Warning: Language only.

O.o o.O

Tao wandered back to the dorm when Kris’ basketball practice ended. Yixing had made noises about taking him down to the locker room and Tao had bolted, thankful that everyone’s attention had been distracted when Chanyeol, carrying Baekhyun on his back, had run onto the court in an attempt to make a slam dunk.

“Hey.”

Tao jumped and darted a few steps away from the voice that had come right next to his ear, hand to his chest. “Why do you guys keep doing that?”

Minseok grinned at him. “You’re just too lost in your thoughts, Peaches.”

“What did you call me?”

“Come on,” Minseok said, tilting his head and gesturing for Tao to follow him. “Dorm’s this way.”

Tao trudged resignedly after him, hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

“You don’t need to mind the others so much. They don’t mean any harm.”

“I know,” Tao replied softly.

“They can go a bit overboard with the teasing, but it’s just because they don’t use their brains so they don’t realise what they’re doing.”

“Yeah.”

“They’re sort of dumb but you can’t help but like them anyway.”

“Yeah.”

“Doesn’t mean they’ll ever let you live down your crush on Kris.”

“Yeah.”

Wait.

Tao stopped in his tracks, eyes wide. “WHAT.”

Minseok just looked at him. “Uh. What do you mean ‘what’? It’s not like Kris himself doesn’t know, so why are you being all shy about it?”

Tao thought his heart stopped. “KRIS WHAT.”

A hint of something akin to glee began to shine in Minseok’s eyes as his lips tugged upwards into a wicked grin. “Oh, you didn’t know?” he asked, deceptively casual.

“KNOW WHAT,” Tao said, trying desperately not to hyperventilate.

“That everyone knows,” Minseok said slyly.

“KNOW WHAT,” Tao said again and oh god he was going to pass out right there in the middle of their college campus, he really was.

“About your crush on Kris.”

This was it. He was going to die of an aneurysm.

“I - I DON’T -”

“Calm your , Peaches. It’s no big deal.” Minseok’s grin seemed particularly wolfish as he hooked his arm with Tao’s and started dragging him back in the direction of their dorm.

Thankfully, Minseok seemed perfectly content with walking in silence as Tao continued to garble incoherently.

O.o o.O

Luhan was pointing and laughing loudly at him, rather rudely, if you asked Tao. “I can’t believe you didn’t know!” he gasped, hand on his chest. “I can’t believe you thought we didn’t know! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”

Tao scowled. He had been told before that his scowling features were pretty scary - but apparently not scary enough for the intrepid members of EXO dorm.

“Oh god, I can’t breathe,” Luhan wheezed. “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”

There was a sharp knock on Tao’s bedroom door, and they all froze as Kris’ voice was heard. “What the are you guys doing in there? Shut the up, I’m going to take a nap.”

“Sorry!” Tao called out, as Luhan and Minseok exchanged looks and dissolved into another round of giggles, only partially muffled by their hands.

“, that was a good workout,” Luhan said, still gasping for breath as he leaned against Tao’s bed. “I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard ever.”

“I think I want a nap, too,” Tao said in a small voice.

“Nonsense,” Luhan said, grabbing Mr Panda from Tao’s bed. “Who needs sleep when there’s scheming afoot?”

“Ge, that’s my -”

A weird, shrill noise erupted from Minseok. “Oh, how adorable. Tao has a baby. I guess Kris will have to adopt once he becomes a stepfather.”

Tao didn’t know whether he wanted to scream or cry. Maybe both. At the same time.

“Okay,” Yixing said dramatically, turning around in Tao’s desk chair and brandishing a piece of paper covered with doodles. “I have it.”

“Have what?” Tao asked. He wondered if twelve thirty was too early for a drink. It was already after noon so it was okay, right?

“Plan for you to seduce Kris into confessing to you so he thinks it was his idea all along when really it was yours. Ours. Mine.” Yixing slid to the floor to rejoin their little group - Luhan was playing with Mr Panda, and Minseok was trying on Tao’s assortment of hats.

“Your. Okay,” he said, shoulders slumping in defeat. “Okay.”

“Don’t be like that,” Luhan said, patting him on the shoulder with Mr. Panda’s paw. “You should be thankful we’re helping you. You’d probably it up on your own.” He gave Tao a once over. “Yeah, you’d definitely it up on your own.”

“Hey!” Tao crossed his arms with a huff. “What do you guys even know?”

Minseok stared at him from under three baseball caps and a hot pink beanie, all stacked haphazardly on his head. “Peaches, if there’s one thing we know, it's how to get a man.”

Tao’s cognitive abilities had apparently gone into hiding because he still thought he could manage to talk his way out of it. “I don’t need to get a man.”

Yixing flapped a wrist at him. “You’ve been practically salivating over him since you arrived, child. Now hush, and let the grown ups teach you how to work it.”

Minseok did an odd sort of body roll as Luhan pursed his lips and snapped his fingers, waving Mr Panda’s paw in the air. “Werk it.”

Tao just wanted to curl up into a ball and die.

O.o o.O