrooms. There was only one empty stall.

                This random spark of events wasn’t a part of my plan. A part of me thought that the spell was making me happy today, like it was giving me courage or confidence. But here I am once again, feeling doubt. After knowing that he may somehow be meant for me and see him ignore me completely would just be too unbearable. Maybe the spell went wrong and it really wasn’t meant to be.

                Moments later, the final bell rang. Students footsteps sped up as doors slammed. I waited a few minutes before I emerged out of my hiding place. I hope I didn’t leave to soon. As soon as I left, a sound distracted me. I know it didn’t come from a teacher. It was the piano again, but this time it was a different song. How could I hear it all the way over here? I forged another library pass and walked toward the room. Maybe I could see who was playing it this time.

                When I made it to the old orchestra room, it seemed even louder. The lights were off again. How can they see in there? Is it a CD playing? I laid my hand on the handle and slowly opened it. Whoever it was must not have heard me because the music continued. It was so loud now but I could still hear the person’s hands banging on the keys. Maybe I should leave…no, I shut the door behind me. Something inside was telling me to see who it was, and that’s what I’m going to do.

                The sun started to shine through the high windows. There was so much dust on them it could only filter through dimly in dusty pillars.  It didn’t help me to see who it was. I walked up to the side of the piano, suddenly it stopped. The last note echoed through the still air.

                “Moonlight Sonata,” I said to break the awkward silence; it’s one of my favorite songs. The person didn’t respond in any way. I walked into a pillar of light to see a dark figure crouched over in the seat, hands still on the last keys played. Who is that? I took a small step forward just as the figure rose in a fluid motion. The dust in the air swirled away quickly as I approached me. I had to focus my eyes in the dark light. The figure’s silhouette walked into my pillar of light…Taemin!

                My whole body froze as he stared into my eyes. His eyes glowed beautifully in the limited light. We stared at each other in silence, a bit too closely. His eyes were dead, expressionless; his lips hard and uncaring.  The numbness was spreading. Before I could speak he turned and headed for the door. I stared down at my feet, feeling defeated. Why? He didn’t even try to fake that he was ignoring me. What did I do to him? No, I’m going to get my answers today, right here and now. I took a deep breath, instead of trying to hold back my anger, I embraced it. I’m not the one with a problem, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me.

                “What’s wrong with you?!” I yelled out, turning quickly. Surprisingly, he hadn’t left the room yet. As soon as the words were out, I regretted them….highly. He turned around slowly, his pale hand sliding off the door handle. He stared at me with the same hate filled eyes from the other day. “What was wrong with him?” No, what’s wrong with me? Why did I yell at him? He’s probably going through a hard situation and doesn’t want to waste his time on some girl with a pitiful crush.

                “What’s wrong with me?” He repeated, walking towards me. His eyes look so angry, but his voice sounded hurt. I felt hurt. So, who’s really the victim? His hands balled into tight fist. He wouldn’t actually hit me, would he? I backed away from him until I reached a wall, my heart racing. He stopped in front of me, his breathing heavy. “You don’t remember me don’t you?” He said in a quiet voice, his eyes turned calmer instantly. When I looked into his eyes my head started to hurt. It was the same pain that would run through my mind whenever I tried to remember parts of my past.

                “What do you mean?”

                “Just answer the question,” His voice almost sounded betrayed. Even if he did sound betrayed, he didn’t have the right to question me.

                “Why?” I said in a strict voice. His face turned serious as he crossed his arms, waiting for an answer.

                “I don’t really know what you’re talking about, so no.” For some reason, it felt like I had to answer him, even if obeying him made my head hurt more. Slowly, he lifted his hand and held my cheek gently. He stared closer into my face. The contact left me without breath.

                If it had been anyone else, I’d have pushed him away. But, with Taemin…this felt natural. It felt new to me mentally, but physically it felt like he’d done this before. Though, I’ve never felt his touch in all my life. To have so many scars on his hands, they felt really smooth.

                “You don’t remember anything from your past do you?” Now his voice held neither anger nor betrayal. His words had made the pain stronger; my eyes were starting to burn. I hadn’t noticed the light tears falling until he had started wiping them away.

                It was true; I didn’t remember anything from my past. Sure I remembered obvious things like the people I knew, where I was born, what schools I went to. But it had always seemed artificial to me, like they were all planted there. It was almost like they weren’t really my memories at all. What should have been my first thought was how could he have know that. Why does it not bother me that he knows?

                “Don’t cry,” He whispered to me like I was a kid,” It’s okay, don’t try to remember.”

                “I’m not a child,” I sniffed, pulling his hand away gently.” What do you know about me?”

                He only continued to stare at me; not answering .There was such a long silence that I was starting to get frustrated. I opened my mouth to repeat it when he started speaking.

                “Everything,” It was just one word, but it meant what it was. That one word, it meant everything. And my real memories make everything that I am. If he really knows everything about me, then he must know what happened to me. He must know why it hurts to think about it. “I know what you really are. I’ve always known.”

                “How did you know?” Okay, if he knows that then he really must know everything. But can I trust him?

                “Because I remember you,” The pounding in my head was starting to resemble my heartbeat. He could he be a witch to?

                “If you know what I am, then what are you?” He leaned closer to me and whispered into my ear.

                “I’m whatever you want me to be.” What am I suppose to say to that? What does that even mean? Hearing his calm voice in my ear soothed the pain. He backed away and faced the door.”Do you want to go to your next class?” The question confused me. I realized that I was still in school. Could he really expect me to act normal around everyone after our conversation?

                “No, I’m going home,” I don’t know how, but I am. Taemin turned back to me and pulled my hair out of my forehead, then placed his cool palm on it. Looking into his beautiful silver eyes was making the pain fade quickly. Is he doing that? He placed both of his hands on my cheeks and continued to stare. Why does he keep staring at me like that? I thought I was the one with the staring problem. He was staring at me like he was in the cafeteria. Well, it’s not like I minded staring back at him. Suddenly he sighed and closed his eyes. Shocking me, he dropped his forehead to my forehead. As soon as our skin met a deep blush spread across my cheeks. I really hope he won’t see it.

                His dark hair slightly rubbed my forehead as he continued to inhale and exhale. Both his hair and skin felt so soft. I felt more comfortable here than I had in days. If I didn’t know better I might say that I loved this, being so close to him. I don’t know him, yet he’s this close to me. How can he be this close to a stranger? But, I guess I’m not really a stranger to him since he remembers me…but from when? I’ve never seen him before. Was it sometime that I can’t remember?

                He’s so close to me I’m surprised that I can’t hear his heartbeat, I know I can feel mine beating erratically. There’s always the same amount of seconds in between his breaths. He’s so close that…that I could almost kiss him. Feeling short of breath, I gasped on accident. He opened his eyes and stared at me again. His eyes are still the brightest thing in the room. I looked at him closer, at his soft midnight black hair and smooth skin; his eyes that held no anger; his nose, and perfect lips that were slightly smiling. I smiled back to him, watching his grow. For once I could finally see him more than his scars.