Note: As always, sorry for the possible mistakes!

Jiyong’s POV

“You can’t go out with these pants!”

I startled with Seunghyun’s loud voice. I looked down at my ripped pants that I have worn for many times before. Nothing new but now he was making a fuss about it.

Actually… There was a big problem. Seunghyun was always stressful and mostly angry in these days and he was making a big fuss over little things like “my pants”. He was coming late, spending his time mostly in his study room and… He was making so much private conversations with Se7en hyung.

I thought about to talk to Se7en hyung but I don’t feel like it is right. I would want Seunghyun to directly talk to me.

It was driving me crazy. I can’t stand to see him like this. I tried everything but he was not talking to me and he always excuses his work. He knows that I am worry about him so he just gives me a bitter smile to make me relax but no way Choi Seunghyun…. I know you are sad. Because I can see the colors, the color of blue around you. Even behind his anger there is always a blue.

As always, he was turning his sadness into anger and I am always here to absorb this anger. That’s okay, I can take it. But I just want to…. I just want him to be honest with me and let me comfort him. That’s it.

“Okay… Then I won’t go out tonight,” I said to calm him down.

He just looked at me with a frown and then he just banged the door loudly and left the room. I know where he was going, to his study room.

I sighed heavily. Normally I would not ever listen to him and go out with these pants but now the situation is different. There is something wrong with Seunghyun and I am determinate to solve this problem tonight.

Is it because of me? Maybe it is because of me… In these days I am getting used to my other family, you know and I am spending much more time with Seungri and Mr. Lee. I don’t know… but I don’t think Seunghyun is sad about this; he is the one always gives courage me to spend some time with my… family.

The only way to learn the real matter of his sadness is to talk to him so I should do this tonight.

I called Taeyang and informed him that I couldn’t come tonight and then I just changed my clothes to a simple sweatpants and a t-shirt and went to his study room.

I found him sitting on the couch with his drink and looking like a… lost child. Something was eating him alive, I can clearly see this and it was breaking my heart.

I sat down near him and flashed my shinning smile at him. Then I held his hands.

“Let’s spend this night together!” I said and put my head on his lap and lay down on the couch.

His hands immediately found my hair. I am glad that he was relaxed now. I smiled to myself and closed my eyes.

It was so peaceful and I felt like I could spend the whole night lying like this. I love the way he caressed my hair. His touches are so soft and whenever he does this I always get a comfort.

My man. He is my amazing man. My hero. My Adonis. The other half of me. Now I know I can’t live without him I don’t have any plans to lose to him anything… to anyone. I can do anything for him and I know that he can do anything for me.

I turned my head up and looked at his handsome face. I can watch him all night long; especially while he was looking at me with his loving eyes. His eyes; his big, beautiful, amazing eyes. His dark, thick eyebrows and his long dark eyelashes framing his eyes… He was the beautiful one; I don’t understand why he always calls me beautiful.

He smiled at me; I reached out to touch his dimple.

So beautiful, so precious and so fearful. When you have something so precious, you always have a reason to fear.

*sigh* What a beautiful night… But I know this is only beautiful for me; Seunghyun is still restless.

“Seunghyun…”

“Yes my baby?”

“I hate it when you are sad.”

“I am not sad.”

“Liar.”

“Why do you think that I am sad?”

I straightened up and looked into his eyes, “I can see it.”

He tried to smile, “I am okay.”

“Why are you hiding this from me? It… breaks my heart.”

Sadness. I can clearly see his sadness from his desperate eyes. And… this is the first time a saw a desperate sadness in his eyes. Why is he so desperate? What was going on?

He took a deep breath, “Jiyong… Actually there is something that I need to tell you. About my past.”

“Please, I am here to listen.” I said smiling to him.

I was so curious now as much as I am worried. What was the thing that I needed to know about his past?

He ran his fingers through his hair with frustration. Then he stood up and paced the room.

“I should’ve told you this a long time ago,” he said but it was more like he was talking to himself.

He was now making me really scared. I just sat and watched him. I waited for him to calm down a little.

“You have a right to know,” he kept talking to himself.

I just sat and waited for him to talk. He looks so nervous and I don’t want to make him more nervous since…. I was so nervous too.

He finally walked closer to me and kneeled down in front of me. I looked down at his worried eyes and waited for him to talk.

He held my hands and looked directly into my eyes, “Jiyong, you know I love you right?”

“Yes baby,” I said in a whisper.

“Never forget this,” he said firmly.

I looked down at our joined hands and I just nodded squeezing his hands tightly. My heart was beating so fast that I started to breath heavily.

I can clearly sense that the thing he was about to say… is not a pleasant thing to listen. And now I was scared because this unknown thing.

He pecked my lips gently and then put his forehead on mine, “It is a long story,” he whispered.

I whimpered slightly and then I whispered back, “I am here to listen as long as you talk.”

He gently held my face between his hands pulled me into a kiss. His lips moved against mine very slowly and firmly like he didn’t even want air to come between our lips.

A long, desperate, hard kiss. Like it was our… last.

Seunghyun’s POV

“Am I a… replacement?” asked Jiyong in a shaking voice.

His words hurt like thousands of needles were sticking into my heart. I closed my eyes and I tried to breathe properly.

I tried to make myself prepared for this moment for weeks. I know that when he learnt the truth he would feel like that but this fact didn’t event change the pain I felt when I hear these words from his mouth.

