It has been getting colder, like winters just around the corner. But, it’s not just with the weather, but with Taemin. Whenever we would pass each other in the halls he wouldn’t even look at me anymore. Ever since that day…what exactly happened? Maybe he’s not talking to me because I was staring too much. I probably creeped him out; I’m so stupid! Maybe that’s why he’s ignoring me. He probably saw something about me that made him not want to associate with me anymore. Did he write me out as ignorant the moment I didn’t know about the colors? That doesn’t make any sense. What the hell-he was the one who talked to me first! But, what if…no, it’s not that. He doesn’t know I’m a witch. I’ve never used witchcraft in school. In fact, I haven’t even done any spells since October. Just the thought of someone knowing made me nervous; I should probably listen to the teacher.

                I opened my chemistry textbook and flipped through random pages. Mr.Yong’s voice was growing extremely annoying. If I skip this class I’ll be doomed. Missing one class can put you so far behind…oh well.

                “Mr.Yong,” I interrupted him in the middle of his speech.

                “Y-yes, Lucinda,” He looked surprised, probably because we’ve never had an actual conversation before.

                “May I go to the restroom?” I asked politely.

                “Sure, write a pass.” He said before continuing.

                I quickly wrote a pass in a messy scrawl so I could change it later. All I needed was his signature. As soon as I got it I got my book bag and rushed out the class. The quite halls always helped me clear my head. Footsteps sounded behind me. As I turned the corner, I snuck a quick look behind me…it was Taemin! My heart started to beat faster.

                What is he doing? He’s obviously not following me; I’m not even worth his gaze.  What if he’s not really ignoring me? What if he was just in a bad mood…but for weeks in a row? I’m going to turn this rare moment into a test. If he walks right pass me without speaking, then he’s definitely, without a doubt ignoring me. If we do speak...then there’s still hope. I turned back around the corner and headed back down the hall. We were only a few steps apart. We came closer…closer…so close I can see the scar on his neck….and gone….further….further….and non-existent.

                In just a matter of seconds, my heart cracked into tiny shards, shattering loudly. He walked right pass me! He didn’t even look at me. His eyes remained straight down the hall the whole time. I walked, nearly running into the closest restroom. Thankfully, no one was inside. My heart continued to beat at a record pace. I could feel my breath shaking, nearly hyperventilating. If I feel nothing for him and he obviously feels nothing for me, why does it hurt this much to have him ignore me? Why does it even matter? Why do I care so much? Why do I feel like crying?

                I should talk to someone. Who can I talk to about this? There’s nobody…except Munhee and Yeong. Well, maybe Munhee more than Yeong. She would take it more seriously. I really don’t want to talk to Yeong about it if she really does have a crush on him or something.  Is that why it’s bothering me so much? What if he started to like Yeong and that’s why he’s ignoring me. What if I liked him? NO-That can’t be, I don’t even know him!

                There’s just no way can that be possible. He has too many secrets; I can see it in his eyes. What makes him so different from the other jerks in this school? Why can he pull so many emotions out of me and leave me, feeling nothing.  “Leave me?” Wow, I sound like some hopeless girl that’s been cut out of a relationship. But I am hopeless. He would never fall for me. What the hell is wrong with me! I splashed water at my sad reflection in the mirror… I know what’s wrong with me. I tried to change my future. That’s something I learned that can never be changed. It’s already been set. Sighing deeply, I made up my mind. Tonight, I’m going to try something, a spell. And if it doesn’t work, I’ll leave him alone. I’ll forget everything that I might have ever felt for him. If I still can’t erase these feelings, then I’ll find a spell to do it for me.

                I walked out of the restroom, trying to clean the sadness off my voice.

                “Lucinda?” Jiyong’s voice called out from down the hall in the opposite direction.  I took a deep breath to prepare myself; I really don’t want to talk to anyone right now.

                I turned slowly and watched him jog toward me. “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while.”

                “Yeah…”He laughed

                “What’s so funny?”

                “You saw me this morning.”

                “Oh yeah,” I breathed. How did I forget that? He bent down slightly to match my eye level. Having him stare into my eyes made me uncomfortable.

                “Are you okay?” My eyes feel to the ground. “You seem kinda down lately” When I didn’t answer he lifted my chin lightly, forcing me to look at him.

