I woke the next morning feeling cold, even though the sun was shining into my room, lighting every corner. It would probably be a good idea to close my curtains. I pulled my hair across my face to block out the sun. As I stared up at the ceiling through my hair I tried to ignore the tiny thoughts forcing their way to the center of my thoughts. Thoughts of how I don’t think I’ll ever find out when ‘later ‘is. When I got to our next period we didn’t say one word to each other. Maybe it has something to do with how Jang had started her attack on him again. I wonder what he’s doing now…what does he do in his free time anyway. What if someone’s hurting him?

                I desperately wanted to change the subject in my head so I got out of bed and started my usual Saturday morning routine. As soon as I got out the shower I changed and went down to the living room to watch TV. Like I expected, there was nothing to watch. I turned it off and stared at the blank screen. Munhee doesn’t live to far from here; maybe I should go see her later today. I went back to my room and turned my hardly used radio on and started my homework.

                As soon as I finished my algebra homework, I couldn’t stop the thoughts from coming. I couldn’t help it; I picked up my book of shadows and turned the radio off. Where is the page about the candles?  I flipped through the pages slowly so I didn’t skip a page again. The whole time I continued to replay yesterday over and over in my mind. What does he really know? Ugh, why do I keep thinking about him? There’s something …strange about him. Something about him just feels different…not that I’ve ever touched him before.

                My hand stopped on the spell I did on my birthday. I ran my hand over the page I’d missed, softly saying the words to myself:

                “As moth to night-a scented bloom

                As bee to flower

                As night follows day

                As sun chases moon

                As minutes fill hour

                Hear my call

                O love of my heart

                Follow the light

                That guides you here

                It is the time and I am calling

                It is the time and I am calling

                I draw you in

                I draw you in

                I bring you home…”

                Before I knew it, so much time had passed. It was already Monday morning and I was on my way to geometry. We have a substitute teacher today so that basically meant ‘kick up your feet and relax today’. When the very confused substitute finally finished the attendance, I was quick to volunteer to turn it into the office. My false act of kindness made me feel guilty when he smiled to me. I took the extra long way to the office so I could clear my mind. As I passed the old orchestra room, a familiar song stopped me. That’s strange, they only use that room for storage now.  I peeked into the window in the door. All the lights were out but someone was obviously playing the piano. It was too dark to see who though. I should probably go; I don’t want to ruin such a great song.

                I made it back to class in an unsuspicious amount of time. Or it felt like it. The bell seemed to ring earlier than usual. If it had, nobody was complaining. I know I wasn’t. But, then it seemed to happen again next period. When I stopped at my locker before class with Yeong, I noticed that she didn’t seem as tired as usual.

                “Is it just me, or does today seem to be going really fast?”I wondered aloud.

                “I don’t know,” She closed the locker and turned to me.” I haven’t fallen asleep yet.” A smile crossed her lips.

                “I guess we’ll see,”

                “Yeah…did you know that you could actually use geometry in life?”

                “You stayed up long enough to learn something this time?” I said in mock amazement. “In what parts of life can you use it in?”

                “Hmm…those parts of life that are so rare that some say it doesn’t even exist.” She joked.

                We made it to world history on time but we didn’t see Munhee. I know I saw her at breakfast today. Yeong almost made it through class today. When I thought she was awake, she was actually covering her face. I know she’ll be awake for art though. It usually kept us awake. I know, more than I’d like to admit, that I was looking forward to art all weekend.  What if Taemin isn’t here today? It would probably be best if he wasn’t. I can’t keep thinking about him like this. It doesn’t make any sense.

                I woke Yeong up when the bell rang and we walked out. Munhee was standing in the hallway waiting for us.

                “Hi,” She waved.

                “Hey, where were you?” I know she wasn’t skipping. She’d never skip class.

                “I was with a teacher,” She explained, walking with us.” For extra credit stuff.”

                “What, a 105 isn’t a high enough grade for you?” Yeong yawned, “Anyway, Lucinda seems to think that the time is going too fast, what do you think?”

                “Um…I don’t know. I guess this morning seemed a bit fast.”

                “Well,” She turned to me with tired eyes.”Looks like you’re not going crazy after all.”

                “Thanks for that fine assessment Yeong.” I said sarcastically. We came to a stop in between the halls.

                “Okay, “Munhee said. “I guess I’ll see you guys later.”