He had patiently listened my whole story; my past with her. Time to time I saw his eyes got teary. I could feel that he wanted to ask questions but he didn’t. After I finished he just sat and looked at the floor for minutes and thought. Then the only thing came from his mouth was this question, “Am I a replacement?”

I can’t even imagine how complicated and sad he is right now. He is right to be sad or angry… and… I feel so regret for telling him so late. I ruined his feelings… I ruined everything we built so far. I should fix this, I will fix this.

I am not sure if it is okay to touch him right now but I can’t help it. I sat down near him and held his hand, “Jiyong. You are not a replacement or something. Don’t you ever think like this.”

“It just… hurts so bad….” He said with trembling lips without looking at me.

Luckily he didn’t take his hand away from my grip. I just relaxed a little. But he was getting worse. How can I convince him? He is not a replacement; he can never be a replacement because he was unique. He has his own… colors.

The only way to make him believe… is to be honest with him from now on.

“Baby… look at me please,” I said and turned his head gently to me and looked at this teary eyes.

“At first, I thought of you as a cure for my wound. I won’t deny that.”

He closed his eyes and tears fell down to his cheeks. Then he sobbed.

My heart was broken. It was hurting with the pain I gave to this boy. But I should make him understand.

I hold his face gently and made him look at me again.

“But after knowing you better, things have changed Jiyong. You are like no one baby, you can never be a replacement.”

“Then tell me about her,” he suddenly said.

“Don’t this to me baby.”

“I am doing what Seunghyun? I want to put an end of this tonight and I am trying to understand.”

“I want to put an end of this too but…”

He cut my words, “Escaping is not putting an end so… please just tell me about her.”

He was now wiping his tears from his face. I have never seen him as tough as tonight. Then I will do it. I will do everything he asks tonight. This strong boy… deserves everything.

“She was 24 when she died. We were together for two years. She was a talented architect. She used to love everything about art. Since I don’t like any kind of arts she always forced me to go to exhibitions, musicals or something like these.”

I saw him smile. Then he asked, “She knows that you hate going these kinds of places?”

“No. I loved her much and I just wanted her to love me more so… I kinda cheated her, right?” I asked like an idiot.

“You never go easy on me like this!”

I can’t help but smiled at his comment. He was right but this was the best part. Maybe I hurt him but I never played to Jiyong after our relationship started.

“Maybe you think that I am an most of the time but at least… This is who I am Jiyong. And you loved this . This makes the thing we had… real.”

He just nodded but didn’t look at me.

“Please… go on,” he said softly.

“She has big heart, just like you. But she was… really hard to understand, unlike you. She was like a locked box, even against me. I was having hard times to understand her. She was not showing what she felt; she was just showing what she had to feel.”

I just suddenly stopped. What am I doing? From the very first, I hate to think them at the same time. I tried to erase her after I know Jiyong. I don’t event share these things to anyone. Now telling these things with my own mouth… It feels weird. I felt like I am not the one who is talking; I am just listening to a stranger talking.

But Jiyong was right. Maybe this was something that I should do. Even if it is hard.

“Are you okay?” Jiyong asked.

I just nodded. I should go on.

“I broke your heart many times Jiyong but your love is endless and you always forgive. I used to afraid to break her. Even if she is good person, it was always hard to get along with her.”

I turned to him and his cheek, “I have never met a person like you Jiyong. You are special.”

He looked into my eyes for a while like he was searching for something. Maybe if I am sincere or not. I just hope him to feel my sincerity.

“I am not telling you this to pity on me… or this won’t make it right the thing that I’ve done to you baby but… I was so wounded Jiyong. I was like a wounded wild animal that attacking everything. Then I found you.”

He reached out to my hands and held them, “It is breaking my heart Seunghyun… You didn’t share your pain with me and it is breaking my heart.”

I kissed his hands, “I am sorry. I am so sorry that I was not completely honest with you and for the things that I have done so far.”

“It is not like that you have to tell me everything Seunghyun but I just… want you to feel like you can share everything with me.”

“It was just the fear of losing you, Jiyong. Can you understand me? I just wanted to forget her, the past… and I wanted to make a new life with you.”

“I understand… I now understand most of the things you have done clearly. After what you had been through… Maybe if I were I would behave the same. I understand your pain and the fear… of losing me now.”

I kissed his hands and bent my head down, “Thank you,” I whispered.

“You loved her, Seunghyun. She is a treasured memory and I am okay with this. That’s okay, you don’t have to forget your memories with her. As long as they stay as memories.”

This boy. As always… He surprised me… he amazed me. I saw once again that he is a fighter. He never escapes, he always face with the troubles and …. Always shows his love without fear.

“One more thing Jiyong. Only one thing left. I will go to Japan next week and the secret of her dead will surface and … this matter will be over, forever.”

“Why Seunghyun? To get a revenge? She is gone forever and this won’t bring her back. This will only hurt you. Don’t go.”

“I have to.”

“No you don’t!”

He took his hands away from my grasp and stood up. I can see the sadness in his eyes. What was in his mind? Baby…?

He turned and looked at me, “I love you Seunghyun. This thing… didn’t change anything and will never change.”

I stood up as well and walked closer to him and caressed his face, “I love you too baby, more than anything.”

He just leaned into my touch and put his hand on mine, “Then don’t go,” he repeated again.

I can’t understand. I just looked into his eyes searching for an answer.

“You are still chasing for her, Seunghyun.”

“Jiyong…”

He just put his finger on my lips and silenced me.

“Just let her live in your good memories. That’s it. If you don’t go to Japan, then I will know that you have already let her go and I am not a replacement.”