                “I’m okay…” I could only manage a whisper.

                “No you’re not. Something’s bothering you.  And I can always see when you’re lying to me.” When my eyes fell back to the ground he sighed but held my chin in place. “…Is it that guy?”

                “What?” I looked up into his serious face.

                “That guy with the black hair…” Please don’t say-“Taemin?” PERFECT! Even Jiyong was talking about him now! My eyes closed as I sighed. He let go of my chin.

“What makes you think that?” How does he even know him?

                “I heard of him from Jang. She was trying to sink her teeth into him now but she’s having second thoughts now.” I forgot he knew Jang on a ‘kinda friends’ basis.

                “Why? She can have anybody in this school?”

                “Not exactly,” He muttered, “Anyway, he was just staring at you at lunch. He’s always staring at you weird…” Speechless, my mouth opened but nothing came out. “Is he bothering you?” He said in a low, almost violent voice.

                “What-no, no,” I shook my head quickly.” He probably wasn’t even looking at me. We don’t even know each other.”

                “Are you sure?”

                “Yeah, I’m sure,” I assured him with a smile. In seconds his deep blue eyes lightened.

                “If he does, tell me, okay”

                “Sure,” I laughed.” I have to get back to class, but I’ll see you later okay,”

                “Alright,” He smiled, opening his arms for a hug. I hugged him, knowing his clinging would last too long, but I didn’t care today.

                “Oh,” He said when he let go, running his hand through the ends of my hair.”Your hair’s growing back.”

                “What?”

                “You cut it on Halloween?” He said it like it was a question. How did he know that? Was it really that obvious?

                “Jiyong, go to class,” I ordered.

                If Taemin was watching me at lunch, enough to catch Jiyong’s attention, then maybe he wasn’t ignoring me all together. Maybe he just didn’t want to get caught. Well, that’s gonna change. If he has something to say to me, he should say it to my face.

                All through my classes I couldn’t wait till lunch. My plan was to catch him in the act. Art and language arts went normal, which was silent. After language arts I meet up with Munhee and Yeong for lunch.

                “It’s finally the end of the day’” Yeong stretched.

                “Yeah,” Munhee silently agreed. I wasn’t paying too much attention to them though. As soon as we walked through the doors my eyes started searching for him. I didn’t even know we had lunch at the same time. Where does he sit at? He can’t sit too far from me and Jiyong. We got our lunch trays and sat at our usual table by the bright windows and the closest exit. I tapped my hands on the table as I searched the entire cafeteria table by table.

                “You seem kinda hyper today Lucinda.” Munhee commented.

                “Did something happen?”Yeong asked.

                “No, I’m just…curious,” I continued to look with no luck.

                “Curious about what?”

                “People,” I said quickly. He’s nowhere in sight. Maybe I should give up for today. One more look around and ill stop for today.  I turned and glanced over my shoulder-there he is! He sat three rows of tables down, staring directly at me! I turned and faced him, staring into his numbing silver eyes for the first time in weeks. Say something! Why are you just staring at me? He blinked and turned his head but continued to stare at me like a lab rat. Feeling awkward, I turned around and spotted Jiyong stuffing food in his face like it was a race. He was probably having another eating contest…I hope. Taemin was sitting three tables down all this time. I’ve been very unobservant lately.

                As soon as I got home, I went straight into my room and locked the door and closed the window curtains. I pulled my book of shadows out from under my pillow where I put it when I’m at school sometimes. The first spell I opened it to was a spell for help from my spirit guides. Maybe I should try this one first. The items I needed were: a ten inch square of red velvet, one red candle, and two dice.

                I went into my closet and pulled out my large box of supplies I kept hidden under a pile of clothes. In side were all the things I needed but dice. I went into the living room closet and pulled out an old board game I used to play all the time with my mom. After that I ran back to my room, locking the door again, and set up my altar. The spell said it’s for asking questions. Oh, questions about love…I guess it’ll work. It read in a neat script’ to see if your wasting your time looking for love with this person’. It was my grandma’s handwriting. I ran my hand over it, missing her greatly. I placed the candle on the velvet and lit it.  It says to ask a question and the dices number will be your answer. Since I didn’t have a question I kept repeating Taemin’s name in my head.