                “Alright,” We waved to her and started to go the other way.

                “Oh yeah,” She turned back to us quickly. “Are you still coming over next weekend?”

                “Yeah,” I answered just as Yeong said, “NO”

                “Why not?” Munhee asked, her face falling.

                “Oh my goodness Munhee, it’s all the way next weekend and your already asking if we bailed. You never know, I might die before then.”

                “Yeong,” I sighed. Munhee hated it when people said things like that.

                “Okay,” Munhee nodded solemnly, her eyes turning a bit red.

                “I’m sowwy,” Yeong said in a kiddy voice, patting Munhee’s head. “Okay, I’ll go to yer whittle slumber party with all your creepy dolls, that’s including Little Miss Lucky Lu-Lu here.” Her hand rested on my shoulder as she spoke.

                “Okay,” Munhee smiled widely just as the warning bell rang.

                “Crap! Let’s go!”Yeong exclaimed. “I can’t afford to be late” We said bye quickly and rushed to class. Yeong pulled me with her as we quick walked to class.

                “‘Little Miss Lucky Lu-Lu’?”

                “Yep, that’s all you,” She smiled.

                “Wow,” I laughed.

                We rushed into the class room just as the final bell rang. My eyes adverted to Taemin immediately. Okay, he’s here today. I tried to fix my hair quickly before sitting down and smiled to him. He lifted his eyes and smiled back, but just as quickly, the smile disappeared. Is he in a bad mood today?  Well he obviously has no intent to continue our conversation. I listened as Mrs.Ahn explained how we would be drawing something from our past.

                “It can be a memory,” She explained slowly, walking through the class to pass out paper.”It could be something sad, something happy. Anything you can think of that brings out some kind of emotion.” My eyes fell to Taemin as his dead eyes followed her.” You could draw a person,” She suggested, making me blush because I had been staring at Taemin. “Just remember, nothing inappropriate, no violence, though I might accept death.”

                “Perfect,” Yeong whispered as she rubbed her palms together, “You’ll be my model right Lu-Lu?”

                “Why, of course my little Yeo-Yeo,” I copied. She stuck her tongue at me and continued to listen.

                “Alright,” Mrs.Ahn ended, “Get started.”

                I wonder what type of memory Taemin will do. What kind of memories does he hold locked up in his mind? My eyes lifted to look at Taemin’s paper. His hand held his pencil tightly…very tightly. The black lead slightly stained his thumb as he raked it over the sharp point. I lifted my head to see his expression. When I looked into his eyes my heart began to ach. He wasn’t looking at me, but his eyes were filled with hate. What’s wrong with him? Maybe I should ask him. No, I can’t, he wouldn’t let me anything about his personal life.

                One glance at Yeong told me she was oblivious to the whole thing. I quickly looked back to Taemin. The lead had snapped, inserted into his bleeding thumb.  I could smell it all the over here. He stood up and went to the pencil sharpener quickly. Why did he make himself bleed like that? Does that mean he did the other scars to?

                When he returned to his seat, I returned my eyes to my blank paper. I risked peeking up at him again. It shocked me to see that his thumb was completely uninjured. Was it my imagination then? I need a distraction. I forced my eyes to stay on my paper. What should I draw? When I placed my hand to the paper, I noticed that my hands were trembling.  Trying to ignore it I started shading in the paper till it was pure black.

                As expected I glanced back at Taemin’s paper. Once again he had done something artistic. He had drawn a rose, facing up so you could see all its petals. In the middle of the petals was nothing but pure darkness. He’d drawn it so gracefully; his hand was barely holding the pencil. The leaves looked a bit like mint leaves.  In the background were more petals, falling into a stream of water were more petals waited. Everything had so much detail that it looked like a black and white photo.

                I had finally gathered the courage to say something to him when Yeong went to turn in her drawing.

                “That’s pretty,” I said quietly, gauging his reaction.

                “Thanks,” His voice was even lower than mine. But his tone implied that he didn’t want to talk to me.  I bit my lip and looked away, trying to ignore the quick rush of anger that flooded through me. Class ended and my paper remained a mess of black shading. If this was an emotion, it would be the boiling anger I’m trying to smother with silence. Yet, it disappointed me. Usually I like for my pictures to have meaning, a message. But it does mean something to me- never try to complement a jerk. I crumpled up the paper and left it on the table as I left with Yeong.

                But the darkness also meant something else to me, to dream.