                I closed my eyes and started shaking the dice in my palm. After a bit of meditation, I said the rest of the spell,

“Spirit guides, I call unto you this hour to give me the truthful answer to the question I ask.

Be my counsel, steer the dice and tell me what I need to know”

                With unopened eyes, I threw the dice down. A strange energy embraced me. I slowly opened my eyes, looking for the dice. The numbers were five and two, so seven. I turned the page in my book of shadows. What could seven mean? WHAT!  My cheeks flared up immediately. Before the words fully sank in, I had to reread it constantly. It’s obviously a lie! It read: ‘The number of Venus, this man will be passionate and y’ I turned the page quickly. Why the hell would it say that? Well, he hardly shows the part. That spell obviously was done wrong. I’ll have to do my next spell tonight. This will be the last spell before I completely erase him from my mind.

                Once I found the right page, I looked for the items I needed. Red wine, well that’s not gonna happen anytime soon, a purple pouch, lavender essential oil, and various herbs. I looked out into the backyard at my mom’s mini greenhouse. The house phone started ringing. I ran into the kitchen and read the caller ID; it was my mom’s flower shop. That’s weird.

                “Hello?”

                “Hey Lucinda,” my mom answered.

                “Hey, are you okay?”

                “Yeah,” She laughed,” I was calling to tell you that I’ll be coming home late tonight. I left some money on the table so you can order a pizza or whatever for dinner.”

                “Thanks,” My eyes went to the money on the table.”What time will you be coming home?”

                “Not so late that you can do something you shouldn’t.” I could hear a smile in her voice.

                “Right,” I said dryly, the only thing my nightly activities would consist of tonight was witchcraft, and that was certantly something I should be doing. “Looks like I’ll have to cancel that party.”

                “Right,” She laughed,”Alright, I’ll see you tonight.”

                “Alright,” I hung up the phone and went out the backdoors to the green house. As soon as I walked in I started to feel sweaty and stuffy. Has it always been this crowded in here? There were all kinds of plants everywhere. Maybe I should just leave…no, I have to do this spell now. It’s going to take forever to find these plants. Just as the thought crossed my mind a piece of paper on the floor, I saw that it had writing on it when I got closer. I picked it up; it read: ‘For whatever you need, the heart will lead you’. That sounds so familiar. I put the paper down next to a plant and looked straight ahead. Purple plants were growing out of color full pots…lavender! I grabbed some. I took a deep breath and followed my heart, it lead me to a pile of green…mugmort! Wishing I had brought something to hold them, I carried them out with me into the kitchen. The rest of the plants should be in the spice cabinet. I then found the cinnamon and put them all in a bowl to carry them back to my room.

                I should probably check the list before I get started. After rereading I found that I had made a mistake, I needed lavender essential oil, not just plain lavender. Oh well, I’ll try to use it anyway. I heard it was good for sleeping spells so I should probably try to save some for later. Sighing, I looked out the window. It didn’t seem like I was in the greenhouse for long but I was already starting to lose sunlight. I’d better start getting ready.

                Under the beautiful full moon, I laid out one of my blankets. The sun was just hiding behind the trees as I set everything up. I separated the pages full, nothing will be skipped tonight. Once it was finally dark enough I started filling the pouch with the herbs, a pinch of cinnamon, and instead of two drop-two pieces of lavender. The first part of the spell had to be sung. Feeling embarrassed I cleared my throat and begun,

                “In my dreams, my love I shall see

                Let true visions come to me

                Come to me

                Come to me

                Locked in sleep I shall see thee”

                I blew into the pouch three times before closing it. The singing I could deal with but there’s no way I was getting any kind of alcohol, so apple juice will have to do for now. Holding up the juice to the moon in a salutary gesture, I spoke the next part,

                “Great Moon Goddess, I pray you to bless this spell and to bless my sleep with mystic dreams.

                Show me the man who is meant for me or give me signs so that I shall know how to recognize him. Lift the veil from my soul tonight and bring me wisdom

                Blessed be thee”

                Next, the libation in honor of the moon goddess, I poured some on the ground. After drinking the rest, strangely, I fell asleep quickly. Thank goodness my mom was working late tonight. She'd kill me if she saw me sleeping outside, let alone at night.